Meat Light—The Uncle Meat Project/Object Audio Documentary

Suzy:
Hello, teenage America (heh),
My name is Suzy Creamcheese,
(SNORK)
I'm Suzy Creamcheese because I've never worn fake eyelashes in my whole life
And I never made it on surfing set
And I never made it on beatnik set
And I couldn't cut the groupie set either
And, um . . .
Actually I really fucked up in Europe.
(SNORRRRRK)
Now that I've done it all over and nobody else will accept me
(SNORRRK)
I've come home to my Mothers

AY-YEAH . . . AY-YEAH . . .
AY-YEAH . . . AY-YEAH . . .
La la la la la wee-ooo (Ay!)
La la la la la wee-ooo (Woo-pah!)
Bom-bop-bom bom-bom-pa-paw,.
Bom-bop-bom bom-bom-pa-paw, etc.
La la la la la wee-ooo (Uh-uh-hey!)
La la la la la wee-ooo (Yeah-pah-hey!)
Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit

Please, hear my plea!

Cucuroo carucha (Chevy '39)
Going to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Helps me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
Bongos in the back
My ship of love is
Ready to attack

Primer mi carucha (Chevy '39)
Going to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Helps me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
Bongos in the back
My ship of love
Ready to attack
Won't you please hear my plea

Primer mi carucha (Chevy '39)
Drive me to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Helps me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
Bongos in the back
My ship of love
Ready to attack

Heh heh heh . . . GrrrRRRNNHH . . .

Suzy: The first thing that attracted me to Mothers music was the fact that they played for twenty minutes and everybody was hissing and booing and falling off the dance floor . . . And Elmer was yelling at them to get off stage and turn down their amplifiers

FZ: Ah! I know the perfect thing to accompany this man's trumpet. None other than . . . The Mighty & Majestic Albert Hall Pipe Organ!
Guy In The Audience: Right!
FZ: You understand that you won't be able to hear the organ once we turn the amplifiers up . . . Awright, Don? . . . Whip it on 'em! . . . "Louie Louie"! They like it loud too, you know?

FZ: Let's hear again for the London Philharmonic Orchestra!

It's the middle of the night
And your mommy & your daddy are sleeping
It's the middle of the night
And your mommy & your daddy are sleeping
SLEEPING
MOM & DAD ARE SLEEPING
SLEEPING IN A JAR . . . (the jar is under the bed)

FZ: Bizarre!
Suzy: Bizarre . . . ha ha!
No-one could ever understand our bizarre relationship because I was your intellectual frigid housekeeper.
Especially when you'd be going to bed with one chick at night and I wake up in the morning and find another one there, screaming at me . . . ha ha . . . Asked me what the fuck that chick was doing in your bed and I'd walk in and you weren't with the same one you were in the night before.
Oh, I'll never forget that, as long as I live.
That house, well it had your shit all over . . . and we had a cat and we had fleas and we had lots of crabs that we proceeded to give to everyone in Laurel Canyon except for Elmer and Phil, because they were too sick to ball . . . ha ha . . . Elmer has a mentality of approximately One Peanut. Possibly.
As a matter of fact, I can remember Elmer telling me that you really had a lot of talent, but he didn't see how anyone could ever make it that insisted on saying FUCK on stage.
And he used to drive by in his gold Cadillac and peer in the window . . . ha ha . . . 'Cause he never could get over the amount of groupie status that, that you had and he didn't. Possibly because he's 50 years old and wretched . . .
FZ: HA HA HA!

Ya ya ya ya ya
ahhhahahhhhhhhh
Ya ya ya ya ya
ahhhahahhhhhhhh
Fuzzy dice & bongos
FUZZY DICE
I got 'em
At the Pep Boys . . . at the BOYYYYYYYYS
Fuzzy Dice & bongos
Brodie knob & spinners
Chromium plated
Ha Ha Ha

Ow ow ow ow
Rundee rundee rundee
Dinny wop wop
Ow ow ow ow
Rundee rundee rundee
Dinny wop wop

Electric Aunt Jemima
Goddess of Love
Khaki Maple Buckwheats
Frizzle on the stove
Queen of my heart
Please hear my plea
Electric Aunt Jemima
Cook a bunch for me

Tried to find a reason
Not to quit my job
Beat me till I'm hungry
Found a punk to rob
Love me Aunt Jemima
Love me now & ever more
(Love me Aunt Jemima)

Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty
Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty
Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty
Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit dit . . .

Tried to find a raisin
Brownies in the basin
Monza by the street light
Aunt Jemima all night
Holiday & salad days
And days of mouldy mayonnaise
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima

Mmm, boy, my lips are gettin' heavy
I can't tell when you're telling the truth . . .
I'm not.
How do I know anything you've said to me is . . .
You don't.

Ayyy! Yee-hah!

Dick Kunc: Here's one with your father's moustache, your old cookie jar, rubbers, sneakers, galoshes, belt buckles, and book covers with the name of your high school neatly imprinted in crimson and gold on the front with a picture of the goal post and last year's queen.

God Bless America
Land that I love
Stand beside her,
And guide her,
Through the night
With the light from Above
Yeah!

Dick Kunc: Fade!

Ian: My name is Ian Underwood and I'm the straight member of the group
(Ha ha ha!)
Suzy: Wowie Zowie!
Ian: One month ago I heard The Mothers of Invention at the theater. I heard them on two occasions, and on the second occasion I went up to Jim Black and I said, "I like your music, and I'd like to come down and play with you." Two days later I came up to the recording session, and Frank Zappa was sitting in the control room. I walked up and said, "How do you do? My name is Ian Underwood and I like your music and I'd like to play with your group." Frank Zappa says, "What can you do that's fantastic?" I said, "I can play alto saxophone and piano." He said, "All right, whip it out."

Eat your greens
Don't forget your beans & celery
Don't forget to bring
Your fake I.D.
Eat a bunch of these
MAGNIFICENT
With sauerkraut
MMMMMMMMMMM
Sauerkraut
Eat a grape, a fig
A crumpet too . . .
You'll pump 'em right through
Doo-wee-ooo

Eat your shoes
Don't forget the strings
And sox
Even eat the box
You bought 'em in
You can eat the truck
That brought 'em in
Garbage truck
MMMMMMMMMMMMouldy
Garbage truck
Eat the truck & driver
And his gloves
NUTRITIOUSNESS
DELICIOUSNESS
WORTHLESSNESS

Ian: Dee . . . dee BAH dam . . . eeeeh-dam pa-pa-pa-pa-pam . . . tee-pa pa-pa-pa-pa-pam! And just wail out the last one.
Bunk: Mmm, let's start here, then.
Ian: Yeah.
Bunk: Three, four . . .

FZ: Ok? Now if you still want to get your name in magazines he wants five hundred dollars a month!
JCB: Where does it come from? We worked one gig this month. And now, so, what do we get, two hundred dollars for this gig up here, if we're lucky. If we're lucky, we'll get two hundred. And it'll be two weeks before we get it. Probably. I mean a— . . . after all, uh . . . what is all this shit in the, uh, in the newspaper? We sh—, if we got such a big name, how come, uh . . . we're. . .
FZ: That shit in the news . . .
JCB: We're starving, man! This fucking band is starving! And we've been starving for three years. I realize it takes a long time, but God damn does it take another five, ten years from now?
FZ: There's some months when you're not gonna work as much as other months. There's some months when you're gonna make a lot of money, and if you average it out, you do make more than two hundred dollars a month.
JCB: Expenses are sure high, too. If we'd all been living in California, it would've been different.
FZ: If we'd all been living in California, we wouldn't work at all!
JCB: Ah that's—true . . . Well, we're not working n-now anyway! We worked one gig this month, Frank! What's wrong with getting two months in a row of this good money? Or three months in a row? Then we can afford to take three or four months off and everybody can . . . After the first month I can get just enough ahead, but if I had two more months, man, I'll get ahead. 'Cause I'm not living very extravagantly, I'll tell you for sure . . .

The air
Escaping from your mouth
The hair
Escaping from your nose
My heart
Escaping from the scraping
And the shaping
Of the draping . . .
I'm awaking
In a T-shirt
In a Chevy
At the beach
And I'm freezing
And I'm wheezing
And I know
You were only teasing
I hit you
Then I beat you
Then I told you
That I love you
In my car
In a jar
In my car
In a jar

The air
Escaping from your pits
The hair
Escaping from my teeth
My hands
Are gripping
But they're slipping
And they're dripping
'Cause I'm tripping
I got busted
(Wasted)
Coming through customs
(I'm so wasted)
With a suitcase
(Wasted)
Full of tapes
(I'm so wasted)
It was a special
Tape recording
And they grabbed me
While I was boarding
Yes, they grabbed me
Then they beat me
Then they told me
They don't like me
And I crashed
In my Nash
We can crash
In my Nash
We can crash
In my Nash
We can crash
In my Nash
We can crash
In my Nash

I must be free
My fake I.D.
Freeeeeees me
Gotta do a few things
To make my life complete
I gotta live my life
Out on the street
The difference between us
Is not very far
Cruising for burgers
In daddy's new car
My phony freedom card
Brings to me
Instantly
ECSTASY

Vo-do-de-oh-do . . .

Suzy:
Hello, teenage America (heh),
My name is Suzy Creamcheese,
(SNORK)
I'm Suzy Creamcheese because I've never worn fake eyelashes in my whole life
And I never made it on surfing set
And I never made it on beatnik set
And I couldn't cut the groupie set either
And, um . . .
Actually I really fucked up in Europe.
(SNORRRRRK)
Now that I've done it all over and nobody else will accept me
(SNORRRK)
I've come home to my Mothers

Suzy: The first thing that attracted me to Mothers music was the fact that they played for twenty minutes and everybody was hissing and booing and falling off the dance floor . . . And Elmer was yelling at them to get off stage and turn down their amplifiers

FZ: Ah! I know the perfect thing to accompany this man's trumpet. None other than . . . The Mighty & Majestic Albert Hall Pipe Organ!
Guy In The Audience: Right!
FZ: You understand that you won't be able to hear the organ once we turn the amplifiers up . . . Awright, Don? . . . Whip it on 'em! . . . "Louie Louie"! They like it loud too, you know?

FZ: Let's hear again for the London Philharmonic Orchestra!

Ya ya ya ya ya
ahhhahahhhhhhhh
Ya ya ya ya ya
ahhhahahhhhhhhh
Fuzzy dice & bongos
FUZZY DICE
I got 'em
At the Pep Boys . . . at the BOYYYYYYYYS
Fuzzy Dice & bongos
Brodie knob & spinners
Chromium plated
Ha Ha Ha

Dick Kunc: Fade!

Ow ow ow ow
Rundee rundee rundee
Dinny wop wop
Ow ow ow ow
Rundee rundee rundee
Dinny wop wop

Electric Aunt Jemima
Goddess of Love
Khaki Maple Buckwheats
Frizzle on the stove
Queen of my heart
Please hear my plea
Electric Aunt Jemima
Cook a bunch for me

Tried to find a reason
Not to quit my job
Beat me till I'm hungry
Found a punk to rob
Love me Aunt Jemima
Love me now & ever more
(Love me Aunt Jemima)

Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty
Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty
Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty
Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit dit . . .

Tried to find a raisin
Brownies in the basin
Monza by the street light
Aunt Jemima all night
Holiday & salad days
And days of mouldy mayonnaise
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima

Mmm, boy, my lips are gettin' heavy
I can't tell when you're telling the truth . . .
I'm not.
How do I know anything you've said to me is . . .
You don't.

Ayyy! Yee-hah!

Dick Kunc: Here's one with your father's moustache, your old cookie jar, rubbers, sneakers, galoshes, belt buckles, and book covers with the name of your high school neatly imprinted in crimson and gold on the front with a picture of the goal post and last year's queen.

God Bless America
Land that I love
Stand beside her,
And guide her,
Through the night
With the light from Above
Yeah!

It's the middle of the night
And your mommy & your daddy are sleeping
It's the middle of the night
And your mommy & your daddy are sleeping
SLEEPING
MOM & DAD ARE SLEEPING
SLEEPING IN A JAR . . . (the jar is under the bed)

Patrolman LaFamine: Now, we don't come up here because we feel like walkin' four flights at three o'clock in the morning.
FZ: Yeah.
Patrolman LaFamine: We were up here last night. Now for us . . .
FZ: Last night?
Patrolman LaFamine: Yes.
FZ: I wasn't here last night.
Patrolman LaFamine: For us to continually come up to this here place every night and not show no action other than to saying, yes, we corrected the condition . . .
Guy #1: Oh, sure this is ridiculous.
Patrolman LaFamine: We look kinda bad. I mean, let's be honest. Now if you hadda given me any kinda recommendation, or mark my word, you'd say, "Who the hell's kiddin' who? This guy's a mistake." It's like doing nothing.
FZ: You mean they grade your work at the office?
Patrolman LaFamine: Well, the idea was like this— Let me tell you something. If every day captain would go into that [...] and telephone [...] make a record of this. "Every night, 3 to 4, 2 to 4, between those hours you guys are at 53 E. 10th St. What are you doin' there every night? You mean you, you permit this condition to continue on without once giving a summons?"
Other Cop: Alright, your lawyer says to knock it off!
Patrolman LaFamine:I mean, without once giving a summons? What are we doing here? Uh, we're puttin' ourselves over backwards with these people. Do you know what we're doin'? Do you know what we're doin'?
FZ: No, tell me. Please tell me.
Patrolman LaFamine: Alright. Well this is, if we're up here once we're up here twenty times. I know that little guy like a— the guy in there like a long-lost brother. Now if we ever get called down, if this ever goes to a big explosion, and they say, "Officer, what did you do, did you issue summonses?" They get— This is all in the record book, how many times we've been up here. This is all records.
FZ: M-hmm.
Patrolman LaFamine: Now if these people wanna subpoena these records, they can subpoena these records. An' they can find out how many times we've been. This is us on, wait! This is us alone! An' they say, "Officer, what did you do? Warn 'em? You mean to tell me you were up here about twenty times and you never issued a summons?"
Other Cop?: So all we've done is [...]
Patrolman LaFamine: Why? Why? Yes!
John Kilgore?: There have been summonses.
Patrolman LaFamine: Well, WE never issued em!
Other Cop: How many summonses have you gotten for noise?
Dick Kunc: What, me personally, or the studio?
Patrolman LaFamine: The studio!
Other Cop: Studio.
Dick Kunc: I don't know how many, but there's a court case pending right now . . .
John Kilgore: We've gotten one.
Patrolman LaFamine: ONE! ONE! And how many times have I, eh, uh, hey listen! As I say, if I've been up here once I've been up here twenty times already.
?: Yeah, but— Can I just bring out . . .
Patrolman LaFamine: What? Yes, you can bring out any of what you want . . .
?: I just work here.
Patrolman LaFamine: I know that.
?: I take my orders.
Patrolman LaFamine: Right.
?: Do a session.
Patrolman LaFamine: Right.
?: And do a session, right?
Patrolman LaFamine: Right.
?: Now I understand your annoyance for having to climb the stairs all these times—
Patrolman LaFamine: No! We aren't annoyed for climbing the stairs. We've just have been annoyed of coming back here one more time. You know what I'm talking about? The stairs is nothing to us.
?: See, I'm annoyed for not being able to come back to my work . . .
Patrolman LaFamine: Right! I'm sorry!
?: Because someone said it's too loud . . .
Patrolman LaFamine: Listen . . .
FZ: Hey look, stop it, pack that stuff up, stop making NOISE, you guys!
Other Guy: Yeah, well, I understand, he didn't know . . .
Patrolman LaFamine: We don't make the laws. We don't make 'em.
?: I don't own the studio.
Patrolman LaFamine: Well, who's in charge here at this time?
Guy #1: Here he is.
Guy In Charge: In charge?
Patrolman LaFamine: IN charge.
Dick Kunc: He's more or less in charge.
Patrolman LaFamine: Are you in charge?
John Kilgore: I don't run the studio, I just . . .
Patrolman LaFamine: Alright, listen, lemme tell you one thing . . .
John Kilgore: I'm in, I'm in charge.
Patrolman LaFamine: You're in charge at this point.
Guy In Charge: Right.
Patrolman LaFamine: My name is Patrolman LaFamine,
FZ: Here, have a BUN.
Patrolman LaFamine: Now, as of tonight . . .
Guy In Charge: Right.
FZ: You want a BUN?
Patrolman LaFamine: If I come back here, and every night that I do come back here, I don't care who says he's in charge, I will issue a summons.
Guy #1: I'm issuing you a bun
Patrolman LaFamine: And I would meet that person in the court.
FZ: Okay.
Patrolman LaFamine: And everytime the judge says, [...], "Yes, sir." And that will be it. And I'm telling you this. Whether it's be you or anyone else in charge. If I have to come up here and hear noise, I'll release you a summons. And anybody thinks it's a great joke, you can all laugh in the court.
?: You know what's gonna happen?
Patrolman LaFamine: And your lawyer either have it to a head, or he'll lose the whole case.
?: You know what I'm talking about? It's gonna be somebody next door. Really. [...]
?: Well, they're reasonable trying to soundproof some way.
Patrolman LaFamine: I realize that. Listen, why can't these sessions take place at one o'clock in the afternoon?
[...]
Patrolman LaFamine: Then you guys rather make different arrangements so . . .
[...]
FZ: This quite New York. What the fuck?
[...]
Guy #1: Yeah, he isn't.
Guy In Charge: But, uh . . .
Patrolman LaFamine: You guys ain't got one hit record by now, my goodness.
Guy In Charge: We have to— We have a . . .
Guy #1: It takes a long time.
[...]
?: . . . a lawyer . . .
[...]
Patrolman LaFamine: You know what I mean. This is ridiculous! This is like you're trying to tell your boss— This is like you're trying to tell your boss that you've been cutting a record for four months and you didn't do nothing. He wouldn't keep you too long.
?: Not too long.
?: They won't believe you.
?: No . . . And like I say, if they wanna make it they could subpoena them records and find out how many times we've been up here and didn't issue a summons! We never even issued a summons! Hey, we'll be fine out, we'll— We'll be cutting records with you up here! [...] put us on in collusion with you guys.
FZ: In collusion! Hah hah hah . . .
[...]
?: . . . for 25 bucks, I'll try anything!
Patrolman LaFamine: You laugh. I don't when I have four kids to support. We're done on record, everytime we come up to this place and never once take anything . . .
FZ: Why don't you tell 'em the condition has been cleared up?
?: Tomorrow night they're gonna be [...]
FZ: Whoever complains, just tell them everything there's okay.
Patrolman LaFamine: Oh, but tomorrow night they're gonna meet with the landlord . . .
?: . . . number two downstairs, we never have this guy two floors down.
?: No, it's our first time. [...] the other guy.
Patrolman LaFamine: Well, there you go. Right? I tell you before and I tell you again, I come back here and everytime I come back here if there is noise I will give you a summons or whoever else is in charge.
?: Right.
FZ: Are you sure you don't want one of those breakfast rolls on your way down the stairs?
Patrolman LaFamine: Naah . . .
Other Cop: You better believe that I don't want nuthin'
Guy In Charge: Who gets, who gets the summonses, is the, the organization?
Patrolman LaFamine: Whoever it is in charge at the time. Whoever tells me he's in charge at the time I will issue him the summons.
?: [...] off tonight?
?: He's off tonight.
Patrolman LaFamine: He could say Joe Blow, I don't care what kind of a name he gives me.
?: But it's not actually in fact against— will be against— it will be against the studio he became representative, right.
Patrolman LaFamine: Then if the courts decide that they wanna know who he's takin' orders from, they'll summons that person to court. And that's— That's all there is to it.
Guy #1: Alright. Take care.
Guy In Charge: Right.
Guy #1: Okay.
FZ: Nighty-night!

Ian: Dee . . . dee BAH dam . . . eeeeh-dam pa-pa-pa-pa-pam . . . tee-pa pa-pa-pa-pa-pam! And just wail out the last one.
Bunk: Mmm, let's start here, then.
Ian: Yeah.
Bunk: Three, four . . .

Eat your greens
Don't forget your beans & celery
Don't forget to bring
Your fake I.D.
Eat a bunch of these
MAGNIFICENT
With sauerkraut
MMMMMMMMMMM
Sauerkraut
Eat a grape, a fig
A crumpet too . . .
You'll pump 'em right through
Doo-wee-ooo

Eat your shoes
Don't forget the strings
And sox
Even eat the box
You bought 'em in
You can eat the truck
That brought 'em in
Garbage truck
MMMMMMMMMMMMouldy
Garbage truck
Eat the truck & driver
And his gloves
NUTRITIOUSNESS
DELICIOUSNESS
WORTHLESSNESS

FZ: Bizarre!
Suzy: Bizarre . . . ha ha!
No-one could ever understand our bizarre relationship because I was your intellectual frigid housekeeper.
Especially when you'd be going to bed with one chick at night and I wake up in the morning and find another one there, screaming at me . . . ha ha . . . Asked me what the fuck that chick was doing in your bed and I'd walk in and you weren't with the same one you were in the night before.
Oh, I'll never forget that, as long as I live.
That house, well it had your shit all over . . . and we had a cat and we had fleas and we had lots of crabs that we proceeded to give to everyone in Laurel Canyon except for Elmer and Phil, because they were too sick to ball . . . ha ha . . . Elmer has a mentality of approximately One Peanut. Possibly.
As a matter of fact, I can remember Elmer telling me that you really had a lot of talent, but he didn't see how anyone could ever make it that insisted on saying FUCK on stage.
But Elmer gave your first touch as work. He gave you a chance to work at The Trip, you know.
And he used to drive by in his gold Cadillac and peer in the window . . . ha ha . . . 'Cause he never could get over the amount of groupie status that, that you had and he didn't. Possibly because he's 50 years old and wretched . . .
FZ: HA HA HA!

FZ: Ok? Now if you still want to get your name in magazines he wants five hundred dollars a month!
JCB: Where does it come from? We worked one gig this month. And now, so, what do we get, two hundred dollars for this gig up here, if we're lucky. If we're lucky, we'll get two hundred. And it'll be two weeks before we get it. Probably. I mean a— . . . after all, uh . . . what is all this shit in the, uh, in the newspaper? We sh—, if we got such a big name, how come, uh . . . we're. . .
FZ: That shit in the news . . .
JCB: We're starving, man! This fucking band is starving! And we've been starving for three years. I realize it takes a long time, but God damn does it take another five, ten years from now?
FZ: There's some months when you're not gonna work as much as other months. There's some months when you're gonna make a lot of money, and if you average it out, you do make more than two hundred dollars a month.
JCB: Expenses are sure high, too. If we'd all been living in California, it would've been different.
FZ: If we'd all been living in California, we wouldn't work at all!
JCB: Ah that's—true . . . Well, we're not working n-now anyway! We worked one gig this month, Frank! What's wrong with getting two months in a row of this good money? Or three months in a row? Then we can afford to take three or four months off and everybody can . . . After the first month I can get just enough ahead, but if I had two more months, man, I'll get ahead. 'Cause I'm not living very extravagantly, I'll tell you for sure . . .
FZ: Yeah.
JCB: Is that thing on in there?
FZ: What? Yeah.
JCB: Is that thing being on all the time?
FZ: No. Don't worry about it.

Ian: My name is Ian Underwood and I'm the straight member of the group
(Ha ha ha!)
Suzy: Wowie Zowie!
Ian: One month ago I heard The Mothers of Invention at the theater. I heard them on two occasions, and on the second occasion I went up to Jim Black and I said, "I like your music, and I'd like to come down and play with you." Two days later I came up to the recording session, and Frank Zappa was sitting in the control room. I walked up and said, "How do you do? My name is Ian Underwood and I like your music and I'd like to play with your group." Frank Zappa says, "What can you do that's fantastic?" I said, "I can play alto saxophone and piano." He said, "All right, whip it out."

JCB: I put that really get my mouth I know it gets its rock off when I do that. Ah, this . . . Well, anyway, uh, the reason I did this is because I felt that I've never done it before and nobody else that I know of has ever done this before so I thought I would do it just once—just to see how it felt. And actually it turned out that well it felt so good that I had to do it at least five or six more times—would you pardon me a second I think I will try one more time . . . ahhh . . . You know, it really gets down all the way down to your uh, tonsils. And it massages the tonsils, you know, the coffee is just a little bit warmer than luke warm. And it really suits the membranes and the tonsils and the uh, the vocal chords and the muscles in your vocal chords, you know. Uh, I think it . . . Mmmmh-mmmmh . . . mmmmh . . .

Motorhead: I figured, oh, you know, just a beautiful chick—I might as well take her home and wine her and dine her and see what happens. So I took her home and we had a big dinner and uh, you know, have a few drinks to see what would happen, and then we both get a little s— Heh . . . both get a little stoned. I figured we'd go flying a bit. So uh . . . after a few drinks uh, I could hardly stand up. I figured, wow, now it's as good a time to do some numbers with this chick. So we took the uh, the records off and we get into the nice dark bedroom to get some uh, and uh, you know it was kind of a—the thrill for me to really get it on with this beautiful blonde which was uh, you know, for a dream it was really a fantastic chick. So we got in there and started making it, ripped out a big giant boob, playing around with it. So . . . heh . . .

The air
Escaping from your mouth
The hair
Escaping from your nose
My heart
Escaping from the scraping
And the shaping
Of the draping . . .
I'm awaking
In a T-shirt
In a Chevy
At the beach
And I'm freezing
And I'm wheezing
And I know
You were only teasing
I hit you
Then I beat you
Then I told you
That I love you
In my car
In a jar
In my car
In a jar

The air
Escaping from your pits
The hair
Escaping from my teeth
My hands
Are gripping
But they're slipping
And they're dripping
'Cause I'm tripping
I got busted
(Wasted)
Coming through customs
(I'm so wasted)
With a suitcase
(Wasted)
Full of tapes
(I'm so wasted)
It was a special
Tape recording
And they grabbed me
While I was boarding
Yes, they grabbed me
Then they beat me
Then they told me
They don't like me
And I crashed
In my Nash
We can crash
In my Nash
We can crash
In my Nash
We can crash
In my Nash
We can crash
In my Nash

I must be free
My fake I.D.
Freeeeeees me
Gotta do a few things
To make my life complete
I gotta live my life
Out on the street
The difference between us
Is not very far
Cruising for burgers
In daddy's new car
My phony freedom card
Brings to me
Instantly
ECSTASY

Hello, boys and girls
It's The Mothers' movie
And we're going to have a wonderful time
Watching 'em jump around
And have merry fun
And all sorts of bizarre teenage delights
From continent to continent
Strange and wonderful things
That these Mothers Of Invention do
For fun and profit

In this first sequence you will see
A bunch of hairy people
Doing a bunch of stuff
And beyond that
I couldn't really tell you exactly what's going on
But it won't make any difference at all
Because who ever heard of The Mothers Of Invention?

AY-YEAH . . . AY-YEAH . . .
AY-YEAH . . . AY-YEAH . . .
La la la la la wee-ooo (Ay!)
La la la la la wee-ooo (Woo-pah!)
Bom-bop-bom bom-bom-pa-paw,.
Bom-bop-bom bom-bom-pa-paw, etc.
La la la la la wee-ooo (Uh-uh-hey!)
La la la la la wee-ooo (Yeah-pah-hey!)
Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit

Ow ow ow ow
Rundee rundee rundee
Dinny wop wop
Ow ow ow ow
Rundee rundee rundee
Dinny wop wop

Electric Aunt Jemima
Goddess of Love
Khaki Maple Buckwheats
Frizzle on the stove
Queen of my heart
Please hear my plea
Electric Aunt Jemima
Cook a bunch for me

Tried to find a reason
Not to quit my job
Beat me till I'm hungry
Found a punk to rob
Love me Aunt Jemima
Love me now & ever more
(Love me Aunt Jemima)

Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty
Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty
Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty
Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit dit . . .

Tried to find a raisin
Brownies in the basin
Monza by the street light
Aunt Jemima all night
Holiday & salad days
And days of mouldy mayonnaise
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me . . .

MORE BEER!

More beer!
More beer!
More beer!

Some spare change.

FZ: Do that "bop-bop-bop shoop." Aim at the microphone.
Bunk?: Eeeeh . . . It's hard to get back to that B.
FZ: You'll find a way . . . Save your chops, it will be okay.
Bunk?: [...].
FZ: You go, "Pah, da-da-da-dah, da-da-da-dah, da-da-da-dah." You know where where it repeats. Don't play there. 'Cause that's where the singing will be. You got it? Drop out. And then when it gets to, "Dah, da-da da-da da-dah," you come back in again. We'll just do it in pieces, okay? From the beginning. Aim for the [hole]. Ready to riff?
Bunk?: Okay!

Eat your greens
Don't forget your beans & celery
Don't forget to bring
Your fake I.D.
Eat a bunch of these
MAGNIFICENT
With sauerkraut
MMMMMMMMMMM
With sauerkraut
Eat a grape, a fig
A crumpet too . . .
You'll pump 'em right through
Doo-wee-ooo

Eat your shoes
Don't forget the strings
And sox
Even eat the box
You bought 'em in
You can eat the truck
That brought 'em in
Garbage truck
MMMMMMMMMMMMouldy
Garbage truck
Eat the truck & driver
And his gloves
NUTRITIOUSNESS
DELICIOUSNESS
WORTHLESSNESS

Roy?: Ay!
FZ: Yeah.
JCB: Herbie's not starving! He makes more than we do. That's for damn sure.
FZ: But he does more than you do! I'm telling you, if he has income and he— and he lives the way he lives, it's not all coming from your pocket.
JCB: No. But some of it is.
FZ: Not enough to be dangerous, I'll tell you.
JCB: It's not? Where in the hell is all the money going?

FZ: I'll make a propos—
Ian: Nobody's listening to it in here. The monitor's off.
FZ: I'll make a proposal to you, if you want to earn more money that'll mean that you'll have to tour all the time. Now I can't do that.

FZ: . . . do you mean, "What happens to the name of the group?" [It's] still The Mothers—
JCB: You don't care how—
FZ: You made—
JCB: This is the first—
FZ: You made more fucking money this year that you've made for a long time.
JCB: Three months? Three month— Two months?
FZ: I'm s— Look . . .
JCB: Out of the year? At— at— But back to back?
FZ: I'm talking about the possibility that if you guys wanna tour without me, then we would . . .
JCB: We didn't say—
FZ: Listen!
JCB: You're part of the band—You're the main part of the band!
FZ: Listen! I can't tour right now. I've got too fucking much work to do in the studio. I've got a bunch of stuff that has to be done. Alright?
Ian: (Cough.)
JCB: It ain't gonna be the same, man.
FZ: Ain't gonna be the same but you're gonna earn a fucking living! And you can tour . . .
JCB: What happens to the name of the group? You don't have— care how the group sounds?
FZ: Look. Listen carefully, I'll start again.
Ian: (Cough, cough.)
FZ: You get together, and you rehearse. And you compensate for the part that I play. You know, give it to the piano, or give it to the organ, or put it on the horns or something. Okay? Change the things around so you don't need a guitar in there.
Bunk?: The thing is that we need your mouth and we need your face up there. That's the thing.
JCB: You're the group, man. You're the group.
FZ: Look.
Bunk?: No, it's—it's not— The thing is, man . . .
JCB: And you know you are.
Bunk?: . . . That it's— that it's been built around you—you made it . . .
JCB: It's been built for the last three years, it's been you, man. You're the group! Now how can you expect us to go off and record without you—I mean, to do a tour without you.
FZ: I think— I think you can do it. I think you can do it.
JCB: Oh, we could do it.
Bunk?: Under a different name?
FZ: No you don't have to do it under a different name. You can do it as The Mothers and you can do it without me.
JCB: It won't be the same. I don't know if anybody . . .
FZ: Well, who cares—
JCB: They might come the first time, but I'll bet they won't come a second time.
FZ: Look. They'll come ten times if the music sounds good. And that's up to you to play it.
JCB: They come to see you, Frank. That's who they come to see.

Ruth: . . . three, four . . .

Heh heh heh . . . GrrrRRRNNHH . . . Ahh . . .

Dick Kunc: This would be the unbelievable "Blood Unit."

FZ: The name of this piece is "Uncle Meat." You know. This is a curious little item, which happens to be the title song from our new album, which will be out in a couple of weeks. The album is a 2-record set with a 12-page book in it. And the— And it's lots of pictures. Books in America have to have lots of pictures. In color.
Mother: Dirty pictures.
FZ: Some of them are dirty pictures. You'll like 'em a lot. The material contained on the record—uh, well, that's— comes under the classification of extracts from the musical score to a film that we have been working on in secret for about a year and a half now. Shot in the four corners of the world with cheap equipment. Edited at home on cheap equipment. And right now we're waiting to raise $300,000 so we can finish it. But the album just might help do that. Anyway, do you have your instruments all ready? This is "Uncle Meat." One, two, three; one, two, three . . .