The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life

The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life

(Zappa, 2CD, Barking Pumpkin D2 74233, April 16, 1991)

disc 1

  1. Heavy Duty Judy 6:04
  2. Ring Of Fire (Kilgore/Carter) 2:00
  3. Cosmik Debris 4:32
  4. Find Her Finer 2:42
  5. Who Needs The Peace Corps? 2:40
  6. I Left My Heart In San Francisco (Cory/Cross) 0:36
  7. Zomby Woof 5:41
  8. Bolero (Ravel) 5:19
  9. Zoot Allures 7:07
  10. Mr. Green Genes 3:40
  11. Florentine Pogen 7:11
  12. Andy 5:51
  13. Inca Roads 8:19
  14. Sofa #1 2:49

disc 2

  1. Purple Haze (Hendrix) 2:27
  2. Sunshine Of Your Love (Brown/Bruce/Clapton) 2:30
  3. Let's Move To Cleveland 5:51
  4. When Irish Eyes Are Smiling (Ball/Graff/Olcott) 0:46
  5. "Godfather Part II" Theme (Rota) 0:30
  6. A Few Moments With Brother A. West (West/FZ) 4:01
  7. The Torture Never Stops Part One 5:20
  8. Theme From "Bonanza" (Evans/Livingstone) 0:28
  9. Lonesome Cowboy Burt (Swaggart Version) 4:54
  10. The Torture Never Stops Part Two 10:47
  11. More Trouble Every Day (Swaggart Version) 5:28
  12. Penguin In Bondage (Swaggart Version) 5:05
  13. The Eric Dolphy Memorial Barbecue 9:18
  14. Stairway To Heaven (Page/Plant) 9:20

All selections recorded live by the UMRK Mobile
February-June, 1988

Produced by Frank Zappa
engineering supervision by Bob Stone

Original cover photo by Bruce Malone
Design: Tracy Veal
(New cover art by Cal Schenkel)

FZ—lead guitar, computer-synth, vocal
Ike Willis—rhythm guitar, synth, vocal
Mike Keneally—rhythm guitar, synth, vocal
Bobby Martin—keyboards, vocal
Ed Mann—vibes, marimba, electronic percussion
Walt Fowler—trumpet, flugel horn, synth
Bruce Fowler—trombone
Paul Carman—alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax
Albert Wing—tenor sax
Kurt McGettrick—baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet
Scott Thunes—electric bass, Minimoog
Chad Wackerman—drums, electronic percussion

And the sampled voice of Senator Hawkins

disc 1

1. Heavy Duty Judy 6:04

includes a quotation from Ring Of Fire (Kilgore/Carter)

Carl-Diem-Halle, Würzburg, Germany
April 22, 1988
&
The Ahoy, Rotterdam, Netherlands
May 3, 1988

FZ: Hello! Boy, got y'all JAMMED in here, don't dey? What's that say? "Thanks for coming, what's the secret word for tonight? Your buddies Dirk, Tom and Tommy." Okay . . . Alright, guys, you're looking for another secret word? The secret word for tonight is RING OF FIRE! Let me try 'n explain this to you, folks: This afternoon at the hotel I was introduced for the first time to Johnny Cash, and Johnny was going to come to the concert tonight, and he was going to sing with us. Unfortunately his wife got sick so he can't come tonight, BUT . . . this afternoon we actually learned how to play a reggae version of "Ring Of Fire," and we've been trying to decide whether or not we oughta play it even if Johnny's not gonna sing it. Now, maybe you can help us decide. How many people would like to hear "Ring Of Fire" if Johnny is not going to sing it? How many people DON'T want to hear "Ring Of Fire"? I think most people want to hear "Ring Of Fire." Okay, here it comes, folks . . .

2. Ring Of Fire 2:00

(Merle Kilgore & June Carter)

Carl-Diem-Halle, Würzburg, Germany
April 22, 1988

Love is a burning thing
(That's right)
And it leaves a fiery ring
(That's a firey ring)
I was captured by pure desire
(That's right)
I fell into a ring of fire
(Ow! Ow! Ow!)

I fell into a burning ring of fire
I fell down down down
And the flames licked up higher
And it burns burns burns
That ring of fire
That ring of fire
("It's hot")

Love
("It's hot")
Is a burning thing
(That's right, it's the same verse again)
And it makes a fiery ring
(It's one way of learning English)
(Senator Hawkins: Pyromania)
I was captured by pure desire
(Pure desire)
I fell into that burning ring of fire
(Ow! Ow! Ow!)

I fell into that burning ring of fire
(Johnny'll never know what he missed)
I fell down down down
And those flames licked up higher
And it burns burns burns
That ring of fire
That ring of fire
That ring of fire
That ring of fire
That ring of fire

3. Cosmik Debris 4:32

includes a quotation from Who Knows (Hendrix)

Carl-Diem-Halle, Würzburg, Germany
April 22, 1988

The Mystery Man came over
An' he said: "I'm outa-site!"
He said, for a nominal service charge,
I could reach nervonna t'nite
If I was ready, willing 'n able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs
And devote His Attention to me
But I said . . .
Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris, anyhow?)
Look here brother,
Don't you waste your time on me

The Mystery Man got nervous
An' he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his Mystery Robe
An' he whipped out a shaving kit
Now, I thought it was a razor
An' a can of foamin' goo
But he told me right then when the top popped open
There was nothin' his box won't do
With the oil of Hi-Yo, Silver
An' the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said:
"You might not believe this, little fella, but it'll cure that RING OF FIRE for you too!"
An' I said, hey!
Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now what kind of a geroo are you anyway?)
Look here brother,
Don't you waste your time on me

I've got troubles of my own, I said
An' you can't help me out
So take your meditations an' your preparations
An' cram it up yer snout
"BUT I GOT A RING OF FIRE!," he said
An', an' held it on up to the light
So I snatched it
All away from him
("It's hot")
An' then told him how 'da wipe it right
I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head
So I'd look like I was Deep
I said some Mumbo Jumbos then
I told him he was goin' to sleep
I robbed his rings
An' his pocket watch
An' everything else I found
I had that sucker hypnotized
He couldn't even make a sound
I proceeded to tell him his future then
As long as he was hanging around,
I said
"The price of meat have just gone up
An' yo' RING OF FIRE have just gone down . . . "

Look here Johnny,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now exactly what kind of a RING OF FIRE are we talking about here tonight?)
Don't you know,
You could get better results with Anusol,
So don't you waste your time on me
(Don't Sri Chin, don't Sri Chinmoy on me . . . )
Oh Annie, oh Annie, oh An-yoo-SOL!

4. Find Her Finer 2:42

Rudi-Sedlmeyer Sporthalle, Munich, Germany
May 9, 1988

Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

If you should see a girl on the street
Now maybe you might think she is sweet
But if you want a piece of the meat
Now really, what should you do?
(Rat-tat-tat-tat ta-da!)

Don't never let her know you are smart
The universe is nowhere to start
You gotta play it straight from the heart
Or she'll go doody on you
(That's why you gotta . . . )

Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a Mud Shark till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

Now maybe you might think I am rude
And maybe you might think that Mud Shark is crude
And maybe this approach I have spewed
Is not the one for you
(Rat-tat-tat-tat ta-da!)

But believe me later on you'll gonna find
As you impress her with your mind
That you would just be left behind
For a wiser fool
(So you might as well)

Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

5. Who Needs The Peace Corps? 2:40

Carl-Diem-Halle, Würzburg, Germany
April 22, 1988
Except first seconds from:
Rudi-Sedlmeyer Sporthalle, Munich, Germany
May 9, 1988

What's there to live for?
Who needs the peace corps?
Think I'll just DROP OUT
I'll go to Frisco
Buy a wig & sleep
On Owsley's floor

Walked past the wig store
Danced at the Fillmore
I'm completely stoned
I'm hippy & I'm trippy
I'm a gypsy on my own
I'll stay a week & get the crabs &
Take a bus back home
I'm really just a phony
But forgive me
'Cause I'm stoned

Every town must have a place
Where phony hippies meet
(Hey, dude!)
Psychedelic dungeons
Popping up on every street
GO TO SAN FRANCISCO . . .

How I love ya, How I love ya
How I love ya, How I love ya Frisco!
How I love ya, How I love ya
How I love ya, How I love ya
Oh, my hair is getting good in the back!

Every town must have a place
Where phony hippies meet
(Hey, dude!)
Psychedelic dungeons
Popping up on every street
GO TO SAN FRANCISCO . . .

(Oh, jump, Johnny!)

Gotcha . . .
First I'll buy some beads
And then perhaps a leather band
To go around my head
Some feathers and bells
And a book of Indian lore
I will ask the Chamber Of Commerce
How to get to Haight Street
And smoke an awful lot of dope
I will wander around barefoot
You know I'll have a psychedelic gleam in my eye at all times
I will love everyone
I will love the police as they kick the shit out of me on the street
(Freeze, hippy!)
I will sleep . . . (yes?)
I will go to a house
That's, that's what I will do
I will go to a house
Where there's a rock & roll band
Because the groups all live together
(HEEEERE'S JOHNNY!)
Ha ha ha ha, I will stay, I will join rock & roll
And I'll be the road manager
And I'll stay there with them
And I will get the crabs
But I won't care
Because . . .

6. I Left My Heart In San Francisco 0:36

(George C. Cory, Jr. & Douglas Cross)

Carl-Diem-Halle, Würzburg, Germany
April 22, 1988

I left my heart
Way down in San Francisco

FZ: One more time for our men in uniform

Moo moo moo moo
(Moo-moo moo-moo-moo
Me mee-nee mee-nee moo-moo)

Later that night . . .

7. Zomby Woof 5:41

includes a quotation from Mysterioso Pizzicato (Lampe)

Rudi-Sedlmeyer Sporthalle, Munich, Germany
May 9, 1988
&
Memorial Hall, Allentown, Pennsylvania
March 19, 1988

Three hundred years ago (ay!)
I thought I might get some sleep (ay!)
I stretched myself out onna antique bed
An' my spirit did a midnite creep

You know I'll never sleep no more

It seem to me that it just ain't wise

Didja ever wake up in the mornin'
With a ZOMBY WOOF behind your eyes

I am the ZOMBY WOOF
I'm that creature all the ladies been
Talkin' about

I am the ZOMBY WOOF
They all seek for shelter when I come chargin' out

Tellin' you all the Zomby troof
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF

Tellin' you all the Zomby troof
Here I'm is . . .

Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF
Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF

They said aw-reety
An' they was aw-righty
An' I was a Zomby for you, little lady . . .

I got a great big pointed fang
Which is my Zomby Toof
My right foot's bigger than my other one is
Like a reg'lar Buxton Hoof
If I raid your dormitorium
Don't try to remain aloof . . .

I might snatch you up screamin' through the window all nekkid
An' do it to you up on the roof, don't mess with the
ZOMBY WOOF

I am about as evil as a Boogie Man can be!

Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF

Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF

8. Bolero 5:19

(Maurice Ravel)

includes a quotation from My Sharona (Fieger/Averre)

The Ahoy, Rotterdam, Netherlands
May 3, 1988

 

9. Zoot Allures 7:07

Brighton Centre, Brighton, UK
April 16, 1988

 

10. Mr. Green Genes 3:40

Hall Tivoli, Strasbourg, France
May 23, 1988

Eat your greens
Don't forget your beans & celery
Don't forget to bring
Your fake I.D.
Eat a bunch of these
MAGNIFICENT
With sauerkraut
MMMMMMMMMMM
Sauerkraut
Eat a grape, a fig
A crumpet too . . .
You'll pump 'em right through
Doo-wee-ooo

Eat your shoes
Don't forget the strings
And sox
Even eat the box
You bought 'em in
Even eat the truck
That brought 'em in
Garbage truck
MMMMMMMMMMMMouldy
Garbage truck
Eat the truck & driver
And his gloves
NUTRITIOUSNESS
DELICIOUSNESS
WORTHLESSNESS

One more soup for the world now!

(Isn't it romantic?)

11. Florentine Pogen 7:11

includes a quotation from Louie Louie (Richard Berry)

Hall Tivoli, Strasbourg, France
May 23, 1988
Except guitar solo from:
Palasport, Florence, Italy
June 6, 1988

Ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh oh-oh

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Sow-oup
Sow-oo-oup
La-la la-la la-la la-la
Lo-la lo-la lo-la

She was the daughter of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
(Sou-oup)
Read 'em 'n weep
Was her adjustable slogan

She was a debutante daisy
With a color-note organ
Deep in the street
She drove a '59 Morgan

WOO-LAH!

That's the kinda step she takes
When her hot breaks hot brakes
That's the kinda sound she makes
(ooh, let go uh me)
When her crab cakes
(Arf arf arf)

She didn't like it when her fan belt
Shrunk & got shorter
(Ointment)
Battery leaks could nearly cost her a quarter

She didn't want to go home
An' watch the pestle go mortar
Later she speaks
On how Perellis might court her

Na-na-na, na-na-hoo
Na-na-na, na-na-hoo
Na-na-na, na-na-soup
Na-na-na, na-na-soup

She was the daughter
Ah-ah-ahhh
Of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Ga-ya-ee-annnn

Read 'em 'n weep
(Take a booger home with you to)
Read 'em 'n weep
(Take a booger home with you to)
Read 'em 'n weep

Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay
Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-HAH
Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-HAH

Chester's go-rilla
She go oink
Chester's go-rilla
She go quack
Chester's go-rilla
She go moo
Chester's go-rilla
She go
Hratche-plche
Hratche-plche

12. Andy 5:51

Guitar solo from:
Stadthalle, Fuerth, Germany
May 26, 1988
The rest:
Unknown date and location

Is there anything good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know
Is there anything
Good inside of you
If there is
I really wanna
Know
Is there anything
Good inside of you
If there is
I really wanna
Know
Is there?

Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know-woh-oh-oh-oh—
Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know, really wanna know . . .

Something
Anything
Something
Anything

Show me a sign
If you don't mind
Show me a sign
If you don't mind
Show me a sign
If you don't mind
Show me a sign
If you don't mind

Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand

Andy de vine (de vine)
Had a thong rind (rind)
It was sublime (sublime)
But the wrong kind
Andy de vine (de vine)
Had a thong rind (rind)
It was sublime (sublime)
But the wrong kind

Have I aligned
With a blown mind
Wasted my time
On a drawn blind
Have I aligned
With a blown mind
Wasted my time
On a drawn blind

Oh Andy . . .
Andy
Andy, Andy
A thong rind
It was sublime, now y'all
The wrong kind, yeah-hah-hah-hah!
Big line!

Andy, Andy, Andy . . .

13. Inca Roads 8:19

includes quotations from Approximate and Stayin' Alive (Gibb/Gibb/Gibb)

Guitar solo:
Stadthalle, Vienna, Austria
May 8, 1988
Sax solo and ending:
Carl-Diem-Halle, Würzburg, Germany
April 22, 1988
The rest:
Unknown date and location

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have
A motor
Or was it
Something
Different

Stayin' Alive
Ah ah ah ah
Mother Mary and Jozuf!

Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself
Park it
Se-e-e-elf
(PARK IT . . . PARK IT)

Or did someone
Build a place
To leave a space
For such a thing to land

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle come
Come from somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up the hill

Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen
Her Fire
(Thank you! Ha ha ha ha!)

On Bruce
On Bruce
That's Bruce

14. Sofa #1 2:49

Beethovensaal, Liederhalle, Stuttgart, Germany
May 24, 1988

 

disc 2

1. Purple Haze 2:27

(Jimi Hendrix)

Soundcheck
Sporthalle, Linz, Austria
May 28, 1988

Purple haze
All in my brain
Well lately things they just doesn't seem the same
Oh I actin' funny
And I doesn't know why
Excuse me
While I kiss this guy

Purple haze
All around
Don't know if I goin' up or down
Am I happy or in misery
Whatever is this doll
Put a spell on me

Hit me
Smash me
Listen here!

Purple haze
All in my eyes
Don't know
If it's day or night
You got me goin'
And you blew my mind
Tomorrow
Or just the end of time

2. Sunshine Of Your Love 2:30

(Peter Brown, Jack Bruce & Eric Clapton)

Soundcheck
Sporthalle, Linz, Austria
May 28, 1988

Isaac Hayes
Gabby Hayes, well . . .
Willie Mays
Helen Hayes
Speakin' of Helen . . .

Well it's gettin' near dark
When the lights be closin' your tired little eyes
I'll soon be with you, my love
And give you that potato-headed surprise

Stay with you darlin'
Soon
I'll stay with you till all o' 'em stars start to fallin'
And fallin'

Ah! I've been waiting so long
(Ayyy! A-ha!)
Oh to be where I'm goin'
(Arriba! Arriba! Ay!)
In the sunshine of your love

You hold down just a second, there
You leather-faced metal freak
And you potato-headed whatchamacallit!
(You talkin' to us now, son?)
Yeah, you bet I'm talkin' to you
I got something to say right here
(Ain't you the man in black?)
(SUCKER!)

Just get yourself ready
It's getting near dark

The light's shinin' through on you . . .
I'll soon be with you, my love
(Whom love?)
It's the morning and just we two
I'll be with you darling soon
I'll be with ya when the sea's all dried up!
(The seas?)
The seas
(You're talkin' dried up?)
I'll seize ya, buddy . . .
Oh! Wait a minute here! You shitkicker!

I said
I been waiting so long
To be where I'm going
(Andale! Andale! Anda!)
In the sunshine of your love!

3. Let's Move To Cleveland 5:51

1st part:
Palasport, Modena, Italy
June 5, 1988
2nd part:
Le Zenith, Montpellier, France
May 18, 1988

 

4. When Irish Eyes Are Smiling 0:46

(Ernest Ball, George Graff & Chancey Olcott)

includes quotations from Aquarela do Brasil (Barroso), Godfather Part II Theme (Rota) and Louie Louie (Richard Berry)

Broome County Arena, Binghamton, NY
March 17, 1988

Happy Saint Pattie's day, now!
Ha ha ha . . .
[...], now

5. "Godfather Part II" Theme 0:30

(Nino Rota)

Broome County Arena, Binghamton, NY
March 17, 1988

 

6. A Few Moments With Brother A. West 4:01

(Brother A. West & FZ)

guest vocalist: Brother A. West

Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA
February 14, 1988

Thank you very much, Mr. Zappa.

Ah, I'm very pleased to be here on behalf of the Administration—the most powerful government in the world. And, uh, Mr. Fitzwater invited me to come here tonight to create some balance, because there has been some things done by Mr. Zappa that I think are unfair to our country.

I think, from the beginning, to say that this is going to be balanced, when he has this lingerie up here, and makin' fun of children's toys, as a beginning, if this is what he has in mind, I think he's wrong.

It's people like Mr. Frank Zappa that kept the Senate from being able to send ARMS to the DEMOCRATIC FREEDOM FIGHTERS IN NICARAGUA! And I, for one, am headin' down there myself, as soon as I finish up here tonight.

And I want the elected official, Mr. Charlie Sanders, the Democrat, to remember that "Democrat" begins with a "D," just like DEMON! And we'll remember you, friend, when it comes votin' time. And Margaret Boyd and Carmen Bellacord, despite his foreign name, did some help to back some things up.

Friends, these forms cost money. And this money could be going towards a more powerful military; this money could be going towards driving out the illegal aliens. And instead, Mr. Zappa wants to have a bunch of young, uninformed 18 to 21-year-olds votin' here, and spendin' your money.

And I just want you to know that tonight, I love him anyway. Because I've got love in my heart, and I'm not afraid of the fact that he's turned this into some kind of zoo up here.

Sunday— That's not fair, Mr. Zappa.

Sunday night used to be a night in which Americans would get together. They'd go to their place of worship, and they would share. And I don't know why, on this night which is supposed to be Valentine's night, there aren't more people that have a heart that have a love affair with America. But instead, they're here on Sunday night, worshipping this man who's demon-possessed!

I ask you, Mr. Frank Zappa, what kind of man can name a child Moon Unit? What kind of man can name a child Weasel? What kind of man can name a child Omen? To me, it defies the logic.

And I'm comin' here tonight because I want to share with him, just the same way we're going to give spirit power to the democratic freedom fighters down there, our brothers that wanna have the freedom to be able to have a man like Pat Robertson, to have a man like Mr. Dole, restore America!

And I'm gonna ask the power and the joy of the power of the living king of kings. And a lot of you here, you smut-minded, musical people say, "King of kings, that must be Elvis."

Now, I'm gonna ask for the power,
I'm gonna ask for the glory.
I'm gonna now, I'm gonna tell you a story.
I'm gonna drive out the demons, friends.
I'm gonna ask you help this badness end.
Come on Frank, let's have a story.
Come on there 'n share the glory.
Do you feel the power? Come on, put out the negativity . . .

7. The Torture Never Stops Part One 5:20

includes quotations from Hall Of The Mountain King (Grieg), Chattanooga Choo Choo (Gordon/Warren), I Love Lucy (Daniel/Adamson), My Three Sons (DeVol), Mission: Impossible (Schifrin) and Addams Family (Mizzy)

Wembley Arena, London, UK
April 19, 1988
&
Carl-Diem-Halle, Würzburg, Germany
April 22, 1988
Except beginning from:
Unknown location

Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair
Prisoners grumble and piss their clothes and scratch their matted hair
A tiny little light from a window hole a hundred yards away
Is all they ever get to know about the regular life in the day;
An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin'
'N weepin' greenish drops
In the room where the giant fire puffer works
'N the torture never stops
The torture never stops
The torture
The torture
The torture never stops.

Slime 'n rot 'n rats 'n snot 'n vomit on the floor
Fifty ugly lookin' soldiers, man, holdin' spears by the iron door
Knives 'n spikes 'n guns 'n the likes of every tool of pain
An' a sinister little midget with a bucket an' a mop
A sinister little midget with a bucket an' a mop
A sinister little midget with a bucket an' a mop
Where the blood goes down the drain;
An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin'
'N weepin' greenish drops
In the room where the giant fire puffer works
'N the torture never stops
The torture never stops
The torture
The torture
The torture never stops.

Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair
An evil prince eats a steamin' pig in a chamber right near there
He eats the snouts 'n the trotters first
The loins 'n groins are soon dispersed
His carvin' style is well rehearsed
He stands and shouts
All men be cursed
All men be . . .
All men be . . .
All men be . . .
All men be cursed

Uh-oh!

And disagree, (yeah, disagree)
Well no-one durst (yeah, no-one dare)
He's the best of course of all the worst
(He's the best of course of all the worst!)
Some wrong a-been a-done . . .

Work out, Bob
(Err . . . )
Wanna buy some cave paintings, Bob?

Some wrong a-been a-done, (some wrong)
He done it first
(Some wrong been done, he done it . . . )

An' he stinks so bad, his bones been chokin'
'N weepin' greenish drops,
In the night of the iron sausage,
Where the torture never stops
The torture never stops
The torture
The torture
The torture never stops.

8. Theme From "Bonanza" 0:28

(Ray Evans & Jay Livingstone)

Wembley Arena, London, UK
April 19, 1988

FZ: And speaking of torture, how about this ugly sonofabitch?

9. Lonesome Cowboy Burt (Swaggart Version) 4:54

includes quotations from Entry Of The Gladiators (Fučík), O Superman (Anderson) and Sharkey's Day (Anderson)

Syria Mosque, Pittsburgh
February 25, 1988

My name is Swaggart
I am an asshole
All my friends,
They call me 'Jim'
(Hi, Jim!)
I'm from Louisiana,
I make lots of money,
But I fucked up
And commited a sin

Come out here to Californy,
Just to find me
Some pretty girls
(No shit!)
The ones I seen
Gets me so horny;
Ruby lips,
'N teeth like pearls!

Wanna love 'em all!
In the name of Jesus!
Wanna pretty girl—
I'll even pay!
I'll buy 'em furs!
I'll buy 'em jewelry!
I'll never fuck them;
Here's what I say:

I'm lonesome Cowboy Jim!
(Speakin' atcha!)
I only give 'em the tips of him!
(Posin' atcha!)
My cowboy pants,
My cowboy dance,
My bold advance,
On this here prostitute . . .
Yodel-oh-oo-pee-hey
Yodel-oh-oo-pee!

(He's lonesome Cowboy Jim
Look at the tip of him!)
Come on in this place,
'N I'll buy you a taste,
You can sit on my face—
Where's my prostitute/waitress?

Swaggart, Swaggart redneck (thank you!)
Swaggart, Swaggart redneck (yessir!)

I'm an awful nice guy! (so you say)
I sweat all day in the sun! (oh yeah, yeah)
I'm a preacher by trade,
Quite a bundle like me,
And I'm a feature ol' mumble-mumble
Son-of-a-gun!
(He's a unionized roofin' old
Son-of-a-gun!)
Fill in the blank!

When I get off, I get,
When I get off, I get,
When . . . I, I, I, I,
And then, Sharkey says:
When I get off (pfft!)
I get sinful
(Just the tip! Only the tip now, come on)
I spoo
Till I goo
On the rug
Then I find me
Some eighteen ninety-five Luiann—, Louisiana style prostitute
And make her do pornographic stunts while I watch
And I have
So much fun
Jay-zus! Jay-zus!
(Pornographic stunts and I have so much fun)
(What?)

I huff
And I puff
(Hratche-plche
Hratche-plche)

And I pump up my sanctified erection
Till my cheeks
Puff up
An' turn red
Along with my neck
(Say, varmint!)
I drool
On my shirt
Takes a little while before I squirt
But I've been doin' it for twenty years and they haven't caught me yet
UH-OH!
Made a mistake this time!
Now I've sinned
Everybody!
(What an asshole!)
Made a mistake and I sinned, uh!
Made a mistake and I sinned, ow!
Made a mistake and I sinned, what?
Made a mistake and I sinned

Lonesome Cowboy Jim!
(Sinnin' atcha!)
Come smell this fringe-y shirt!
(Grinnin' atcha!)
My cowboy pants,
My cowboy dance,
My bold advance,
On this here prostitute . . .
Yodel-oh-oo-pee-yeh
Yodel-oh-oo-pee!

(HE'S LONESOME COWBOY JIM/SCOTT,
BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO
Don't you dare to laugh at him/swat)
(Oh, tune me in now)
Come on in this place,
An' I'll buy you a taste,
'N you can sit on my face—
Where's my prostitute?
OPAL, YOU HOT LITTLE BITCH!

10. The Torture Never Stops Part Two 10:47

includes a quotation from O Superman (Anderson)

Rothman Center, Teaneck, New Jersey
March 20, 1988

Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair
Who are all those people that he's locked away down there
Are they crazy?
Are they sainted?
Are they zeros someone painted?
It's never been explained since at first it was created
But a dungeon just like a sin
Requires naught but lockin' in
Of everything that's ever been
Look at her
Look at him
That's what's the deal we're dealing in
That's what's the deal we're dealing in
That's what's the deal we're dealing in
That's what's the deal we're dealing in

11. More Trouble Every Day (Swaggart Version) 5:28

Mid Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, NY
February 23, 1988

Well I'm about to get sick
From watchin' my TV
Been checkin' out the HO HO HO!
Until my eyeballs fail to see
(Oh, my God, it's Tipper!)
I mean to say that every day
Is just another Voodoo Fudge
(Oh, my God . . . )
And when it's gonna change, my friend
You fill in the blank right here
Well I'm
Watchin' and I'm a-waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
(I know they're fresh!)
(I don't know . . . )
There's no way to delay
Those panties comin' every day
No way to delay
Those panties comin' every day

Wednesday I watched Jimmy Swaggart
Watched him weepin' all over the place
An' I watched him weepin' an' weepin' an' weepin'
And that shit rollin' down his face
(Oh . . . I sinned!)
An' then I watched him weep some more
An' he kept on weepin' again
(Oh, forgive me, Assembly O' God!)
And they smacked him on his little hand
And he went out makin' more money
UH-OH!
I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
(Jay-zus!)
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
(I have seen the path!)
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day

Forgive me!
Oh, Jesus, I just stuck the tip in! Oh my God!

I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin', oh, yeah . . . (oh, no . . . )

12. Penguin In Bondage (Swaggart Version) 5:05

includes quotations from Call To The Post (Trad.) and Jingle Bells (Pierpont)

Mid Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, NY
February 23, 1988

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninnenninahennn
Way over on the wet side
Of the bed

Just like the mighty Penguin
Flappin' her eight ounce wings
(The Swaggart Flap)

Don't you know it's all over
If she come atcha on the strut & wrap 'em all around yer head
Flappin' her eight ounce wings, flappinumm

(Jim!)

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy

Shake up the pale-dry
Ginger ale

Tremblin' like a Penguin
When the battery fail

Lord, you must be havin' her jumpin' through a hoopa real fire
With some Kleenex wrapped around a coat-hang wire

(Fire!)

Little Penguin
A dirty little bird

(What?)

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninneninahenn
Howlin' over to some
Antarcticulated moon

In the frostbite nite
With her flaps gone white
Shriekin' as she spot the hoop across the room
(There it goes again . . . it's that hoop)

You know it must be a Penguin bound down
When you hear that terrible weepin' and there ain't no other
Evangelist around

(Jim!)

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . .
She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . .
Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim
Aw, you must be careful
Not to leave those straps
TOO LOOSE

'Cause she just might turn you in
'Cause she just might turn you in
(Yessir!)
An' leave you sort of a dried-up, wizened little ministry . . .
BOW WOW
RAW!

13. The Eric Dolphy Memorial Barbecue 9:18

includes a quotation from Blue Danube (Strauss)

1st part:
Royal Oak Music Theatre, Detroit, Michigan
February 28, 1988
Body:
Landmark Theater, Syracuse, NY
March 21, 1988
Last part:
Stadthalle, Vienna, Austria
May 8, 1988

"It's hot"
"It's"
"It's
"

"I mean that"
"I . . . I . . . I . . . "
"I . . . "
"I . . . I . . . "

"It's hot"
"It's . . . It's"
"It's hot"

"It's"
"It's"
"I mean that"

"I . . . I . . . I me . . . "
"I mean that"

14. Stairway To Heaven 9:20

(Jimmy Page & Robert Plant)

includes quotations from the Calabrian Tarantella (trad.), Teddy Bears' Picnic (Bratton/Kennedy), Dance Of The Cuckoos (Hatley) and The Untouchables (Riddle)

1st part:
Stadthalle, Vienna, Austria
May 8, 1988
Middle part:
Palasport, Florence, Italy
June 6, 1988
Ending:
Wembley Arena, London, UK
April 18, 1988

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a Stairway to Heaven
When she gets there she knows
If the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for
Ooo-oooh
And she's buying a Stairway to Heaven

There's a sign on the wall
But she wants to be sure
Cause you know sometimes words have
Two meanings
In a tree by the brook
There's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misleading

Oooh makes me wonder
Oh-ooooh makes me wonder

There's a feeling I get
When I look to the west
And my spirit is crying for leaving
In my thoughts I have seen
Rings of smoke through the trees
And the voices of those who stand looking

And oooh makes me wonder
And oh-ooooh makes me wonder

And it's whispered that soon
If we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason
And a new day will dawn
For those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter

Yes it makes me wonder
And owowowow, no

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow
Don't be alarmed now
It's just a spring clean for the May-queen
Yes there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on
On and on

Said ooooh makes me wonder
And oh-oh-oh-ooooh makes me wonder

Your head is humming and it won't go
In case you don't know
The piper's calling you to join him
Dear lady can you hear the wind blow
And did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind
Say!
Say!

Mother, Mary & Yozuf!

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to know
How everything still turns to gold
And if you listen very hard
The news will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll

And she's buying a Stairway to Heaven

FZ: Ike Willis, Mike Keneally, Walt Fowler, Bruce Fowler, Paul Carman, Albert Wing, Kurt McGettrick, Chad Wackerman, Ed Mann, Robert Martin, Scott Thunes. Thanks for coming to the show. Good night, Robert!

 

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted
Site maintained by Román García Albertos
http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/
Lyrics from the original albums
Original transcription for new material by Román except "A Few Moments With Brother A. West" from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage
Corrections and additions by Thayer A. Coburn, Donald Baillie, John W. Busher, Mauro Floddo, Abe Scott, John Seman, David van Gelder, Charles Ulrich and Stu Mark
This page updated: 2017-11-02