Uncle Meat

Uncle Meat

(The Mothers Of Invention, 2LP, Bizarre/Reprise 2MS 2024, April 21, 1969)

disc 1

  1. Uncle Meat: Main Title Theme 1:55
  2. The Voice Of Cheese 0:26
  3. Nine Types Of Industrial Pollution 6:00
  4. Zolar Czakl 0:54
  5. Dog Breath, In The Year Of The Plague 3:59
  6. The Legend Of The Golden Arches 3:27
  7. Louie Louie (At the Royal Albert Hall in London) (Berry) 2:18
  8. The Dog Breath Variations 1:48
  9. Sleeping In A Jar 0:50
  10. Our Bizarre Relationship 1:05
  11. The Uncle Meat Variations 4:46
  12. Electric Aunt Jemima 1:46
  13. Prelude To King Kong 3:38
  14. God Bless America (Live at the Whisky A Go Go) (Berlin) 1:10
  15. A Pound For A Brown On The Bus 1:29
  16. Ian Underwood Whips It Out (Live on stage in Copenhagen) 5:05
  17. Mr. Green Genes 3:14
  18. We Can Shoot You 2:03
  19. "If We'd All Been Living In California . . . " 1:14
  20. The Air 2:57
  21. Project X 4:48
  22. Cruising For Burgers 2:18

disc 2

  1. Uncle Meat Film Excerpt Part I 37:34
  2. Tengo Na Minchia Tanta 3:46
  3. Uncle Meat Film Excerpt Part II 3:51
  4. King Kong Itself (as played by the Mothers in a studio) 0:51
  5. King Kong (its magnificence as interpreted by Dom DeWild) 1:19
  6. King Kong (as Motorhead explains it) 1:45
  7. King Kong (the Gardner Varieties) 6:17
  8. King Kong (as played by 3 deranged Good Humor Trucks) 0:33
  9. King Kong (live on a flat bed diesel in the middle of a race track at a Miami Pop Festival . . . the Underwood ramifications) 7:25

Apostolic Studios, NYC
1967-1968

Produced by Frank Zappa
Engineer: Richard "Dynamite Dick" Kunc

Percussion overdubs at Sunset Sound, LA
1968
Engineered by Jerry Hansen

Package designed by Cal Schenkel

THE MOTHERS at the time of this recording were:
FZ—guitar, low grade vocals, percussion
Ray Collins—swell vocals
Jimmy Carl Black—drums, droll humor, poverty
Roy Estrada—electric bass, chesseburgers, Pachuco falsetto
Don (Dom De Wild) Preston—electric piano, tarot cards, brown rice
Billy (The Oozer) Mundi—drums on some pieces before he quit to join RHINOCEROS
Bunk (Sweetpants) Gardner—piccolo, flute, clarinet, bass clarinet, soprano sax, alto sax, tenor sax, bassoon (all of these electric and/or non-electric depending)
Ian Underwood—electric organ, piano, harpsichord, celeste, flute, clarinet, alto sax, baritone sax, special assistance, copyist, industrial relations & teen appeal
Artie (With the Green Mustache) Tripp—drums, timpani, vibes, marimba, xylophone, wood blocks, bells, small chimes, cheerful outlook & specific enquiries
Euclid James (Motorhead/Motorishi) Sherwood—pop star, frenetic tenor sax stylings, tambourine, choreography, obstinance & equipment setter-upper when he's not hustling local groupies

Special thanks to:
Ruth Komanoff who plays marimba and vibes with Artie on many of the tracks, and
Nelcy Walker the soprano voice with Ray & Roy on Dog Breath & The Uncle Meat Variations

Uncredited:
Pamela Zarubica as Suzy Creamcheese

disc 1

1. Uncle Meat: Main Title Theme 1:55

 

2. The Voice Of Cheese 0:26

Suzy:
Hello, teenage America (heh),
My name is Suzy Creamcheese,
(SNORK)
I'm Suzy Creamcheese because I've never worn fake eyelashes in my whole life
And I never made it on surfing set
And I never made it on beatnik set
And I couldn't cut the groupie set either
And, um . . .
Actually I really fucked up in Europe.
(SNORRRRRK)
Now that I've done it all over and nobody else will accept me
(SNORRRK)
I've come home to my Mothers

3. Nine Types Of Industrial Pollution 6:00

FZ—all instruments?

 

4. Zolar Czakl 0:54

 

5. Dog Breath, In The Year Of The Plague 3:59

includes music from the World's Greatest Sinner soundtrack

Nelcy Walker—soprano voice

AY-YEAH . . . AY-YEAH . . .
AY-YEAH . . . AY-YEAH . . .
La la la la la wee-ooo (Ay!)
La la la la la wee-ooo (Woo-pah!)
Bom-bop-bom bom-bom-pa-paw,.
Bom-bop-bom bom-bom-pa-paw, etc.
La la la la la wee-ooo (Uh-uh-hey!)
La la la la la wee-ooo (Yeah-pah-hey!)
Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit

Please, hear my plea!

Cucuroo carucha (Chevy '39)
Going to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Helps me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
Bongos in the back
My ship of love is
Ready to attack

Primer mi carucha (Chevy '39)
Going to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Helps me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
Bongos in the back
My ship of love
Ready to attack
Won't you please hear my plea

Primer mi carucha (Chevy '39)
Drive me to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Helps me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
Bongos in the back
My ship of love
Ready to attack

6. The Legend Of The Golden Arches 3:27

includes Uncle Meat

Heh heh heh . . . GrrrRRRNNHH . . .

Suzy: The first thing that attracted me to Mothers music was the fact that they played for twenty minutes and everybody was hissing and booing and falling off the dance floor . . . And Elmer was yelling at them to get off stage and turn down their amplifiers

7. Louie Louie (At the Royal Albert Hall in London) 2:18

(Richard Berry)

Royal Albert Hall, London, UK
September 23, 1967

FZ: Ah! I know the perfect thing to accompany this man's trumpet. None other than . . . The Mighty & Majestic Albert Hall Pipe Organ!
Guy In The Audience: Right!
FZ: You understand that you won't be able to hear the organ once we turn the amplifiers up . . . Awright, Don? . . . Whip it on 'em! . . . "Louie Louie"! They like it loud too, you know?

FZ: Let's hear again for the London Philharmonic Orchestra!

8. The Dog Breath Variations 1:48

includes a quotation from Dwarf Nebula Processional March

 

9. Sleeping In A Jar 0:50

It's the middle of the night
And your mommy & your daddy are sleeping
It's the middle of the night
And your mommy & your daddy are sleeping
SLEEPING
MOM & DAD ARE SLEEPING
SLEEPING IN A JAR . . . (the jar is under the bed)

10. Our Bizarre Relationship 1:05

FZ: Bizarre!
Suzy: Bizarre . . . ha ha!
No-one could ever understand our bizarre relationship because I was your intellectual frigid housekeeper.
Especially when you'd be going to bed with one chick at night and I wake up in the morning and find another one there, screaming at me . . . ha ha . . . Asked me what the fuck that chick was doing in your bed and I'd walk in and you weren't with the same one you were in the night before.
Oh, I'll never forget that, as long as I live.
That house, well it had your shit all over . . . and we had a cat and we had fleas and we had lots of crabs that we proceeded to give to everyone in Laurel Canyon except for Elmer and Phil, because they were too sick to ball . . . ha ha . . . Elmer has a mentality of approximately One Peanut. Possibly.
As a matter of fact, I can remember Elmer telling me that you really had a lot of talent, but he didn't see how anyone could ever make it that insisted on saying FUCK on stage.
And he used to drive by in his gold Cadillac and peer in the window . . . ha ha . . . 'Cause he never could get over the amount of groupie status that, that you had and he didn't. Possibly because he's 50 years old and wretched . . .
FZ: HA HA HA!

11. The Uncle Meat Variations 4:46

includes Exercise #4

Nelcy Walker—soprano voice

Ya ya ya ya ya
ahhhahahhhhhhhh
Ya ya ya ya ya
ahhhahahhhhhhhh
Fuzzy dice & bongos
FUZZY DICE
I got 'em
At the Pep Boys . . . at the BOYYYYYYYYS
Fuzzy Dice & bongos
Brodie knob & spinners
Chromium plated
Ha Ha Ha

12. Electric Aunt Jemima 1:46

Ow ow ow ow
Rundee rundee rundee
Dinny wop wop
Ow ow ow ow
Rundee rundee rundee
Dinny wop wop

Electric Aunt Jemima
Goddess of Love
Khaki Maple Buckwheats
Frizzle on the stove
Queen of my heart
Please hear my plea
Electric Aunt Jemima
Cook a bunch for me

Tried to find a reason
Not to quit my job
Beat me till I'm hungry
Found a punk to rob
Love me Aunt Jemima
Love me now & ever more
(Love me Aunt Jemima)

Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty
Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty
Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty
Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit dit . . .

Tried to find a raisin
Brownies in the basin
Monza by the street light
Aunt Jemima all night
Holiday & salad days
And days of mouldy mayonnaise
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima

Mmm, boy, my lips are gettin' heavy
I can't tell when you're telling the truth . . .
I'm not.
How do I know anything you've said to me is . . .
You don't.

13. Prelude To King Kong 3:38

Ayyy! Yee-hah!

Dick Kunc: Here's one with your father's moustache, your old cookie jar, rubbers, sneakers, galoshes, belt buckles, and book covers with the name of your high school neatly imprinted in crimson and gold on the front with a picture of the goal post and last year's queen.

14. God Bless America (Live At The Whisky A Go Go) 1:10

(Irving Berlin)

Whisky à Go-Go, LA
prob. July 23, 1968
Recording engineer: Wally Heider

God Bless America
Land that I love
Stand beside her,
And guide her,
Through the night
With the light from Above
Yeah!

15. A Pound For A Brown On The Bus 1:29

Dick Kunc: Fade!

16. Ian Underwood Whips It Out (Live On Stage In Copenhagen) 5:05

Sax solo from King Kong
Falkoner Theatret, Copenhagen
October 1, 1967

Ian: My name is Ian Underwood and I'm the straight member of the group
(Ha ha ha!)
Suzy: Wowie Zowie!
Ian: One month ago I heard The Mothers of Invention at the theater. I heard them on two occasions, and on the second occasion I went up to Jim Black and I said, "I like your music, and I'd like to come down and play with you." Two days later I came up to the recording session, and Frank Zappa was sitting in the control room. I walked up and said, "How do you do? My name is Ian Underwood and I like your music and I'd like to play with your group." Frank Zappa says, "What can you do that's fantastic?" I said, "I can play alto saxophone and piano." He said, "All right, whip it out."

17. Mr. Green Genes 3:14

Eat your greens
Don't forget your beans & celery
Don't forget to bring
Your fake I.D.
Eat a bunch of these
MAGNIFICENT
With sauerkraut
MMMMMMMMMMM
Sauerkraut
Eat a grape, a fig
A crumpet too . . .
You'll pump 'em right through
Doo-wee-ooo

Eat your shoes
Don't forget the strings
And sox
Even eat the box
You bought 'em in
You can eat the truck
That brought 'em in
Garbage truck
MMMMMMMMMMMMouldy
Garbage truck
Eat the truck & driver
And his gloves
NUTRITIOUSNESS
DELICIOUSNESS
WORTHLESSNESS

18. We Can Shoot You 2:03

Ian: Dee . . . dee BAH dam . . . eeeeh-dam pa-pa-pa-pa-pam . . . tee-pa pa-pa-pa-pa-pam! And just wail out the last one.
Bunk: Mmm, let's start here, then.
Ian: Yeah.
Bunk: Three, four . . .

19. "If We'd All Been Living In California . . . " 1:14

FZ: Ok? Now if you still want to get your name in magazines he wants five hundred dollars a month!
JCB: Where does it come from? We worked one gig this month. And now, so, what do we get, two hundred dollars for this gig up here, if we're lucky. If we're lucky, we'll get two hundred. And it'll be two weeks before we get it. Probably. I mean a— . . . after all, uh . . . what is all this shit in the, uh, in the newspaper? We sh—, if we got such a big name, how come, uh . . . we're. . .
FZ: That shit in the news . . .
JCB: We're starving, man! This fucking band is starving! And we've been starving for three years. I realize it takes a long time, but God damn does it take another five, ten years from now?
FZ: There's some months when you're not gonna work as much as other months. There's some months when you're gonna make a lot of money, and if you average it out, you do make more than two hundred dollars a month.
JCB: Expenses are sure high, too. If we'd all been living in California, it would've been different.
FZ: If we'd all been living in California, we wouldn't work at all!
JCB: Ah that's—true . . . Well, we're not working n-now anyway! We worked one gig this month, Frank! What's wrong with getting two months in a row of this good money? Or three months in a row? Then we can afford to take three or four months off and everybody can . . . After the first month I can get just enough ahead, but if I had two more months, man, I'll get ahead. 'Cause I'm not living very extravagantly, I'll tell you for sure . . .

20. The Air 2:57

The air
Escaping from your mouth
The hair
Escaping from your nose
My heart
Escaping from the scraping
And the shaping
Of the draping . . .
I'm awaking
In a T-shirt
In a Chevy
At the beach
And I'm freezing
And I'm wheezing
And I know
You were only teasing
I hit you
Then I beat you
Then I told you
That I love you
In my car
In a jar
In my car
In a jar

The air
Escaping from your pits
The hair
Escaping from my teeth
My hands
Are gripping
But they're slipping
And they're dripping
'Cause I'm tripping
I got busted
(Wasted)
Coming through customs
(I'm so wasted)
With a suitcase
(Wasted)
Full of tapes
(I'm so wasted)
It was a special
Tape recording
And they grabbed me
While I was boarding
Yes, they grabbed me
Then they beat me
Then they told me
They don't like me
And I crashed
In my Nash
We can crash
In my Nash
We can crash
In my Nash
We can crash
In my Nash
We can crash
In my Nash

21. Project X 4:48

 

22. Cruising For Burgers 2:18

I must be free
My fake I.D.
Freeeeeees me
Gotta do a few things
To make my life complete
I gotta live my life
Out on the street
The difference between us
Is not very far
Cruising for burgers
In daddy's new car
My phony freedom card
Brings to me
Instantly
ECSTASY

disc 2

1. Uncle Meat Film Excerpt Part I 37:34

includes The Uncle Meat Variations and some unidentified Synclavier music

Filmed in Hollywood, California
1970 and 1982

starring:
Phyllis Smith (a.k.a. Phyllis Altenhaus)
Don Preston
Frank Zappa

cast (in order of appearance):
Carl Zappa
Aynsley Dunbar
Ray Collins
Meredith Monk
Massimo Bassoli
Francesca Fisher
Stumuk

playing themselves:
Haskell Wexler
The guy from Alabama
Motorhead Sherwood
Miss Lucy
Janet Neville-Ferguson
Linda Ronstadt
Rodney Bingenheimer

Translation

0:00

FZ: We're shooting the uh, title sequence for Uncle Meat right now, which is the name of the Mothers of Invention movie that we've been working on for about three years . . . without too much success.
Don: Boy, we really need a hit single . . . Just think, I mean, the way the world's going today . . . with all the problems in it . . . I bet I could actually change the world, because it's the young people that really need to be changed, and, and you could really do that through music and everything . . . This was our last hit single . . . it was really a bummer, they wouldn't even play it on the radio . . . Oh, well, gotta come up with something better than that . . .

1:34

Don: Good evening, this is Biff Debris.
Phyllis: You know . . . it's too much, I know.
Don: Coming to you from the motel.
Phyllis: Look at that monster.
Don: Where . . .
FZ: Ha ha ha ha!

Phyllis: What are they laughing about? He looks so beautiful when they laugh . . .
Don: That's what my psychiatrist used to say . . .
Phyllis: Twelve years. It's the same story though with that song, I don't know what I'm doing, but look, look at the way he's changing . . . Oh, I remember that in the shower, the first time with the hamburger. Oh, that was good . . . But, I don't know, twelve years marriage, you get tired of the same thing. But I don't know, I can try it again sometime. Oh, look there's Minnesota! He was a great guy, Minnesota Tishman . . .
Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era
Phyllis: He was a nice guy . . .
Don: Don't you feel it coming?
Don: Silence, fools.
FZ: Silence, fools!

Phyllis: He was, he was okay in this time. He's washed up now. I heard about him though.

2:20

Ray: What is it you're doing, Mr. Tishman?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it
Aynsley: . . . pool?
Phyllis: You know what I used to do? I used to watch him eat, and while he was eating I would ask him what he's doing.
Haskell Wexler: What the hell are we doing in this bathroom?
FZ: I'm going to . . . While you stand there and take pictures of that, I'm gonna tell you the, the plot of the movie. Alright. Basically what we're going to do, today, is spend some time around the house while you meet the people that you're going to be photographing for the rest of the week . . . and we discuss some of the absurdities . . .
Haskell Wexler: Absurd, Frank?
FZ: Yes, we're just dealing with the . . . the absurdities of making the movie in the first place and especially about the Mothers of Invention . . .

3:20

Guy From Alabama: You wanna have a circle-jerk?
Aynsley: The who?
Guy From Alabama: Circle-jerk.
Aynsley: A circle jerk? What's that?
Guy From Alabama: That's where you get everybody around and beat yer meat and see who can get it the fastest.
Aynsley: Yeah?
Guy From Alabama: Yeah, and whoever wins gets nineteen kegs
Aynsley: Nineteen who?
Guy From Alabama: Kegs, you know . . .
Aynsley: Cakes of what?
Meredith: Gee Jimmy, that's cool!
Aynsley: Cakes. Cheers. Yeah, anyway.
FZ: What could that possibly mean . . . hmmm, I wonder what happens if you go like this . . .

3:42

Ray: What is it that you're doing with this?
Carl: I'm using the . . .
FZ: You know what I used to do? I used to watch him eat. And while he was eating, I would talk to him while he was eating, and I would ask him what he's doing. And he would say, "I'm using the chicken to measure it."
Phyllis: Ok . . .
Don: Can I borrow your comb?
Phyllis: You know what I used to do?
Ray: What are you doing with that?
Phyllis: I used to watch him eat.
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Phyllis: You know, you know what I used to do? I used to watch him eat. And while he was eating, I would ask him, "What are you doing?"
FZ: Do it again.
Ray: Why is he using a chicken to measure it?
Phyllis: And he would say, "I'm using the chicken to measure it." What did he mean by that?
Ray: . . . he's using the chicken to measure it
Phyllis: Till this day I don't know what he's talking about . . .
FZ: Do it again.
Phyllis: That Tishman. That Minnesota Tishman . . . What a guy . . .

4:22

Guy From Alabama: Eight inches or less?
Aynsley: Uh . . . eight inches.
Guy From Alabama: Eight inches? Well, I can get you all kind of women, there, man.
Aynsley: You can? Yes, it's cool . . .
Guy From Alabama: Oh, they got some whores there you wouldn't believe!
Meredith: Gee Jimmy, that's cool!
Guy From Alabama: You can just . . . fall right in.
Aynsley: But do they play pool?

4:32

Phyllis: What a guy, what a sense of humour . . . The way he used to . . . let me get back to that.
FZ: Look at the way he hands that chicken . . .
Aynsley: Do you want another ball?
FZ: He had a way with that chicken . . .
Phyllis: He . . . look at the way he handles that chicken, he had a way . . . look at the way he holds it, and fondles it, and he put it right near his privates . . .
Aynsley: But that's cool, still
Guy From Alabama: That's cool, yeah.
Aynsley: That's cool, yeah, I sort of followed the . . .
Guy From Alabama: I'm using the chicken to measure it, though
Aynsley: You were?
Guy From Alabama: Yeah.
Aynsley: Yeah, where's the shit . . . or the white dove?
Guy From Alabama: I'm up to my knees in shit, man.
Aynsley: Really.
Guy From Alabama: There's all kind of shit, now about . . . all smokin' shit . . .

5:00

Massimo: And now, we are going to translate: "This is my left hand." Repeat after me: "Questa e' la mia mano sinistra." And now: "This is my right hand." Repeat after me: "Questa e' la mia mano destra."
Ray: What is it you're doing?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it. Have you ever used a chicken to measure it?
Meredith: Gee Jimmy, that's cool!
Guy From Alabama: I fucked a chicken . . .

5:25

Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era wherein the development of the inner self is the most important thing. We have to train ourselves. So that we can improvise on anything: a bird, a sock, a fuming beaker. This is, this too can be music. Anything can be music.

FZ: Hello? Yeah, are you busy? Well I was wondering—this is Frank—can you come, yeah, can you come over here and be in our uh, teen-age movie? Okay, well, I'll tell you what the action is . . .
Phyllis: He's eating.
FZ: Okay, he's eating, you see . . . Don Preston . . . Well, it depends, mostly it's a hamburger, sometimes, well he doesn't wanna eat the hamburger, 'cause he's a vegetarian . . . Okay now, Phyllis is here . . . Phyllis . . .
Phyllis: Who's Phyllis?
FZ: No, no, no, Phyllis is the girl that's the, my assistant editor on the, on the film . . . Yeah, she used to be Tom Wilson's secretary . . . Okay . . . You remember Tom Wilson—we were gonna run for President?

6:51

Aynsley: You're Tom Wilson?
Carl: Yeah.
Aynsley: Yeah?
Carl: Then she came out here work on the Woodstock festival.
Ray: What are you doing with that chicken?
Carl: And then uh, then . . .
Ray: I was measuring the ball.
Carl: Then Frank hired her to work on the Mothers movie.

7:00

Phyllis: Hi, I'm Phyllis Altenhaus, and I'm working with Frank Zappa on his film Uncle Meat, in Hollywood. I'm a little nervous doing this 'cause it's the first time I'd even been a star in a film. I originally started working for Frank as his assistant editor on the film Uncle Meat, and one day we were sitting around watching the Festival Hall shots, the rushes, and I saw Don come on the screen—Don Preston plays the monster—and I said, "Frank, look at Don! He's turning into a monster! I'm gonna vomit!"
FZ: When she sees him turning into a monster she has to vomit.
Phyllis: Frank said, "That's it, that's the opening of the line, that, that, I mean, that's the opening of the picture." I said, "Frank, I can't be in your picture, first of all, I have such a bad Brooklyn accent, I'm embarrased by the whole thing!" And he said, "Don't worry, you'll do it." So, you know, with Frank, he has a certain way about him, I mean he just gets people to do these things.
Don: He just makes me sick when he changes into a monster.
Phyllis: Why? Why does he make you sick?
Don: Oh, can't you see it how, how . . . ugly it is that, being that monster? Oh, just, I can't stand it, I, I think I'm gonna be sick, I have to vomit.

FZ: She just, she tells me she has to vomit, see. She's trying to make me believe that it makes her sick when he turns into a monster.
Phyllis: There's something about that that gets me so nauseous, I don't know what it is. Look at that, look at that.
FZ: Yeah, but it's not true. Well, you see, it gets her hot.
Phyllis: There's something so sexy about him. When he comes on that stage, I get so hot just looking at him drinking that, that smoke stuff, I don't know what it is. I don't even care if he turns into a monster, I love it . . .
Don: Oh dear!
Phyllis: Look at that, oh him with the cape, but he doesn't, he walks away. It's such a hot move and he, he's so terrific when he goes back to that gong, oh, that's so nice . . . Boy, I hope no one ever finds out I love it so much, that hot monster . . . oh, ooh . . .
Don: You're really good at those dials, baby. You're the most manipulating person I've ever seen.
Phyllis: I don't like to be called manipulating, that's for sure, but I like to think of myself as being hot.
FZ: She gets hot. And then she runs into the toilet, and she stands in front of the mirror and she makes faces to herself so she can turn into a monster. Isn't it cute? That's right, then, when she does that, and she's having a fantasy that she's turning into a monster, the monster comes out of the toilet from behind her.

9:30

Phyllis: Oh . . . a little lower, please.
Don: How do you work all those controls in there? That's really fantastic . . .
Phyllis: Oh, it's nothing.
Don: All of those buttons and switches . . .
Phyllis: It's nothing. Look, look what's going on there! Oh . . . oh, wow, this . . .
Don: I just can't see how a girl could do all that.
Phyllis: Oh, now with the, the Women's Liberation Front we can do anything, you're kidding? Oh . . . oh! It's so good!
Don: This girl obviously has some sort of demented problem in where she, she likes uh, monsters that drink foamy vile liquid and uh transform. It must be some uh, connection in her past, in her childhood of something. Maybe her father didn't demonstrate enough uh, affection for her. It's a . . .
Phyllis: Oh . . . it's been so long . . .
Don: Tell me, did your father demonstrate any affection for you?
Phyllis: I've been watching you on the screen for four weeks . . . Finally, my monster . . . Is it real? Is it really you? Oh that feels, oh, monster, can I have a bite off of your apple?
Don: Mm . . . I think that uh . . .
Phyllis: It's so nice to be here with a monster finally . . .
Don: It must be uh, her mother and father probably told her that she's real ugly and awkward and dumb and everything . . .
Phyllis: It's a good apple, monster.
Don: And so she relates to people that are ugly, dumb and awkward.
Phyllis: Let me take off your hat so I can really see what's happening underneath there. Just what I thought, a monster head.
Don: You'll find this is quite common in uh, today's society
Phyllis: It's like Adam and Eve and the apple . . . Finally, here's my monster . . . after all this time . . .
Don: That's why monster movies are so popular, you know?
Phyllis: I'd waited and waited . . .
Don: D'you know how many a monster movie costs to make?
Phyllis: And there he is, he's right here.
Don: Monster movies really cost a lot of money.
Phyllis: Sitting with me, I can't believe it! Is it really you, monster?
Don: And our young society today goes to all these monster movies and they see them on television night after night.
Phyllis: It's so terrific to be with the monster.
Don: We're raising a new generation of monster lovers.
Phyllis: I've been waiting so long for the monster . . . Maybe this'll be the real thing.

12:20

Don: He's changing into a monster! You should see this! God, I get so hot!
Aynsley: Would you like a quick vibrator? Now you've ruined the whole thing
Carl: Have I? I'll take one down!
Aynsley: Oh, cheers . . .
Carl: I thought you get the walking four balls.
Aynsley: No no . . .
Carl: It's difficult to walk on three.
Don: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Carl: Don?
Don: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Aynsley: Charles.
Phyllis: Aynsley Dunbar, who's playing with Frank now, this real English popstar, very attractive guy, and he's like into a whole groupie thing with whips and things, don't ask me, and Frank got this great idea, actually he gets this great idea for me, to have Aynsley in the Hollywood Ranch Market, which we just did last night, hit him with toilet brushes. It's, it's a little dumb but I went along with it, you know, what else are you gonna do? You're getting paid and uh, you do these things.

13:19

Phyllis: Cleanser . . . cleanser . . . cleanser . . . cleanser . . . cleanser . . .
Aynsley: Hello, there!
Phyllis: Cleanser . . . cleanser . . .
Aynsley: Say, could you do me a favour? Could you beat me with a toilet brush?
Phyllis: Beat you with a toilet brush?
Aynsley: Shhh . . . someone might hear . . . yes, beat me with a toilet brush.
Phyllis: What's your name?
Aynsley: Ah, hello, my name is Aynsley Dunbar and I, I'm very interested in whips and canes, etc. I'm gonna fill, fill you in about uh, my background.
FZ: Are you absolutely serious about this? You really like whips and canes?
Aynsley: Oh yeah, yeah.
FZ: And you like—?
Aynsley: I didn't have too much chance to use 'em here, as yet, because it's, you know the screams and that, would most likely wake the kids up! No, actually I'm moving on though to toilet brushes and things, 'cause I think they'll be coming in this year . . . definitely.
Phyllis: You want me to beat you with the toilet brush?
Aynsley: Yes.
Phyllis: I mean like uh, I'm ready!

14:37

Phyllis: You know, I'll tell you something, I find myself saying, "I'm ready," you know, and like, I slap my face when I'm saying, "I'm ready," because it's like uh, in the house I'm saying, "I'm ready," you know? And . . . there has to be a limit.

Phyllis: That's a whip, I guessed right, you know I saw this handle sticking up here and I like, I, I guessed it right on first, you know? Like I know . . .
FZ: Beat him while you're talking.
Phyllis: You know like . . . I tell you something. I hope it's not getting your kidney or anything like that.
Aynsley: Oh look, keep, keep, just keep it high, just keep it high.
Phyllis: You know what I mean? I got worried about those things, I got . . . you know I'm humane, Aquarius and all this . . .
Aynsley: That's great . . . that's. . .
Phyllis: Venus is arising, you know, I'm humane.
Aynsley: Just keep it high. Oh, love it, yeah, right.
Phyllis: Uhm . . . well, let's see . . .
FZ: Ask him, "Does it get you hot?"
Phyllis: Is it getting you hot?
Aynsley: Oh, maybe it would do if I had another 'bout fifteen people.

15:20

Don: I know what gets you hot. Hamburgers get you hot, 'cause I picked you up in the pool hall!
Phyllis: You don't know what gets me hot, you don't have the faintest idea what gets me hot!
Don: Sure! Hamburgers! Look at this . . .
Phyllis: I can't take it . . .
Don: See that?
Phyllis: I can't take it . . . oh, God, that hamburger!
Don: But you don't know what gets me hot.
Phyllis: I'd bet I know what gets you hot. Sticks, sticks on your body on a table get you hot.
Don: I'm getting hot! . . . When I was drinking the potion . . . and that hat and that cape and everything . . . just incredible . . . I'd . . . wonder what it's like to, to change into a monster . . . it must be really great.
Phyllis: It's just so wonderful. Give me a bite of the apple there . . . Mmm, oh, my monster! Oh, that's so terr— Oh! I love that, when a monster does that, mm . . . Well, I've just been thinking, monster, we can take rides in the country in the Volkswagen . . . and, my monster, you're feeling me up, my monster.
FZ: It does get you hot.
Phyllis: Well . . . it doesn't get me hot.
FZ: I saw you laying on the floor in the corner with him!
Phyllis: I, it wasn't me laying in the corner! That was, that wasn't me!
FZ: Ha ha . . . Who was it?
Phyllis: That was Sheba! It wasn't me!
FZ: Who is Sheba? Ha ha!
Phyllis: Sheba is the one that's in love with Don.

17:09

Don: And why, why do you like monsters?
Phyllis: It's, it's not their looks, it's the intellectual thing that comes across, you know, you could tell that, I, looks aren't important to me, it's something about the intelligence. When you mix that potion, you know when I've seen you mix that potion, I don't know, it's the intellectual way I get hot.
Don: Yeah, but what causes this?
Phyllis: You know what I mean?
Don: I mean, well . . .
Phyllis: It's, it's hotness.

17:39

Phyllis: It used to be very, it was really nice and quiet in this place, that's why I came here, because of the feeling like, like a place to get away from things, and now what's going on, it's like all noise and . . . I don't know, it doesn't . . . wherever you go nowadays it's the same thing, all these guys they're so disgusting, I can't stand it . . .
Don: Look, anybody . . . anybody sitting here?
Phyllis: No! Go right ahead, sit down!
Don: Thanks. Anybody drinking this beer in here?
Phyllis: No, I don't know what the bartender . . . he just left it there, I don't know what's going on . . .
Don: My name is Biff Debris.
Phyllis: Oh, hi! Sheba Flieschman.
Don: How d'you do?
Phyllis: So and uh, your name is Biff Debris.
Don: Yeah.
Phyllis: You know, funny thing, if we got married my name would be Sheba DeBiff.
Don: My name is Biff Debris, not Debris DeBiff.
Phyllis: Debris?
Don: Yeah.
Phyllis: Biff Debris . . . well, I'll tell you something, I once knew someone whose name was Dubois. It, it sort of sounds like Debris, you know what I mean? Like, is that French, or what?
Don: Well, actually I'm part Mohawk and part Norwegian.
Phyllis: Excuse me. Is the hamburger ready yet?
Don: What sign are you?
Phyllis: Uh, I'm Aquarius with Venus rising on my past.
Don: Really?
Phyllis: Yeah. It's really good sign because it's the Aquarian age now, you know? And like, it's all coming together. You know what I mean by coming together?
Don: Yeah.
Phyllis: I think since I came from New York, you know, I'm really . . .
Don: Are you from New York?
Phyllis: Yeah, you can't tell! Huh?
Don: No . . .
Phyllis: I tell you something, so it really means that I'm losing my accent, you know, because the other day I was talking to someone and they couldn't guess either, well, I asked them, I said to them, "Where do you think I'm from?" And you know they said, they said, "New Jersey," you know, so, and New Jersey accent is really completely different, you know? Like, it depends so, if you come from Patterson, it's different from Trenton and Orange County, but you know, I say "Orange" like this, "Orange," 'cause that's in California they say, "Orange," you know?
Don: What's the, what's the matter with uh, Debris?
Phyllis: That's one thing I stayed away from.
Don: Alright, you're free . . .
Phyllis: I think that you can really be high on your own intellectual stratification.
Don: Hamburgers.
Phyllis: Don't say hamburgers, it gets me so hot . . .
Don: But you don't know what gets me hot, you see . . .
Phyllis: I know what gets you hot!
Don: No, no . . .
Phyllis: I saw it in the pool hall
Don: You saw that?
Phyllis: Yeah!
Don: That isn't what does it, you see. It really isn't.
Phyllis: Well, well, what is it? You know, like if it's not that, then what is it?
Don: Well . . .
Phyllis: Well, don't be embarrassed! You can tell me, you know? Like I'm . . .
Don: Showers.
Phyllis: Showers?
Don: Showers.
Phyllis: Well, okay, you know, I can go see that, I can see, I can understand showers.
Don: Not, not nude showers.
Phyllis: What you mean not nude showers?
Don: It's gotta be a special shower, you know.
Phyllis: What kind of shower?
Don: With these special clothes on it.
Phyllis: You mean, you wear clothes when you . . . ?
Don: These clothes! These are the clothes . . .
Phyllis: These are the clothes that you . . . ?
Don: Right here . . .
Phyllis: There are clothes in there for me for the shower?

20:47

Phyllis: Say he devised this plan, this is how this clothes and the shower thing all came by, because I was too embarrassed to stand in the shower. First role, you know, I'm not gonna be standing there naked with the whole thing sticking out, so I figured, "Okay, I'll wear dungarees and a shirt." And, and anyway to tell you the truth I think it's sexier because, you see like just a little outline . . . tiny little bit, you know, like, poinnnng!

Phyllis: I don't understand it, but it's like . . .
Don: I mean . . .
Phyllis: It's your trip, man! You know? Like, it's alright with me, you know? I don't care.
Don: And this children's belt with the little holes in it. Look at those pants!
Phyllis: Ooh, but what has this . . . do with the holes! I mean, you know, like I hope they fit up.
Don: It'll be good . . .
Phyllis: You know, like, okay, I'll try, I don't care, I'll try anything!

21:26

FZ: Hi, Phyllis, why don't you want to take your clothes off with the monster?
Phyllis: Because I'm embarrassed to.
FZ: What's there to be embarrassed about?
Phyllis: Well, I've never done that before, and I don't wanna do it now!
FZ: But why don't you wanna do it?
Phyllis: I'd rather not. There's no reason, I'd just rather not.
FZ: But what's the matter? You got an ugly body?
Phyllis: No, I have a great body. I just don't wanna do it.
FZ: But why don't you wanna do it if you've got a great body? Don't you wanna share it with the world?
Phyllis: No, I don't wanna share it with the world.

Phyllis: So I did it, and it was, I tell you, I was getting hot, see my shirt?

Phyllis: I'm ready! I got the shirt, I got the pants, and I got the belt with that little yellow holes, you know? And I'm hot!
Don: And I got the bun and the hamburger and the relish and the orange and I've got my clothes off and I'm hot!
Phyllis: Oh, come on!
Don: You know how many times we . . . ? I go down to Mr. Pocket three times a week, trying to find somebody that'll wear these clothes in the shower.
Phyllis: How do they look on me?
Don: Oh . . .
Phyllis: You like it?
Don: They're great, you know. I had those clothes in the refrigerator for about two months now.
Phyllis: Where is the hamburger? Just give me a bite, mmh . . . it's so great, you don't meet guys . . .
Don: Oh, it's disgusting . . .
Phyllis: You don't meet guys who get you off with hamburgers, I'm saying I'm really happy that mmmm . . .
Don: Oh, the two of us really make a great couple!
Phyllis: I know, me with my clean clothes and the hamburger and everything like that, well, you know, we can go places.
Don: Yeah.
Phyllis: You want me to wash your hair? While you, just hold the hamburger first, you know, while I wash your hair . . .
Don: Do you want me to wash it to you?
Phyllis: Well, I don't know, I wasn't planning on it, it's alright, you can wash my back . . . mm, so nice the shower . . .
Don: I can't bear it.
Phyllis: Especially, especially, especially if you . . .
Don: Some people are really weird.
Phyllis: Pull it on my back, just a little bit, it won't, it won't hurt, just a little bit over there, this side, it's terrific, with the hamburger.

23:21

Phyllis: Hamburger meat . . . Hhhh . . . Oh . . .
FZ: Wouldn't that be better if you had your clothes off then you can uh, enforce him on your arms?
Phyllis: No, I . . . don't need my clothes off, I can get the gratification that I want just like this.

Phyllis: Oh, doesn't that feel good, oh, it's so great. I'm so glad that I met you today . . .
Don: Mmmm . . .
Phyllis: And this hamburger . . .
Don: Do you mind if I rub some of this in your hair?
Phyllis: Oh I don't mind, let me just take out that little thing here, mmm . . .
Don: Oh, boy . . .
Phyllis: A little bit, wait, it's, but I don't know, do you have cream rinse here? . . . this strip I won't be able to . . .
Don: Cream rinse?
Phyllis: Yeah . . . 'cause I . . .
Don: Eugh!
Phyllis: I won't be, let me see how it feels with the soap.
FZ: Whi-whi-which parts get you the hottest that can be rushed with the hamburger?
Phyllis: Well I think uh . . . what part!
Don: Oh, I love this with hamburgers under the clothes.

24:12

Don: You're getting hot, come on.
Phyllis: Oh, am I hot, over this hamburger! Oh, I think of my uh . . .
Don: For a hundred dollars you're getting hot.
Phyllis: Oh, am I hot! I'm so hot! Hhh . . . I'm so hot from this hamburger, oh . . .
FZ: Get hot!
Phyllis: I'm so hot!
FZ: Under, under . . . Ha ha ha ha!
Don: Undulate.
FZ: Look!
Don: Eww! It's getting better.
Phyllis: Where's the hamburger? Just . . . those . . .
FZ: Hamburgers with soap are good.
Phyllis: Ha-a . . . let me take a little bite, mmm . . . delicious! Let me put it in here so I don't loose it. I don't wanna in case I wanna little piece after, could you do my back?
Don: Oh yeah . . .
Phyllis: Underneath the shirt, don't be bashful, I, oh, I know it makes you hot, like if you keep . . .
Don: Yeah, I like the shirt better. I'll wash the shirt.
Phyllis: Oh, let me take a little bit of the hamburger
FZ: Ha ha!
Phyllis: You know, the last guy that I was with he just had ground chuck, you know what ground chuck tastes like in the shower, man . . .
FZ: Ha ha ha ha!
Don: Oh . . .
Phyllis: This is odd meat, where did you get this?
FZ: Ha ha ha!
Phyllis: Just like the health food stuff, are you a health food person? You know, like . . .
Don: No, I am Uncle Meat!
Phyllis: You are Uncle Meat?

25:24

Phyllis: And because you're the main man with the burgers . . .
FZ: "And the burger's my trip."
Phyllis: And the burger's my trip and is such a groove, I wanna show my appreciation and I wanna clean your bathroom . . . the cleanser . . .
FZ: "I am going to the Hollywood Ranch . . . "
Phyllis: I'm going to the Hollywood Ranch Market and I'm gonna buy the cleanser.
Don: And because you have worn the clothes . . .
Phyllis: Cleanser . . .
Don: That got me hot, the shirt . . .
Phyllis: Cleanser . . .
Don: The pants and the little brown belt, children's belt with the holes in it . . .
Phyllis: Cleanser . . .
Don: I will . . .
Phyllis: Cleanser . . .
Don: Accept your offer to go to the Hollywood Ranch Market . . .
Phyllis: Cleanser . . .
Don: And get the cleanser and clean my bathroom.

26:06

Janet: He's from that group Cleanser. He looks pretty kinky. Too bad we didn't have our garters on.
Janet & Lucy: EEEEEEEUH!
Janet: Oh, what do you expect from work in this joint.
Lucy: Ooh Janet, he has a vibrator! Now, ooh . . . Eeeuhh! Ha ha ha! Ah . . . ah . . . aaaaaaAAAAH! Ooh wha . . . ooh! Hhh . . . aaahhh . . .

26:44

Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era at the motel, where we have been working secretly on a new composition in the back room, in our secret chambers. 'Cause everything is secret. We're trying to get the secret karma change for the whole world, you see, like this whole karma thing, it's really what's causing all the problems, so we have to get a composition and, I'm sure that it's going to be a hit single, because everyone is going out and buying our new hit single, for this group that uh . . .
FZ: "You remember our other single 'The Bun'?"
Don: Yeah, you remember our other single, "The Bun"? See, this, this was our last composition . . .
Aynsley: Plugging it in . . .
Don: And uh, it was pretty hard to play because uh, some of the members of the group couldn't read music, you see? But we got it all straightened out and, some of them quit and everything but . . .
Aynsley?: A few holes in the Brothers . . .
Don: Uh, with our new arrangement we really hope to do big things, you know? Like we hope to change every single person's karma and that in turn will change and upgrade all the ecology problems, all the polution and all the air and everything, you know? And this right here is the composition I was speaking of and uh, this is the guitar part, this is the vocal, this is the bass part, and this little section over here could be for the dancer, but she keeps quitting all the time so we don't really know, uh, if she's gonna be in it if she's not, we'll just take it out like that. Now, it's very difficult to compose this type of thing, because like, the slightest movement that you can make of one single article could define whether it's underground or real commercial, see? If we put the sock over here it's more commercial than if it were over here, then it's real underground, you understand? So we take you now to the motel, where the group is deep in . . . just deep.

28:56

Motorhead: . . . straightest member is the writer, you know what I . . .
Don: Hey, listen you guys, I would like just . . .
Meredith: These guys can work together.
Don: Talk about the arrangement here
Aynsley: How about that new drum solo you just worked out?
Don: I've got a new composition.
Meredith: It's rhythmic, huh?
Motorhead: Now that's beautiful.
Don: Listen . . . Silence, fools! . . . SILENCE, FOOLS! Don't you believe in progress?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
FZ?: Take that progress and stick it under a rock!
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it.
FZ: What are you doing with the chicken?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
FZ: What are you doing with the chicken?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Motorhead: Outta site! That's outta site!
Meredith:That's beautiful!
FZ: What are you doing with the chicken?
Carl: I'm using . . .
Don: That's what we need for our new song.
Meredith: That was a good composition!
Motorhead: We got it!
Aynsley: Can you write one like that then?
Don: I did! Well . . .
Ray?: You would? I mean . . .
Don: At last night, that's . . .
Ray: That's when he starts in with the guitar . . . ?
Don: Now look . . .
Ray: Then he comes in with his guitar solo?
Don: You guys, do you see this over here?
Ray:Why does he have this?
Don: Can you see this over here? This is the new composition that we're going to make a hit single with.
Aynsley: What's it called, "Juncture"?
Don: No . . .
Ray: "Juncture."
Aynsley: What's it called?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
FZ: It's called "We're using the chicken to measure it."
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Don: Right, "We're using the chicken to measure it." Well, I couldn't get a chicken, I, all I got was . . .
Motorhead: That's a weird title. Ray's got a chicken.
Aynsley:Yeah!
Motorhead: You can use Ray's chicken to measure it.
Don: But uh . . .
FZ: No, no, that's part of the concept—you're using the chicken to measure the bitchin'!
Aynsley:It's what I choose.
Don: Oh, I see, yeah, are we using the chicken to measure it?
Motorhead: Or drumming?
Don: I'll show you, this is . . .
Ray: How about a sock?
Motorhead: I thought it was cooler.
Don: This is the guitar part, right here.
Motorhead: Then let me see . . .
Aynsley: Pull her.
Motorhead: It's that what I play? That's my part.
Don: That's your part.
Motorhead: Oh, that A . . .
Don: And this is a new concept.
Motorhead: I can't learn that by tomorrow, man, there's no way.
Don: Tonight.
Motorhead: I can't learn it tonight!
Don: Listen, I got the time booked.
Motorhead: I can't even . . .
Aynsley:Tonight? OW!
Don: At the Hollywodd Ranch Market tonight, man!
Meredith: That's pretty heavy, man.
Aynsley: But tonight?!
Meredith: That's pretty heavy . . .
Motorhead: My strings are flat, my pickups are shot, do Herbie wouldn't give us an advance so I can buy some new strings and an amp?
Don: Listen, I'll take care of everything.

30:52

Don: You see, Countess, the problem is uh, it's very hard to talk about but, the guys need equipment, you know like he needs batteries and uh, and, and uh, needs strings for his guitar, you know? And, and some of the electronic equipment needs boosting and uh, we have a good prog and everything, you know? I just wanted to find out if we could get any awr . . . nng . . . gnn . . . Do you have a pencil and a paper? Uh huh . . . thanks . . .
Francesca: Royalties?
Don: GNG! MMnnnngrgGGL! Sorry, would you mind not using that word? It's a . . .
Francesca: Who cares about royalties?
Don: Grrah!
Francesca: Look, I've seen everybody around, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Arthur Brown, and his fire on his head . . . Oh, man, I've never got so hot as long, I've ever got so hot until I started to, to use the chicken head to measure it with it.

32:25

Guy From Alabama: We must say it in Alabama language, man, I can't understand.
Another "Guy From Alabama": Playing that kind of music and eating meat, you'll never . . .
Aynsley: I say . . . I say . . .
Guy From Alabama: (unintelligible shouting)
Aynsley: I say, old boy, you speak english?
Guy From Alabama: Hey man, you got any peas or beans or anything like that?

32:38

Don: You have to admit this is different.
Motorhead: Oh I hate . . . that's a drum, that's gotta be a drum.
Don: I mean . . . I know what it's like, to me the idea of being commercial is doing something different.
Meredith: Bet that one's a heavy one . . .
Carl:The way they feed . . .
Don: You know? Something people can . . . can . . .
Carl:WAH!
Don: It's not the same old thing.
Aynsley: Hey, but that, that isn't a . . .
Meredith: Have to practise . . .
Aynsley:No!
Carl:WAH!
Don:NO!
Motorhead: Look out!
Ray:Oh . . .
Don:That's it, Ray . . .
Motorhead: Chicken's in the . . .
Don:Now, use the chicken to measure it.
Motorhead: Chicken's in the . . .
Aynsley: Biff, man, how does that fit into the part, though . . . heavy like that . . .
Meredith: And where does that fit into that—my part there?
Don: This is the music.
Meredith: Where? where?
Don: This, the whole thing is the music.
Meredith: Ah, but how does that one fit into all . . .
Aynsley: But there's no head, man.
Meredith: But how does that fit into all that?
Aynsley: Oh yeah, there's . . .
Ray: Are you using a chicken to measure it?
Meredith: What's the concept of this?
Motorhead: There's no way we can play it.
Meredith: What's the concept of this number?
Don: Look, look . . .
Motorhead: Not by tonight, man! It can't be done.
Aynsley: Let me . . . anyway, man, I'm going out tonight, you know, I've got a few chicks to meet.
Motorhead: I'm going to hear the Fudge.
Don: You guys, if you wanna make a hit single and I mean, a hit single.
Aynsley: Yeah, but what I'm saying is, how would you pay me? I just wanna know.
Don: Well, you'll get royalties.
Motorhead: You gotta get some royalties, man!
Aynsley: Royalties?
Don:Listen, you can't . . .
Ray:A monster!
Phyllis: I'm wet . . . hamburger . . .
Meredith: This is turning too confusing, I just can't understand what all this is about, it's so confusing!
Phyllis: My monster!
Don: WARrrGH!
Phyllis: My monster! I'm ready! I got the pants, I got the shirt, I got the belt with the little yellow holes!

33:46

Phyllis: I can't get enough of that stuff, mmm!
FZ: "We're coming to the beginning of a new era, at the motel."
Phyllis: Look at this over there, look . . . mmm mm . . .
Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era at the motel, we have been working secretly . . .
Phyllis: Obviusly still, still the best.
Don: . . . on a new composition in the back room . . .
Phyllis: I love when he always did that . . .
Don: . . . in our secret chambers.
Phyllis: Then changed into . . . I remember that . . .
Don: 'Cause everything is secret.
Phyllis: For twelve years he's still working on the same song, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Don: We're trying to get the secret karma change for the whole world.
Phyllis: Still kinda get that "The Bun" thing. I gotta stop this, it's not good anymore.
Don: You see, like this whole karma thing, it's really what's causing all the problems.
Phyllis: Because after all we've got kids now.
Don: So we have to get a composition.
Phyllis: And we can't, he can't do this anymore, it's another whole life.
Don: And, I'm sure that it's going to be a hit single.
Phyllis: But, I can't help it, I mean he's irresistible. The guy is irresistible.
Don: Because everyone is going out and buying our new hit single, for this group that uh . . .
Phyllis: Look at that face, over there . . .
FZ: "You remember our other single 'The Bun'?"
Don: Yeah, you rem—

Phyllis: Look at that, right that, right there . . . mmm . . .
Don: Our other single, "The Bun"? See, this, this was our last composition . . .
Phyllis: Oh, God! Oh, I remember that too . . . yeah . . .
Don: And uh, it was pretty hard to play because uh . . .
Phyllis: Look at this, when he did that at the fare . . .
Don: Some of the members of the group couldn't read music, you see?
Phyllis: No . . . it's better, I'll tell you something . . .
Don: But we got it all straightened out.
Phyllis: I don't know, I have to think about this, 'cause I gotta tell him. Ah! I'll go back! I can't be bother 'cause my mind it's too, it's too crazy, it's going, it's driving me nuts already, Ihave to think about work, I have to think about him, I have to think about . . .
Stumuk: Maybe I oughta face it, after twelve years "The Bun" just isn't a hit. Maybe I'm approaching it wrong. Look at him, a musician, a natural musician. His mother said he was a serious little boy. Liked to pull down the shades before helping her with the dishes.
Massimo: And that's why it didn't sell. Look at this . . .
Phyllis: Oh, look at that! I remember—let me stop that and see how the foam was coming out of his mouth, and the way the lips, the lips, so beautiful and the hamburger . . .
Massimo: Try to do something like that.
Stumuk: Like that?
Massimo: Maledetto figlio di puttana.
FZ: He's on television set.
Massimo: E non cagarmi il cazzo.
Stumuk: A non cacarmil catzo.
Massimo: 'Cause I have a big bunch of minchia!
Stumuk: A big bunch of minchia!
Phyllis: It's great you're learning Italian, I love . . . That's what I want! More, a little culture, it's enough already with "The Bun"!
Stumuk: I had, I had to change it. It wasn't right.
Massimo: These fucking things didn't work, I don't know why. Maybe, can you see all these little points, white points, on these fucking things? You have to know that . . .
Stumuk: Can you see?
Massimo: . . . all this stuff . . .
Stumuk: Everybody's using the chicken to measure it with nowadays, even my kids!
Massimo: . . . come from my nose, and maybe people didn't like it.
Stumuk: No more the sock . . .
Massimo: And I just don't know why . . .
Stumuk: But "The Bun," the placement of "The Bun." It has seeds. It's different.
Massimo: I just can't imagine why they didn't like these balls that come from my nose, you know? This way, tshh! And I spent a lot of years of my life to do something like that, these fucking things, and it didn't work. What can I say?

Guy From Alabama: Far fucking out! Far fucking out!

Linda: Hee hee hee hee!
Rodney: Ah! I can dig it!

Guy From Alabama: DONG! DONG! I mean dong, that's what your minchia is!
Aynsley: Your which?
Guy From Alabama: A minchia!
Aynsley: You mean your dick?
Guy From Alabama: You put your minchia in the stinky-a.

Massimo: And you know why? 'Cause I have a big bunch of dick! Tengo una minchia tanta! And this part of the lesson, I'm sorry, but you can't learn, 'cause Mother Nature didn't make you Italian.

2. Tengo Na Minchia Tanta 3:46

Basic track:
Stadio Communale La Favorita, Palermo, Italy
July 14, 1982 (soundcheck)
Vocal overdubs:
UMRK
September, 1982

Massimo Bassoli—vocals
FZ—guitar
Tommy Mars—keyboards
Scott Thunes—bass
Chad Wackerman—drums

Translation

Ah, tengo na minchia tanta
Tengo na minchia accussi'
Devi usare un pollo
Devi usare un pollo
Se me la vuoi tastar

Tengo na minchia tanta
Tengo na minchia accussi'
Tengo na minchia tanta
Tengo na minchia accussi'
Devi usare un pollo
Se me la vuoi misurar
Devi usare un pollo
Se me la vuoi tastar

Tengo na minchia tanta
Tengo na minchia accussi'
Tengo na minchia tanta
Tengo na minchia accussi'
Guarda che se la mangia
E mentre se la sta a pappa'
Chiedimi che cosa fa
Se la sta a succhia'

Tengo na minchia tanta
Tengo na minchia accussi'
Tengo na minchia tanta
Tengo na minchia
Devi usare un pollo
Devi usare . . . se la vuoi misurar
Devi usare un pollo
Se me la vuoi tastar

Tengo na minchia tanta
Phyllis: That Tishman . . .
Tengo na minchia accussi'
Tengo na minchia tanta
Phyllis: 'Til this day I don't know what he's talking about!
Tengo na minchia da tastar
Mmmmm
Come on, baby
Come on, baby, suck my fire!
Oh yeah . . .

Guarda che se la mangia
Tengo na minchia accussi'
Guarda che se la mangia
Mentre se la sta a pappa'
Chiedimi che cosa fa
Ma è chiaro! Se la sta a succhia'

Tengo na minchia tanta
Tengo na minchia accussi'
Guarda che se la mangia
Guarda che se la mangia e se la sta a succhia'
Darling
Darling
Darling
Look at your sister
Do something like that, thanks

Devi usare un pollo
Devi usarlo per misurar
Phyllis: Frank!
Aynsley: . . . this is the Mothers of Invention movie!
Phyllis: But . . .

Cosi' me la potrai succhiar
You both suck in stereo
Jesus!

Tengo na minchia tanta
Tengo na minchia accussi'
Tengo na minchia tanta
Tengo na minchia
Tengo na minchia tanta

3. Uncle Meat Film Excerpt Part II 3:51

Translation

0:00

Phyllis: I used to watch him eat, and while he was eating I would talk to him, and while he was eating I would ask him what he was doing, and all he would say was, "I'm using the chicken to measure it." Till this day I still don't know what he was talking about! That Minnesota Tishman, he was some guy, but I still never understood what he meant. The chicken to measure it, I don't know, probably some secret thing.

Phyllis: "I'm getting hot. You're really good at those dials, baby. You're the most manipulating person I've ever seen. What's he eating? Is he turning into a monster? Frank: But you're just making things out of it. Don: Put it in your mouth then your eyes. Frank: You're getting hot, come on! The last that . . . " I don't like this page, it's not so funny . . .
FZ: What's the difference?
Phyllis: I don't like this page, it's not so funny. "Oh, this gets me hot! Oh, this gets me hot! Well get hot, I can't get hot over this! Get hot over the hamburger—I can't get it! You're getting hot, oh, am I hot over this hamburger! Think am I hot, for a hundred dollars you're getting hot, oh, am I hot, I'm so hot, I'm so hot from this hamburger, I'm hot."

1:08

Phyllis: Well, I'll just continue on with my work, I can't be thinking about such things, gets me too confused. I think I need a shower, I'm tired, I'm hot, the room air-conditioning is not working. If you don't pay the bills, how does the air-conditioning gonna work? I'm going.

Massimo: And now, dear friends, we are going to translate. This is my left hand.
Phyllis:This is . . .
Meredith: Violence!
Stumuk: This is my left hand, non?
Meredith: Violence! Ooh, I just, ooh!
Guy From Alabama: You have an orgasm?
Aynsley: No, but it just feels good!
Guy From Alabama: Can I watch?

Don: That's what we need, progress!
Aynsley: Actually I think that's uh, that's cool.
Guy From Alabama: Get the girl here in the red.
Aynsley: Yeah.

Massimo: Repeat after me: Questa è la mia mano destra
Stumuk: Questa e mia mano destra
Don: Progress!
Phyllis: Where's the prostate gland?
Massimo: Look out!
Don: Progress is our most important product.
Massimo: Look out! Guardalo che mangia! E mentre sta mangiando parlami mentre mangi. E chiedimi cosa sta facendo.
Stumuk: Parle mi.
Massimo: Che cosa sta facendo? Sta mangiando. Adesso chiedimi cosa sta facendo. Sta mangiando
Stumuk: Guarda sta fachendo!
Massimo: Ma non lo posso fare.
Stumuk: Sta mangiando!
Massimo: Me ne devo andare.
Stumuk: Mene debo ndare!
Massimo: Devo tornare.
Stumuk: Dere tocnare!
Massimo: Era un senatore a trentasette anni.
Stumuk: Era un senatore de setreste año.

2:26

Guy From Alabama: What type of band do you play in?
Aynsley: I play in a blues band.
Guy From Alabama: Blues band, so do I!
Aynsley: Blues.
Guy From Alabama: Blues!
Aynsley: Blues avant-garde though, you know?
Guy From Alabama: Yeah, I know what you mean.

Massimo: And this is my last single.

Phyllis: Oh, what is he doing? You still carrying on with that song? It's the same thing? I can't, I can't do it anymore. I'm making this louder so I don't have to hear about him. Forget the past!
Don: I'm sure that it's going to be a hit single.
Phyllis: We're coming to the beginning of a new era, wherein the development of the inner self. But you, what do you do? You watch television and you play with "The Bun," driving me crazy. Leave me alone.
Stumuk: But this is twelve years later.
Phyllis: I know.
Stumuk: Have a new "Bun."
Phyllis: I know.
Stumuk: A better "Bun."
Phyllis: What kind of new "Bun"? You . . .
Stumuk: A brown "Bun."
Phyllis: Every year you tell me it's a new "Bun." I'm tired of this. I'm gonna, I'm gonna give it all up. I'm gonna go back to New York. I've had it with you already. Finish! I can't. No, no, no, no. Go! Can you show me?

FZ: I wanna do another take of the same situation from the other side.
Carl: Let me go on the other side.
FZ: And Mr. Tishman, it's, you've gotta find . . .
Phyllis: When I remember this . . .
FZ: Yeah
Carl: Let me just see uh, "Bun."
FZ: Minnesota Tishman.
Phyllis: Right here.
Carl:Uh, give me the, give me . . . first . . .
Phyllis: I remember that guy . . .
FZ: Isn't he handsome?
Phyllis: Yeah.
FZ: He was using the chicken to measure it.
Haskell Wexler: Can I stop now, Frank?
FZ: Sure.
Haskell Wexler: Okay, cut the cam.

4. King Kong Itself (As Played By The Mothers In A Studio) 0:51

 

5. King Kong (Its Magnificence As Interpreted By Dom DeWild) 1:19

 

6. King Kong (As Motorhead Explains It) 1:45

 

7. King Kong (The Gardner Varieties) 6:17

 

8. King Kong (As Played By 3 Deranged Good Humor Trucks) 0:33

 

9. King Kong (Live On A Flat Bed Diesel In The Middle Of A Race Track At A Miami Pop Festival . . . The Underwood Ramifications) 7:25

includes a quotation from Crazy Words—Crazy Tune (Yellen/Ager)

Gulfstream Race Track, Hallandale, FL
May 18, 1968

Vo-do-de-oh-do . . .

 

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted
Site maintained by Román García Albertos.
http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/
Lyrics from the album booklet
with corrections and additions from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage
and Arf: Notes & Comments
Uncle Meat Film Excerpts transcribed by Román with lots of corrections by Barry Davis
Most Italian transcriptions by Francesco Gentile with additions and corrections by Luca Bimbi
Further corrections and additions by Chris Holden, Patrick Neve, Charles Ulrich, Román, Thrust Pigmy, Joefor Sotcaa, djabortion and Hal Charles
This page updated: 2016-12-27