Road Tapes—Tyrone Guthrie Theater, Minneapolis, MN—5 July 1970

Road Tapes, Venue #3

(Frank Zappa, 2CD, Vaulternative Records/Zappa Records/UME VR 2016-1, May 27, 2016)

disc 1

  1. Tyrone Start The Tape . . . 1:59
  2. King Kong 3:27
  3. Wonderful Wino (Zappa/Simmons) 4:47
  4. Concentration Moon 2:34
  5. Mom & Dad 3:25
  6. The Air 3:46
  7. Dog Breath 2:01
  8. Mother People 2:06
  9. You Didn't Try To Call Me 4:10
  10. Agon—Interlude (Stravinsky) 0:36
  11. Call Any Vegetable 7:59
  12. King Kong/Igor's Boogie 20:25
  13. It Can't Happen Here 3:05
  14. Sharleena 4:59
  15. The 23rd "Mondellos" 3:13
  16. Justine (Harris/Terry) 1:46

disc 2

  1. Pound For A Brown 5:07
  2. Sleeping In A Jar 3:37
  3. Sharleena 5:49
  4. "A Piece Of Contemporary Music" 7:03
  5. The Return Of The Hunchback Duke 10:00
  6. Cruising For Burgers 3:44
  7. Let's Make The Water Turn Black 1:42
  8. Harry, You're A Beast 1:29
  9. Oh No/Orange County Lumber Truck 11:01
  10. Call Any Vegetable 11:29
  11. Mondello's Revenge 1:46
  12. The Clap (Chunga's Revenge) 13:01

Tyrone Guthrie Theater, Minneapolis, MN
July 5, 1970

Original recording engineer: Bruce Margolis

Produced for release by Ahmet Zappa & Joe Travers
Vaultmeisterment & audio transfers by Joe Travers
Mastered by John Polito, 2016
Layout by Keith Lawler
Photography by Diva Zappa
Original art by Joseph Carter

The Mothers Of Invention:
FZ—guitar, vocals
Howard Kaylan—vocals
Mark Volman—vocals, tambourine
Ian Underwood—alto sax, electric piano, organ
George Duke—electric piano, organ, vocal drum imitations
Jeff Simmons—bass, vocals
Aynsley Dunbar—drums

 

disc 1

1. Tyrone Start The Tape . . . 1:59

FZ: Bop bop . . . bop bop bop . . . bop bop . . .

: Gross, eh?

Jeff: Is it on?

FZ: All right. Will the man in the control— control booth please start the tape. We're gonna record this tonight. See what happens. If anything good turns up, it might wind up on a record someplace. (You boys, get ready. [...])

: Yes sir.

FZ: Our program will begin with excerpts from "King Kong," the story of a large gorilla.

2. King Kong 3:27

 

3. Wonderful Wino 4:47

(Zappa/Simmons)

includes a quotation from Bringing In The Sheaves (Shaw/Minor)

Bringing in the sheaves
Bringing in the sheaves
We shall come rejoicing
Bringing in the sheaves

L.A. in the summer of '69
I went downtown and bought some wine
Wasted my head on three quarts of juice
Now the grapes won't turn me loose
I'm a wino man
Don't you know I am?

36, 24, hips about 30
(36, 24, hips about 30)
Seen a fine lady and I started talkin' dirty
(I've seen a fine lady and I started talkin' dirty)
She looked at me and raised the thumb
(Thumb, yeah)
Said: "Jam down the road, you funky-ass bum"
I'm a wino man
Don't you know I am?

I, I went to the country
And while I was gone
A roller-headed lady
Caught me weedling on her lawn
I am so ashamed, but I'm a wino man
And I can't help myself
HELP ME SOMEBODY!

I'm a wino man
Don't you know I am?

My saxophone playing
And my wino career are in a slump
'Cause I find myself now living
In a cardboard refrigerator box down by the Houston dump
And I'm so ashamed . . .
WHOOAAAH!

You know, drinkin' all night till my eyes are all red
Crashed in the gutter, got bugs in my head
Bugs in my coat, scratchin' like a dog
Can't stand water, and I stink like a hog
Give me fi-i-i-i-i-ive bucks
And a hot meal
(Fi-i-i-i-i-ive bucks and a hot meal)
Give me fi-i-i-i-i-ive bucks
And a hot meal
(Fi-i-i-i-i-ive bucks and a hot meal)
Fi-i-i-ive . . .

4. Concentration Moon 2:34

Concentration Moon
Over the camp in the valley
Concentration Moon
Wish I was back in the alley
With all of my friends,
Still running free:
Hair growing out
Every hole in me
AMERICAN WAY
How did it start?
Thousands of creeps
Killed in the park
AMERICAN WAY
Try and explain
Scab of a nation
Driven insane
Don't cry
Gotta go bye bye
SUDDENLY: DIE DIE
COP KILL A CREEP! pow pow pow

Concentration Moon
Over the camp in the valley
Concentration Moon
Wish I was back in the alley
With all of my friends,
Still running free:
Hair growing out
Every hole in me
AMERICAN WAY
Threatened by US
Drag a few creeps
Away in a bus
AMERICAN WAY
Prisoner: lock
SMASH EVERY CREEP
IN THE FACE WITH A ROCK

Don't cry
Gotta go bye bye
SUDENLY: DIE DIE
COP KILL A CREEP! pow pow pow

5. Mom & Dad 3:25

Mama! Mama!
Someone said they made some noise
The cops have shot some girls & boys
You'll sit home & drink all night
They looked too weird . . . it served them right

Mama! Mama!
Someone said they made some noise
The cops have shot some girls & boys
You'll sit home & drink all night
They looked too weird . . . it served them right

Ever take a minute just to show a real emotion
In between the moisture cream & velvet facial lotion?
Ever tell your kids you're glad that they can think?
Ever say you loved 'em? Ever let 'em watch you drink?
Ever wonder why your daughter looked so sad?
It's such a drag to have to love
A plastic Mom & Dad

Mama! Mama!
Your child was killed in the park today
Shot by the cops as she quietly lay
By the side of the creeps she knew . . .
They killed her too.

6. The Air 3:46

The air
Escaping from your mouth
The hair
Escaping from your nose
My heart
Escaping from the scraping
And the shaping
Of the draping . . .
I'm awaking
In a T-shirt
In a Chevy
At the beach
And I'm freezing
And I'm wheezing
And I know
You were only teasing
I hit you
Then I beat you
Then I told you
That I love you
In my car
In a jar
(Homunculus!)
In my car
In a jar

The air
Escaping from your pits
The hair
Escaping from my teeth
My hands
Are gripping
But they're slipping
And they're dripping
'Cause I'm tripping
I got busted
Coming through customs
With a suitcase
Full of tapes
It was a special
Tape recording
And they grabbed me
While I was boarding
They grabbed me
Then they beat me
Then they told me
They don't like me
And I crashed
In my Nash
We can crash
In my Nash
We can crash
In my Nash
Good God!

Won't you please
Hear my plea
Yeah!

7. Dog Breath 2:01

Primer mi carucha (Chevy '39)
Going to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Help me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
Bongos in the back
My ship of love
Is ready to attack

Buy me a carucha (Chevy '39)
Going to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Help me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
Bongos in the back
My ship of love
Is ready to attack
Won't you please hear my plea
Won't you please hear my plea
Won't you please hear my plea

8. Mother People 2:06

We are the other people
We are the other people
We are the other people
You're the other people too
Found a way to get to you . . .

Do you think that I'm crazy?
Out of my mind?
Do you think that I creep in the night
And sleep in a phone booth?

Lemme take a minute & tell you my plan
Lemme take a minute & tell who I am
If it doesn't show,
Think you better know
I'm another person

Do you think that my pants are too tight?
Do you think that I'm creepy?
Better look around before you say you don't care
Shut your fuckin' mouth about the length of my hair
How would you survive
If you were alive
Shitty little person?

We are the other people
We are the other people
We are the other people
You're the other people too
Found a way to get to you

We are the other people
We are the other people
We are the other people
You're the other people too
Found a way to get to you

Do you think that I love you . . .
Stupid & blind?
Do you think that I dream through the night
Of holding you near me?

9. You Didn't Try To Call Me 4:10

You didn't try to call me
Why didn't you try?
I'm so lonely (I'm so lonely)
No matter who I take home
I keep calling your name
And you, I need you so bad
You're the one, babe

Tell me, tell me who's lovin' you now
'Cause it worries my mind and I can't sleep at all
I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call
And you didn't try, you didn't try, you didn't try
You didn't try to call me

Why didn't you try?
I'm so lonely (I'm so lonely)
No matter who I take home
I keep calling your name
And you, I need you so bad
You're the one, babe

Tell me, tell me who's lovin' you now
'Cause it worries my mind and I can't sleep at all
I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call
(Good God! Feet on fire!)

I can't say what's wrong or what's right
All you've gotta do is call me, babe

You make me feel so excited
I got so hung up on you
From the moment that we met
That no matter how I try
I can't keep the tears
From running down my face
I'm all alone in my place

You didn't try to call me
You didn't try to call me
You didn't try to call me
You didn't try to call me
Yeah, you didn't try to call me, baby
You didn't try to call me . . .

10. Agon—Interlude 0:36

(Stravinsky)

 

11. Call Any Vegetable 7:59

includes quotations from The Planets Suite (Holst), God Bless America (Berlin), America The Beautiful (Ward/Bates) and L'histoire du soldat (The Soldier's Tale) (Stravinsky)

Call any vegetable
Call it by name
You gotta call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
Yeah-eh-hey, the vegetable will respond to you
La-la-ah la-la, the vegetable will respond to you
La-la-ah la-la . . . Look out!

Call any vegetable
Pick up your phone
Think of a vegetable
Lonely at home
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
Yeah-eh-hey, the vegetable will respond to you
La-la-ah la-la, the vegetable will respond to you
La-la-ah la-la . . .

A rutabaga, ladies and gentlemen!

Ruta-bay-ayga, Ruta-bay-ayga,
Ruta-bay-ayga, Ruta-bay-ayga,
Ruta-bayyyyy . . .

Ah, I can't stand it!

No one will know
If you don't want to let 'em know
No one will know
'Less it's you that might tell 'em so

Call and they'll come to you
Smiling and covered with dew
Vegetables dream,
Vegetables dream,
Vegetables dream,
Of responding to you

Standing there shiny and proud by your side
Holding your joint while the neighbors decide
Why is a vegetable something to hide?
To hide!
To hide!
To hide!

Shoop shoop, shoop shoop
Shoop shoop, shoop shoop . . .

You know, a lot of people don't bother about their friends in the vegetable kingdom. They think, "What can I say? What can a person like myself say to a vegetable?" And the answer is simple, my friends. Just call, and tell 'em how you feel . . .
About MUFFINS!
(YEAHH!)
PUMPKINS!
(YEAHH!)
WAX PAPER!
(YEAHH!)
CALEDONIAS, MAHOGANIES, ELBOWS and . . .
(YEAH!)
GREEN THINGS IN GENERAL . . .
And soon: A NEW RAPPORT! You and all your new little green & yellow buddies grooving together! Maintaining your coolness together! Worshipping together in the church of your choice, only in America . . .

God bless America
Land that I . . .

Call any vegetable
Call it by name
(Good God!)
You gotta call one today
When you get off the train

Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
Oh, that the vegetable will RESPOND to you

What a pumpkin

12. King Kong/Igor's Boogie 20:25

includes Igor's Boogie

Everybody sing!

Primordial!

FZ: No. Go "yeah yeah yeah" and "wo wo wo."

Jeff: [...] my hambone [...].

13. It Can't Happen Here 3:05

It can't happen here
It can't happen here
I'm telling you, my dear
That it can't happen here
Because I been checkin' it out, baby
I checked it out a couple a times

Oh darling, it's important that you believe me
(Bop bop bop bop)
That it can't happen here

Who could imagine that they would freak out somewhere
in Kansas . . .
(Kansas . . . Kansas . . . Kansas . . . Kansas . . . )
(Kansas . . . )
Who could imagine that they would freak out somewhere in Minnesota . . .
(Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi
Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi . . . )
(Minnesota . . . Minnesota . . . )

FZ: I suppose that's all you needed to hear of that one. All right, I'll tell ya, we've got this song here that we recorded—silence, fool—that we recorded in London a couple of weeks ago and we thought it was a reasonably commercial song—but of course it's doomed if we put our name on it and put the thing out on the market. It's a, you know, it's a boy-girl situation song, it's a simplistic love song . . .

: Acne love.

FZ: A sealed tuna sandwich of a song . . .

: [...] here in Minnesota.

FZ: All right, now, the name of this song is "I'm Crying For Sharleena," and uh, it'll probably be released under the pseudonym of The Bognor Regis.

: It's a ladies' choice.

Jeff: The Amboy Dukes brother.

Howard: You are the Bottom Line!

Mark: Ladies and gentlemen, the turkey of our group, Jeff Simmons.

[...]

FZ: One!

[...]

FZ: Edgar Winter.

: Edgar Winter, ladies and gentlemen.

Jeff: Ladies and gentlemen, Edgar Winter.

Mark: Frank's had fun, uh, Jeff's had fun, we've all had fun.

Howard: I've had fun!

Jeff: And you too, on the end of the stage.

FZ: You have to be really in tune when you play these commercial songs.

Howard: Stay off my back, Frank. Heh heh . . .

14. Sharleena 4:59

I'm cryin'
I'm cryin'
Cryin' for Sharleena,
Don't you know?
I called up all my baby's friends
'N ask'n um
Where she done went
But nobody 'round here seems to know
Where my Sharleena's been
Where my Sharleena's been

I'm cryin'
I'm cryin'
Cryin' for Sharleena,
Can't you see?
I called up all my baby's friends
'N ask'n um
Where she done went
But nobody 'round here seems to know
Where my Sharleena's been
Where my Sharleena's been

Ten long years I been lov'n her
Ten long years
And I thought deep down in my heart
She was mine
Ten long years I been lov'n her
Ten long years
I would call her my baby, and now,
I'm always cryin'
(I'm cryin', yes . . .)

I would be so delighted
I would be so delighted
If they would just
Send her on home to me

I would be so delighted
I would be so delighted
If they would just
Send her on home to me

Oh, send my baby home . . .
Send my baby home to me
Oh, send my baby home to me

Why doesn't somebody somewhere
Why don't you send her home, why don't you send my baby home
(Send my baby home to . . . )
Why can't you send her home to . . .
Me!

FZ: Thank you very much.

15. The 23rd "Mondellos" 3:13

FZ: . . . so we can capture this moment. We've been, uh, we've been recording our shows here in the Tyrone Power Theater . . . to put them in the time capsule.

: Ian!

: So mystical!

: One, two, three. [...]

: Could you fix this microphone . . . One, two. Sounds very bassy.

FZ: Listen. We've been on the road for 23 days. This is the last show of this particular tour and uh, as some of you might know from past legends that were spread around about the activities of our ensemble, strange things tend to happen and all the tensions of the road get released live on stage . . . LEWD! . . . Yes, this is the show, ladies and gentlemen.

Howard: This microphone sucks.

Mark: Hey man, is very bassy.

Howard: Up, up. Oh, Ian, you're so roaring twenties!

FZ: I'd like to introduce the members of the . . . SILENCE! I'd like to introduce the members of the uh, ensemble to you at the time. Here we have Larry Mondello . . . Larry Mondello . . . Larry Mondello . . . Larry Mondello . . . Larry Mondello . . . and Larry Mondello! And I'm your host, Larry Mondello.

: Yeah!

: [...] the Beaver!

: You [...] the Beaver! What is this?

FZ: Alright.

[...]

: It's Larry.

16. Justine 1:46

(Harris/Terry)

Wow! Justine!

Well, Justine (Justine)
Justine (Justine)
You know you just don't treat me right
Justine (Justine)
Justine (Justine)
You know you just don't treat me right
You like to go out in the morning
Stay out late at night

Goin' to the barber shop, gonna have 'em do me up
Gonna get clean for my little buttercup
Justine (Justine)
Justine (Justine)
Justine (Justine)
Justine (Justine)
She's my little baby and you know she drives me wild
She's my mama's, papa's, brother's, brother's, uncle's crazy child
Ow!

Wow!

Well, Justine (Justine)
Justine (Justine)
You know you just don't treat me right
Justine (Justine)
Justine (Justine)
You know you just don't treat me right
You like to go out in the morning
Stay out late at night

Well, goin' to the barber shop, gonna have 'em do me up
Gonna get clean for my little buttercup
Justine (Justine)
Justine (Justine . . . )
Justine
Justine
Well, she's my little baby and you know she drives me wild
She's a mama's, papa's, brother's, uncle's, sister's crazy child
Wow!

FZ: Thank you.

disc 2

1. Pound For A Brown 5:07

FZ: Thank you.

2. Sleeping In A Jar 3:37

[...]

: [...]
FZ: Silence, fool.
: [...]

FZ: I told to [...] on the last one of those things. Let's do it again.

FZ: [...] do it again.

FZ: One . . .

3. Sharleena 5:49

I'm cryin'
I'm cryin'
Cryin' for Sharleena,
Don't you know?
I called up all my baby's friends
'N ask'n um
Where she done went
But nobody 'round here seems to know
Where my Sharleena's been
Where my Sharleena's been

I'm cryin'
I'm cryin'
Cryin' for Sharleena,
Can't you see?
I called up all my baby's friends
'N ask'n um
Where she done went
But nobody 'round here seems to know
Where my Sharleena's been
Where my Sharleena's been

Ten long years I been lov'n her
Ten long years
And I thought deep down in my heart
She was mine
Ten long years I been lov'n her
Ten long years
I would call her my baby, and now,
I'm always cryin'
(I'm cryin', yes . . .)

I would be so delighted
I would be so delighted
If they would just
Send her on home to me

I would be so delighted
I would be so delighted
If they would just
Send her on home to me

Hey, send my baby home . . .
Oh, to me
Hey hey hey . . .

I can't understand it! I can't understand it!
Why doesn't somebody send her home . . .
Why don't you send her home, please . . . send her home . . .
(Send my baby home to . . . )
Why don't you send her home to . . .
Me! Me-eeeeh!

FZ: Thank you . . . Oh, get out the saxophones.
: The saxophones . . .

4. "A Piece Of Contemporary Music" 7:03

includes Caravan (Ellington/Tizol)

FZ: Now, boys and girls . . . Yes, of course. [...]. Alright. We were rehearsing downstairs in the—they have a little dungeon down there where they keep the uh, the help and, uh, some of our rehearsal might have accidently leaked up through the air conditioning system during the prelude to our program. What we were doing was experimenting around with combinations of woodwind instruments, you know, because we wanted to give a world premiere of a piece of contemporary music here tonight but the only fitting . . .

Howard: Albert Ayler, ladies and gentlemen!

FZ: Oh . . . this is gonna be so wretched . . . Now, some of these fellows know how to play the instruments and some of them don't. Guess who's who. Ha ha ha . . . They'll pass among you and you can vote on them.

: "Caravan"!

: Aynsley Dunbar, ladies and gentlemen!

Howard: Now let's get him out here.
FZ: [...] Dick Barber, ladies and gentlemen!
: Go on, Dick.

FZ: The name of this song is "The Return Of The Hunchback Duke."
: [...]
FZ: "The Return Of The Hunchback Duke" is a combination of various things from old records. There's some stuff from Burnt Weeny Sandwich, mostly from side two, "Little House I Used To Live In," and it ends with "Cruising For Burgers" from the Uncle Meat record. Oh, you already know how it goes, we won't even play it.
Howard: Sing along, won't you.
FZ: Ready?
: Yeah.
FZ: One, two, three, one, two . . .

5. The Return Of The Hunchback Duke 10:00

includes The Mud Shark and Holiday In Berlin

: Aynsley Dunbar!

Hoopla!
Oink! Oink!
La la la la . . .
Hoopla!

Went on the road
For a month touring
What a drag
You gotta go
Even if you'd rather be at home
Flaked out In Hollywood
Drove to Inglewood and then we dumped
All our shit into the plane across the sea

Look at all the Germans
Watch them follow orders
See them think they're doing
Something groovy in the streets
Sieg Heil!

See the student leader
He's a rebel prophet
He's fucked up
He's still a Nazi like his mom & dad

Played for a night in Berlin
That afternoon we set up our shit and rehearsed
Half a dozen phony student leaders in the hall
Came to see if I could find a way to help them all

"What is your desire?"
"Help us start a fire
In the Allied Center
Round the corner down the street"

And then we began to play
A bunch of punks arose from the crowd
Student rebels, their flags of red
Began to chant
Ho Chi Minh
Ho Ho Ho Chi Minh
Threw tomatoes
And the next thing we knew we were under siege

6. Cruising For Burgers 3:44

I must be free
My fake I.D.
Freeeeeees me
Gotta do a few things
To make my life complete
(Sure!)
I gotta live my life
(Where?)
Out on the street
The difference between us
Is not very far
Cruising for burgers
In daddy's new car
My phony freedom card
Brings to me
Instantly
ECSTASY
ECSTASY
ECS-TA-SYYYYY

FZ: Incorporated in this monstrosity you will find . . .
Howard: Oh, let it be a surprise, Frank!
FZ: Okay.
Jeff: Hey, turn my mike up!
Mark: Turn his mike off.
Jeff: Turn my mike off!
FZ: Larry Mondello's mike, up!
Jeff: Larry Mondello, M-O-N-D . . .
Howard: You are jive, Mondello. Fuck your mike.
Hey, Beav . . .
Hey, Ian . . .
: Right on, brother.
FZ: Here we go. "Orange County."
: Get out!

7. Let's Make The Water Turn Black 1:42

Now believe me when I tell you that my story's really true
I want everyone to listen and believe
It's about some little people from a long time ago
And all the things the neighbors didn't know
Early in the morning Daddy Dinky goes to work
Selling lamps & chairs to San Ber'dino squares
And I still remember Mama with her apron & her [...]
Feeding all the boys at Ed's Cafe!

Whizzing & pasting & pooting through the day . . .
(Ronnie helping Kenny helping burn his poots away!)
And all the while on a shelf in the shed:
KENNY'S LITTLE CREATURES ON DISPLAY!

Kenny saves his numie on a window in his room
(A marvel to be seen: dysentery green)
While [...] have a game out in the back:
LET'S MAKE THE WATER TURN BLACK

We see them after school in a world of their own
(To some it might seem creepy what they do . . . )
The neighbors on the right sat & watched them every night
(I'll bet you'd do the same if they were you)

Whizzing & pasting & pooting through the day . . .
(Ronnie helping Kenny helping burn his poots away!)
And all the while on a shelf in the shed:
KENNY'S LITTLE CREATURES ON DISPLAY!

Ronnie's in the Army now & Kenny's taking pills
Oh! How they yearn to see a bomber burn!
Colors flashing, thunder crashing, dynamite machine!
(Wait till the fire turns green . . . wait till the fire turns green)
WAIT TILL THE FIRE TURNS . . .

8. Harry, You're A Beast 1:29

I'm gonna tell you the way it is
And I'm not gonna be kind or easy
Your whole attitude stinks, I say
And the life you lead is completely empty

You paint your head
Your mind is dead
You don't even know what I just said

THAT'S YOU: AMERICAN WOMANHOOD!

You're phony on top
You're phony underneath
You lay in bed & grit your teeth

MARY, I WANT YOUR BODY!
JOSEPH, GET BACK!
MARY, IT'S NOT MERELY PHYSICAL!
JOSEPH, YOU'RE A BEAST!

Don't come in me, in me
Don't come in me, in me
Don't come in me, in me
Don't come in me, in me

Don't come in me, in me
Don't come in me, in me
Don't come in me, in me
Don't come in me, in me

9. Oh No/Orange County Lumber Truck 11:01

includes Orange County Lumber Truck and Linda Lu (Sharpe)

Oh no
I don't believe it
You say that you think you know
The meaning of love
Do you really think it can be told?
You say love is all we need
I think
You should check it again
How can you say
What you believe
Will be the key to a
World of love?

Oh no
I don't believe it
You say that you think you know
The meaning of love
Do you really think it can be told?
You say love is all we need
You say
With your love you can change
All of the fools
All of the hate
I think you're probably
Out to lunch

All your love
Will it save me?
All your love
Will it save the world
From what we can't understand?
Oh no
I don't believe it

Good God!

. . . baby Patty
But her real name, her real name, her real name is Linda Lu
They call my baby Patty
But her real name, her real name, her real name is Linda Lu
She's so fine and so pretty
Who knows what my baby's gonna do
My Linda Lu

Don't come in me, in me
Don't come in me, in me
Don't come in me, in me
Don't come in me, in me

Aynsley Dunbar!

FZ: Thank you. Thank you. Okay. The name of this song is "Call Any Vegetable."

: Yeah, but you're a fruit too, man!
FZ: You just tell 'em, Larry.

Audience member: Right on.
FZ: Let it all hang out, Larry.
: Okay, Beaver.

10. Call Any Vegetable 11:29

includes quotations from The Planets Suite (Holst), God Bless America (Berlin), America The Beautiful (Ward/Bates) and L'histoire du soldat (The Soldier's Tale) (Stravinsky)

Call any vegetable
Call it by name
You gotta call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
Yeah-eh-hey, the vegetable will respond to you
La-la-ah la-la, the vegetable will respond to you
La-la-ah la-la . . .
Good God!

Call any vegetable
Pick up your phone
Think of a vegetable
Lonely at home
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
Yeah-eh-hey, the vegetable will respond to you
La-la-ah la-la, the vegetable will respond to you
La-la-ah la-la . . .

A rutabaga!

Ruta-bay-ayga, Ruta-bay-ayga,
Ruta-bay-ayga, Ruta-bay-ayga,
Ruta-bayyyyy . . .

No one will know
If you don't want to let 'em know
No one will know
'Less it's you that might tell 'em so

Call and they'll come to you
Smiling and covered with dew
Vegetables dream,
Vegetables dream,
Vegetables dream,
Of responding to you

Standing there shiny and proud by your side
Holding your joint while the neighbors decide
Why is a vegetable something to hide?
To hide!
To hide!
To hide!

Shoop shoop, shoop shoop
Shoop shoop, shoop shoop . . .

FZ: You know, a lot of people don't bother about their friends in the vegetable kingdom. They think, "What can I say? What can a person like myself say to a vegetable?"
: What?
FZ: [...] Larry Mondello, Bert Parks, Dwight Frye . . .
Howard: Eddie White.
FZ: George Zucco, Shoo shoo . . .
Howard: Thom McAn.
FZ: Paul McCartney!
Jeff: Hubert Humphrey.
: Edgar Winter!
FZ: But the answer is simple, my friends. Just call, and tell 'em how you feel . . .
About MUFFINS!
(YEAHH!)
PUMPKINS!
(YEAHH!)
WAX PAPER!
(YEAHH!)
CALEDONIAS, MAHOGANIES, and ELBOWS and . . .
(YEAH!)
GREEN THINGS IN GENERAL . . .
And soon: A NEW RAPPORT! You and your new little green & yellow buddies grooving together! Maintaining your coolness together! Worshipping together in the church of your choice . . .

God bless America
Land that I . . .
(America! America!
God shed His grace on . . . )

Call any vegetable
Call it by name
You gotta call one today
When you get off the train

Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
Oh, that the vegetable will RESPOND to you

What a pumpkin

11. Mondello's Revenge 1:46

FZ: I'd like to—for real—introduce the people in the combo before we play another tune for you . . . Larry Mondello . . . No, this . . . See, I'll tell you what the Larry Mondello is all about—There is a show that's on television—Leave It To Beaver, you know that show? Well, anyway, this is Mark Volman and Howard Kaylan, formerly of The Turtles. For their lives since that show came out there always being mistaken for Larry Mondello. Even here tonight people just really believed that these were the guys. Okay, so, Mark, Howie, Ian Underwood on keyboards, Aynsley Dunbar on drums, George Duke on electric piano and organ, and Jeff Simmons STS 1057 on bass.

Mark: And of course little Frankie Zappa. Fingers Zappa, we call him. Take it away, Fingers.

FZ: The name of this song is "The Clap" . . . Have to get into sort of a primordial tuning for this . . . We'd like to dedicate this song to The Red Throbber . . . which . . .

Howard: You've all got one.

FZ: Here we go . . .

12. The Clap (Chunga's Revenge) 13:01

FZ: One, two, three, four . . .

FZ: Good night.
: Thank you.

FZ: All of the Larry Mondellos thank you very much for coming down here tonight. Good night.

 

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted
Site maintained by Román García Albertos
http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/
Original transcription for new material by Román with corrections by Charles Ulrich
This page updated: 2017-02-14