Roxy & Elsewhere

FZ: Thank you. Brian, I could use a little bit more monitor. Hello, hello. Can't you turn it up any more than that? Hello, hello. Hey!

Alright. Pardon me, folks. The name of this song is "Penguin In Bondage," and it's a song that, uh, deals with the possible variations on a basic theme which is—well, you understand what the basic theme is—and then the variations include, uh, manoeuvres that might be executed with the aid of, uh, extraterrestrial gratification and devices which might or might not be supplied in a local department store, or perhaps a drugstore, but at very least in one of those fancy new shops that they advertise in the back pages of the Free Press.

This song suggests to the suggestible listener that the ordinary procedure, uh, that I'm circumlocuting at this present time in order to get this text on television, is that, uh, if you wanna do something other than what you thought you were gonna do when you first took your clothes off, and you just happened to have some devices around . . . then it's— it's not only okay to get into the paraphernalia of it all, but . . . hey!

What do you say? Ready?

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninnenninahennn
Way over on the wet side
Of the bed
(Knirps for moisture)

Just like the mighty Penguin
Flappin' her eight ounce wings
(The Penguin Flap)

Lord, you know it's all over
If she come atcha on the strut & wrap 'em all around yer head
Flappin' her eight ounce wings, flappinumm

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy

Shake up the pale-dry
Ginger ale

Tremblin' like a Penguin
When the battery fail

Lord, you must be havin' her jumpin' through a hoopa real fire
With some Kleenex wrapped around a coat-hang wire

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninneninahenn
Howlin' over to some
Antarcticulated moon

In the frostbite nite
With her flaps gone white
Shriekin' as she spot the hoop across the room
(Everytime she sees the hoop)

You know it must be a Penguin bound down
If you hear that terrible screamin' and there ain't no other
Birds around

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninneninahennnn
Aw, you must be careful
Not to leave her straps
TOO LOOSE

'Cause she just might box yer dog
'Cause she just might box yer doggie
An' leave you a dried-up dog biscuit . . .

Green hocker croakin'
In the Pygmy Twylyte

Crankin' an' a-coke'n
In the Winchell's do-nut Midnite

Out of his deep on a 'fore day run
Hurtin' for sleep in the Quaalude Moonlight

Green hocker in a Greyhound locker
Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte

Joined the bus on the 33rd seat
By the doo-doo room with the reek replete

Crystal eye, crystal eye
Got a crystal kidney & he's fraid to die
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite

Napoleon:
Sunrise
Get up in the mornin'
You know, I think it's mornin'
Sun is shinin' bright
I'm gonna get outside
I'm gonna wash my face
'N grab my hat
Put it on my head
I take a walk downtown
Yeah-hey . . .
Because I feel so-oh good
I think I'm gonna take a walk downtown
Hey! Sunlight!

Whoa!
Somethin' I never seen before
Been a-walkin' down the street every day
Nobody like you ever passed my way
Maybe there must be too much sun
Couldn't be my hat, must be too much . . .
Wait a minute!
What's that you . . . ?
What's that?
What . . . ?
What's that?
What . . . ?
What's that?
What . . . ?

Jeff:
Dummy Up

Napoleon:
What is that?
I know what that is, I know what that is . . .
I bet you that's a restaurant menu . . .
Let me see!
Let me see!

Jeff: Not only do you get the Desenex burger . . . not only the Desenex burger, but you are in for a real treat, Jim.
Napoleon: Wait a minute, I think I like that dance better than this— What are you talkin' about, creep?
Jeff: What I'm talkin' about is you've been in this killer fog down here too long.
Napoleon: What?
Jeff: You need somethin' to get up and go to school with.
Napoleon: Wait a minute, you're not talkin' to no fool now, you know, I wasn't born yesterday!
FZ: Heh heh heh!
Napoleon: Wait a minute. I think I'll take . . . I like that little dance you were doin' down there.
FZ: Jeff Simmons tries to corrupt Napoleon Murphy Brock by showing him a lewd dance and suggesting that he'd smoke a high-school diploma.
Napoleon: Hey! What you— What you— ? Wait a minute!
Jeff: Hey this, this stuff . . .
Napoleon: I've never seen one of these before, that's not a menu!
Jeff: This stuff is expensive.
Napoleon: What is that?
Jeff: You shoot it, you'll conserve all winter.
Napoleon: I do what?
Jeff: It last longer.
FZ: Not only do you get the Desenex burger . . .
Napoleon: No, no . . .
Jeff: Now come on, try it.
Napoleon: No, no, no.
Jeff: It's really good.
Napoleon: No. Smoke THAT?!
Jeff: Have I ever lied to you? Have I ever seen you before?
Napoleon: I don't, I don't even know you!
Jeff: Look . . .
Napoleon: I don't even know what that is!
Jeff: Just bef—
Napoleon: And you're tellin' me to smoke it?!
Jeff: Just before, we smoked the tapes that you made.
Napoleon: Smoked the tapes?
Jeff: Smoked the tapes of your group.
Napoleon: I think I'd rather dance.
Jeff: You can really get off! Let's try a joint of this.
Napoleon: A WHAT?!
Jeff: A joint!
Napoleon: You mean this kinda joint?
Jeff: No, man! Where you been in livin'? Reseda?
Napoleon: No, San Jose.
FZ: The evil dope pusher is cutting up a white gym sock, formerly owned by Carl Zappa and still damp. The shredded sock will be placed inside of a high-school diploma, and ignited with a sulphur preparation.
Napoleon: Wait a minute!
FZ: His first taste of big city life.
Napoleon: That's okay, wait a minute . . . wait . . .
?: DUMMY UP.
Jeff: Hey! The roach of this is really gonna be good, so I'll save it.

FZ: Have mercy!
George: Awright . . . awright . . .

Napoleon:
What d'you do with that thing?
What do you do with that thing that you have?
Wait a minute
Wait a minute
Wait a minute
What do you do
With that thing?
I wanna know

Napoleon: Wait a minute.
FZ: Now the next step of this operation . . .
Napoleon: Wait a minute!
FZ: The evil corrupter of youth is going to take him from Step One, which is a mere high-school diploma stuffed with a gym sock, to Step Two, which is a college degree stuffed with absolutely nothing at all. Smoke that and it'll really get you out there!

Napoleon:
I still don't feel as good as I felt this mornin', yeah yeah . . .

FZ: You'll grow out of it.

?: DUMMY UP!

Napoleon:
I heard it again, somebody said . . .

Jeff: You see this?

Napoleon:What d'you mean?

Jeff: College!

FZ: College!

Jeff:
That's college rhythm.

Napoleon:
You mean if I smoke that
It's the same as if
As if I was at college?
Roll it on up!
Roll it on up!
Roll it on up!
Gimme a . . .

FZ: No no, the college degree is stuffed with absolutely nothing at all, you get— you get nothing with your college degree.

Napoleon:
Oh . . . But that's what I want

FZ: I forgot, I'm sorry.

Napoleon:
Well,
You get nothin',
But that's what I want

FZ: A true Zen saying: Nothing is what I want.

FZ: The results of a higher education!

FZ: Thank you . . . thank you very much . . .

Alright. Does anybody here know where Palmdale is? You do? Good. Yeah, have you ever heard of a place called Sun Village? You— Some, some of you know where Sun Village is, okay, it's out in back of Palmadle, alright.

At one time that used to be a big place for raising turkeys. And, uh, I went to high school in Lancaster. which is not far from, uh, from, uh, Palm— Oh! Is it very good for other things out there now? Good.

Audience member: Can't hear your vocals.

FZ: Ken, turn me up so they can hear what I'm saying.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a song about this place where I used to live where they used to raise turkeys.

(Ready?)

Goin' back home
To the Village of the Sun
Out in back of Palmdale
Where the turkey farmers run, I done
Made up my mind
And I know I'm gonna go to Sun
Village, good God I hope the
Wind don't blow

It take the paint off your car
And wreck your windshield too,
I don't know how the people stand it,
But I guess they do
Cause they're all still there,
Even Johnny Franklin too
In the Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun, son
(Sun Village to you-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo, well!)

Little Mary, and Teddy, and Thelma too, now
Where Palmdale Boulevard, wo!
Cuts on through
Past the Village Inn, well, & Barbecue now, yeah
(I heard it ain't there . . .
Well I hope it ain't true)
Where the stumblers gonna go
To watch the lights turn blue?
Where the stumblers gonna go
To watch the lights turn blue-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-wahhh?

Goin' back home
To the Village of the Sun
Out in back of Palmdale
Where the turkey farmers run, I done
Made up my mind
And I know I'm gonna go to Sun
Village, good God I hope the
Wind don't blow

It take the paint off your car
And wreck your windshield too,
I don't know how the people stand it,
But I guess they do
Cause they're all still there,
Even Johnny Franklin too
In the Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun, son
(Sun Village to you-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo, well!)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Village . . .

FZ:
Ladies and gentlemen,
Watch Ruth!
All through this film
Ruth has been thinking,
"What can I possibly do
That will amaze everyone?"
I think she's come up with the answer,
Just keep your eye on her . . .

FZ: Thank you!

Audience Member: What's it called?

FZ: "Cheepnis."

Let me tell you something, do you like monster movies? Anybody? I love monster movies. I simply adore monster movies, and the cheaper they are, the better they are. And cheapness in the case of a monster movie has nothing to do with the budget of the film—although it helps. But true cheapness is exemplified by visible nylon strings attached to the jaw of a giant spider.

I'll tell you, a good one that I saw one time—I think the name of the film was It Conquered The World, and the— Did you ever see that one? The monster looks sort of like an inverted ice-cream cone with teeth around the bottom. It's like a (phew!), like a teepee or . . . sort of a rounded off pup tent affair. And, uh, it's got fangs on the base of it—I don't know why but it's a very threatening sight. And then he's got a frown and, you know, ugly mouth and everything, and there's this one scene where the, uh, monster is coming out of a cave, see? There's always a scene where they come out of a cave, at least once. And the rest of the cast— It must have been made around the 1950s—the lapels are about like that wide, the ties are about that wide and they're about this short. And they always have a little revolver that they're gonna shoot the monster with, and there is always a girl who falls down and twists her ankle.

Heh-hey! Of course there is! You know how they are—the weaker sex and everything, twisting their ankle on behalf of the little ice-cream cone. Well, in this particular scene—in this scene, folks, they, uh, they didn't wanna re-take it 'cause it must have been so good they wanted to keep it, but they— When the monster came out of the cave, just over on the left hand side of the screen you can see about this much two-by-four attached to the bottom of the thing as the guy is pushing it out, and then, obviously off-camera, somebody's goin', "No! Get it back!" And they drag it back just a little bit as the guy is goin', "Kch! Kch!"

Now that's cheapness. Awright?

And this is "Cheepnis" here. One, two, three, four . . .

I ate a hot dog
It tasted real good
Then I watched a movie
From Hollywood

I ate a hot dog
It tasted real good
(Yum-yum yummy-yummy-yum
Yum-yum yummy-yummy-yum)
Then I watched a movie
From Hollywood
(Dum-dum dummy-dummy-dum
Dum-dum dummy-dummy-dum)

Little Miss Muffet on a squat by me, yeah
Took a turn around, I said: Can y'all see now?
The little strings on the Giant Spider?
The Zipper From The Black Lagoon?
The vents by the tanks where the bubbles go up?
(And the flaps on the side of the moon)

The jelly & paint on the 40 watt bulb
They use when the slime droozle off
The rumples & the wrinkles in the cardboard rock, yeah
And the canvas of the cave is too soft

The suits & the hats & the tie's too wide
And too short for the scientist man
The chemistry lady with the roll-away mind, yeah
While the monster just ate Japan

Ladies and gentlemen,
The monster,
Which the peasants in this area call FRUNOBULAX
(Apparently a very large poodle dog)
Has just been seen approaching The Power Plant
Bullets can't stop it
Rockets can't stop it
We may have to use NUCLEAR FORCE!

HERE COMES THAT POODLE DOG!
BIG AS A BLIMP WITH A RHINESTONE COLLAR
SNAPPIN' OFF THE TREES
LIKE THEY WAS BONSAI'D ORNAMENTS ON A DRY-WOBBLE LANDSCAPE
KEEP IT AWAY! DON'T LET THE POODLE BITE ME!
WE CAN'T LET IT REPRODUCE! OH!
SOMEBODY GET OUT THE PANTS!

The National Guard has formed up at the base of the mountain
And is attempting to lure the enormous poodle towards the cave
Where they hope to destroy it with napalm
A thousand of the troopers are now lined up and are calling to the monster . . .
Here Fido
Here Fido
Here Fido

GOT A GREAT BIG SLIMEY THING
GOT A GREAT BIG HEAVY THING
GOT A GREAT BIG POODLE THING
GOT A GREAT BIG HAIRY THING

GOT A GREAT BIG SLIMEY THING
GOT A GREAT BIG HEAVY THING
GOT A GREAT BIG POODLE THING
GOT A GREAT BIG HAIRY THING

C'mon! Everybody! Hurry! Let's go!
Somebody get the distilled water! Get the canned goods!
Get the toilet paper! You know we need it!

GO TO DA SHELTER
MY BABY, MY BABY,
GO TO DA SHELTER
GO TO DA SHELTER

GO TO DA SHELTER
MY BABY, MY BABY,
GO TO DA SHELTER
GO TO DA SHELTER

Little Miss Muffet on a squat by me,
Can ya see the little strings danglin' down?
Makes the legs go wobble an' the mouth flop shut, yeah
An' the HORRIBLE EYE,
An' that HORRIBLE EYE,
An' that HORRIBLE EYE
Go rollin' around

Can y'see it at all
Can y'see it from here
Can y'laugh till yer weak on yer knees
If you can't, I'm sorry 'cause that's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
(Cheeper the better)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
(Cheeper the better)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
(Cheeper the better)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
(Cheeper the better)
(Cheeper the better)
(Cheeper the better)
(Cheeper the better)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis . . .

And in your dreams
You can see yourself
As a prophet
Saving the world
The words from your lips
(I AM NOT A CROOK)
I just can't believe you are such
A fool

I just can't believe
You are such a fool
I just can't believe
You are such a fool
I just can't believe
You are such a fool
I just can't believe
You are such a fool

Well I'm about to get sick
From watchin' my TV
Been checkin' out the news
(Talk about it!)
Till my eyeballs fail to see
I mean to say that every day
Is just another rotten mess
(Sure 'nuff!)
And when it's gonna change, my friend
Is anybody's guess
(Well!) (Woa!)

So I'm watchin' and I'm a-waitin'
I'm hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day

Wednesday I watched the riot
I seen the cops out on the street
I watched 'em throwin' rocks and stuff
And chokin' in the heat
I listened to reports
'Bout the whisky passin' around
I seen the smoke and fire
And the market burnin' down
I watched while everybody
On his street would take a turn
To stomp and smash and bash and crash
And slash and bust and burn

I'm a-watchin' and I'm a-waitin'
But I'm hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin' oh, yeah, yeah . . .
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day

Watchin' and I'm a-waitin'
I'm hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin', oh, yeah . . .
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every . . .

FZ: Some of you may know that the tango—which is not a very popular dance anymore—was at one time reputed to be a dance of unbridled passion. Back in the old days when it wasn't so easy to get your rocks off, when it was hard to make contact with a member of the opposite camp, and you had to resort to things like dancing close together and going, hey . . .

Those were the days. Well, those days are probably gone forever—I don't know, unless Nixon is going to bring them back a little bit later—but we have this very special highly evolved permutated tango. It's actually a perverted tango. By the time— Heh heh. Yes, it's so perverted! This is the "Be-Bop Tango," a special entertainment event that includes choreography a little bit later, so watch out, folks.

You can turn on the big lights, we may need 'em. You know, the ones in the audience. Heh heh heh. Okay, you ready? Not too fast now 'cause I wanna get the right notes on the tape, and this, this has to be the one. This has to be the one with all the right notes in it. Okay, ready? And this is a hard one to play.

One, two, three, four . . .

The cowbell as a symbol of unbridled passion, ladies and gentlemen.

Now, as you might have noticed, Bruce Fowler has just completed some sort of trombone solo, based on the uh, idea of an evolved tango-event. Bruce has also prepared for you a demonstration of a dance that he hopes will sweep the ocean, right after the Mud Shark did. Bruce is now warming up the important muscles of the body, in preparation— in preparation for the Real Live Be-Bop Tango, which we're gonna demonstrate. Napoleon will assist him.

Napoleon: Wait a minute now . . .

FZ: Napoleon, just put your horn down, just relax, put your head back, here comes the drill. Okay, hah hah hah, you know what I'm talkin' about? Okay.

This is sort of like jazz in its own peculiar way.

Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny.

Okay, let's go!

George: Yeah, man. Jazz, man, you know what I mean?

This is Be-Bop,
Even though you think it doesn't sound like that

(Be-Bop . . . ! That's no Be-Bop!)

FZ: Now, as you might have noticed, some of you with a musical education can tell that the notes that George just sang when he went, "This is Be-Bop, even though you think it doesn't sound like that," it's actually a sort of a twisted form of the theme of the tango itself which will get de— even more depraved as the number goes on. George will now attempt to dismember that melody, play it and sing it at the same time while—

Hey, that's the way—while we sort of dance to it, okay? Try it, George . . .

George: . . . Oh, yeah! . . . As I was saying.

FZ: Now, what we'd like to do at this point is get some volunteers from the audience to— I know you will, oh God, you will. We need some— Heh heh heh—Now, as a matter of fact you did, didn't you? No, we wanna have some people who've never tried it before, who've never even thought of trying it before. A boy, a girl, preferably who like each other, who would like to come up here and attempt to dance to what George sings.

Do we have anybody who's . . . ?

FZ: You're one. Okay, what's your name?
Carl: Carl.
FZ: Your name is Carl? Please, Carl, step on to the stage. Pleased to meet you, Carl. Alright. Okay? Let's see, uh . . . is there anybody in the, in the back? Well . . . oh-oh, hey! What's your name?
Rick: Rick.
FZ: Rick, and?
Jane: Jane.
FZ: Jane? Rick and Jane and Carl! Alright, here's how it works: There's a beat going on like this; an' that's a pedestrian beat. You don't dance to that beat, you dance to what George sings, okay?

The little ones, okay? The little quick ones, okay? Ready? George, make them dance!

No, no, Rick, you're too reserved. Ready? Give it to 'em, George!

No, no . . .

No, no, come on now, loosen up! Listen, encourage them! When it, when . . . Ah! Okay! Alright, one more time: dance!

Let's study this phenomenon.

FZ: Now look, Rick and Jane and Carl, you, you're wonderful but you're just too reserved.
Lana: I still can, Frank!
FZ: I know you will, maybe in a minute. Okay, I'll t— tell you what, go back to your seats and we'll bring up the next batch, okay? Carl, Rick and Jane! Alright, you wanna try?
Lana: I'll do anything you say, Frank.
FZ: Oh, my God! Awright, your name is Lana, right? Lana, dance!

Now that's more like it.

Lana, you're so good we have to bring up some other people to assist you. Brenda, imported from Edwards Air Force Base, where she— Ladies and gentlemen, Brenda, Brenda is a professional harlot, and she just got finished stripping for a bunch of guys at Edwards Air Force Base, and she made it down here in time for the show. Two hours of taking it off for the boys in the corps, really good. Okay. Heh. Brenda, Brenda has a lovely assistant named Carl, or Robert James Davis if you prefer. Herb Cohen, ladies and gentlemen! Okay, dance!

You're still too adagio, I keep telling you!

Turn on the bubble machine!

God, is that a cheap bubble-machine!

Ladies and gentlemen, Dunt's ex-wife!

Ladies and gentlemen, you're probably sitting in your chairs, saying to yourselves, "I could do that!" And of course you can! And now is your big chance. All you have to do—first step is easy, all you gotta do is stand up. Go ahead, just stand up. There you go, you are standing up. Yes, some of you are not standing up, but you won't have as much fun as the ones who are standing up. Okay, turn on the big lights so everybody can see what's going on. Yes, very many of you are standing up. Okay, link your mind with the mind of George Duke!

And when— That's it! When he plays those funny fast little notes, twitch around and have a good time with the "Be-Bop Tango," let's try it!

Napoleon:
Anything you wanna do
Is alright
Wanna do
Anything you wanna do
Is alright
Yes, there, guys, you know you came to the right place
Tonight
Give me some of that wine now!

FZ: As you might have guessed, ladies and gentlemen, this is the end of our concert. We'd like to thank you ver— would like to thank you very much for coming, hope you had a good time!

Bruce Fowler on trombone,
Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals,
Ruth Underwood on percussion,
Ralph Humphrey on drums,
Chester Thompson on drums,
Tom Fowler on bass,
And George Duke on the keyboards.
Thank you very much!

George & Napoleon:
Alright (Alright)
Alright (Alright)
Alright (Alright)
Alright (Alright)
Alright (Alright)
Alright (Alright)