One Size Fits All

One Size Fits All

(Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention, LP, DiscReet DS 2216, June 25, 1975)

  1. Inca Roads 8:45
  2. Can't Afford No Shoes 2:38
  3. Sofa No. 1 2:39
  4. Po-Jama People 7:39
  5. Florentine Pogen 5:27
  6. Evelyn, A Modified Dog 1:04
  7. San Ber'dino 5:57
  8. Andy 6:04
  9. Sofa No. 2 2:42

Produced by Frank Zappa

The Record Plant, LA; Caribou, Nederland, Colorado; Paramount Studios, LA
December, 1974-April, 1975

Engineers: Kerry McNab, Gary O, Jukka, Michael Braunstein

Cal Schenkel Design & Fresco
Lynn Lascaro Sofa Upholstery

THOSE WHO PLAY THIS:
Frank Zappa—all guitars, lead vocals on Po-Jama People, Evelyn and Sofa No. 2, bg vocals on other tunes
George Duke—all keyboards & synthesizers, lead vocals on Inca Roads, Andy and Sofa No. 2, bg vocals on other tunes
Napoleon Murphy Brock—flute and tenor sax, lead vocals on Florentine Pogen and Andy, bg vocals on other tunes
Chester Thompson—drums; gorilla victim
Tom Fowler—bass (when left hand is not broken)
Ruth Underwood—vibes, marimba, other percussion
James "Bird Legs" Youmans—bass (on Can't Afford No Shoes)
Johnny "Guitar" Watson—flambe vocals on the out-choruses of San Ber'dino and Andy
Bloodshot Rollin' Red—harmonica when present

 

1. Inca Roads 8:45

includes a quotation from Approximate

Basic track:
KCET, LA
August 27, 1974
Guitar solo:
Kulttuuritalo, Helsinki, Finland
September 22-23, 1974

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have
A motor
Or was it
Something
Different

George: Sure was different. I ain't never seen nothing like that in my entire life!
Napoleon: Whose python boot is that? That ain't my sh— What?
FZ: Why don't you sharpen it then?

George: Little round ball . . . I could . . . couldn't . . . That white cain't do nothin'
Napoleon: Je-he-zus! Wait a minute!
FZ: Mother Mary and Jozuf!

Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself
Park it
Se-e-e-elf
(PARK IT . . . PARK IT)

Or did someone
Build a place
To leave a space
For such a thing to land

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle come
From somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up the hill

Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was she round
And did she have a motor
Or was she something different

Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen

At the Armadillo in Austin Texas, her aura,
Or did someone build a place
Or leave a space for Chester's Thing to land
(Chester's Thing . . . on Ruth)
Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up her hill
On Ruth
On Ruth
That's Ruth

2. Can't Afford No Shoes 2:38

Caribou Studios, Nederland, Colorado
December, 1974
The Record Plant, LA
January 9, 1975

Heh-heh-heh . . .
Have you heard the news?
(News? What news?)
Can't afford no shoes
(Ow! Get a deal on tape)
Have you heard the news?
(News? Can't afford a paper)
Can't afford no shoes
(Hi-yo-hi)

Went to buy some cheap detergent
Some emergent nation got my load
Got my load
Got my toad
That I stowed

Well, well,
Hey lawdy mama,
Can't afford no shoes
Maybe there's a bundle of rags that I could use
Hey anybody,
Can you spare a dime
If you're really hurtin', a nickel would be fine
Hey everybody
Nothin' we can buy
Chump Hare Rama, ain't no good to try
Recession
Depression

Wah-ooh-wah-ooh WAH-WAH
Wah-ooh-wah-ooh WAH-WAH

Well, well,
Hey lawdy mama,
Can't afford no shoes
Maybe there's a bundle of rags that I could use
Hey anybody,
Can you spare a dime
If you're really hurtin', a nickel would be fine
Hey everybody
Nothin' we can buy
Chump Hare Rama, ain't no good to try
Recession
Depression

3. Sofa No. 1 2:39

 

4. Po-Jama People 7:39

Some people's hot
Some people's cold
Some people's not very
Swift to behold
Some people do it
Some see right through it
Some wear pyjamas
If only they knew it

The pyjama people are boring me to pieces
Feel like I am wasting my time
They all got flannel up 'n down 'em
A little trap-door back aroun' 'em
An' some cozy little footies on their mind

Po-jama people!
Po-jama people, people!
They sure do make you sleepy
With the things they might say
Po-jama people!
Po-jama people, people!
Mother Mary 'n Jozuf, I wish they'd all go away!

Po-jama people!
It's a po-jama people special . . .
Take one home with you, save a dollar today
Po-jama people!
Po-jama people, people!
Wrap 'em up
Roll 'em out
Get 'em out of my way
Hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein
HOEY! HOEY! HOEY!
Wrap 'em up
Roll 'em out
Get 'em out of my way
Hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein
HOEY! HOEY! HOEY!
Wrap 'em up
Roll 'em out
Get 'em out of my way
Hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein
HOEY! HOEY! HOEY!

(Well . . . ) now some people's hot
An' some people's cold
(Well, Lawd . . . ) an' some people's not very
(Very) swift to behold (swifty!)
(I told you) some people do it (do it!)
(Yes, they do!) (No . . . )
Some see right through it
(See right through it!)
An' some wear PO-JAMAS
If only they knew it

The pyjama people are boring me to pieces
They make me feel like I am wasting my time
They all got flannel up 'n down 'em
A little trap-door back aroun' 'em
An' some cozy little footies on their mind

Po-jama people!
Po-jama people, people!
Lawd, they make you sleepy
With the things they might say (hey, yeah-hey . . . )
Po-jama people!
(Well . . . now) Po-jama people, people!
(I said) ARF! ARF! ARF!
I wish they'd all go away!

Po-jama people! (People!) (Oh, yeah)
Po-jama people special . . .
(I said, I said, I said)
Take one home with you, & save a dollar today
Po-jama people!
(It's a) Po-jama people, people! (Special)
Wrap 'em up
An' roll 'em out
Get 'em out of my way
HOEY! HOEY! HOEY!
Wrap 'em up
An' roll 'em out
Get 'em out of my way
HOEY! HOEY! HOEY!
Wrap 'em up
Roll 'em out
Get 'em out of my way
HOEY! HOEY! HOEY!

(YEAH-HA-HA!)

5. Florentine Pogen 5:27

includes a quotation from Louie Louie (Richard Berry)

Basic track:
KCET, LA
August 27, 1974

Ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh oh-oh

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Yow-ooh
Yow-yoo-yow
La-la la-la la-la la-la
Ba-la ba-la na-la

She was the daughter of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
(You-ooh)
Read 'em 'n weep
Was her adjustable slogan
(Ah-ah-ah-ah-ahh)

She was a debutante daisy
With a color-note organ
Deep in the street
She drove a '59 Morgan

WOO-LAH!

That's the kinda step she takes
When her hot breaks hot brakes
That's the kinda sound she makes
(ooh, let go uh me)
When her crab cakes
(Arf arf arf)

She didn't like it when her fan belt
Shrunk & got shorter
(Ointment)
Battery leaks could nearly cost her a quarter

She didn't want to go home
An' watch the pestle go mortar
Later she speaks
On how Perellis might court her

Na-na-na, na-na-noo
Na-na-na, yah-ah-hoo
Na-na-na, na-na-noo
Na-na-na, yah-ah-hoo

She was the daughter
Ah-ah-ahhh
Of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Ga-ya-ee-annnn

Read 'em 'n weep
Read 'em 'n weep
(Take a booger home with you to)
Read 'em 'n weep

Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay
Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-HAH
Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-HAH

Chester's go-rilla
She go oink
Chester's go-rilla
She go quack
Chester's go-rilla
She go moo
Chester's go-rilla
She go
Hratche-plche
Hratche-plche

6. Evelyn, A Modified Dog 1:04

Evelyn, a modified dog
Viewed the quivering fringe of a special doily
Draped across the piano, with some surprise

In the darkened room
Where the chairs dismayed
And the horrible curtains
Muffled the rain
She could hardly believe her eyes

A curious breeze
A garlic breath
Which sounded like a snore
Somewhere near the Steinway (or even from within)
Had caused the doily fringe to waft & tremble in the gloom

Evelyn, a dog, having undergone
Further modification
Pondered the significance of short-person behavior
In pedal-depressed panchromatic resonance
And other highly ambient domains . . .

Arf she said

7. San Ber'dino 5:57

She lives in Mojave in a Winnebago
His name is Bobby, he looks like a potato

She's in love with a boy
From the rodeo
Who pulls the rope on the chute
When they let those suckers go
(Yeah-hey! Suckers!)

He got slobberin' drunk at the Palomino
They give him thirty days in San Ber'dino

Well there's forty-four men
Stashed away in Tank "C"
An' there's only one shower
But it don't apply to Bobby

You might think they're
Dumb an' lonely
But you're wrong
'Cause their love is strong
Stacked-up hair
An' a cheap little ring
They don't care
'Cause it don't mean a thing

Looka there . . .
They don't care

Best-est way that
They can feel-o
Out on the highway
Rollin' a wheel-o
He's her Tootsie
She's for real-o
Trailer park heaven
It's a real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o

The rest of their lives
In San Ber'dino
Gonna spend the rest of their lives
In San Ber'dino
Gonna spend the rest of their lives
Down in San Ber'dino
Come on with me
Come on with me
Come on with me
Down to San Ber'dino
Just 60 miles, 60 miles
Down the San Ber'dino freeway
They got some dark green air
An' you can choke all day
That's right!
Gonna spend the rest of their lives
Rest of their lives
Rest of their lives

Say now,
Ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout the Redlands, no no
ZULCH is the auto works
I'm tellin' you
That's where they take
All the cars that they hurt
Come on and let's all go down to San Ber'dino
Ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo
Let's-a go down down down
Down to San Ber'dino
Wouldja b'lieve it
Wouldja b'lieve it now, come on
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
(Got to call it)
San Ber'dino
(C'mere)
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
(Oh, God, they all stay there)
The rest of their lives
In San Ber'dino

Oh Bobby, I'm sorry you got a head like a potato
I really am
(Get ya!)

8. Andy 6:04

Is there anything good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know
Is there anything
Good inside of you
If there is
I really wanna
Know
Is there anything
Good inside of you
If there is
I really wanna
Know
Is there?

Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know-woh-oh-oh-oh—
Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know, really wanna know . . .

Something
Anything
Something
Anything

Show me a sign
If you don't mind
Show me a sign
If you don't mind
Show me a sign
If you don't mind
Show me a sign
If you don't mind

Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand

Andy de vine (de vine)
Had a thong rind (rind)
It was sublime (sublime)
But the wrong kind
Andy de vine (de vine)
Had a thong rind (rind)
It was sublime (sublime)
But the wrong kind

Have I aligned
With a blown mind
Wasted my time
On a drawn blind
Have I aligned
With a blown mind
Wasted my time
On a drawn blind

Oh Andy . . .
Andy
Andy, Andy
Thong rind
It was sublime, y'all know
The wrong kind, yeah-hah-hah-hah!
Our man!

9. Sofa No. 2 2:42

translation

I am the heaven
I am the water
Ich bin der Dreck unter deinen Walzen
(Oh no, whip it on me, honey!)
Ich bin dein geheimer Schmutz
Und verlorenes Metallgeld
(Metallgeld)
Ich bin deine Ritze
Ich bin deine Ritze und Schlitze

I am the clouds
I am embroidered
Ich bin der Autor aller Felgen
Und Damast-Paspeln
Ich bin der Chrome Dinette
Ich bin der Chrome Dinette
Ich bin Eier aller Arten

Ich bin alle Tage und Nächte
Ich bin alle Tage und Nächte

Ich bin hier (AIEE-AH!)
Und du bist mein Sofa
Ich bin hier (AIEE-AH!)
Und du bist mein Sofa
Ich bin hier (AIEE-AH!)
Und du bist mein Sofa

Yeah-ha-ha-ay
Yah-ha
Yeah, my Sofa
Yeah-ha-hey

 

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted
Site maintained by Román García Albertos
http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/
Lyrics from the album booklet
German transcription of "Sofa" from Arf: Notes & Comments
Corrections and additions by Román, Patrick Neve, AJ Wilkes and Charles Ulrich
This page updated: 2014-03-18