[<< SCENES 57-66]
160 SCENE 67 3 mins. Camera 1; in Area E, HIGH WA of Mirror Stalls. Cameras 3 & 4; in Area H, looking into Mirror Stalls. Camera 2; in Area G, pointing at Frank on the stage. Stand mics. in Mirror Stalls. This scene consists of 4 Mirror Stalls, placed against the stage F arranged on springs like starting gates at a race track. The mirrors are distorting, fun-house type mirrors. Thus, close up shots will distort. Each mirror stall is meant to be a motel room. The Dwarf, dressed as Frank, is on the stage, narrating. Howard, Mark, Jeff & Aynsley are talking to themselves. 1. Cam. 2 / DWARF CU DWARF. All the guys in the group are pretending to get ready so they can find some pussy. 2. Cam. 1 / MARK CU MARK. I wonder where the action is in this town? 3. Cam. 2 / DWARF CU DWARF. Every musician likes to get some pussy. 4. Cam. 3 / HOWARD MS HOWARD I coulda really scored last night ... but every night it's the same thing ... Aynsley got there first ... he's so fast ... must be from playing the drums or something if only those girls over there knew about my secret identity ... but how could they? How could they know .. ZOOM IN. that I am BWANA DIK!
161 SCENE 67 (Cont) 5. Cam. 4 / AYNSLEY MS AYNSLEY. Where's my hair dryer ... got ZOOM IN to look lovely for the girls ... after all ... I am BWANA DIK! 6. Cam. 3 / JEFF MS JEFF. That Aynsley gets me so pissed off sometimes ... thinks he's some kind of Pop Star with that rancid Liverpool accent ... all the girls go berserk over it. But he won't stand a chance when those chicks that just flew outa there on a wire with the dolls, find out my secret identity ... none may ZOOM IN resist the power of BWANA DIK! 7. Cam. 1 / GEORGE (in MARK's stall) MS GEORGE. I thought I was gonna get a chance to play some solos ... instead he got me playing this dumb back- ground part while all the other guys in the band pretend they're getting ready to go out hustling chicks. I wonder if they know ... ZOOM IN. I am BWANA DIK! 8. Cam. 2 / DWARF MS DWARF Each guy has his own little speciality for getting the girl of ZOOM IN. his dreams ... 9. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD. Let's see ... I sprayed my pits, I put on a new tie-dye T shirt, I brushed my teeth ... 10. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF. I did my hair ... 11. Cam. 1 / MARK CU MARK. I cleaned my glasses ...
162 SCENE 67 (Cont) 12. Cam. 3 / IAN (in Howard's stall) CU HOWARD. I buffed my finger nails. 13. Cam. 4 / AYNSLEY (in Jeff's stall) CU JEFF. I left my shirt un-buttoned at the top ... 14. Cam. 2 / DWARF CU DWARF. I staffed three pairs of socks and a bar of beauty soap down the front of my pants. 15. Cam. 1 / GEORGE (in Mark's stall) CU GEORGE. I bought a copy of Down Beat so I could carry it around and look like I knew what was happening ... 16. Cam. 3 / HOWARD MS HOWARD. I just know I'm gonna get laid tonight! I'm not taking any chances ... Aynsley won't stand a chance against THIS! It's a little jar of tinsel glitter ... the same brand Danny Hutton puts on his face ... makes him look like ZOOM IN. he's glistening and seductive ... just slap a little on here ... the cheeks ... the chin ... near the quivering lips ... I am so commercial I could die. Quick! Somebody turn on a blue spotlight!
163 SCENE 68 3 mins. Camera 1; in Area E ) ) Camera 2; in Area G ) All pointing at F. ) Cameras 3 & 4 in Area H ) No mirror stalls. The Group plays: - Cam. 4 / GROUP 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD What will this morning (in blue spot) Bring me this evening? What will this morning Intercutting Bring me this evening? Cams. 1,2,3, as Some local hot action before we directed. are leaving. Go to the club or the bar Or wherever the pussy is found In the town your band has been Booked to play in. It's always a little bit harder To score if its just your first time In a town you never hit before If you played in it once, And got laid, You got it made, If it's just your first time Then you know it's no fun To go back to a plastic hotel all alone. Go to the club or the bar Go to the club or the bar Or wherever the pussy is found in The town.
164 SCENE 69 Camera 1; High WA overlooking mirror stalls. Camera 4; Low WA mirror stalls. Camera 2; In Area G, looking at exits of mirror stalls. Camera 3; Inside Club, looking at entrance. Sync-sound playback of Scene 68 What will this morning Bring me this evening? What will this morning Bring me this evening? Some local hot action before we are leaving. Cam. 1 / Go to the club, or the bar WA MIRROR STALLS Or wherever the pussy is found Bell goes off. In the town your band has been (This section to be Booked to play in. repeated for videodisc slow-motion) Cam. 4 / It's always a little bit harder To score if it's just your first time In a town you never hit before Cam. 3 / If you played in it once, They enter the And got laid, club. You got it made, If it's just your first time Then you know it's no fun To go back to a plastic hotel all alone Go to the club or the bar Go to the club or the bar Or wherever the pussy is found in The town. Cam. 3 / ZOOM PAST DOLLS/GIRLS towards door. Enter FRANK. He smiles. (Repeat the escape (as above) for slow-motion) FX. Nightclub mumble.
165 SCENE 70 Camera 3; Inside Club. Camera 4; Inside Club. Sequence to be later reverses by VIDEO DISC Lucy, a Lucy doll, and Jeff Beck dressed and made up to look like Lucy. and Janet, a Janet doll, and Mark dressed and made up to look like Janet. 1st. The Lucy doll, then Lucy, then Jeff Beck/Lucy are flown out. 2nd. The Janet doll, then Janet, then Mark/Janet are flown out. When reversed, this sequence cut into the line: "Or wherever the pussy is found in The town.
166 SCENE 71 Interior the Club (X). Camera 2, 3, and 4 pointing into X. The Dancers are dressed as 2 Mutant Newts, 4 Gazelles, 2 Children (who shot each other) and 4 mod-trendies. Also Mark dressed as Janet: Jeff Beck dressed as Lucy: Motorhead as the Disc Jockey, sitting in his booth. The Vacuum Cleaner is sitting by Motorhead. During the song, we see the Freakies of Centerville, who are dancing a Rock and Roll dance. Intercutting as directed. Begin with FX; Nightclub mumble. Cam. 2 / CU DISC JOACKEY BOOTH As if from the disc, we hear ... "WHAT WILL THIS EVENING" SOUND only. (Song already prerecorded) What will I say The next day To whatever I drag To my hotel tonight (If things go all right) What will I say The next day To whatever I drag To my hotel tonight (Will she be outa' site) What will this evening Bring me this morning What will this evening Bring me this morning A succulent fat one? A mod little flat one? Maybe a hot one To give me the clap Maybe a freak who gets off with a strap. What will I say The next day To whatever I drag To my hotel tonight (If things go all right)
167 SCENE 72 Interior the Club (X) Sound - the long fade of "What Will This Evening" pre-recorded track. Camera 1; in Area G) Camera 2; in Area T) All looking into Area X Camera 3/4 in Area W) Don Preston's light show by Y. The Dancers are still doing rock 'n roll type dancing throughout. Mark is dressed as Janet. Jeff Beck is dressed as Lucy. In the background is a light show wailing away, operated by none other than Bif Debris and the Latex Solar Beef Show. The vacuum cleaner is still squatting disconsolately by Motorheads booth. The group is lounging around with the four Mod-Trendies. Motorhead is the disc jockey. 1. Cam. 1 / CU'S CLUB OWNER (NARRATOR) 2. Cam. 3 / CU HOWARD. 3. Cam. 2 / 2 SHOT JANET & LUCY. 4. Cam. 4 / 2 SHOT MARK & JEFF BECK still dressed as Janet and Lucy. 5. Cam. 3 / MS HOWARD, who goes over towards JANET & LUCY. They by-pass him for AYNSLEY. HOWARD continues on to MARK & JEFF BECK. They make him sit down by them.
168 SCENE 73 3 Mins. Cam 2 in Area T) ) All looking into X Cam 4 in Area W) Cam 1 in Area G - looking into either X or Z Camera 3; has now moved inside club. Boom by the bar. HOWARD is now seated between Mark/Janet and Jeff Beck/Lucy. The rest of the Group is playing on the club stage (Z) throughout; dressed in big wigs, fringe, boutique-world clothes. 1. Cam. 4 / HOWARD What's a girl like you doin' in a place like this? 2. Cam. 3 / MARK/JANET 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD I left my place after midnight. I came to the club. Me and my partner came here lookin' for love. 3. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD You come to the right place, this is it. The swingin'est place in Centerville, New Jersey, no shit. 4. Cam. 3 / MARK/JANET CU MARK How true that is. 5. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD How true indeed. 6. Cam. 3 / MARK/JANET CU MARK I came here all the time to get the hot romance I need. We like to get it on. Do you like to get it on, too? 7. Cam. 4 / HOWARD 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD Well, what'd you have in mind?
169 SCENE 73 (Cont) 8. Cam. 3 / MARK/JANET CU MARK I get off from being juked with a baby octopus, or ZOOM OUT TO spewed upon with creamed 3 SHOT corn, and my girl friend digs it with a hot bottle of some citrus flavour carbon- nated beverage, with some- body screaming; "Corks & Safeties. Corks & Safeties!" 9. Cam. 1 / JEFF SIMMONS CU JEFF SIMMONS (on stage) Gets me so hot I could scream! 10. Cam. 3 / MARK/JANET CU MARK Corks & Safeties. Corks & Safeties. 11. Cam. 1 / JEFF SIMMONS CU JEFF SIMMONS Hey, heyyy, wo wo wo! 12. Cam. 3 / MARK/JANET CU MARK Corks & Safeties. Corks & Safeties. 13. Cam. 4 / HOWARD 3 SHOT Wow! Sounds like you two chicks are real far out and groovy. Ever been to a ZOOM INTO Cheesey Motel? Ha ha ha ha HOWARD ha haaah! Vibro-matic in the bed, wall-mounted TV screen; rancid coffee exudes from the bathroom wall. And the shoe-buffer's really keen. 14. Cam. 1 / GROUP CU JEFF SIMMONS ZOOM OUT to reveal What kind of girl do you think GROUP on stage (Z) we are? What kind of girl do you think we are? I'm not a Groupie, that is going too far. We wouldn't ball you just because you're a star.
SCENE 73 (Cont) 170 15. Cam. 2 / FRANK (spoken aside) CU FRANK Those girls wouldn't let just anybody spew on their vital parts. They only want a guy from a group with a big hit single in the charts. 16. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Funny you should mention it our new hit single made the charts this week with a 17. Cam. 2 / bullet CU DRUMMER (on stage Z) 18. Cam. 4 / with a CU HOWARD 19. Cam. 2 / bullet. CU DRUMMER 20. Cam. 4 / Just let me put a little more CU HOWARD tinsel glitter on my face right now and you can show me how a young girl such as you might be thrilled and overwhelmed by me. 21. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK What Cheesey Motel you staying at? 22. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Wanna leave right away? 23. Cam. 3 / MARK Not so fast, you silly boy. There's one more thing to say.
171 SCENE 73 (Cont) 23. Continued Cams. 1, 2, 3 / GROUP looking at GROUP (Z) We wanna guy from a group, Got a thing in the charts, Intercutting as directed. We wanna guy from a group, Got a thing in the charts ... and We wanna guy from a group, Got a thing in the charts. If his dick is a monster If his dick is a monster If his dick is a monster We will give him our hearts!
172 SCENE 74 30 secs. Camera 1 in Area G Camera 2 in Are T Camera 4 in Area W Camera 3 inside club. Group playing throughout as before. Cam. 3 / HOWARD Hold it! Hold it! Well, why didn't you say so before? I got the thing you need. I am the main man in the monster dick catalogue. I am endowed beyond your wildest pimple cream fantasies. Ha ha ha ha haaaah! Girls from around the world write my name on the walls of the toilet at the Whiskey A-Go-Go. I am Bwana Dik! Cam. 4 / CU MARK, who looks astonished. DISSOLVE INTO ANIMATION SEQUENCE OF BWANA DIK.
173 SCENE 75 2½ mins. Group on Stage Z sing "Bwana Did" song. Cameras 1, 2, 3, 4 cluster round Z. Intercutting as directed. Most of the song will be used as the sound track for the Animation Sequence (Scene 74) Cam. 2 / GROUP CU FRANK My dick is a monster, Gimme your heart. Bwana Dik is a legend Enormous thou art. My dick is a Chopper, You kick it to start. Bwana Dik speaks - The Heavens will part. My dick is a dagger, I'll force it to fit. My dick is a reamer, To steam up your slit, Steam it! Steam it! Ream it! Cream it! You can hear the steam, You can hear the screaming steam. As the reamer steams up the lake. To the snake In the black velvet crystal steaming. Hot black screaming, Irridescent, screaming, Tuck & Roll python steam roller. Hear the steam, Feel the steam, See the steam, Hear the screaming, Hot blacks teaming Tuck & Roll irridescent screaming Python steam roller. (ANIMATION SEQUENCE ENDS) Cam. 2 / All groupies must bow down CU FRANK In the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef.
174 SCENE 75 (Cont) Cam. 1 / The steam is coming out DON PRESTON'S LIGHT The steam is coming out. SHOW is going wild in background. Cam. 3 / CUT TO ESPRESSO MACHINE which blows up.
175 SCENE 76 3 mins. Recorded (Sound and Vision) in Week 1. On main group stage (F) "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy" Cameras 1, 2, 3, 4 cluster round F. Intercutting as directed. Cam. 1 / FRANK CU FRANK She's such a dignified lady She's so pretty and soft You can't call her a groupie It just pisses her off. She got diamonds and jewelry She got lotsa new clothes She ain't hurtin' for money So that everyone knows. That she knows what she wants And she knows what she likes And Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Look out She got her eyes on you. She left her place after midnight And she drove to the club You know that her and her partner Came here lookin' for love They want a guy from a group That got a thing in the charts If his dick is a monster They will give him their hearts. Cause they know what they want And they know what they got And Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Look out They got their eyes on you. Cause they know what they want And they know what they got And Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Look out They got their eyes on you.
176 SCENE 77 Sync-sound playback of Scene 76 Camera 1; in Area G pointing towards X Camera 2; in front of Z pointing towards X Cameras 3 & 4; looking into X The dancers, 2 mutant Newts, 4 Gazelles, 2 Children and 4 Trendies, are dancing erotically in the club. Jeff Beck is dressed as Lucy. Mark " " as Janet. Motherhead is the disc jockey. 1. Cam. 3 / GROUP (on playback) CU MARK fondling HOWARD She's such a dignified lady 2. Cam. 1 / CU JEFF BECK She's so pretty and soft also fondling HOWARD 3. Cam. 3 / CU MARK You can't call her a groupie ZOOM IN It just pisses her off 4. Cam. 1 / CU JEFF BECK She got diamonds and jewelry ZOOM IN She got lotsa new clothes 5. Cam. 3 / She ain't hurtin' for money 2 shot So that everyone knows. ZOOM INTO MARK 6. Cam. 4 & 2 / That she knows what she wants CU DANCERS And she knows what she likes And Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Intercutting as directed. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Look out 7. Cam. 3 / She got her eyes on you CU MARK
177 SCENE 77 (Cont) 8. Cam. 1 / CU JEFF BECK She left her place after midnight ZOOM IN And she drove to the club 9. Cam. 3 / 2 SHOT You know that her & her partner Came here lookin' for love 10. Cam. 1 / They want a guy from a group CU HOWARD That got a thing in the charts 11. Cam. 3 / CU MARK If his dick is a monster crawling all over They will give him their hearts. HOWARD 12. Cam. 4 & 2 / 'Cause they know what they want CU DANCERS And they know what they got And Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Intercutting as directed. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Look out. 13. Cam. 3 / They got their eyes on you. CU MARK 14. Cam. 1 / WA MARK, HOWARD 'Cause they know what they want & JEFF BECK get And they know what they got up to leave. And Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Look out 15. Cam. 3 / THEY turn and look They got their eyes on you. back into club. MUSIC CONTINUES.
178 SCENE 78 2½ mins. Mark, Howard and Jeff are inside the Tinsel Cock Car, being pushed up the street (J) towards the Motel by Motorhead and the vacuum cleaner. Jeff Beck is dressed as Lucy, he is carrying his guitar. Camera 2; in W looking out towards F Camera 1; looking at Group on Stage Z Cameras 3 & 4; tracking back in front of Mark & Howard 1. Cam. 3 / MOTORHEAD LOW 2 SHOT You like my new car? 2. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD It's real cool. You know how to get to the Cheesey Motel? 3. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK Which one you staying at? 4. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD (They have now The one by the airport. We reached the exterior gotta get up early and fly of the liquor shop and out in the morning. turn into M, away from the camp) 5. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK Where do you play tomorrow? 6. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Tierra Del Fuego ... then there's a barbecue at Mutt's house ... 7. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK Ooh, you're so professional Car stops ... the way you get to travel to all those exotic places.
179 SCENE 78 (Cont) 8. Cam. 1 / WA (At this point, the DANCERS go by the car - on the P side - carrying exotic bits of scenery) 9. Cam. 3 / You really got a hit single CU MARK in the charts with a bullet? 10. Cam. 1 / DRUMMER CU DRUMMER Bang! 11. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Would I lie to you just to get in your pants? 12. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK Don't talk to me that way! I'm not a Groupie ... and neither is my girl friend. 13. Cam. 1 / JEFF CU JEFF No shit, Howie ... we just like musicians for friends. I go over to Alvin Lee's house all the time. He's been showing me how to play the guitar ... but strictly platonic. 14. Cam. 4 / HOWARD 2 SHOT But you told me you got off with a baby octopus and some cream corn and a hot citrus- carbonated beverage bottle ... what's the deal?
180 SCENE 78 (Cont) 15. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK Sure that's all true ... sometimes I even get off on a Swedish apparatus and great moments in Danish literature with a full-colour dog book, but we don't want you to think we're Groupies. 16. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Bu I want some action. I want a steaming succulent orifice with a teenage girl attached to it. I thought we were gonna get it on. 17. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK I been looking for a guy from ZOOM OUT a group with a dick which is a monster. The car has now arrived outside the Motel (S) Cam. 4. continues down M. Cam. 3. TRACKS BACK down by Motel wall. MARK gets out. 18. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD (still inside car) That's me. Take me I'm yours. Fulfill my wildest dreams. 19. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK Of course, my precious most (MARK goes round to seductive pop star of a man ... the trunk of the car anything you want ... getting out all the various bead jobs, knotted nylons, objects showing them to bamboo cases, ice cubes, beef camera, including the jerky, and/or a portable electric dwarf's lamp and the pony harness, air cooled ... all steaming briefcase) this and more ...
181 SCENE 78 (Cont) 20. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD I'm ready! I'm ready now! Give it to me! Now! Now! Right here in the car! Gimme the pony harness. 21. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK Only if you'll sing me your hit single with the bullet first. 22. Cam. 1 / DRUMMER CU DRUMMER Bang! 23 Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD What? HOWARD now jumps out of the car. MOTORHEAD comes round to join them. The car is still parked outside the Motel. MOTORHEAD is holding the tape recorder which the dwarf used to spy on the group. 24. Cam. 3 / MARK WA MARK in foreground. In the background, the I can't come unless you sing dancers emerge from the me your hit ... you gotta sing night club carrying photo- me the bullet too. blow-ups of Billboard and Cash Box Charts. The Charts show all the numbers from 200 MOTELS. 25. Cam. 1 / DRUMMER CU DRUMMER Bang! 26. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD involving himself in The bullet? dance action.
182 SCENE 78 (Cont) 27. Cam. 1 / DRUMMER CU DRUMMER Bang! 28. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK gesturing to Chart The bullet ... as it dances by 29. Cam. 1. / DRUMMER CU DRUMMER Bang. 30. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK is the part that gets me the hottest.
183 SCENE 79 30 secs. Interior Motel Lobby (S) Music vamp continues throughout Camera 3 & 4; in front of S Camera 2; in front of Z 1. Cam. 3 / RANCE (confidentially) CU DESK CLERK, RANCE Excuse me for interrupting, but He beckons towards the I thought some of you might en- camera. joy this more if you knew what The camera seems to be the bullet really was. My lovely entering the lobby. assistant, Margo, will help me explain ... 2. Cam. 4 / RANCE WA DESK CLERK The bullet ... is a bullet shaped A MALE DANCER flips, dot (as you can see in our in looking outrageous with illustration ...) which will appear a "Cash Box" on THE CHART (hold up the chart Chart blow-up. a little more, Margo) ... RANCE comes out from behind the counter. 3. Cam. 3 / CU MARGO 4. Cam. 4 / RANCE WA RANCE .... next to the title of the record listed. This bullet ... indicates the record has moved more than 10 points in one week on the chart. It means the record is selling fast and headed for THE TOP OF THE CHARTS... (point to the top of the chart, Margo ...) 5. Cam. 3 / CU MARGO 6. Cam. 4 / RANCE WA RANCE It means that the group which made the record is destined for stardom, fame, wealth, riches, success and money ... all these things are implied in the con- ception of the bullet ...
184 SCENE 79 (Cont) 7. Cam. 2 / DUMMER CU DRUMMER Bang! 8. Cam. 4 / JEFF WA MARK, HOWARD and JEFF BECK, go past When we get into the room, do you RANCE into the Motel, think you can show me some still mumbling about the chords ... "bullet".
185 SCENE 80 15 secs. Interior Motel Corridor (T) Mark/Janet; Howard and Jeff/Lucy are walking away down corridor. Cam. 4 / HOWARD 3 SHOT O.K. Bend over and spread 'em. Here comes my bullet!
186 SCENE 81 2½ secs. Camera 1; behind, and at the side of Area Z Camera 2; outside Area S ) ) Looking into Area T Cameras 3 & 4; in Area T ) Interior Motel Room (T) Howard sings his bullet - "Magic Fingers" He is pseudo-eroticizing Mark, who is still dressed as Janet. The rest of the Group are live on Z. 4 Trendies (female) The Dancers Frug, in a frugging manner. They are dressed erotically, quasi groupie. Mark/Janet cannot achieve an orgasm until Howard has sung his hit single. Jeff Beck/Lucy looks on amazed. She also likes to be eroticised with a baby octopus - not available on room service at this hour. The Group play throughout. Optical effects required. Cam. 2 CU's HOWARD Cam. 3 CU's MARK/JANET Cam. 1 GROUP Cam. 4 DANCERS Intercutting as directed. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Oooh, the way you love me, lady I get so hard now I could die. Oooh, the way you love me, sugar I get so hard now I could die Open up y' pocket book Get another quarter out Drop it in the meter, mama Try me on for size. Oooh, the way you squeeze me, bab[y] Red balloons Just pop behind my eyes
187 SCENE 81 (Cont) HOWARD (Continued) Oooh, the way you squeeze me, girl Red balloons Just pop behind my eyes The DANCERS are now Open up y' pocket book leaving the Motel room, Get another quarter out shaking hands with MARK, Drop it in the meter, mama HOWARD and JEFF as Try me on for size. they go. RECITATIVE MUSIC VAMP CONTINUES UNDER Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Do you really wanna please me? Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD You know I do! Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Tell me why you do it, I really wanna know. Cam. 3 / HOWARD 2 SHOT HOWARD and MARK It wouldn't be right for me to tell you tonight. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Tell me right away or I'll dress up and go. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Don't get mad ... it ain't no big thing. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Stop the music. Tell me right away. Don't treat me cold.
188 SCENE 82 30 secs. Camera 1; behind and at the side of Area Z Camera 2; outside Area S ) ) looking into Area T Camera 3/4; in Area T ) Howard is lit from behind in a follow spot. He paces back and forth throughout, in the Orson Welles style. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Well ... there's a lot of reasons why I'd bring a girl like you back to a Plastic hotel and rip you off for spare change to run a HOWARD is undressing vibrating machine attached to a MARK/JANET. queen-sized bulk purchase kapok- infested do-not-remove-tag-under penalty-of-law-type bed ... And make you take off all your little clothes, even down to your chrome with heavy duty rawhide thong Peace Medallion till you were stark raving nude ... And force you to assume a series of marginally erotic poses involving a plastic chair and some old guitar strap while I pissed on your hair and beat you with a pair He shows the pair of of tennis shoes I got from Jeff tennis shoes. Beck. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU TENNIS SHOES (pause) ZOOM CUT TO REVEAL Soundly about the tits and buttocks. JEFF BECK. He rips off Also in the cookie his Lucy wig and costume, With a cold wet face towel twirled and plugs his guitar lead into and compact to make it go snappy the wall socket. The volume when I pop it up you controls for his amplifier are on the TV set. And all the time recording your whimpers and grunts on my Intercutting between 3 and cassette machine so all the other 4 as directed. guys in the band Can get off on it in the bus to- morrow.
189 SCENE 83 Camera 1; in Area K looking at Z Camera 3; in Area K looking at Z Camera 4; in Motel Room towards X Camera 2; looking into S Group Vamp continues. Cameras 2, 3, 4 now pointing into T. Boom between 2 and 3. Mark dressed as Janet, but with only a girdle, suspenders, shoes, nylons and a bra. Jeff Beck dressed as Lucy, sitting in a corner, strumming his guitar. 1. Cam. 4 / MARK 2 Shot MARK and HOWARD Of course ... that's all very true ... but why do you do it? 2. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Well ... our group has a reputation to uphold. We don't want anybody to think we're square ... or normal. But, if you don't mind me asking, why do you submit to this sort of treatment? Do you really get off on any of this? 3. Cam. 4 / MARK 2 SHOT Well ... I must confess ... the amount of gratification a girl such as myself might gain from having her hair pissed upon while bent over a plastic chair in a state of guitar strap bondage is somewhat minimal ... ZOOM IN ... remember, I told you before I got off from being juked with a baby octopus and spewed upon with creamed corn ... 4. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Yeah ... and your girl friend, digs it with a hot citrus flavoured carbonated beverage bottle while somebody screams, "Corks and Safeties".
190 SCENE 83 (Cont) 5. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Right ... and even though the tennis shoes you been smashing me on the tits and buttocks with once belonged to Jeff Beck, it's still not a baby octopus ... you know what I mean? 6. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD You mean ... you aren't enjoying any of this? 7. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK I miss the creamed corn ... and even though you sang me your new hit single with the bullet. 8. Cam. 1 / DRUMMER CU DRUMMER Bang. 9. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK there's still something missing. MUSIC STOPS 10. Cam. 2 / HOWARD WA HOWARD But we got this vibrating bed here ... that's sort of erotic ... and my dick is a monster ... you know that. 11. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MAKR Oh don't think I'm not grateful ... I mean, it will be very impressive when I tell all my girl friends tomorrow about how I balled Bwana Dik. ZOOM OUT to 2 SHOT Everybody at school will respect me and think I'm real neat. 12. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD I can see how they would ... you know I'm outa site.
191 SCENE 83 (Cont) 13. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Yeah ... I just won't tell 'em that you couldn't make me come. 14. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD What? 15. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK I been faking the grunts so you wouldn't feel bad ... I didn't wanna put you on a bummer. I know you gotta fly out early in the morning to Tierra Del Fuego. 16. Cam. 1 / HOWARD CU HOWARD What's the deal? This has never happened to Bwana Dik before! Girls from around the world die to write my name on the bathroom wall at the Whiskey A-Go-Go ... I'm outa site! 17. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Well ... it's not your fault. I (Pointing at CAMERA) can't hold you responsible. He's not making you do it. 18. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Listen, I'm Bwana Dik ... every- body comes when I get a hold of 'em ... my dick is a monster and I'm outa site. How can you beat a combination like that? With another jar of tinsel glitter, I could rule the world. 19. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Listen, Howie ... uh ... I don't quite know how to explain this to you ... 20. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Is it my breath?
192 SCENE 83 (Cont) 21. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Howard ... it's your ... it's your penis ... 22. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD What? 23. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK You're too concerned with its dimensions ... I'm sorry, Howie ... (Sob) ... we have to ZOOM CUT to stop now and get ready for the 2 SHOT. big production number and torch- light parade. 24. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Wait a minute ... can you explain this to me again? 25. Cam. 4 / MARK (still sobbing) MS MARK Certainly, Howard ... ZOOM IN.
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Special thanks to Charles Ulrich (scans) and Chayne Quinn (typing!).