200 Motels Shooting Script

[<< SCENES 18-28]
78 SCENE 29 NOTE MUSIC for the scene (Group only) pre-recorded in Week 1. Lonesome Cowboy Burt song. Interior of Redneck Eats Restaurant (W) / Pointing towards Y. Camera 1; in Area V pointing towards W. Camera 2; in Area X pointing towards W. Camera 4; in Area W, underneath Pintable. Camera 3; in between Pool table and Pintable. In corner of W (near K) is a phony Western band: Don Preston at the upright piano. Motorhead with a guitar neck sticking out of his fly. Ruth at the drums etc. The Dancers and the Chorus Baritones and Basses are sitting at the tables as customers or Okies. The Dancers might be wearing construction workers' masks. 4 Male Dancers are in T-shirts. General droll activity. Cowboy Burt (Jimmy Carl Black) is playing pinball at a machine which is grotesque in size and has life-size photos of long-haired faggots, commies and Supreme-Court Justices. He mimes (playback) 1. Cam. 4 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACK My name is Burtram I am a cowboy All my friends They call me Burt All my family From down in Texas Make their livin' Diggin' dirt 2. Cam. 2 / (INTERCUTTING as Come out here directed) is looking To Californy at what appears at Just to meet the back of the Pintable 3. Cam. 3 / Some pretty girls CU OKIES Ones I seen
79 SCENE 29 (Cont) 4. Cam. 2 / JIMMY CARL BLACK (Cont) CU OKIEs Get me so horny Ruby lips'n Teeth like pearls. 5. Cam. 1 / Wanna love 'em all CU BAND Wanna love 'em dearly Wanna pretty girl I'll even pay I'd buy 'em furs I'd buy 'em jewelry I know they like me Here's what I say: 6. Cam. 4 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACK I'm Lonesome Cowboy Burt (Speakin' atcha) Come smell my fringe-y shirt (Reekin' atcha) My Cowboy pants My Cowboy dance My bold advance 7. Cam. 3 / On this here waitress CU OKIES Yodel odel tee ay Yodel odel tee ay 8. Cam. 4 / I'm Lonesome Cowboy Burt CU JIMMY CARL BLACK Don't get my feelings hurt Come on in this place And I'll buy you a taste And you can sit on my face Where's that waitress? 9. Cam. 3 / I'm Lonesome Cowboy Burt WA OVER JIMMY CARL (Speakin' atcha) BLACK'S SHOULDER Come smell my fringe-y shirt (Reekin' atcha) My Cowboy pants My Cowboy dance My bold advance On this here waitress Yodel odel tee ay Yodel odel tee ay 10. Cam. 4 / I'm Lonesome Cowboy Burt CU JIMMY CARL BLACK Don't get my feelin's hurt Come on in this place And I'll buy you a taste And you can sit on my face Where's that waitress?
80 SCENE 29 (Cont) 11. Cam. 3 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACK, who is now swaggering I'm an awful nice guy around the restaurant. I sweet-talk all day in the sun I'm a roofer by trade Quite a bundle I made I'm a unionized roofin' old Son of a gun. When I get off, I get plastered I drink till I fall on the floor Get me some Communist Bastard 'N stomp on his head till he don't move no more. I fuss an' I cuss an' I keep on drinkin' Till my eyes puff up 'n turn red I drool on m'shirt I see if he's hurt Then kick him again In the head. 12. Cam. 4 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU OKIES etc. I'm Lonesome Cowboy Burt (Speakin' atcha) Come smell my fringe-y shirt (Reekin' atcha) My Cowboy pants My Cowboy dance My bold advance On this here waitress Yodel odel tee ay Yodel odel tee ay I'm Lonesome Cowboy Burt Don't get my feelin's hurt Come on in this place And I'll buy you a taste And you can sit on my face Where's that waitress? 13. Cam. 1 / Opal, you hot little bitch ... CU RUTH 14. Cam. 4 / CU JIMMY CARL BLACK He stares. (NOTE: This shot to be freeze- framed, later will video disc) From freeze-frame we super.
81 SCENE 29 (Cont) 15. Cam. 1 / L.S. RANCE, who is walking across in front of Y, carrying his steaming briefcase in a puff of yellow smoke. THUNDER RANCE (as if he just woke up) (yawn) ... Yes, Jimmy, Carl Black, Indian of the Group ... is there anything specific I can do for you?
82 SCENE 30 Sync replay of End of Scene 29 Mix to Rance smacking Jim's face to wake him up. 1. Cam. 4. / JIM (startled) 2 SHOT RANCE & JIM. Mohonnitz! What are you doin' here? 2. Cam. 2 / RANCE (buffing his nails on MS RANCE lapel) You just called me, didn't you? 3. Cam. 3 / JIM (confused) CU JIM All I said was, "Opal, you hot little bitch ... "I was try'na get 'er t'sit on my face. 4. Cam. 2 / RANCE (mysteriously) CU RANCE I am known by many names ... 5. Cam. 4 / JIM (unimpressed) 2 SHOT RANCE & JIM You got many friends who call you Opal the hot little bitch? 6. Cam. 2 / RANCE (bored) CU RANCE Mister Black, I think we've had enough small talk ... I might as well get on with your briefing. 7. Cam. 3 / JIM CU JIM Fine ... you can brief me all you want, so long as you can tell me TWO THINGS ... 8. Cam. 2 / RANCE CU RANCE I know ... "when do we get paid?" 9. Cam. 4 / JIM 2 SHOT RANCE & HIM No! I wanna know where is that waitress ...
83 SCENE 30 (Cont) 9. Continued RANCE (writing it down on his cuff) Yes ... mmm ... waitress, yes ... JIM ... and if she comes in here, will she sit on my face ... and lend me a coupla bucks till the weekend! RANCE (still writing) ... mmm ... weekend ... mm ... the week ending - er - what's today? The date today? 10. Cam. 3 / JIM (scratching his neck CU RANCE in the back) Uhh ... Tuesday was the fifth, Monday was the third ... uhhh ... (he peers at Rance's cuff) ... uhhh ... make that out for Sunday the ... 11. Cam. 2 / RANCE (startled and horrified) CU RANCE DON'T SAY SUNDAY! 12. Cam. 4 / JIM (innocently) CU JIM What wrong with Sunday? The Lord's day ... the day of rest ... just make that sucker out for the 23rd March, wouldja? 13. Cam. 2 / RANCE (writing again) CU RANCE Mmm ... very good, Mister Black ... I have the special imaginary beer I promised to you earlier ... 14. Cam. 4 / MS RANCE & JIM. He opens the steaming briefcase and pulls out a bottle of Redneck Draught, with vapors drifting off it.
84 SCENE 30 (Cont) 14. Continued RANCE ... if you'll be so kind as to He holds out his cuff and sign a receipt ... a large hat pin. 15. Cam. 3 / JIM (taking the hat pin) CU JIM This a pencil? 16. Cam. 2 / RANCE (casually) CU RANCE No, Jimmy ... it's a big pin ... just go on and jab yourself in the finger with it. 17. Cam. 4 / JIM CU JIM He looks at RANCE like What the fuck you talkin' about? he was crazy. Listen, Mohonnitz or whatever they call you ... I may be PROFESSIONAL, but I'm not THAT PROFESSIONAL ... just you gimme my beer! 18. Cam. 2 / RANCE (suddenly ominous) CU RANCE Sign first! In blood! 19. Cam. 4 / JIM CU JIM Fuck you! Who do you think you are? The devil or something? 20. Cam. 3 / RANCE (impressively, re- 2 SHOT RANCE & quoting himself) JIM I am known by many names ... 21. Cam. 4 / JIM CU JIM You prob'ly got some more weird names for yourself ... but there's one thing you definitely ain't never gonna be called, an that's THE DEVIL ... 'cause YOU AIN'T THE DEVIL!
85 SCENE 30 (Cont) 22. Cam. 2 / RANCE (surprised) CU RANCE I'm not? 23. Cam. 4 / JIM (aggressively) Cu JIM Bet your ass you're not ... the fuckin' Devil's got an English accent! Seen him on TV three weeks ago ... so you can just take that big needle an' hang it in your ass, far as I'm concerned! 24. Cam. 3 / MS JIM grabs the beer away from RANCE and gives him a dirty look. 25. Cam. 4 / CU JIM A giant fireball - smoke puff explodes in JIM's face. He jumps back, JIM (clearing the smoke away) pissed off. (cough, cough) ... fuckin' guy must have been a German ... 26. Cam. 3 / M.S. SMOKE RANCE has disappeared. In his place, as if they were conjured up by the blast, we see MARK, HOWARD, JEFF, IAN and AYNSLEY.
86 SCENE 31 2½ mins. Orchestra (reduced) Baritones, Basses, Group, Dancers. 200 Motels. Book II. The Restaurant Scene. NOTE Orchestral PA fed to Redneck Eats. GEORGE is conducting the orchestra. Camera 1; in Area V looking towards W Camera 2; in Area X looking towards W Camera 3; in Area W (in Pool table corner) Camera 4; in Area W (in liquor shop corner) The Dancers and the Chorus are still lounging in the restaurant, as Okies, construction workers, etc. The Mothers enter W from M. 1. Cam. 1 / MS THE MOTHERS 2. Cam. 4 / Hey! Who are these dudes? CU JIMMY CARl BLACK 3. Cam. 1 / MS THE MOTHERS They come into the club. 4. Cam. 4 / Are you a boy? CU JIMMY CARL BLACK Or a girl? who walks round JEFF. 5. Cam. 3 / Or a turkey? CU BASSES Ha ha ha! ZOOM OUT. Ha ha ha! 6. Cam. 2 / WA THE DANCERS try to push the MOTHERS into a corner. Intercut with Cam. 1,3 & 4 as directed.
87 SCENE 31 (Cont) 7. Cam. 3 / CU RUTH ZOOM into her eyes. She sees IAN. General freeze. 8. Mix Cam. 4 / CU IAN. ZOOM INTO his eyes He has seen RUTH and has fallen in love! 9. Cam. 1 / (from IAN walks towards behind RUTH. He pauses - band) then continues. 10. Cam. 3 / WA DANCERS, who are hustling the GROUP. IAN is side stepping the DANCERS and goes to sit at the piano. Intercutting with Cams. 1, 2 & 4 as directed. 11. Cam. 1 / CU IAN at the piano. 12. Cam. 4 / CU RUTH at drums. Intercutting between Cams. 1 & 4 as directed and Cam. 2 / WA DANCERS, who are watching, amazed. Cam. 3 / CU Singles of the MOTHERS. Finish on Aynsley, who is jumping about playing the drum part in unison with his rings by beating on tables, bottles, etc.
88 SCENE 31 (Cont) 13. Cam. 3 / CU AYNSLEY. 14. Cam. 1 / CU IAN 15. Fast Intercutting. 16. Cam. 4 / COWBOY BURT CU COWBOY BURT (to CAMERA) What the fuck was that? 17. Cam. 3 / COWBOY BURT MS COWBOY BURT I wonder if that sonofabitch can play something I might like. 18. Cam. 2 / Ha. Ha. Ha! WA CHORUS Ha. Ha. Ha! 19 Cam. 1 / Hey, twerp ... LS COWBOY BURT. Play me a tune I can enjoy! IAN in foreground. 20. Cam. 2 / MS IAN IAN reaches over and puts a dime in the juke box. ZOOM into Juke Box "MYSTERY ROACH" music starts: This is a small group assemble playing (live) next door in the night club. 21. Cam. 3 / CU COWBOY BURT. He is nodding in approval. Slow ZOOM IN. NOTE This will dissolve into opening shot of Scene 31.
89 SCENE 32 1 min Cameras 2, 3, 4, and boom all looking into T. Camera 1 is in front of Y The Mothers are slouched. Litter, bottles of beer, smoke is everywhere. Jeff is strumming his guitar. Howard is about to set the world record for not getting laid on tour. He is considering a career as a Jesuit monk. General gloom. The Dwarf, dressed as Zappa, wearing obviously cheap sunglasses and a trench coat with the collar turned up, is holding a portable tape recorder with a microphone pointing toward the group. The group does not see the Dwarf. Caption stand needed. 1. Cam. 3 / Mother's slouching. 2. Cam. 4 / JEFF (singing & strumming CU JEFF his guitar) How long? How long? 'Till my mystery roach be arrivin' soon Yea-ooh The mystery roach be approachin' The mystery roach be approachin' me. 3. Mix Cam. 2 / LOW WA How long? The other members How long of the GROUP hum Did that mystery roach be gone or sing along. Yea-oooh Yea-oooh Yea-oooh Yea-oooh The mystery roach be approachin' The mystery roach be approachin' me. Mmm-hmm Mmm-hmm
90 SCENE 32 (Cont) 4. Cam. 4 / HOWARD What are we singing about ... the MYSTERY ROACH? We must be flipping out. 5. Cam. 2 / MARK CU MARK It's a good thing we get paid to do this ... I could be in L.A. getting reamed, listening to an Elton John album. 6. Cam. 2 / HOWARD WA HOWARD Don't even talk about getting reamed ... listen I've been with- out female companionship for so long a career as a Jesuit Monk looks inviting ... Ian is starting to look good to me. 7. Cam. 4 / GEORGE CU GEORGE Must be his green velour socks. 8. Cam. 3 / JEFF 2 SHOT JEFF & MARK You just calm down there, Duke ... MARK Ever since you left the Jazz World to seek fame and fortune in the Rock & Roll industry ... JEFF What do you mean "Rock & Roll" ... this fuckin' band doesn't even play Rock & Roll ... it's all that comedy crap. 9. Cam. 4 / IAN CU IAN If we played any Rock & Roll we might make some money. I wouldn't mind playing some Rock & Roll ... I like classical music too, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy playing Rock & Roll ... I
91 SCENE 32 (Cont) 9. Continued IAN (Cont) mean ... it's not very challenging intellectually, but I wouldn't mind if we did some Rock & Roll. We could vote on it. 10. Cam. 3 / JEFF CU JEFF Vote on it? For what? To tell Zappa we want to play some good music instead of his comedy shit? 11. Cam. 2 / AYNSLEY CU AYNSLEY I wouldn't mind playing some Rock & Roll ... a bit more commercial with a sort of heavy four part harmon[y] group vocals and a very heavy beat ... that the kids could enjoy. I think we'd definitely make more money that way. 12. Cam. 4 / IAN WA Maybe after we finish the movie we could play more Rock & Roll. MARK We could all quit and form other groups and play more Rock & Roll. JEFF And more blues ... extended blues ... blues but still down and funky even thought you extended it ... George knows what I'm talkin' about, don't you George? 13. Cam. 3 / GEORGE CU GEORGE Leave me outa this ... I come from the Jazz World and I know all about these groups that get formed and disappear with their extensions waving in the moonlight.
92 SCENE 32 (Cont) 14. Cam. 2 / MARK CU MARK You just calm down there, Duke ... 15. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF Maybe we could all form a group ... we could elect a leader ... HOWARD ... we could call it HOWARD KAYLAN WORLD! 16. Cam. 3 / IAN WA We wouldn't have to have any leader. JEFF We could just jam a lot ... 17. Cam. 2 / AYNSLEY CU ANSLEY But it would have to have a really heavy beat and be really com- mercial so the kids could enjoy it. 18. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD I wanna get laid! I am so horny I can't stand it! 19. Cam. 3 / JEFF CU JEFF Listen, if you think for a minute anybody likes this comedy music we been playing you're crazy ... that's why you don't get laid ... who wants to fuck a comedian? None of these girls can take you seriously. 20. Cam. 2 / MARK 2 SHOT MARK & JEFF You should be careful talking about that stuff. JEFF Why? Does he listen?
93 SCENE 32 (Cont) 21. Cam. 4 / IAN CU IAN He always listens. He's always watching and listening to all the guys in the band ... I been in the band for years, and I know ... he always listens! Believe me ... A hush falls over the room. CAMERA PANS round group, past the mysterious DWARF and finishes on CU JEFF. JEFF That's how he gets his material. He listens to us being natural, friendly humorous & good- natured and then he rips us off he sneaks off into a secret room some place and boils it in ammonia and gets it perverted, then he brings it back to us at a rehearsal and makes us play it. 22. Cam. 3 / IAN MS IAN I've been in the group for years and let me tell you, that is exactly ... that is precisely what he does ... he steals all his material! Exactly! 23. Cam. 2 / HOWARD 2 SHOT HOWARD & MARK All of it? MARK The stuff he doesn't steal, Murray Roman writes for him. Listen without us ... he'd be nothing. 24. Cam. 4 / GEORGE (pointing past CAMERA MS GEORGE out of the set) What's that over there? HOWARD steps into HOWARD (amazed) shot It's him! He's watching us! MARK steps in. MARK (mumbling to JEFF) You think he heard us?
94 SCENE 32 (Cont) 24. Continued And IAN IAN (loud whisper to MARK) I been in the band for years and you can bet that he heard every- thing! JEFF steps in. JEFF (mumbling to HOWARD) Let's go over and pretend to be nice to him. HOWARD (whispers to GEORGE) Let's go over and pretend we don't know he's watching ... MARK (whispers to GEORGE) ... and ripping off all our good material! 25. Cam. 3 / WA THEY ALL rise and walk past CAMERA 4. Behind the camera is a Director's chair, in which is slumped the partially mutilated Zappa dummy. They gather around it. 26. Cam. 2 / WA The DWARF can be seen rising from the corner and sneaking out to record their speeches. HOWARD Hi man. IAN Hi Frank. MARK Hi, man. AYNSLEY Hi, Frank.
95 SCENE 32 (Cont) 26. Continued JEFF Hi, man. GEORGE Hi, Frank. 27. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK That's a great new comedy song you wrote ... the one about the penis & everything. I was laughing a lot while I was learning it. 28. Cam. 2 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Yeah, Frank ... uh ... it was a little hard to get into it at first, but once we got the drift ... 29. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF (as if from the dummy's point of That's a great part you got in there view) for the chorus where they go 'Ran Tan Toon Toon Na Na Hanninn' where I steal the room and every- thing ... 30. Cam. 3 / CU DUMMY I don't even mind you rippin' it off me so long as I get paid. 31. Cam. 2 / MARK CU MARK Me too ... I don't even care about the part where he goes "What can I say about this elixir" so long as me an' Howard & Jeff get credit for special material ... 32. Super Cam. 1 Caption / "Special Material by Mark Volman, Howard Kaylan & Jeff Simmons"
96 SCENE 32 (Cont) 33. Cam. 4 / IAN WA I'll see you guys later. HOWARD Where are you going, man? IAN I have to conduct the next orchestra section ... with Motorhead and the Industrial Vacuum Cleaner and the hot nun debris and so forth ... 34. Cam. 2 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Nun debris? Where is he at? What does this stuff mean in this movie? 35. Cam. 4 / JEFF WA He's out of his fuckin' mind. IAN I'll see you guys later (He exits) AYNSLEY I'm going too, lads. HOWARD Where are you going? 36. Cam. 3 / AYNSLEY CU AYNSLEY I am going to try out my new binoculars. 37. Cam. 2 / MARK 2 SHOT MARK & AYNSLEY What do you do, man ... you look through the binoculars & beat your meat to it or what? AYNSLEY That depends largely on what I see through the binoculars.
97 SCENE 32 (Cont) 38. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD What if you see Dick Barber's forehead? 39. Cam. 2 / AYNSLEY WA You can't see it too good with that industrial vacuum cleaner costume and the hose and every- thing ... it's sort of incognito! 40. Cam. 3 / MARK, HOWARD & JEFF WA Wha ... ? 41. Cam. 4 / JEFF 2 SHOT JEFF & MARK Did you hear that? MARK I heard it. He said, 'Incognito!' JEFF Rivet Boy Dunbar, ladies and gentlemen, Lord/God/King of the snappy retort ... and here he is ... 42. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Yes Dunbar, you lustful Liver- pudlian Lycanthrope, your retorts have been remarkably, snappy just now. Something must be wrong ... 43. Cam. 2 / MARK CU MARK There's some bad brown acid going around, Aynsley ... you can take it with a grain of salt, heh-heh-heh ... 44. Cam. 4 / AYNSLEY CU AYNSLEY I didn't mean to upset you, lads, but the reason my retorts were so snappy is because he's making me do this ... I should imagine he's making you do yours too, isn't he?
98 SCENE 32 (Cont) 45. Cam. 3 / HOWARD WA Get out of here, you creep ... you even used to live in his house! AYNSLEY I'll see you later, lads! (He exits) 46. Cam. 2 / MARK 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD Howard ... he's right. HOWARD I know he is. You might as well admit it too, Simmons. 47. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF Right ... it's pathetic. He's making me do this. I can't help myself. Suicide imminent ... 48. Cam. 3 / GEORGE CU GEORGE Listen, er, um ... he's making me leave here now, so ... uh ... I'll see you when we play ... should be about another fifteen minutes after that thing Ian's gonna conduct. (He waves and exits) 49. Cam. 4 / WA. ZOOM into DWARF. The DWARF comes out of the corner, creeping along the wall, pretending to be incon- spicuous on his way to the door. 50. Cam. 3 / 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD THEY ALL see him. 51. Cam. 4 / CU DWARF He sees them and still pretends to be incon- spicuous.
99 SCENE 32 (Cont) 52. Cam. 3 / MARK, HOWARD & JEFF 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD They look at each other MAN! (MARK, HOWARD & JEFF) in disbelief. 53. Cam. 4 / DWARF CU DWARF Listen, er, um ... he's making me leave here now, so ... uh I'll see you later when we play. 54. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD What? 55. Cam. 4 / DWARF CU DWARF I don't expect you to understand that ... because we haven't formed our group yet. 56. Cam. 2 / MARK CU MARK When's that supposed to happen? 57. Cam. 4 / DWARF CU DWARF Jeff's the one who's going to form it. 58. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD What the fuck is going on here? ZOOM OUT to include the rest who gather round. JEFF (motions for group to come closer) Okay ... listen, you guys ... we're going to form another group ... Zappa'll never know the difference so long as we keep on bein' nice to him ... 59. Cam. 4 / CU DWARF PAN DOWN to DWARF's tape recorder. The reels are still going round.
100 SCENE 32 (Cont) 60. Mix. Cam. 2 / MARK WA Over cam. 4 (i.e. the dummy's shoulder) Right. JEFF Look its simple ... this group'll be commercial ... it'll have blues extensions and everything. Mark'll play the bass, Howard'll sing and play sax, I'll play lead guitar, and the Dwarf'll be the drummer. Slow zoom into JEFF HOWARD This guy isn't even a dwarf! JEFF (unperturbed) That's one of the reasons my group'll be so commercial. 61. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK But what about the rest of the guys in the band? 62. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF They're already forming other groups all over the place ... why wait till the end of the movie? We could have a hit single right away! 63. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK Sure ... we don't need Aynsley or George or Ian or ... 64. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF Listen ... HE needs us remember ... we don't need him ... all those other guys are TOO OLD for rock .. they're out of it! We can have a tight little heavy little group with this Dwarf here ... he used to play drums for Leon Russell.
101 SCENE 32 (Cont) 65. Cam. 2 / HOWARD WA You're right, Simmons ... they are too old. MARK Zappa's thirty ... thirty years old! HOWARD He's out of it ... you're right. He should retire. JEFF Really ... you can't trust old people. We should take up a collection and buy him a watch.
[>> SCENES 33-56]


Special thanks to Charles Ulrich (scans) and Chayne Quinn (typing!).