You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6

(Zappa, 2CD, Rykodisc RCD 10091/92, July 10, 1992)

disc 1

  1. The M.O.I. Anti-Smut Loyalty Oath 2:59
  2. The Poodle Lecture 5:00
  3. Dirty Love 2:37
  4. Magic Fingers 2:19
  5. The Madison Panty-Sniffing Festival 2:42
  6. Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me? 3:59
  7. Father O'Blivion 2:19
  8. Is That Guy Kidding Or What? 4:00
  9. I'm So Cute 1:37
  10. White Person 2:05
  11. Lonely Person Devices 3:11
  12. Ms. Pinky 1:58
  13. Shove It Right In 6:43
  14. Wind Up Working In A Gas Station 2:30
  15. Make A Sex Noise 3:07
  16. Tracy Is A Snob 3:52
  17. I Have Been In You 5:02
  18. Emperor Of Ohio 1:29
  19. Dinah-Moe Humm 3:14
  20. He's So Gay 2:32
  21. Camarillo Brillo 3:07
  22. Muffin Man 2:25

disc 2

  1. NYC Halloween Audience 0:44
  2. The Illinois Enema Bandit 8:02
  3. Thirteen (Shankar/FZ) 6:06
  4. Lobster Girl (O'Hearn/Colaiuta/FZ) 2:18
  5. Black Napkins 5:19
  6. We're Turning Again 4:54
  7. Alien Orifice 4:14
  8. Catholic Girls 4:02
  9. Crew Slut 5:31
  10. Tryin' To Grow A Chin 3:31
  11. Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance 3:44
  12. Lisa's Life Story (Popeil/FZ) 3:03
  13. Lonesome Cowboy Nando 5:13
  14. 200 Motels Finale 3:41
  15. Strictly Genteel 6:56

Arranged, produced, compiled and edited by Frank Zappa

Recording engineers: FZ, Kerry McNab, Mick Glossop, George Douglas, Bob Stone, Davey Moire, Joe Chiccarelli, Mark Pinske, Bob Liftin, Barry Keene
Remix engineers: Bob Stone, Spence Chrislu, Joe Chiccarelli
Remix facility: UMRK, Sun West Recorders

disc 1

1. The M.O.I. Anti-Smut Loyalty Oath 2:59

Tully Gymnasium, Florida State University, Tallahassee, Florida
October 9, 1970

FZ—vocal
Mark Volman—vocal
Howard Kaylan—vocal
Jeff Simmons—vocal
George Duke—keyboards, vocal
Ian Underwood—vocal
Aynsley Dunbar—drums, vocal

Voice #1: Frank, the girls are comin' to get ya
FZ: Great . . .

Emcee: Frank Zappa, Mothers Of Invention, hey!

Girl #1: Frank! Sign us, please! Come on, please!
Guy #1: Hi, man!
Girl #1: Don't touch, I gotta get his autograph
Girl #2: Hey Frank
Guy #2: Frank!
Mother: Testing, 1-2-3-4, testing
Guy #3: Far fuckin' out!
Girl #3: Wowie Zowie
Aynsley: This is a test
Mother: Oh, my hair is getting good in the back

FZ: Okay, listen, this is very important, okay? Your attention please. An important public announcement: It is necessary for me to tell you at this point that there is a clause in our contract here tonight that says if anything nasty happens on stage, terrible things happen to us, so!
Audience: Boooo! Boooo!
FZ: We just, we just want to assure you that our only interest here is doing a swell job for you.
Audience: Yay!
FZ: However! It is also necessary to prove our good intentions before we begin by reciting our MOTHERS OF INVENTION ANTI-SMUT LOYALTY OATH.
Audience: Yeay! Yeah!
FZ: If the members of our rocking teen combo will please repeat after me:

I, Frank
(I, Jeff Simmons/Mark Volman/Howard Kaylan/Ian Underwood/George Duke/Aynsley Dunbar)
Do hereby solemnly swear
(Do hereby solemnly swear)
In accordance with the regulations in the contract with this here rock & roll engagement
(In accordance with regulations in the contract of this here rock & roll engagement)
And the imbecilic laws of the state of Florida
(And the IMBECILIC laws of the state of Florida)
And respective regulations perpetrated by rednecks everywhere
(And respective regulations perpetrated by REDNECKS EVERYWHERE)
DO HEREBY SOLEMNLY SWEAR
(DO HEREBY SOLEMNLY SWEAR)
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES
(UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES)
TO REVEAL MY TUBE
(TO REVEAL MY TUBE)
WAD
(WAD)
DINGUS
(DINGUS)
WEE-WEE
(WEE-WEE)
AND/OR PENIS ANY PLACE ON THIS STAGE.
(AND/OR PENIS ANY PLACE ON THIS STAGE.)
This does not include private showings in the motel room however.
(This does not include private showings in the motel room, which is the Ramada Inn.)

2. The Poodle Lecture 5:00

The Palladium, NYC
October 30, 1977

FZ—vocal
Adrian Belew—guitar
Tommy Mars—keyboards
Peter Wolf—keyboards
Ed Mann—percussion
Patrick O'Hearn—bass
Terry Bozzio—drums

FZ:

In the beginning God made 'the light.' Shortly thereafter God made three big mistakes. The first mistake was called MAN, the second mistake was called WO-MAN, and the third mistake was the invention of THE POODLE. Now the reason the poodle was such a big mistake is because God originally wanted to build a Schnauzer, but he fucked up. Now a long time ago, the poodle used to be a very attractive dog. The poodle had hair evenly distributed all over its small piquant canine type BODY. That's the way it used to be, the poodle used to be a regular looking dog. You know it's true, I guess you do too. (Oh, I have to kiss you? Oh okay.)

Anyway listen, check this out. The poodle used to look good, you know the regular dogs that used to hang out in the neighborhood looked at the poodle, didn't think anything of it. You know, they didn't use to make fun of it in the olden days. But the WO-MAN, as you know, has always been much smarter than the MAN.

Guy In The Audience:

You're the best!

FZ:

That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away, okay. Now you're interrupting my story, now listen . . . What is that? Is that the Tower of Power or what? Oh no no, it's one of those dope fiend devices, take it away. Now listen:

The WO-MAN has always been much smarter than the MAN, you know this is true. And so it was since the beginning of time. The MAN would do anything to get some pussy. And that's why the WO-MAN always had control over him.

In the beginning the WO-MAN looked the MAN directly into the eye and said: "I tell you what, why don't you go get a job because I could use a few nice things around the house. Mainly what I need is a clipper, a scissors, and a pair of zircon encrusted tweezers." (Thank you very much.)

And of course the MAN did his duty as they say in the trade. He went out and he got a goddamn job. Went out and pushed that broom around for about a dollar-2.98 an hour, brought his money back to the garden of Eden and gave that money to the WO-MAN.

The WO-MAN ran out the back door of the garden of Eden, went directly to the hardware store, got the clippers, the scissors and the zircon encrusted tweezers and came back and, while the MAN was very tired from having his job, while he was sleeping, the WO-MAN got a hold of the POODLE. Because the WO-MAN had noticed earlier that the length and proportion of the poodle oral appendage, the tongue of the dog in other words, ladies and gentlemen, was very much to her liking, except that this dog had too goddamn much hair on it. It didn't have the disco look that's so popular nowadays.

And so the WO-MAN set out to modify the aforementioned dog. Let me get a little uh, visual aid . . .

Now she took the dog and she cleaned it up a little bit. You see, she took a little bit off the back-part here, around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies. Got all of the unwanted extraneous material off this area which we shall call Burbank. Then she set the little sucker up like this, really nice, got his mouth set up like that. And squatted right ON HIM. Looking down into the dog's eyes. She looked down into the dog's eyes, do you know what she said to the dog? She said:

3. Dirty Love 2:37

Hammersmith Odeon, London, UK
February 18, 1979

FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Ike Willis—guitar/vocals
Denny Walley—slide guitar/vocals
Warren Cuccurullo—guitar
Tommy Mars—keyboards/vocals
Peter Wolf—keyboards
Ed Mann—percussion
Arthur Barrow—bass
Vinnie Colaiuta—drums

Give me
Your dirty love
Like you might surrender
To some dragon in your dreams

Give me
Your dirty love
Like a pink donation
To the dragon in your dreams

I don't want your sweet devotion
I don't want your cheap emotion
Whip me up some dragon lotion
For your dirty love
That dirty love
That dirty love
That dirty love

Give me
Your dirty love
Like some tacky little pamphlet
In your daddy's bottom drawer

Give me
Your dirty love
I don't believe you never seen
His book before

I don't want your reservation
I don't need your perspiration
I only got one destination
An' that's your dirty love
That dirty love
That dirty love
That dirty love (awright!)

Give me
Your dirty love
(Ooh-hoo)
Just like your mama
Make her fuzzy poodle do

Give me
(Ow-haa)
Your dirty love
(Ooh-hoo)
The way your mama
Make that nasty poodle chew

I'll ignore your cheap aroma
And your little-bo-peep diploma
I'll just put you in a coma
With some dirty love
That dirty love
That dirty love
That dirty love (Everybody poodle!) (Alright!)

THE POODLE BITES!
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
THE POODLE BITES!
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
THE POODLE BITES!
(Simulated merriment live in London)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
THE POODLE BITES!
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Little paws sticking up!)
THE POODLE BITES!
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Little curly head!)

THE POODLE BITES!
(Little paws sticking up!)

THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
THE POODLE BITES!
(And the little curly head)

THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(The little teeny weeny black poodle lips)
THE POODLE BITES!
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Not a speck of cereal for my dog!)
THE POODLE BITES!
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
THE POODLE BITES!
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
THE POODLE BITES!
'N THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
THE POODLE BITES!
(Come on, Frenchie!)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
Awright . . .

4. Magic Fingers 2:19

includes a quotation from Louie Louie (Richard Berry)

Berkeley Community Theater
December 5, 1980

FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Ike Willis—guitar/vocal
Ray White—guitar/vocal
Steve Vai—stunt guitar
Tommy Mars—keyboards/vocal
Bob Harris—keyboards/vocal
Arthur Barrow—bass/vocal
Vinnie Colaiuta—drums

Ooh, the way you love me, baby,
I get so hard now I could die, aaahh!
An' ooh, the way you love me, sugar,
I get so hard now I could die (why don'tcha . . . )

Open up your pocketbook,
Get another quarter out,
Drop it in the meter, mama
Try me on for size, yeah!
Open up your pocketbook,
Get another quarter out,
Drop it in the meter, mama
Try me on for size (say . . . )

Ooh, the way you squeeze me, honey,
Red balloons just pop behind my eyes, say!
Ooh, the way you squeeze me, girl,
Red balloons just pop behind my eyes, oh!

Open up your pocketbook,
Get another quarter out,
Drop it in the meter, mama
Try me on for size
(It ain't that big!)
Open up your pocketbook,
Get another quarter out,
Drop it in the meter, mama
Try me on for size

Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooh
Oh! You got that kind of love that lingers
Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooh
Hey girl! This here bed's got magic fingers

Been a-rollin' on the bed since the show got out
Now I'm gettin' weak in the knees
Must have did it eighty, ninety times
It might have been a hundred
But you're the kind of girl that I really wanna please
You're the kind of girl that I really wanna please
(Oh, girl . . . hoo!)

Do you really wanna please me?
(You know I do)
Ah, tell me why you do it
I really wanna know
(Well, it wouldn't be right
For me to tell you tonight)
You better tell me right away
Or I dress up and go!
(Don't get mad
It ain't no big thing)
You better tell me right away,
Don't you treat me cold
(HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT!)
I'm holding it
(It's good for you)
I'm holding it
(It's good for you)
I'm really holding it
(I know you're really holding it
And it's so very very good for you
I wish you'd let go of the pants now
Oh, let go of the pants!)

5. The Madison Panty-Sniffing Festival 2:42

includes a quotation from Killer Joe (Golson)

Dane County Coliseum, Madison, Wisconsin
November 16, 1980

FZ—vocal
Ike Willis—guitar/vocal
Ray White—guitar
Steve Vai—stunt guitar
Tommy Mars—keyboards
Bob Harris—keyboards
Arthur Barrow—bass
Vinnie Colaiuta—drums/vocal

FZ: Well it's contest time ladies and gentlemen. Direct from Madison, Wisconsin, it's the Madison Panty-Sniffing Festival, just as promised.
Vinnie: Cough!
FZ: Heavy duty?
Guy From The Audience: Did it taste good?
FZ: Maroon nylon heavy duty. Okay . . . Light blue cotton with tiny skid . . . . That's getting him very excited because it appears that the bottom parts of those pants are welded together. Okay let's try this, alice blue nylon . . .
Vinnie: These smell like the same ones I had last night.
FZ: For those of you who didn't hear he says those smell like the same ones he had last night. Did you like them? You don't like those?
Vinnie: Maybe they are, maybe she's following us around.
FZ: Black nylon!
Vinnie: Ooooohhhh please!
FZ: Black nylon, re . . . e-hem, registring a 19 on the Richter scale.
Vinnie: Oh, God . . . gotta keep on . . . hah hah, it's fuckin' disgusting!
FZ: These are very light blue and apparently have come in contact with some corrosive material that has eaten the bottom out of it.
Vinnie: China syndrome.
FZ: What?
Vinnie: China syndrome!
FZ: Yeah, ha ha ha ha ha! Awright, rustic hokey pokey, model number thirteen.
Vinnie: Oorhh, nehh. (hack, hack)
FZ: Blue with the little embroidered things on the front.
Vinnie: This smells like armpits. Ugh . . .
FZ: Okay who wins? Those belong to Chuck Eldridge.
Ike: Hi.
FZ: Sorry.

6. Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me? 3:59

includes a quotation from The Twilight Zone (Constant)

Towson Center, Maryland
March 23, 1988

FZ—lead guitar, computer-synth, vocal
Ike Willis—rhythm guitar, vocal
Mike Keneally—rhythm guitar, synth, vocal
Bobby Martin—keyboards, vocal
Ed Mann—vibes, marimba, electronic percussion
Walt Fowler—trumpet, flugelhorn, synth
Bruce Fowler—trombone
Paul Carman—alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax
Albert Wing—tenor sax
Kurt McGettrick—baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet
Scott Thunes—electric bass, Minimoog
Chad Wackerman—drums, electronic percussion

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me

He was the Playboy Type (he smoked a pipe)
His fav'rite phrase was "OUTA-SITE!"
He had an Irish Setter
(Arf!)

It was a singles bar, a Tuesday night
The moon was dim, the band was tight
They did the Bump together

What a splendid sight
(Roh-hon doon doon)
Her teeth were white
(Roo-teeh roo-teeh)
The shorts were striped (it was Ladies Nite)
He was glad that he met her

He was an office boy (His name was Betty")
Her fav'rite group was TWISTED SISTER
(They discussed the weather) AAAH!

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Man!

She was a lonely sort, just a little too short
Her jokes were dumb and her fav'rite sport
Was hockey (in the winter)
(Mumble-mumble . . . He scores!)

He was duly impressed and was quick to suggest
Any sport with a SCHMUCK had to be 'bout the best
As he jabbed his elbow in her (get it honey? Get it honey?)
(I mean that, I mean that)

Later on they went off to where the music was soft,
The candles were drippy, they saw a REAL HIPPY
Who delivered their dinner

(Hey . . . ) The rice was brown, and soon they found
That the crowd around that had jammed the room,
Well it seemed to be getting thinner

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Man!

He took her home to a motor court (hey . . . )
She wouldn't kiss him, he tried to ignore it,
But it made him angry!
(You know it, I spent so much fuckin' money on you,
An' you just make me look like an ASSHOLE!)

He called her a pig
(Pig pig pig . . . )
A slut
(Slut slut slut . . . )
And a whore
(Whore whore whore . . . )
A bitch
(Bitch bitch bitch . . . )
And a Republican
(Republican!)
And she slammed the door
(The door!)
In a petulant frenzy!
(A petulant frenzy!
This is a petulant frenzy!
I'm petulant,
And I'm having a frenzy!)

On the sofa she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she peeps
Through the curtain

He just got in his car
But the battery's dead
So he has to use the phone
And she gives him some head
And that's the sound of Long Island

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Man!
Baby don't you want a man sometimes?

7. Father O'Blivion 2:19

Hordern Pavilion, Sydney, Australia
June 25, 1973

FZ—guitar/vocal
Sal Marquez—trumpet
Jean-Luc Ponty—violin
George Duke—keyboards
Ian Underwood—woodwinds
Ruth Underwood—percussion
Bruce Fowler—trombone
Tom Fowler—bass
Ralph Humphrey—drums

FZ: Ladies and Gentlemen, making his first Sydney appearance, maybe his second Sydney appearance, we don't know what he does in his spare time. Bring the band on down behind me, boys. Hold it.

Father Vivian O'Blivion
Resplendent in his frock
Was whipping up the batter
For the pancakes of his flock
He was looking rather bleary
(He forgot to watch the clock)
Because the night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked his smock
An' that set him off in such a frenzy
He sang LOCK AROUND THE CROCK
An' he topped it off with a WOO WOO WOO
An' he topped it off with a WOO WOO
An' he topped it off with a WOO WOO
As he stumbled on his COCK
Oh Lord! He was delighted when it stiffened
And it ripped right through his sock
Oh, Saint Alfonzo would be proud of me
He shouted down the block
And as soon as he did that,
A crowd of people gathered around.
All the faithful
Came right up to him.
They wanted to look at the pink thing
Sticking out from the bottom of his
Tasteful discreet black nylon man-of-the-cloth type stocking.
And there it was, and here it was, and he went, "hey hey,"
And they all went, "ho-ho."
And he calmed them
With a gesture that he'd learned
At an extension course in divinity school
He gave 'em one of these,
And then he went,
And then he went,
He gave 'em a few Dominus Vobiscums
They shut right up
He sat right there very still
And then he looked them all in the eye
Every last one of 'em
He gazed at everyone of 'em
And he looked them all in the eye
And he turned to 'em each and everyone
Each in his, each in his own words, each in his own way
And he turned to 'em and he said:

8. Is That Guy Kidding Or What? 4:00

The Palladium, NYC
October 30, 1977

FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Adrian Belew—guitar/vocal
Tommy Mars—keyboards
Peter Wolf—keyboards
Ed Mann—percussion
Patrick O'Hearn—bass
Terry Bozzio—drums

Awright. See that? That's what you call a new song. When I'm gonna stand up here and read the son of a bitch while I'm doing it. We figured that this is a good place to do this song. It's only been performed once before and that was the, the evening after it was actually written in uh, Boston. I'll tell you the story of this song. This is called CREATIVE DEVIATION FROM THE NORMAL PART OF THE PROGRAM, simply because you trust the audience's good taste so much that you know that even if the band fucks up they'll go along with it. Awright. Because, ladies and gentlemen, this song has an important message and I believe this message has to be brought to the people of this great metropolitan area.

Awright, now check this out. How many of you people feel that ROCK has gotten entirely TOO PREPOSTEROUS? I see that you're not all convinced. Some of you believe that ROCK is REAL. I can see that there was probably about 20 percent of the audience has had it up to here, and the rest of you people still believe in that shit. Okay, well this is dedicated to the rest of you people that still believe in that shit.

Now check this out: How d— how do you rationalize the appearance of an album entitled I'm In You? I mean, wha . . . what, what is that? Is that guy kidding? (What, I gotta kiss you again? Okay.) Really, look, all kidding aside, folks. Let's think about the world of rock, just for a moment. Some of you already have those cute little shirts on that say "disco sucks," right? That's not all that sucks. 'Course Warner Brothers sucks, but besides Warner Brothers there are other things about this business that really suck. One of 'em is the way in which the subject of LOVE is dealt with in the lyrics of various 'serious rock artists,' the intensive-care contingent of the rock world. These people, these people are FUCKED UP, I mean, they're really FUCKED UP. Because see, love isn't the way they're telling you about it, you know, they're telling you wrong. I'm gonna tell you right, you see.

Now all of the ladies in the audience, you get to have fantasy time. This is female fantasy hour. Okay? You're a teen-age girl, right? You have abducted the succulent popstar of your choice, right? You have taken the aforementioned popstar, who is really cute and Aryan and eats a lot of crumpets, back to your teen-age room. That's right, spindle twice. You have taken this turkey back to your room, you have laid on your teen-age bed, you have put your teen-age legs up in the air, you have actually taken your own teen-age pants off. You have the teen-age red bulb on, right next to the bed. The curtains are drawn, it's dark, it's midnight. You put on a Phoebe Snow record, you're really relaxing. Tears come to your eyes, you are sensitive, you are in love. The popstar of your choice takes off his pants and climbs on top of you, and the next thing you know you hear this little voice in your ear and it says:

"I'M IN YOU!"

9. I'm So Cute 1:37

Santa Monica Civic Auditorium
December 11, 1980, late show

FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Ike Willis—guitar/vocal
Ray White—guitar/vocal
Steve Vai—stunt guitar
Tommy Mars—keyboards/vocal
Bob Harris—keyboards/vocals
Arthur Barrow—bass
Vinnie Colaiuta—drums

Aw, I knew you'd be surprised . . .
One Two Three Four!

Ain't it sorry
Ain't it sad
So many ugly people
I feel bad
I'm so cute
They're so homely
Some of them
At home 'n lonely
Wish they could be
Very cute like me
They will never
Get to be
Some folks got it
Some folks don't
Some so ugly
They never won't

Everybody
See my hair
See my clothes
I'm sure you care
Vinnie C
Is really neat
Watch the way he sniff that seat
(That's really good. What're you gonna do next?)
Sweet as honey
He's a piece of cake
Full of starch and sausage
As he did bake
Vitamin pills
He never takes
Watch him while his nostrils break
Nostrils break
Nostrils break
They must be fake

Oh I'm so subdued
Ted Nugent, huh, babe, y'know?
'N I was really digging into that fucking steak.
And then all of a sudden the pigs came and I bailed on the stench

A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda
A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
A-rennda-rennda-rahhh
A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda
A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
A-rennda-rennda-rahhh
A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda
A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
A-rennda-rennda-rahhh
A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda
A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
A-rennda-rennda-rahhh

Ugly is bad
And bad is wrong
And wrong is sinful
And sin leads to eternal damnation
An' hot burnin' fire
Hot burnin' fire
Hot burnin' fire
Hot burnin' fire
Screams of agony
Screams of agony
Screams of agony
Screams of agony
Arrrrrrghhhhhhh! Ahh . . . ahh . . .

10. White Person 2:05

Hemmerleinhalle, Neunkirchen am Brand, Germany
February 25, 1978

FZ—lead guitar
Adrian Belew—guitar/vocal
Tommy Mars—keyboards/vocal
Peter Wolf—keyboards/vocal
Ed Mann—percussion/vocal
Patrick O'Hearn—bass/vocal
Terry Bozzio—drums/vocal

. . . ahh . . .

Golf . . . shoes
(Sport shirt!)
White Person
(BLOW-JOB)
Come on sailor give us a kiss.
Come on honey. You know I love you.

Shit hook (alright!)
Shit hook
Shit-hook . . . shit-hook

(BLOW-JOB)
Shit hook
(BLOW-JOB!)
Shit hook?
(BLOW-JOB)
Shit hook
(BLOW-JOB!)
White person!
(BLOW-JOB)
Ha ha . . . A white person
Shit hook
Golf shoes
A white person
(Sport shirt!)
(Boyfriend)
White Person
Shit hook
White person
(Boyfriend)
White person
It . . . per . . . son
It was a white person
Shit-hook, shit-hook
(Sport shirt . . . )
AAAAAH . . .

(BLOW-JOB)
Shit hook
White Person
Golf shoes
(Boyfriend!)

(Sport . . . shirt!)
(Boyfriend!)
(Sport . . . shirt!)
White Person
(Boyfriend)
White Person
(BLOW-JOB)
White per . . . white
(BLOW-JOB!)
White person!
(Sport shirt!)
AAAAAAHHH . . .
AWWWWWWWW . . .

11. Lonely Person Devices 3:11

speech over the vamp from Black Napkins

Tivolis Koncertsal, Copenhagen, Denmark
March 3, 1976 (early show)

FZ—guitar/vocal
Napoleon Murphy Brock—sax/vocals
André Lewis—keyboards
Roy Estrada—bass
Terry Bozzio—drums

Has anybody ever seen Ms. Pinky?

(Yeahhh, wow!)

Hey, now you're gonna know what I'm talking about. We're gonna dedicate this whole song to Ms. Pinky. For those of you who don't know about Ms. Pinky: We recently visited that colorful country Finland, and were met at the airport by a gentleman named Erik. Erik sees us everytime we go to Finland, he's a very nice person. He collects autographs and gives us presents. And when we left Finland, Erik gave me a magazine to read on the airplane, it was one of his favorite books.

Now a lot of people have heard quite a bit about Danish pornography, but have you ever heard of Finnish pornography? It's real different. He gave me a Finnish pornographic magazine that had some girls in it that I couldn't even believe that they would take pictures of 'em. There was one or two in there that looked like Grace Slick but the rest of 'em were hurtin', really hurtin'. And of course the quality of the color photography was just a little bit too far in the red direction, you know, they printed too much red and they were showing a lot of girls with red shoes, big like this. But when it got down to the business-like details of that interesting zone between the legs these hunks of meat hanging down from the little bushes of hair all looked like they were horribly infected!

Anyway, thumbing through the magazine, there was an advertisement in there for a product, it's a lonely person product, and I know you have quite a few lonely person products here in Denmark: There's so many shops that are dedicated to the needs of the lonely German, the lonely Italian, the lonely American and the lonely Spanish person that drifts into your territory. Now, there are many lonely person products, you know, the most basic of all of these is the vibrator. And uh, it, it can be very usefull and entertaining used properly. But when you start branching out to little things like Rover's Reamer . . . Has anybody ever seen Rover's Reamer? It's a plastic dog dick about this long with a crank in the end of it. Now that is definitely a lonely person product, and Ms. Pinky is another one of those special lonely person products.

Ms. Pinky is shorter than the average girl because she doesn't have a BODY, all she's got is a HEAD. She's got a rubber head and her eyes are closed and her mouth is WIDE OPEN an she's got her lips rolled back over her teeth so she doesn't hurt you very much. And she's washable. So we're gonna dedicate this song to Ms. Pinky for all the good work that she has done for everybody who sent away for her in the Finnish magazine, and especially for the guy in the back who has probably got Ms. Pinky sitting in his lap right now, tucked away underneath of his overcoat, just down there, having a good time . . .

12. Ms. Pinky 1:58

Santa Monica Civic Auditorium
December 11, 1980, early show

FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Ike Willis—guitar/vocal
Ray White—guitar/vocal
Steve Vai—stunt guitar
Tommy Mars—keyboards/vocal
Bob Harris—keyboards/vocals
Arthur Barrow—bass
Vinnie Colaiuta—drums

I got a girl with a little rubber head
Rinse her out every night just before I go to bed
She never talk back like a lady might do
An' she looks like she loves it every time I get through

And her name is
P-I-N-K-Y
P-I-N I cry
K-Y don't be shy
$69.95, boy
Give her a try

Her eyes is all shut in an ecstasy face
You can cram it down her throat, people, any old place
Throw the little switch on her battery pack
You can poot it, you can shoot it till your wife gets back

And her name is
P-I-N-K-Y
P-I-N, I cry
K-Y, don't be shy
$69.95, boy
Give her a try

I got a girl with a little rubber head
Rinse her out every night just before I go to bed
She never talk back like a lady might do
An' she looks like she loves it every time I get through

And her name is
P-I-N-K-Y
P-I-N, I cry
K-Y, don't be shy
$69.95, boy
Give her a try
$69.95, boy
Give her a try (hey . . . )
$69.95, boy
Give her a try
(Your ideal computer date is here and available now.)

13. Shove It Right In 6:43

Fillmore East, NYC
June 5-6, 1971

FZ—guitar
Mark Volman—vocal
Howard Kaylan—vocal
Jim Pons—bass/vocal
Bob Harris—keyboards
Ian Underwood—keyboards/alto sax
Aynsley Dunbar—drums

She painted up her face
She sat before the mirror
She painted up her face
She drew the mirror nearer

Practisissing, Practiss, Practicing!

The STARE! (The STARE!)
The STARE! (The 'SECRET STARE'!)

(The 'secret stare' she would use
If a worthy-looking victim should appear) (Say!)

Practisissing, Practiss, Practicing!
(Ah-hoo-ah-hoo-ah-hoo-ahhhh)
Practisissing, Practiss, Practicing!

The clock upon the wall
Has struck the midnight hour!
She finishes her call;
Her girlfriend's in the shower

Practisissing, Practiss, Practicing!

Half a dozen provocative squats!
Out of the shower, she squeezes her spots;
Brushes her teeth;
Shoots a deodorant spray up her twat . . .
(It's getting her, getting her
Hot—Oh-woh-woh-woh-woh-woh)
She's just twenty-four
And she can't get off,
A sad but typical case, yeah
Last dude to do her
Got in and got soft;
She blew it,
And laughed in his face, yeah!
Face, yeah!
Yeah (yeah . . . )

She chooses all the clothes
She'll wear tonight to dance in, yeah!
The places that she goes
Are filled with guys from groups,
(Yeah-yeah-yeah)
Waiting for a chance to break her pants in

PROVOCATIVE SQUATS!
(gum-me-on-m'lung-a)
PROVOCATIVE SQUATS!
(gum-me-on-m'lung-a)
PROVOCATIVE SQUATS!
(gum-me-on-m'lung-a)
PROVOCATIVE SQUATS!
(gum-me-on-m'lung-a)

Well, at least there's sort of a choice there;
Twenty or thirty at times there have been—
Somewhat desirable boys there—
Dressed really spiffy, with long hair—
Waiting for girls they can shove it right in

Well, at least there's sort of a choice there;
Twenty or thirty at times there have been—
Somewhat desirable boys there—
Dressed really spiffy, with long hair—
Waiting for girls they can shove it right in

That's right, shove it right in.
And pull it right out!
And shove it in again.

14. Wind Up Workin' In A Gas Station 2:30

The Spectrum, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
October 29, 1976

FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Ray White—guitar/vocal
Bianca Odin—keyboards/vocal
Eddie Jobson—keyboards
Patrick O'Hearn—bass
Terry Bozzio—drums/vocal

This here song might offend you some
If it does, it's because you're dumb
That's the way it is where I come from
If you've been there too, let me see your thumb

Let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)
Oh, let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)

Ah, let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)
Oh, let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)

Ah, let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)
Yeah, let me see your thumb, now
(Let me see your thumb)

Ah, let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)
Yeah, let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)

Ah, let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)
Ah, let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)

Ah, ah, let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)
Ow! Ah, let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)

Oh, let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)
Yeah, let me see your thumb, now
(Let me see your thumb)

Yeah, let me see your thumb, now
(Let me see your thumb)
Oh, let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb) Well . . .

Show me your thumb if you're really dumb
Show me your thumb if you're really dumb
Show me your thumb if you're really dumb
Show me your thumb if you're dumb
(Yes, show me your thumb if you're dumb!)

Hey now, better make a decision
(You better make a decision)
Be a moron and keep your position
(You better keep your position)
You oughta know now all your education
(Know all your education)
Won't help you no-how, you're gonna . . .

Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station

Pumpin' the gas every night
Pumpin' the gas every night
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station

Pumpin' the gas every night
Pumpin' the gas every night, oh!
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station

Manny the Camper wants to buy some white
(Wind up workin' in a gas sta . . . Fish!)
(Wind up workin' in a gas station)
Manny the Camper wants to buy some white
(Wind up workin' in a gas sta . . . Fish!)
(Wind up workin' in a gas station)
Manny the Camper wants to buy some white
(Wind up workin' in a gas sta . . . Fish!)
(Wind up workin' in a gas station)
Manny the Camper wants to buy some white
(Wind up workin' in a gas sta . . . Fish!)

Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station

15. Make A Sex Noise 3:07

Broome County Arena, Binghamton, NY
March 17, 1988

FZ—vocal
Ike Willis—rhythm guitar, vocal
Mike Keneally—rhythm guitar, synth, vocal
Bobby Martin—keyboards, vocal
Ed Mann—vibes, marimba, electronic percussion
Walt Fowler—trumpet, flugelhorn, synth
Bruce Fowler—trombone
Paul Carman—alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax
Albert Wing—tenor sax
Kurt McGettrick—baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet
Scott Thunes—electric bass, Minimoog
Chad Wackerman—drums, electronic percussion

FZ: Now ladies and gentlemen, we don't normally do this but just because this is Saint Patrick's Day, this is our special Saint Patrick's Day program, and I even wear a green shirt and everything. We wanna try and work a little bit of, well let's just say Home Grown Irish Flavor into this program. Now bring the band on down behind me boys, this is really quite technical. You understand that each ethnic group has characteristics, and these characteristics are generally made fun of by other ethnic groups. Now I happen to feel that the Irish people in this country have gotten a "bum rap," to use a common expression. Many people feel that Irish people in America simply aren't sexy. Now in order to dispell the ethnic myth that people of the Irish persuasion are not particulary sexy, we are going to make it possible for volunteers from the audience tonight to demonstrate just how hot they are. Now what I would like to have, I would like to have at least four girls who think they are Irish to come up here . . . no, they have, no no no, they have to be volunteers, you have to volunteer for this, it can't be under duress. I, no, let me explain, this is very scientific, we need two more. Okay heh, you all think you're Irish, right? OK, ok. Now listen, quiet please, this is very very scientific. That's right. In order to prove that you are genuinely hot we're going to give you, each and every one, an opportunity to make a sex noise with musical accompaniment. And so:

Make a sex noise!
(Say)
Make a sex noise!
Make a sex noise!
Make a sex noise!
Make a sex noise!
Make a sex noise!

FZ: Now, I'm not sure that each and everyone of these contestants is truly Irish in the biblical sense of the word, but I think we have to give them credit for coming up here and representing the Irish people in Binghamton tonight. Especially when you realize that that's about the only form of safe sex left in America.
Ike: Hah hah hah!

16. Tracy Is A Snob 3:52

Salt Lake City, Utah
December 3, 1980 (late show)

FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Ike Willis—guitar/vocal
Ray White—guitar/vocal
Steve Vai—stunt guitar
Tommy Mars—keyboards/vocal
Bob Harris—keyboards/vocals
Arthur Barrow—bass
Vinnie Colaiuta—drums

One more time for the world!
One more time for the world!

17. I Have Been In You 5:02

The Palladium, NYC
October 29, 1978

FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Denny Walley—slide guitar/vocals
Tommy Mars—keyboards/vocals
Peter Wolf—keyboards
Ed Mann—percussion
Arthur Barrow—bass
Patrick O'Hearn—bass
Vinnie Colaiuta—drums

I have been in you, baby
You
Have been in me
And we
Have be
So intimately
Entwined
And it sure was fine

I have been in you, baby
You
Have been in me
And so you see
We
Have be so together
I thought that we would never
Return from forever
Return from forever
Return from forever . . .

You
Have been in me
And understandably
I have been in 'n outa you
(In 'n outa you, in 'n outa yoo-oo-ou)
An' everywhere
You want me to
(In 'n outa yoo-oo-oo-ou)
Yes, you know it's true;

And while
I was inside
I mighta been
Undignified
And that is maybe
Why you cried
I don't know
Maybe so,
But what's the difference now?

I have been in you, baby
You have been in me
Aw' little girl, there ain't no time
To wash yer stinky hand
Go 'head 'n roll over
I'm goin' in you again
In you again
In you again
Well, in you again . . .

I'm goin' in you again-ahhh
In you again, ah!
In you again-ahhh
In you again, ah!
In you again-ahhh
In you again, ah!
I'm goin' in you again-ahhh
In you again, ah!

FZ: Well little girl I told you I was goin' in you again and I wasn't lyin', or was I? No I could hardly resist going in you, because ever since I started writing love songs and everything and . . . You know it's very difficult when you're English not to write love songs because, uh . . .
Guy In The Audience: Sensitive!
FZ: What?
Guy In The Audience: So sensitive!
FZ: That's right, if you are English, you are, you are very sensitive. That's one thing I've noticed being an English person. In fact I've been an English person for almost five minutes now during this song and my sensitivity has increased to the point where, I don't know, maybe it's just all of our traditions: the tea, Winston Churchill, his large lips and everything. This kind of stuff why you start accummulating all of this civilization behind you and you know, what can you say, if you're English you're really fantastic, aren't you? So darling, it should come as absolutely no surprise to you that I went back to your little teen-age room and climbed on top of your teen-age body and took all of my English teen-age clothes off, and, you know, stuck my little lips up next to your ear and said: "I'M IN YOU! I'M IN YOU! I'M IN YOU! I'M IN YOU!" But I don't want you to get it wrong, you know. I don't, I don't just come over here and stick it IN YOU and IN YOU and IN YOU because I like you. It's not because . . . it's not even physical, I only do it, and remember taxes are really bad in England, the only reason I do it is to sell records. And I hope you'll understand . . .

I'm going in you again (I'M IN YOU), baby
You can go in me too,
(I'M IN YOU)
I'm goin' in you again, baby
'N later when we get through, GUESS WHAT?
I'm goin' in you again, well
In you again, ah!
In you again
I'm goin' in you again, ah!
In you again
I'm goin' in you again, ah!
In you again
I'm goin' in you again, ah!

18. Emperor Of Ohio 1:29

Salt Lake City, Utah
December 3, 1980 (late show)

FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Ike Willis—guitar/vocal
Ray White—guitar/vocal
Steve Vai—stunt guitar
Tommy Mars—keyboards/vocal
Bob Harris—keyboards/vocals
Arthur Barrow—bass
Vinnie Colaiuta—drums

Hail Caesar! Emperor of Ohio!

Zits!
Torpedo!

19. Dinah-Moe Humm 3:14

includes a quotation from Let's Dance (Bowie)

Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois
November 23, 1984, last show
(including last section of previous track)
except end from:
The Pier, NYC
August 26, 1984

FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Ike Willis—guitar/vocal
Ray White—guitar/vocal
Bobby Martin—keyboards/sax/vocal
Allan Zavod—keyboards
Scott Thunes—bass
Chad Wackerman—drums

Couldn't say where she's coming' from,
But I just met a lady Dinah-Moe Humm

Strolled on over, said look here, bum,
I got a forty-dollar bill says you can't make me cum
(No way, y'jes can't do it)

She made a bet with her sister who's a little bit dumb
She could prove it any time all men was scum
(I say scum!)

I don't mind if she called me a bum,
But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
(So I got down to it)

I whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation to her sugar plum

I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
Still didn't hear no Dinah-Moe Humm,
Dinah-Moe Humm

Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Where's this Dinah-Moe
Comin' from
I done spent three hours
An' I ain't got a crumb
From the Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe
From the Dinah-Moe Humm

Got a spot that gets me hot
An' you ain't been to it (tell!)
Got a spot that gets me hot
An' you ain't been to it
I got a spot that gets me hot
You ain't been to it
I got a spot that gets me hot
You ain't been to it
'Cause I can't get into it
Unless I get out of it
(It dices, it slices)
An' I gotta get out of it
Before I get into it
(It purées, it frappés)
'Cause I can't get into it
Unless I get out of it
(It blends and malemutes)
An' I gotta get out of it
Before I get into it
(But that's not all)

(She looked over at me with a glazed eye
And some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area
And she said . . . and here's what she said . . . )

(What'd she say?)

Just get me wasted
An' you're half-way there
'Cause if my mind's tore up,
Well, then my body don't care

I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin
An' said my-my-my
What sort of thing
Might this lady get high upon?

The forty-dollar bill didn't matter no more
When her sister got nekkid an' laid on the floor
She said Dinah-Moe might win the bet
But she could use a little (NAVY) Prince if I wasn't done yet

I told her . . .
Just because the sun
Want a place in the sky
No reason to assume
I wouldn't give her a try

So I pulled on her hair
Got her legs in the air
An' asked her if she had any cooties in there

(Whaddya mean cooties! No cooties on me!)

She was buns-up kneelin'
BUNS UP!
I was wheelin' an dealin'
WHEELIN' AN' DEALIN' AN' OOOOH!
She surrendered to the feelin'
SHE SWEETLY SURRENDERED
Started in to squealin'

Dinah-Moe watched from the edge of the bed
With her lips just twitchin' an' her face gone red
Some drool rollin' down
From the edge of her chin
While she spied the condition
Her sister was in
She quivered 'n quaked
She clutched all over herself
Her sister made a joke
About her mental health
Until Dinah-Moe finally
Did give in
But I told her
All she really needed
Was some discipline, I said . . .

Kiss my aura . . . Dora . . .
That's right . . . because it's real angora
Would y'all like some more-a?
Right here on the flora?
An' how 'bout you, Fauna?
Do you wanna?

20. He's So Gay 2:32

includes a quotation from Do You Really Want To Hurt Me (Hay/Moss/Craig/O'Dowd)

The Pier, NYC
August 26, 1984

FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Ike Willis—guitar/vocal
Ray White—guitar/vocal
Bobby Martin—keyboards/sax/vocal
Allan Zavod—keyboards
Scott Thunes—bass
Chad Wackerman—drums

He's so gay
(He's so gay)
(YEAH)
He's very very gay
He's so gay
(He's so gay)
(HE'S GAY)
And he likes to be that way
With his keys on the right
He's into rubber every night
He's so gay
He's ALMOST EVERYONE TODAY

He's okay
(He's okay)
He's got a role he wants to play
He's okay
He's just a cowboy for a day
'Course, his evening's not complete
Without some meat in the seat;
Let's skate away
Down Santa Monica today
(Well well well)

Maybe he wants a little spanking
Maybe he'll eat a little chain
Maybe his lover should be thanking him
For the way he makes it sprinkle
Into drops of GOLDEN RAIN
UH-OWWW . . .
(Let's mine the harbor . . . )

He's so gay
(He's so gay)
He rules the city in a way
You could say
(You could say)
It's sorta different today
All the taffeta and chintz
And every Leather Boy's a PRINCE
Hey hey hey!
Please don't look the other way

You could be just like him
TOMORROW!
Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!
Mah-mah-mah-mah-mah-mah
Maybe you'll get a chance
To borrow
(Borrow)
His bouquet (mmmh . . . )
And maybe later . . .
MAYBE LATER
We'll ALL BE
GAY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y!

DO YOU REALLY WANNA HURT ME?
MOO-AHHH!

21. Camarillo Brillo 3:07

includes quotations from Iron Man (Iommi/Osbourne/Butler/Ward) and Don't Cry For Me Argentina (Rice/Webber)

Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois
November 23, 1984

FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Ike Willis—guitar/vocal
Ray White—guitar/vocal
Bobby Martin—keyboards/sax/vocal
Allan Zavod—keyboards
Scott Thunes—bass
Chad Wackerman—drums

She had that
Camarillo brillo
Flamin' out along her head,
I mean her Mendocino bean-o
By where some bugs had made it red

She ruled the Toads of the Short Forest
And every newt in Idaho
And every cricket who had chorused
By the bush in Buffalo

She said she was
A Magic Mama
And she could throw a mean Tarot
And carried on without a comma
That she was someone I should know

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in
(actually, I was very busy then)

And so she wandered
Through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room

Well, I was born
To have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

She stripped away
Her rancid poncho
An' laid out naked by the door
We did it till we were un-concho
An' it was useless any more

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in

And so she wandered
Through the door-way
(Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!)
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way, oh yeah!
(Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!)
An' I could eat some broccoli up in her room

Well, I was born
To have advenchum
(Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!)
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
(Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!)
To where she hung her castanets

I chewed my way
Through her rancid panocha
(Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!)
And she laid buck nekkid
Over by the door
We did it till we were sort of unconcho, so to speak
(Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!)
Yes, and it was useless anymore
Aw yes, it was useless anymore
Aw yes, it was useless anymore

22. Muffin Man 2:25

Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois
November 23, 1984

FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Ike Willis—guitar/vocal
Ray White—guitar/vocal
Bobby Martin—keyboards/sax/vocal
Allan Zavod—keyboards
Scott Thunes—bass
Chad Wackerman—drums

Girl, you thought he was a man
But he was a muffin
He hung around till you found
That he didn't know nuthin'

Oh girl, you thought he was a man
But he only was a-puffin'
No cries is heard in the night
As a result of him stuffin' it in
He shoulda been stuffin it in
I mean stuffin it in
Well, stuffin it in

disc 2

1. NYC Halloween Audience 0:44

The Palladium, NYC
October 31, 1981

Crazed Fan: Yeah! Zappa, Zappa!
FZ: What? I'm supposed to kiss her? Okay. Just calm down there for a minute. It's only Halloween . . .
Crazed Fan: Zappa! Yeah!
FZ: Alright.
Crazed Fan: Play the guitar! Play the guitar!
FZ: No, thank you. Alright, let's get back to entertainment here. Are we tuned up?
Crazed Fan: Yeah! We never left! We never left!
FZ: 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . .

2. The Illinois Enema Bandit 8:02

Universal Amphitheater, Universal City, CA
December 23, 1984
and
Royal Oak Music Theatre, Roayl Oak, MI
November 21, 1984
and
Paramount Theater, Seattle, WA (early show)
December 17, 1984
and
Bismarck Theatre, Chicago, IL (early show)
November 23, 1984
and
Stadio Communale, Pistoia, Italy
July 8, 1982

musicians 1984:
FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Ike Willis—guitar/vocal
Ray White—guitar/vocal
Bobby Martin—keyboards/sax/vocal
Allan Zavod—keyboards
Scott Thunes—bass
Chad Wackerman—drums
musicians 1982:
FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Ray White—guitar/vocal
Steve Vai—stunt guitar
Tommy Mars—keyboards/vocal
Bobby Martin—keyboards/sax/vocals
Ed Mann—percussion
Scott Thunes—bass
Chad Wackerman—drums

Crazed Fan: Yeah! Zappa, Zappa!
FZ: What? I'm supposed to kiss her? Okay. Just calm down there for a minute. It's only Halloween . . .
Crazed Fan: Zappa! Yeah!
FZ: Alright.
Crazed Fan: Play the guitar! Play the guitar!
FZ: No, thank you. Alright, let's get back to entertainment here. Are we tuned up?
Crazed Fan: Yeah! We never left! We never left!
FZ: 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . .

The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard he's on the loose
I heard he's on the loose
Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all them college-educated women . . .
He'd just be tyin' 'em up
(They'd be all bound down!)
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard it on the news
I heard it on the news
Bloomington Illinois . . . he has caused some alarm
Just sneakin' around there
From farm to farm
He's got a rubberized bag
And a hose on his arm
Just lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump

The Illinois Enema Bandit
One day he'll have to pay
One day he'll have to pay
The police will say, "You're under arrest!"
And then the judge would have him for a special guest
The D.A. will order a secret test
Stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest
Then they'll put out a call (Hi-Yo!) for the jury folks
And the judge would say, "No Silver jokes!"
They'll drag in the bandit for all to see,
Sayin' "Don't nobody put that little black mask all over me . . . (Hi-Yo!)
HOT SOAPY WATER in the FIRST DEGREE!"
And then Tonto might say, "Don't put that Veg-O-Matic at me!"

DID YOU CAUSE THIS BROCCOLI?
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS BROCCOLI?
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS KINDA BROCCOLI?
One girl shout: "Well, bring that small appliance right here near to me!"

BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY?
TELL ME, WHAT'S YOUR PLEA?
Another satisfied home maker shout: "Well, let that Veg-O-Matic be!"

BANDIT, ARE YOU GUILTY? TELL ME, DID YOU DO THESE DEEDS?
You know what he said?
(Isn't that amazing!)
"It must be just what they all need . . . " (yeah!)
"It must be just what they all need . . . "
"It must be just what they all needs. . . "
"It must be just what they all need . . . "

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
"It must be just what they all need . . . "
Well, he just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
"It must be just what they all need . . . "
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
"It must be just what they all need . . . "
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
"It must be just what they all need . . . "
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

The Illinois . . .
Illinois . . .
Ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana . . .
Ain't talkin' 'bout Potato Headed Bobby
Talkin' 'bout the Illinois . . .
Illinois . . . Enema Bandit . . . Juice

FZ: I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine. This is L. Shankar on violin.

3. Thirteen 6:06

(Shankar & FZ)

The Palladium, NYC
October 27, late show, and October 31, 1978

FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Shankar—electric violin
Denny Walley—slide guitar/vocals
Tommy Mars—keyboards/vocals
Peter Wolf—keyboards
Ed Mann—percussion
Arthur Barrow—bass
Patrick O'Hearn—bass
Vinnie Colaiuta—drums

FZ: Now this little, this little number is in thirteen. It's subdivided 5/8 and 4/4 if you wanna clap your hands.

1-2, 1-2-3, 1, 2, 3, 4
1-2, 1-2-3, 1, 2, 3, 4
1-2, 1-2-3, 1, 2, 3, 4
1-2, 1-2-3, 1, 2, 3, 4

Pretty Good.

4. Lobster Girl 2:18

(O'Hearn, Colaiuta & FZ)

The Palladium, NYC
October 29, 1978

Tommy Mars—keyboards
Peter Wolf—keyboards
Ed Mann—percussion
Patrick O'Hearn—bass solo/vocal
Vinnie Colaiuta—drums

Patrick: Charlelle. A fragile little creature in a hard-ass nightclub. The Drive Shaft. Three blocks down from the Ram Rod. One thin dime, a mere tenth of a dollar would buy you a peek at LOBSTER GIRL!

5. Black Napkins 5:19

The Palladium, NYC
December 26, 1976
Guitar solo:
Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois
November 23, 1984, early show

musicians 1976:
FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Ray White—guitar/vocals
Eddie Jobson—keyboards
Ruth Underwood—percussion
David Samuels—timpani, vibes
Patrick O'Hearn—bass
Terry Bozzio—drums
Michael Brecker—tenor sax solo
Randy Brecker—trumpet
Lou Marini—alto sax
Ronnie Cuber—baritone sax
Tom Malone—trombone
musicians 1984:
FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Ike Willis—guitar/vocal
Ray White—guitar/vocal
Bobby Martin—keyboards/sax/vocal
Allan Zavod—keyboards
Scott Thunes—bass
Chad Wackerman—drums

 

6. We're Turning Again 4:54

includes little quotations from Carmen (Bizet), Strawberry Fields Forever (Lennon/McCartney), Sunshine Of Your Love (Brown/Bruce/Clapton), Purple Haze (Hendrix), Light My Fire (The Doors) and Monday, Monday (Phillips)

Rosengarten/Mozartsaal, Mannheim, Germany
May 25, 1988

FZ—lead guitar, computer-synth, vocal
Ike Willis—rhythm guitar, vocal
Mike Keneally—rhythm guitar, synth, vocal
Bobby Martin—keyboards, vocal
Ed Mann—vibes, marimba, electronic percussion
Walt Fowler—trumpet, flugelhorn, synth
Bruce Fowler—trombone
Paul Carman—alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax
Albert Wing—tenor sax
Kurt McGettrick—baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet
Scott Thunes—electric bass, Minimoog
Chad Wackerman—drums, electronic percussion

Turn turn
Turn turn
We're turning again
Turn turn
Turn turn
We're turning again

We're so young and happy
And we know where it's at
(It's over there, over there,
Over there, over there
And under here also)
Doont, da-doodem doodem!
We're never wrong about nothing
And we look pretty good
We never ever have to worry
We're always in a hurry
To convince ourselves that what we are
Is really very groovy
If we believe what's in the papers
And the magazines that define our folklore
We can never laugh
At who or what we think we are
Or even what we think
We sorta oughta be
'Cause we are totally empty
(Totally empty)
And our lives are really useless
So what the fuck?
We ain't got no sense of humor
(Oodly-oodly-yeah!)
We got nothing left
To laugh about
Including ourselves

Turn turn
Turn turn
We're turning again
Turn turn
Turn turn
We're turning again

Mellow yellow
Mellow yellow

They were mellow
They were yellow
They were wearing smelly blankets
They were DONOVAN fans
(HU-UR-DE-EE
GU-UR-DE-EE)

They walked around
With stupid flowers
In their hair and everywhere
They tried to stuff 'em up the guns
Of all the cops and other servants of the law
(LA LA-LA-LA LA-LA)
Who tried to push 'em around
And later mowed 'em down
But they were full of all that shit
That they believed in
(PHEW!)
So what the fuck?
(WHAT THE FUCK?)
They would tighten up their headbands
On the weekend they get loaded
When they came to town
They walked around in GREENWICH VILLAGE
To buy posters they could hang up
In their smelly little secret
Black light bedrooms
On LONG-ISLAND
Screamin': "JIMI COME BACK!"
Come back and regulate my fuzz-tone
Your HAZE was so PURPLE
And your AXIS was BOLD AS LOVE
(JIMI-JIMI-JIMI-JIMI-JIMI FEED BACK)
Come back and feed back on my knapsack
You can feed back the fuzz tone from your WAH-WAH
While you bend down
And set your stuff on FIRE

Turn turn (hop!)
Turn turn
We're turning again
Turn turn (Mr. Cry-Baby)
Turn turn
We're turning again (well . . . )

We can turn it around
We can do it again
We can go back in time
Through the canyons of your mind
On the EVE O' DESTRUCTION
We can act like we are something really special (wah wah . . . )
Oh, we'll just jump in the bath-tub
With that other guy JIM
And make him be more careful
And we'll visit Big Mama
And whap her on the back
When she eats her sandwich
(FRIDAY THURSDAY)
We can take care of Janis
When she gets so depressed
She can't take it no more
We can laugh at Keith Moon's jokes
(HA HA HA HA HA)
And the colour TV
(WAH WAH)
He threw out the window
From the second floor!
(AAAHHHHHH!)
Everybody come back
No one can do it like you used to
If you listen to the radio
And what they play today
You can tell right away:
All those assholes really need you!

Turn turn
Turn turn
We're turning again
Turn turn
Turn turn
We're turning again

Turn turn
Turn turn
We're turning again
Turn turn
Turn turn
We're turning again

7. Alien Orifice 4:14

1st part:
The Palladium, NYC
October 31, 1981
Ending:
Unknown location
1988

1981 musicians:
FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Ray White—guitar/vocal
Steve Vai—stunt guitar
Tommy Mars—keyboards/vocal
Bobby Martin—keyboards/sax/vocals
Ed Mann—percussion
Scott Thunes—bass
Chad Wackerman—drums
1988 musicians:
FZ—lead guitar, computer-synth
Ike Willis—rhythm guitar
Mike Keneally—rhythm guitar, synth
Bobby Martin—keyboards
Ed Mann—vibes, marimba, electronic percussion
Walt Fowler—trumpet, flugelhorn, synth
Bruce Fowler—trombone
Paul Carman—alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax
Albert Wing—tenor sax
Kurt McGettrick—baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet
Scott Thunes—electric bass, Minimoog
Chad Wackerman—drums, electronic percussion

 

8. Catholic Girls 4:02

includes quotations from All The Way (Cahn/Van Heusen), Jewish Princess, Calabrian Tarantella (Trad.) and Funiculì Funiculà (Denza)

Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA
February 12, 1988
and
Auditorium Theater, Chicago
March 3, 1988

FZ—lead guitar, computer-synth, vocal
Ike Willis—rhythm guitar, vocal
Mike Keneally—rhythm guitar, synth, vocal
Bobby Martin—keyboards, vocal
Ed Mann—vibes, marimba, electronic percussion
Walt Fowler—trumpet, flugelhorn, synth
Bruce Fowler—trombone
Paul Carman—alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax
Albert Wing—tenor sax
Kurt McGettrick—baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet
Scott Thunes—electric bass, Minimoog
Chad Wackerman—drums, electronic percussion

(Well)
Catholic Girls
With a tiny little mustache
Catholic Girls
Do you know how they go?
Catholic Girls
In the Rectory Basement
Father Riley's a fairy
But it don't bother Mary

Catholic Girls
At the CYO
Catholic Girls
Do you know how they go?
Catholic Girls
There can be no replacement
How do they go, after the show?

All the way
(That's right, all the way!)
That's the way they go
Every day
(That's right!)
And none of their mamas ever seem to know
Hip-Hip-Hooray
For all the class they show
There's nothing like a Catholic Girl
At the CYO
When they learn to blow . . .

They're learning to blow
All the Catholic Boys!
Warren Cuccurullo . . .
Catholic Boys!
Kinda young, kinda WOW!
Catholic Boys!
Vinnie Colaiuta . . .
Where are they now?
Did they all take The Vow?
Everybody!

Everybody dance!

Catholic Girls!
Carmenita Scarfone!
Catholic Girls!
Hey! She gave me VD!
Catholic Girls!
Toni Carbone!
With a tongue like a cow
She could make you go WOW!

VD Vowdy vootie
Right away
That's the way they go
Every day
Whenever their mamas take them to a show
Matinee
Pass the popcorn please
There's nothing like a Catholic Girl
With her hand in the box
And she's on her knees

She was on her knees
My little Catholic Girl
In a little white dress
Catholic Girls
They never confess
Catholic Girls
I got one for a cousin
I love how they go
So send me a dozen
Catholic Girls
OOOOOOH!
(Well well now)
Catholic Girls
(Ma-ma-mum ma-ma-mum)
Yai-ee-ahhh!
Catholic Girls
OOOOOOH!
(Well well now)
Catholic Girls
(Ma-ma-mum ma-ma-ma-ma-mum)
Yai-ee-ahhh!

Joe had a girl friend named Mary.
They would meet each other at the Social Club.
Hold hands
And think Pure Thoughts
But one night, Mary wasn't there
She was backstage at the Tower Theater
Sucking COCK
So she can get a ticket to meet Ike Willis for free . . .

9. Crew Slut 5:31

Auditorium Theater, Chicago
March 3, 1988
and
Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA
February 12, 1988

FZ—lead guitar, computer-synth, vocal
Ike Willis—rhythm guitar, vocal
Mike Keneally—rhythm guitar, synth, vocal
Bobby Martin—keyboards, vocal
Ed Mann—vibes, marimba, electronic percussion
Walt Fowler—trumpet, flugelhorn, synth
Bruce Fowler—trombone
Paul Carman—alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax
Albert Wing—tenor sax
Kurt McGettrick—baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet
Scott Thunes—electric bass, Minimoog
Chad Wackerman—drums, electronic percussion

Hey Hey Hey all you girls in these
Industrial towns
I know you're prob'ly gettin' tired
Of all the local clowns
They never give you no respect
They never treat you nice
So perhaps you oughta try
A little friendly advice
And be a CREW SLUT
Be a CREW SLUT
Be a CREW SLUT
They ain't gonna squash it
And you don't need to wash it!

Be a CREW SLUT
Be a CREW SLUT
Be a CREW SLUT
How about that Jimmy Swaggart?

You never get to move around
You never go nowhere
I know yer prob'ly gettin' tired
Of all the guys out there
You always wondered what it's like
To go from place to place
So, darlin', take a little ride
On Harry's face
And be a CREW SLUT (Yessir!)
Be a CREW SLUT
Be a CREW SLUT (Watch out, he's Greek!)
His equipment hasn't gotten wet
For a month-and-a-half

CREW SLUT
Really! His name is Harry
Be a CREW SLUT
That's right
How about that West Bank, huh?

Well you been to Alabama, girl,
'N Georgia too
'N all the boys in the crew
Is bein' good to you
I know you're sayin' to yourself
"This is the way to go"
'Cause when you need a little extra
They will give you some mo'
And be a CREW SLUT
Be a CREW SLUT
Be a CREW SLUT
Trade your spot on the bench
For a guy with a wrench
And be a CREW SLUT
Be a CREW SLUT
The boys in the crew
Have got a present for you!

10. Tryin' To Grow A Chin 3:31

includes a quotation from Dog Patch Creeper (Valenzuela/Valenzuela)

The Palladium, NYC
October 31, 1977

FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Adrian Belew—guitar/vocal
Tommy Mars—keyboards
Peter Wolf—keyboards
Ed Mann—percussion
Patrick O'Hearn—bass
Terry Bozzio—drums

Hey! I'm only fourteen
Sickly 'n thin
Tried all of my life
Just to grow me a chin
It popped out once
Yeah, but my dad pushed it in
Tell me, why did he hurt me?
Lord, he's my next of kin . . .
He's a mex-i-kin

I'm lonely 'n green;
Too small for my shirt
If Simmons was here
I could feature my hurt
Scared of the future
'N I hope I don't grow
Listen, nobody likes me
'Cause everywhere that I go
They say NO
They say NO
They say NO
NO
They say NO

Now I'm older
Got a place in the town, babe
Got a chin on my shoulder
'N it keeps growing down 'n down 'n down
I'm horny 'n lonely
'N I wish I was dead
Somebody tell me
Why am I livin'?
Lord, I wanna be dead instead
That's right, I said
I wanna be dead instead
Now dig this:

I wanna be dead
In bed
Please kill me
'Cause that would thrill me
(Get the picture?)
I wanna be dead
In bed
Please kill me
(Aw!)
'Cause that would thrill me
I wanna be dead
(Yes, I wanna be dead instead)
In bed
Please kill me
'Cause that would thrill me
(Be dead in bed, yeah)
I wanna be dead
In bed
(Well, just as sure as my name is Terry Ted, Terry Ted)
Please kill me
'Cause that would thrill me
(Kill me)
I wanna be dead
(Thrill me)
In bed
(Fill me)
Please kill me
(With some love)
'Cause that would thrill me
(Kill me)
I wanna be dead
(Thrill me)
In bed
(Wah-OW!)
Please kill me
'Cause that would thrill me

One more time for the world!

I wanna be dead
(Yeah-hey!)
In bed
(I wanna be dead instead)
Please kill me
(Be dead in bed)
'Cause that would thrill me
I wanna be dead
(Love my little girl)
In bed
(Gimme some head, hey-hey-hey)
Please kill me
'Cause that would thrill me
I wanna be dead
('Cause I'm only fourteen)
In bed
(Sickly 'n green)
Please kill me
'Cause that would thrill me
(Feelin' really lean
I'm in love, see
Ow!)

I wanna be dead
(Too small for my shirt)
In bed
(Feature my hurt)
Please kill me
(Yeah-hey!)
'Cause that would thrill me

11. Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance 3:44

The Palladium, NYC
October 31, 1978

FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Shankar—electric violin
Denny Walley—slide guitar/vocals
Tommy Mars—keyboards/vocals
Peter Wolf—keyboards
Ed Mann—percussion
Arthur Barrow—acoustic guitar
Patrick O'Hearn—bass
Vinnie Colaiuta—drums

 

12. Lisa's Life Story 3:03

(Lisa Popeil/FZ)

Santa Monica Civic Auditorium
December 11, 1981

FZ—conductor
Lisa Popeil—dramatic soprano
Ray White—guitar
Steve Vai—stunt guitar
Tommy Mars—keyboards
Bobby Martin—keyboards/sax
Ed Mann—percussion
Scott Thunes—bass
Chad Wackerman—drums

Hello. My name is Lisa Popeil. Ha ha. Ever seen one of these? My father who's filthy rich made this. It's a Pocket Fisherman, ha ha. And he also made the Veg-O-Matic, which works about as well. And then there's always my brother Ronnie of Ronco. I'm sure you've heard of him. He has all those commercials that go on and on and on and on AND ON AND ON and on and on, I know.

Now I'm here to tell you my life story
When I was young
I was a skinny neurotic bitch
(Doo-doo-da-dee-ha!)
But it didn't matter
(E-eh-e-eh-e-eh-e-eh-eh!)
Because the ego was so large
It didn't matter that I hadn't done nothing
Or seen nothing in my life, ow!
Trapped in a sexless body I always knew
(Ha ha ha ha-ha-ha)
That I was an oversexed hussy
So my next task was to find someone who could
Satisfy my every desire
(Da-da doo-dood da ba dad-dood
Da-dood-dad-dood da-dood-da-da)
Unfortunately I lacked the basic essentials
So I went out to get me some
Of what I needed all along
A pair of titties just like mom
(Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!)
I went to a Catholic school
With all those nerds
I swear a good Catholic girl
Can't go anywhere these days
Well, then there was a quest for the perfect hunk
I spell that h-u-n-k, hunk
You know, I like them tall and blonde.

13. Lonesome Cowboy Nando 5:13

includes a quotation from O Superman (Anderson)

Pauley Pavilion, UCLA, California
August 7, 1971

Palasport, Genoa, Italy
June 9, 1988

musicians 1988:
FZ—lead guitar, computer-synth, vocal
Ike Willis—rhythm guitar, vocal
Mike Keneally—rhythm guitar, synth, vocal
Bobby Martin—keyboards, vocal
Ed Mann—vibes, marimba, electronic percussion
Walt Fowler—trumpet, flugelhorn, synth
Bruce Fowler—trombone
Paul Carman—alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax
Albert Wing—tenor sax
Kurt McGettrick—baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet
Scott Thunes—electric bass, Minimoog
Chad Wackerman—drums, electronic percussion
musicians 1971:
FZ—guitar
Jimmy Carl Black—guest vocal
Mark Volman—vocal
Howard Kaylan—vocal
Jim Pons—bass/vocal
Don Preston—keyboards/electronics
Ian Underwood—keyboards/alto sax
Aynsley Dunbar—drums

My name is Nando
I am a marine biologist
All my friends,
They call me 'Do'
(Hi, Do!)
All my family,
From some place in this area,
And they complain if I talk about this horrible pizza
During the show

Came out here to Californy,
Just to find me
Some pretty girls (oh-oh . . . )
Ones I seen
Gets me so horny;
Ruby lips,
'N teeth like pearls!

Wanna love 'em all!
Wanna love 'em dearly!
Wanna jellyfish
I'll even pay! (Fish furs!)
I'll buy 'em furs!
I'll buy 'em jewelry/pizza!
I know they like me;
Here's what I say:

Lonesome Cowboy Burt!
(Speakin' atcha!)
Want you smell my fringe-y shirt!
(Reekin' atcha!)
My cowboy pants,
My cowboy dance,
My bold advance,
On this here waitress . . .
Yodel-oh-oo-pee-hey
Yodel-oh-oo-pee!

(He's lonesome Cowboy Burt
Don'tcha get my feelings hurt)
Come on in this place,
'N I'll buy you a taste,
'N you can sit on my face—
Where's my waitress?

Burtram, Burtram redneck
Burtram, Burtram redneck

I'm an awful nice guy!
Sweat all day in the sun!
Roofer by trade,
Quite a bundle I've made,
I'm unionized roofin' old
Son-of-a-gun!
(He's a unionized roofin' old
Son-of-a-gun!)

(Darling, I crazy go nuts when I hear this,
You know what I'm singin'?)

Nan Nan Nan Nan Nan Nan
Do Do Do Do Do Do . . .

When I get off, I get plastered
I swim till I fall on the jellyfish ,
Then I find me some academic kind of illustrator,
I describe the little dangling utensils on this thing,
And tell him to draw it up
So it looks just like a brand new jellyfish! (oh!)
(I describe the little dangling utensils on this thing,
And tell him to draw it up so it looks . . . )
Take that! Take that!

Nan Nan Nan Nan Nan
Do Do Do Do Do Do . . .

I fuss, an' I cuss an' I keep on swimmin',
Till my snorkel puffs up an' turns red!
I drool on my shorts,
I do some water sports,
Then I take the jellyfish back to my house
And stick it in the bed! Sorta . . .
(Whaddya do?)
Stick it again in the bed, that's right!
Stick it again in the bed!
Stick it again in the bed!
STICK IT AGAIN IN THE BED!

Lonesome Cowboy Burt!
(Speakin' atcha!)
Smell my fringe-y shirt!
(Reekin' atcha!)
My cowboy pants,
My cowboy dance,
My bold advance,
On this here waitress . . .
Yodel-oh-oo-pee-yeh
Yodel-oh-oo-pee!

(HE'S LONESOME COWBOY BURT)
YEE-HA!
(A-don'tcha get his feelin's hurt)
Come on in this place,
An' I'll buy you a taste,
You can sit on my face—
Where's my waitress?

14. 200 Motels Finale 3:41

Pauley Pavilion, UCLA, California
August 7, 1971

FZ—guitar
Jimmy Carl Black—guest vocal
Mark Volman—vocal
Howard Kaylan—vocal
Jim Pons—bass/vocal
Don Preston—keyboards/electronics
Ian Underwood—keyboards/alto sax
Aynsley Dunbar—drums

OPAL, YOU HOT LITTLE BITCH!

They're gonna clear out the studio
(Are you kidding?)
I am not kidding
They're gonna tear down all the . . .
(I hear ya)
They're gonna whip down all the . . .
They're gonna sweep out all the . . .
They're gonna pay off all the . . .
(Oh, yeah!)

And then . . .
And then . . .
And then . . .
And then . . .

Hey hey hey, everybody in the orchestra and the chorus
Talkin' 'bout every one of our lovely and talented dancers
(You got it, Jack)
Talkin' 'bout the light bulb men
Camera men (oh!)
The make-up men
(You got it)
(The fake-up men)
Yeah, the rake-up men
(Especially Herbie Cohen, yeah . . .)
They're all gonna rise up
They're gonna jump up
I said jump up
Talkin' 'bout jump right up and off the floor
Jump right up and hit the door
They're all gonna rise up and jump off!
They're gonna ride on home
They're gonna ride on home
They're gonna ride on home
They're gonna ride on home
And once again
Take themselves
Seriously
Yeah, two, three, four, seriously
They're all gonna go home
Through the driving sleet and rain
They're all gonna go home
Through the fog, through the dust
Through the tropical fever and the blistering frost
They're all gonna go home
Yeah, and get out of it as they can be, baby
And the same goes for me
(And the same goes for me)
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!

And each and every member of this rock oriented comedy group in his own special way
Is gonna get out of it as he can be
We all gonna get wasted
We all gonna get twisted
We all gonna get wasted
We all gonna get twisted
Yeah, and I am definitely gonna get . . .
REAMED tonight
'Cause I'm such a lonely
I'm such a lonely
A lonely, lonely, talkin' 'bout a lonely guy!
Oh, and I know tonight,
Each and everyone of you's gonna go home
And write down an order for that penciled front album
And I know that on account of that,
Next time I come back
I am definitely . . .
I am positively . . .
I just have to, and I'm not kidding, gonna get . . .
BENT, REAMED AND WASTED

JCB: A disaster area the size of Atlantic City, New Jersey!

WHOOA!
Atlantic City, New Jersey!

15. Strictly Genteel 6:56

includes a theme from Inca Roads and a quotation from a Hawaiian Punch commercial

The Palladium, NYC
October 31, 1981 (late show)

FZ—lead guitar/vocal
Ray White—guitar/vocal
Steve Vai—stunt guitar
Tommy Mars—keyboards/vocal
Bobby Martin—keyboards/sax/vocals
Ed Mann—percussion
Scott Thunes—bass
Chad Wackerman—drums

Lord, have mercy on the hippies and faggots
And the dykes and the weird little children they grow

FZ: Thanks for coming to the show tonight. Hope you enjoyed it. Don't throw stuff on the stage. Ray White, Tommy Mars, Scott Thunes, Chad Wackerman, Ed Mann, Bobby Martin, Steve Vai. Good Night.

Some Crazed Fan: ZAPPAAAA!

 

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted
Site maintained by Román García Albertos
http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/
Lyrics from the original albums
Original transcription for new material mainly by Hans Hendriks and Patrick Neve
Further corrections and additions by Román, John W. Busher, Patrick Neve, Koji Noda, Stu Mark and Charles Ulrich
This page updated: 2014-11-22