Baby Snakes

Intercontinental Absurdities presents

A Film by Frank Zappa

BABY SNAKES

Roy:
Baby . . .

FZ: Rolling, Kerry? No-no, don't do it.
Tommy: We get—we get our note . . .
FZ: Ren-den-den-den Doon-den-den-den Doon-den-den-den Doon-den-den-den . . . with the flat five goin' up to the five . . . yeah . . . Yeah! Do that with him. Do-doon, ba-boom doon . . .
Ed?: Marimba!

photographed by:
DICK PEARCE
PHIL PARMET
ROB LEACOCK

FZ: OK. For that opening part, play like a-a chicken beat on the uh, snare. Like your . . . the hi-hat pattern on the snare with the backbeat on the snare too. 1-2, 1-2-3-4

Tommy:
Baby . . .

FZ: Where's, where's that other beat that you do? That "Ren-den-den-den Doon-den-den-den"? . . . This was your Mott The Hoople extravaganza.

edited by:
KLAUS HUNDSBICHLER

Roy: [Matura . . . ]
FZ: If you just keep the 8th note going I think it will work.

animation
BRUCE BICKFORD

Tommy:
Late at night is when they come out . . .

FZ: No, "Late at night is when they come out" . . . is on one.

Adrian:
Baby Snakes . . .

music by:
FRANK ZAPPA

FZ:
Sure you know what I'm talkin' about
Pink 'n wet
They make the best kinda pet
Baby . . .

Tommy:
Baby . . .

FZ:
Baby . . .

Tommy:
Snakes

performed by:
TERRY BOZZIO
ROY ESTRADA
ADRIAN BELEW
ED MANN
PATRICK O'HEARN
PETER WOLF
TOMMY MARS
and NEW YORK'S FINEST CRAZY PERSONS

FZ: No, keep that one going. The second one, keep going. Baby . . .

Tommy:
Baby . . .

FZ: No, you're too late. Baby . . .

Tommy:
Baby . . .

FZ:
Baby . . .

Tommy:
Baby . . .

FZ:
Baby . . .

Tommy:
Baby . . .

FZ:
Snakes

Tommy: OK, so four of 'em?
FZ: Yeah. Just you know, ran-randomize 'em.
Tommy: OK.

Radio: Hi, were you callin' for somebody up here?
Kerry McNabb: Yeah, how long 'til showtime?

sound:
KERRY McNABB &
JOE CHICCARELLI

Radio: Oh, how long 'til showtime. I believe it's ten to eight right now, and I believe we're going at ten after, I would guess ten after.
Kerry McNabb: OK.
Radio: No waitaminnit, waitaminnit . . .

lighting by
COY FEATHERSTONE

Kerry McNabb: Stand by, stand by.
Radio: I would think we'll probably go at ten after.

art direction:
JOHN WILLIAMS

Kerry McNabb: OK, just let me know five before.
Radio: Yeah. I'll give you the . . . the cues.
Kerry McNabb: Goodbye.

Ron Delsener?: Whaddyasay we all go out and have a dinner.

associate producer BENNETT GLOTZER

FZ: This IS the show. This is the show they never see, right?

produced and directed by FRANK ZAPPA

Bruce Bickford: Wait, you got that one while I was in there.
FZ: OK, sorry.
Bruce Bickford: Well, let's start over.
FZ: OK.

FZ: It's gonna change the pacing of it a little bit to do that.
Bruce Bickford: Hanna-Barbera uses the half-hour exposure.
FZ: Ha hah hah . . .

Bruce Bickford: Neither the torture chamber nor the disco knows about the existence of each other. But there is psychic contact between the two; the evil doings on the disco floor have their counterpart in the dungeon below. The more you get engrossed in modern-day . . . modern-day notions about talismans or any kind of psychic art, and manipulation of psychic objects, pretty soon you realize that anything goes. Some guy could pick up a handful of dog shit, and say, "Look, you hold this, and then the force field around it will, will flow into you."

Warren: Oh, I'm Warren Cuccurrullo, hey, and this is my girlfriend Chrissy.
Chrissy: Chrissy . . .
Warren: And uh, we're devoted fans of Frank's, and uh, we're really glad to be fans of Frank's because his music is the thing that keeps me going in my boring lifestyle which revolves around my guitar playing and uh, a few measly students that I have to try and get some money to see Frank in concert as often as possible, which unfortunately is only about uh, 14 times a year, but that seems to be enough for me. For now, anyway. Tonight though I, I tell you one thing . . . 'bout these New York crowds . . . some of 'em . . . they, they get too carried away, you know, because they think Frank Zappa is such a . . . a mad man, you know, they come here to . . . to see him go crazy or something, you know . . . they don't realize that it's . . . there's notes involved, you know . . .

Bruce Bickford: I think my first animation was with cars runnin' over the tops of hills. And then I branched out into um . . . well, anything I could do with cars, and I, and I, the clay people I had in the cars I started animating, until eventually I got more and more into clay.
FZ: There's an image that you use quite frequently in your films, this image here. Would you mind explaining what this is?
Bruce Bickford: Uh, that was a . . . well that was a face, originally, but it turned into this bridge, this . . . the guy's nose and lips elongated out into this bridge . . .
FZ: Yeah, but you've used that same transformation several times. What does that symbol really mean?
Bruce Bickford: I don't know. The nose is easily animatable into something else.
FZ: Is this the little red car?
Bruce Bickford: Yeah . . . Don't—
FZ: There's things I've noticed in a lot of footage. We have the tree that turns into the hand, and this particular image that keeps coming back.
Bruce Bickford: I can't explain it right off hand. I took a few tokes, when I was out there on the rock, a passer-by lent me. And I wasn't feelin' very good anyway, and it made me feel so much worse that . . . I felt like I was trapped there by . . . I was so weak that I couldn't get up and I couldn't walk back to . . . to the sand, these rocks had this . . .
FZ: . . . Unearthly power over you?
Bruce Bickford: Yeah, the magnetism in 'em, or something, they would . . . they were thrown in there from . . . with no, no regard for their original . . .
FZ: [...]
Bruce Bickford: Well the original magnetism they picked up over the ages as they formed and everything, and they were put in contrary to that pattern.
FZ: How long were you trapped?
Bruce Bickford: About a half hour.
FZ: How did you get away?
Bruce Bickford: I finally . . . uh . . . well, the effect of the dope wore off.

Bruce Bickford: When uh, when Billy The Mountain collides with some super high powered lines he goes . . .
FZ: . . . backs, down there
Bruce Bickford: . . . he goes, he goes up in smoke and he comes down as a . . . well, a castle . . . which is from another dimension, way . . . way back maybe, or somewhere . . . and uh, Greggery Peccary discovers this castle and realizes it would be a great disco. All they'd have to do is fix it up a
little. Unbeknownst to them, there was still uh, other things going on in the . . . in the dungeon of this castle.
FZ: Like what?
Bruce Bickford: Uh, probably somethin' real devious . . . a torture chamber . . . many dens of inequity . . .
FZ: So then what happens?
Bruce Bickford: Well . . .
FZ: Well, spit it out, boy!
Bruce Bickford: At the peak of the disco out-freakage, the, the stray . . . the stray energies in that area . . .
FZ: Yes?
Bruce Bickford: . . . came to the fore . . .
FZ: Yeah?
Bruce Bickford: . . . and ultimately, monsters were created!

Thank you. "Brooklyn for Zappa [A-card] The present day composer refuses to die." There should be an Edgard Varèse credit right down there, it should have his name on it. Thank you. Okay.

Ms. Pinky's Larger Sister: Hi, uh, I'd like to say a few words about Warner Bros. Uh, when I first signed with the label I thought that I was going to have a pretty good deal but later when I discovered the relationship between Warners _____ the implication of their behavior and I . . . I jus— excuse me I think I'm gonna have to WHOO-AARGH!

Roy: [...] to give me a pass. Frank doesn't know what I can do, you know. But of course, you know, you gotta come to the dressing room first. Get you by that, uh, you know, get you by the toilet, and uh, might take a bath or . . . What? What'd you say?

City of tiny lites
Don't you wanna go
Hear the tiny auto horns
When they tiny blow
Tiny lightnin'
In the storm
Tiny blankets
Keep you warm
Tiny pillows
Tiny tiny tiny tiny sheets
Talkin' bout them tiny cookies
That the peoples eat

City of tiny lites
Maybe you should know
That it's over there
In the tiny dirt somewhere
You can see it any time
When you get the squints
From your downers and your wine
You're so big
It's so tiny
Every cloud is silver line-y
The great escape for all of you
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do

City of tiny lites
Don't you wanna go
Hear the tiny auto horns
([...])
When they tiny blow
Tiny lightnin'
In the storm
Tiny blankets
Keep you warm
Tiny pillows
Hey, tiny tiny tiny tiny sheets
Talkin' bout them tiny cookies
That the peoples eat
That the peoples eat
That the peoples eat
That the peoples eat

And it's over there
And it's over there
And it's over there
And it's over there

Roy: Now, this I call . . . WO-OHHH
FZ: No, wait a minute . . .
Roy: Pinky? She's here, but she's a little bit uh, out of air for this moment. She is. Come on out to hang her up . . .
FZ: Roy . . .
Roy: Yeah?
FZ: . . .
Roy: I can't! Wait a minute . . .
Terry: I love this man, I work for this man, but this show has like pushed me beyond the brink of what I can physically . . .
Roy: WHOAAAH!
Terry: Withstand. (Sigh) My hands are . . . I mean, look at these calluses! Jesus Christ! I've had a hard tour, I mean, Jesus, we had the, the, the fucking roadmanager committed suicide
Adrian: Oh Terry!
Terry: Then my girlfriend fell out the fuckin' window
Adrian: Oh Terry!
Terry: I mean, it's been hard, you know, and, and now man! I mean, shit, this fuckin' shit, I mean, we have to do two, two fuckin' shows, two nights in a row! You know what it's like to beat the shit out of the fuckin' drums, two shows . . .
Adrian: Two nights in a row!
Terry: . . . two nights in a row!? I MEAN I CAN'T FUCKIN' TAKE THAT KINDA SHIT!
Adrian: HE CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! He can't take it anymore, look at his hands . . .
Terry: My hands, hey, I feel like I've been pounding nails, I feel like I've been hittin' my goddamn hands with a hammer! That's what I feel like. I mean, I want to do a good show, this is New York. You know, this is, this is very important . . . something really happy with my life, you know? I mean, I wanna do it right for Frank, I wanna do it right for me, I wanna do it right for everybody. Of course you can't please everybody! You know, I mean, Christ! I'm tryin' to fuckin' please everybody and no one's givin' me a half . . . I can't work under these circumstances! Christ!
Roy: Don't, don't, Terry . . . all you gotta do is just be nice, be nice, be nice . . . Do you want me to take this off of you? This big load . . . This [...] load?
Terry: Get away from me, you faggot.
Roy: (laughs) Wait a minute, he's sick. This guy is sick.
Terry: This guy is always trying to fuck me.
Roy: This guy is sick.
Terry: And this guy, he's even worse.
Roy: He wants sausage.
Terry: This motherfucker.
John Smothers: [...]
Terry: Did you hear that? You got it on tape. He wants to fuck me in the ass!
John Smothers: If it's too big I won't force it.
Terry: He thinks that I'm gonna . . .

Masked Guy: Zappa is the best guitarist in the city, in the world. His music is amazing. He's a genius, an absolute genius. There's nobody like him anywhere. Nobody can play like Zappa. And that's about it.

Interviewer: And how many times have you seen him?

Masked Guy: Uh, this is the third night in a row, and last year every show he played, Halloween and Christmas. He's just like the best, next to Cat Stevens.

Crowd: Zappa! Zappa! etc.

Guy with Face Paint: Yeah! Yeah! Frank Zappa! Yeah!

Kerry McNabb: Good thing his last name isn't Polinski, or they'd be going, "Polinski!"

Girl in Crowd: I love Zappa, he's a [...]

Girl: [...] To see Zappa, why not? That's why I came here. Because, um, I'm just getting into Zappa and I think he's great. I want to hear "Dinah-Moe Humm" and "Camarillo Brillo" and I don't know. That's why.

Guy: Rocks.

Girl: [...] the best guitarist in the world . . .

Guy: I don't wanna hear "Dinah-Moe Humm." Warner Brothers sucks.

Another Guy: I don't wanna hear "Dinah-Moe Humm" either. I wanna hear him do "Help, I'm A Rock".

"GIVE YOURSELF UP
YOU ARE COMPLETELY SURROUNDED"

Bill Harrington: My name is Bill Harrington, I do the keyboards on stage left, and buy the occasional speaking toy for Frank when he looks depressed.

"BANK ROBBERY . . . "

Bill Harrington: I got the car in Toronto. It's, uh, from a little toy store, and it was given to us by an Italian girl who donated it for free, once I confirmed her suspicion that Frank was indeed a true Italian.

John Smothers: . . . put your hands through there.
FZ: You know, the important thing about this instrument is the way the air smells when it comes out of these holes . . .

Roy: Ooofff! Did you smell that before?

Because . . .
I never thought . . .

Roy: Let me just do this because I have to uh . . . you're a nice looking girl. Oh, don't go down on me. Not yet, please. I just wanna talk. Can you wait? Can I put this on you for a while? You know, it's something that I've always wanted to do. Let me sit you up here. Oh wait. Let me give you a bath. Will you take a bath with me first? And then I'll, uh . . . Let me put this [...] and just give you a bath. See how nice I was? Sit up there. Let me put this on you. [...] gas mask. You look nice. I love you so much. You know I'm gonna go down and sing. I'm gonna dance, oh God. Lemme . . . What'd you say? Oh, let me put this on there, come on. Real nice. You don't want it on? Don't open your mouth, I'm not even doing nothing to you yet. You want this in your mouth? Come on. Push it in. Push it in. Oh, excuse me. Are you a little girl? You're just a little wunky gunky?

I'm a moron 'n this is my wife
She's frosting a cake
With a paper knife
All what we got here's
American made
It's a little bit cheesey,
But it's nicely displayed
Well we don't get excited when it
Crumbles 'n breaks
We just get on the phone
And call up some Flakes
They rush on over
'N wreck it some more
'N we are so dumb
They're linin' up at our door
Well, the toilet went crazy
Yesterday afternoon
The plumber he says
"Never flush a tampoon!"
This great information
Cost me half a week's pay
And the toilet blew up
Later on the next day ay-eee-ay
Yeah ay-eee-ay
Yeah ay-eee-ay
Yeah ay-eee-ay
Blew up the next day
WOO-OOO

Girl in the audience: Oh, I love you, are ya kidding me, man? I waited so many years to come here and be here . . . I love you!

John Smothers: Well, what can I say about this band. This band is young, stupid [...] soundchecks ten times a day [...] wake-up [...] on the, on the plane. It's just not like other bands. [...] boy, they're gonna see a hard time.

FZ: How did you like that one?

A few handy pointers . . . a few handy pointers about the subject of love. First of all, love is not the end of the world. Love is the BEGINNING of the world, you see. Many people write about the subject of love as if that was some ultimate attainment to a spirit. Go fuck yourself! But no, really, ladies and gentlemen, they are trying to stultify your minds, because you can have love where you can go beyond that into realms that are even more interesting. I won't bore you with the details, but uh . . . check this out. This song is called, you already know 'bout "I'm In You," right? This song is called "I Have Been In You."

Roy: I love you so, I never thought I love you so . . . What's that cream right there? . . . God you're all dirty. Should I give you another bath? And then I'll [cack] you. Wait a minute, I'll [cack] you . . .

You
Have been in me
And understandably . . .

Roy: Did you like that?

I have been in 'n outa you

Roy: Do you remember that Indian?

An' everywhere

Roy: Do you remember that Indian [...]?

You want me to

Roy: Do you remember that Indian [...]?

Yes, you know it's true;

Roy: Kew-ee-ah. [...] where ever that Indian is, but he'd sure like to be with you, wouldn't he?

And while
I was inside
I mighta been

Roy: [...] if you ever had legs . . . and, uh . . .

Undignified
And that is maybe
Why you cried

Roy: Those beautiful lips, so beautiful eyes . . .

I don't know
Maybe so

Roy: Indio, Indio. Take a crack at this, guys . . .

But just remember now

I have been in you, baby (baby)
And you have been in me
And ain't no time
To wash yer hand
Go on 'n roll over
I'm goin' in you again

I said, I'm going in you again, baby (yeah)
'N you can go in me too, (in me again)
That's right
'N I'm goin' in you again, baby (in you agaaaa-in)
'N later when we get through
Guess what . . .

Roy: Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. Oy! Oh- oh, oh! This fucking s— somebody (coughs) . . . What is this? What is this fucking . . . ? It's slut! It's mutt! It's cock! Ahahaha . . . Why did they have to . . . Why? Why did they have to... be— why did they create this . . . wha- this stupid so— gu— ah— office call. Office call.
FZ: Disco.
Roy: Off— oh! Oh sm—
FZ: Disco.
Roy: Smu— air. Air. Fuck.
FZ: Disco.
Roy: A— Disco Boy . . .
FZ: OK. You know, so right in the middle of that "ren-den-tun-den-ten-den-hun-den-ten-den" only use that, that wide vibrato on that thing. Now you can play that "den-den-dun-dun-den-den-den," only out. OK, try that. One, two, three, four . . .

Roy: Yeah . . . yeah-yeah-yeah . . . yeah . . . yeah-yeah-yeah

FZ: No, no, no. The idea is that they're still the, they're still the orchestra. They're orchestra, you know?
Band member: Yeah, I get ya.
Another band member: These two? Or do you wanna . . .
FZ: No, no. You're, you're orchestra. When I cue you to go into some rhythm under— What is that weird sound? No, it's that, isn't it? . . . is the last . . . OK. Awright, try it again. Right from the beginning. Phew-ew. Start with the, start with the xylophone this time. A low cluster on there. Like a low octave of D minor 9.

Roy: Is this back again? Huh huh, huh! Is this again the . . . the same, uh . . . Ha ha ha . . . Why? Why did we ever, uh? When did we start?
FZ: Go, go on the organ with D minor like we did before. No, this organ here. D minor.
Roy: This is all, this is all we . . . We just wanted to, ah, he he heh. You know we just wanted, just to, uh, make everybody . . . ha ha ha ha. But then all those stupid son-of-a-bitches up in the fucking son-of-a-bitches. Those bastards . . . their fucking buildings. Them and their stupid big [mono dicks]. You know they just want to, uh, a-ha ha. They made this son-of-a . . . [...beautiful] . . . I don't want to. I don't want to. We just want . . . we wanna be, we wanna be! You have to do this. Ah ah ah ah a ha ha. Oh oh oh. I never thought that you were so cool. Thank you, man. Thank you, man. Oh more, more, oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, in, back, out, oh, in. Wha—
FZ: Return to Managua.
Roy: Sha- mi- ma- di- ma- ni- na. Your eyes were so full of it. Your eyes were just the cause of it. Aaahh. Aaahhh. A-ha ha. This is. A-ha ha. This is. A-ha ha. This is. A-ha ha.

"GIVE YOURSELF UP
YOU ARE COMPLETELY
SURROUNDED BY
POLICEMEN
IF YOU PULL DOWN YOUR GUNS
AND COME OUT
WITH YOUR HANDS UP
WE GUARANTEE
YOU WON'T BE HARMED"

"BANK ROBBERY
REPORTED AT THE NATIONAL BANK
PROCEED THERE IMMEDIATELY . . .
BANK ROBBERY
REPORTED AT THE NATIONAL BANK
PROCEED THERE IMMEDIATELY . . .
GIVE YOURSELF UP
YOU ARE COMPLETELY SURROUNDED BY
BANK ROBBERY REPORTED
GIVE YOURSELF UP
BANK ROBBERY REP . . .
BANK ROBBERY REP . . .
BANK ROBBERY REP . . .
BANK ROBBERY REP . . .
BANK ROBBERY
GIVE YOURSELF UP
GIVE YOURSELF UP
GIVE YOURSELF UP
GIVE YOURSELF UP
GIVE YOURSELF UP
GIVE YOURSELF UP
BANK ROBBERY
BANK ROBBERY
BANK ROBBERY
GIVE YOURSELF UP
BANK ROBBERY
GIVE YOURSELF UP
GIVE YOURSELF UP
YOU ARE COMPLETELY
SURROUNDED BY POLICEMEN
IF YOU PULL DOWN YOUR GUNS
AND COME OUT
WITH YOUR HANDS UP
WE GUARANTEE
YOU WON'T BE HARMED"

Bruce Bickford: And when the, when the dis-, disco or something as obtuse as that could link up with . . .
FZ: Mm-heh-heh-heh . . .
Bruce Bickford: . . . with this, this foul energy flowing up from the Earth that it's on . . . No, not that the Earth is anything bad, but there's a . . .
FZ: It's just the stuff coming up from the bottom that's not so hot.
Bruce Bickford: Yeah, and the place is coming up with, into this dungeon. Well . . . together, and these giant monsters are born, hideous creatures . . . all this, this electrical energy is flowing into the discos, so franticly . . .
FZ: Yeah.
Bruce Bickford: . . . that, through this high, high tension lines . . .
FZ: Uh-huh . . .
Bruce Bickford: That the monsters cause a reversal of that energy and send the power back to its source to this, this big nuclear reactor . . .
FZ: Yeah.
Bruce Bickford: And when it all gets there it's just a big implosion, and because the, the reactor to just, suck into itself, and bust a hole through our dimension into something else, maybe . . .
FZ: Yeah. Is that how it ends?
Bruce Bickford: Well, probably, you know, I mean uh, give, give people somewhere to escape through.

FZ: Trombone solo.
Phil Kaufman: What song is it?
FZ: "King Kong."
Phil Kaufman: Oh. Can I hear it?
FZ: You can hear it. Just play, make a trombone solo over it. I, I'll give you the cue.

Phil Kaufman: BURP. (Human trombone solo)
?: Work it out, man. Yeah. Come on, work it out, man. Yeah. Yeah! Thank you!
Phil Kaufman: Thank you!
FZ: Phil Kaufman, our road manager, the Human Trombone . . . Roy? Roy, get the gas mask . . .

Roy: Oh, looord . . .
FZ: In this scene, a lonely boy of European extraction . . . is falling in love with a sexually aroused gas mask.

Roy: Hee haw hee! Hee haw hee! Hee haw heeee! Hoo. Hee-oo. Oh . . . It's all . . . Ah, bee, why, bee, why, wing, brown, cack, crack, oh, oh, just . . . oh hee oh eee. "You must have been a beautiful baby, baby" . . . Please. Please, anybody. Please help me, please help. Please help me. Please help . . . Please help . . . Heh hu heh uh . . . ha ha ha ha ha . . . You— (cough) You did it. You. I can't. I can't. I can't can't. Oh oh oh oh . . . Please, please, oh, it's gone, it's gone. I can't, Frankie, I can't. I can't do . . . I can't . . . I can't . . . Heh heh heh heh a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha . . .

FZ: What's he doing?
Crowd: He's eating!
FZ: Watch him eat, and while he's eating, talk to me while he's eating and ask me what he's doing.
?: What are you doing?
Crowd: He's eating!
FZ: What you're doing?
Crowd: He's eating!
FZ: Now listen, I'll tell you one more time. Watch him eat, and while he's eating (ah, go fuck yourself). Watch him eat, and while he's eating, talk to me while he's eating and ask me what he's doing. What you're doing?
Roy: He's reading.
FZ: No, he's not reading, he's eating. Now, I'll tell ya again. Watch—
Roy: He's eating.
FZ: That's right, he's eating.
Roy: I know it.
FZ: I know, ok. One big loud noise! . . . You go back there . . . watch the wire . . . oh, no wonder! His microphone was disconnected, oh . . . Wait a minute . . . Was that coming out at all? Could you hear what he was saying at all? Oh, I hope that wasn't wasted! It wasn't wasted? Good.

FZ: The name of this song is "Bobby Brown Goes Down."

Hey there, people, I'm Bobby Brown
They say I'm the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
Here I am at a famous school
I'm dressin' sharp 'n I'm
Actin' cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work 'n maybe later I'll rape her

Oh God I am the American dream
I do not think I'm too extreme
An' I'm a handsome sonofabitch
Get a good job 'n be real rich

Women's Liberation
Came creepin' across the nation
I tell you people, I was not ready
When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie
She made a little speech then,
She tried to make me say when
She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick
I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick

Oh God I am the American dream . . .

FZ: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it, I want to do this right. I'm thinking about—wait a minute, hold it, wait a minute—when somebody—wait a minute—when somebody hands me panties and a brassière with a note, I gotta read it. Okay. "Frank, came all the way from Canada to see four shows. They're fantastic. Please play 'Bobby Brown' and some Läther or 'Enema Bandit.' Love . . . Lacy, Tracy and Richard. Hi, Adrian (spelled wrong)," and then it says, "'Jewish Princess' was great." Okay.

Oh God I am the American dream
Now I smell like Vaseline
An' I'm a miserable sonofabitch
Am I a boy or a lady . . . I don't know which

So I went out 'n bought me a leisure suit
I jingle my change, but I'm still kinda cute
Got a job doin' radio promo
An' none of the jocks can even tell I'm a homo
Eventually me 'n a friend
Sorta of drifted along into S&M
I can take about an hour on the tower of power
As long as I gets a little golden shower

Oh God I am the American dream
With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream
An' I'll do anything to get ahead
I lay awake nights sayin', "Thank you, Fred!"
Oh God, Oh God, I'm so fantastic!
Thanks to Freddie, I'm a sexual spastic
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now; I'm goin' down,
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now; I'm goin' down,
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now; I'm goin' down
And my name is Bobby Brown . . .

FZ: Watch me now, because the name of this song is "Conehead." One, two, three, four . . .

Adrian: How I got in the band? It was very simple, see, I was playing crud in a Nashville crud auditorium, a little small crud club and uh, Frank happened to come in with this giant, huge, bald person of colored sort, and uh, heard me play for about 40 minutes and said, "You're so fantastic at this crud and you play the cheapest harmonica I've ever heard, why don't you come up to L.A. and audition for me?"
FZ: This is Phil Kaufman, ladies and gentlemen, a very fine road manager. This man is very fine. He has a story to tell about life on the road from his point of view. We're gonna interfere with his ideas quite a bit now, but . . .
Phil Parmet?: I was a cadet in the summer, no in the s— in the fall of '64 for six months in a Texas military institute. I was quite a terrible soldier, but I learned how to sing the Airborne Ranger song . . .
FZ: . . . and anybody else who wants to sing along, accompany him while he explains what he does for a living. OK? Hit it.
Terry: I . . . wait a minute.
Roy: There's his anus . . .
John Smothers: Oh my goodness. Terry has a poopchute. Terry's got the prettiest little poopchute [...] . . . [...] Terry's poopchute. And I think we got a coupla bitches in the band playing . . .
Terry: Do you have a slip?
John Smothers: Yeah, I have a slip, I have a coupla slips. I have a couple little girls there . . .
Adrian: And if you believe that, I got some really good swamp land I'd like to sell you in Florida . . .

Terry: What the fuck is this, man?
?: . . . baby boomer . . . this line of work . . . in New York City . . . you know, being a lawyer in New York City is . . . I'd like to tell . . . the rock & roll business. My first experience with rock & roll. You know, I . . .
Terry: The tradition of the iron sausage was further perpetuated by one of those private-like European urinal stalls, you know, they have those little walls between them. Where John said, "Boy, I gotta stand back," to make room for the salami, you know. But I really couldn't see, you know. And then, man, he made the mistake of, uh, changing into his karate pants one night when I was around. And finally, I looked over and said, "Man, I thought you had some salami in there!"
John Smothers: I told you, that shrunk up in the bay! Oh, Terry . . .
Terry: I love this man, I mean, Frank told me to come in and razz him. I don't want to razz him. I just wanna fuck Roy.
?: A simple little band of gold. A [...] little [...] is all that you'll need.
John Smothers: Here come the homos. Especially that little cute faggot in them pants.
FZ: We're gonna start off with uh, "Stink Foot" instead of the other one, just like I said before, ok? For the magic trick thing just have to find some place in the middle of the show where Phil likes it's gonna work. And for a vamp, just uh, play it like you're playing in a cocktail lounge . . . Yeah, we go uh, "Stink Foot" into uh, the uh, thing about the poodle, then to "Dirty Love" and then into "Peaches," alright? And Roy has to be on tap for the dance contest with the gas mask . . .
Roy: . . . or somebody . . .
FZ: Well, you carry it with you. It's like you've always got it, you know. In case you meet someone you like, you have to make him wear it. But it would be better if you could get one of the girls from the audience to actually put it on, and then take it off of her, because she's not good enough . . .
?: Okay, let's go, boys and girls . . .

Interviewer: What's the truth about Frank Zappa?
John Smothers: What's the truth about Frank? Frank is a hell of a musician. When I first started workin' for him, I was brought in for one week. And I told his last road manager, I said, "That son of a bitch is crazy, gimme my plane ticket, let me go home." And then he took a five piece band, and he started playin' symphony music, and that got me hooked, 'cuz I like classical music.

Bruce Bickford: I can't go much further than that right now.
FZ: But how does it end?
Bruce Bickford: I, I guess that would be the end, unless you want to show what's happening on the other side.
FZ: So what's happening on the other side?
Bruce Bickford: Uh, something more primordial than this Earth. I mean, the, the industrialists and all these type of criminals don't have that big a foothold . . .
FZ: On the other dimension.
Bruce Bickford: Yeah.
FZ: Yet.
Bruce Bickford: Yeah.
FZ: But when you open up that hole they can go in there, right?
Bruce Bickford: Yeah.
FZ: How are you gonna keep 'em out?
Bruce Bickford: Well . . .
FZ: If this movie makes it possible for them to get in there and interfere with the primordial existence in the other dimension do you think you're really doing a public service by presenting it to 'em?
Bruce Bickford: No . . . we're, we're just, we're in the entertainment business, you know.
FZ: Yeah, you and me, Bruce, entertainment all the way.

Adrian: I'm really not a queer. I mean, this is just a part of the show, you know, something we do for a laugh and, uh . . .

Adrian: It's really just a good excuse for me to really show these beautiful legs that I have, you see. I'm sure [...] while I have my [...] off. I'm much more beautiful under a skirt, wouldn't you say, sailor?

Adrian: You noticed I'm a little, uh, what you'd call flat-chested . . . But you know, I make up for it.

Adrian: Hey!

Adrian: I'm going out now. Good-bye. See you later, sailor.

FZ: You know what time is, don't you? . . . I— 'Cause know a lot of you people I s— I see the same people here tonight that I've seen for many of these shows . . . and I re— I really appreciate the fact that you came back. Thank you. Okay. This is—for those of you who haven't been here before—this is Audience Participation Time. Now, tonight, since this is Halloween, we're gonna— Hi, there! You're a cute girl. Come up here . . . Yeah, you. Come here . . . Hi. What's your name?
Janet The Planet: Janet The Planet.
FZ: Jan The Plan?
Janet The Planet: Janet The Planet.
FZ: Janet The Planet? Janet, hold this. I'm pleased to meet you by the way. Thank you. Okay, Janet is going to administer discipline to a couple of members of the audience. Hey . . . You want some? Okay, come on. Don't step on him, here. What's your name?
John: Hey, my name is John.
FZ: Alright, John. Janet, how d'you feel about John?
Janet The Planet: It's fun.
FZ: Janet . . .
Janet The Planet: I'd like to request a friend's presence.
FZ: You wanna request a friend's presence?
Janet The Planet: Yes.
FZ: What's the friend's name?
Janet The Planet: Her name is Donna U Wanna.
FZ: Donna U Wanna? Would Donna U Wanna, please, step to the podium. It's Donna U Wanna, hey . . . And what is this in the bottle? What is— Yoo-Hoo, oh, hey . . .
Donna U Wanna: Hi!
FZ: Ok. Are you gonna be her assistance in this abusage here? Ok, here's what you do. Do we have any oth— Do we have a utensil for Donna U Wanna? Is there any? Do you take this? Is there anything that Donna U Wanna can use to whip this poor boy? Where's the whip? . . . Okay! This, this is a real whip. Hey, this is Halloween, we don't fuck around! Alright . . . Hey, relax, there's plenty— We're gonna have plenty of fun 'n games up here during Audience Participation Time, okay? Uh, would that young lady please come up here, that one there, yes, send her right on up. You were here last night for "Disco Boy." You were the one I was going, "You never go doody, that's what you think," that's right. Okay. Now, just relax. Just hold yourself in abeyance momentarily because we have to get on with Phase One of Audience Participation! You, with the white. You, come up here. You. Okay. Now. You're sure you want this?
John: I don't know if I can go through with this if that's a real whip.
FZ: It's a real whip!
John: A real whip!
FZ: You can, look, you can quit if you want.
John: No, no, I'll go . . .
FZ: You . . .
John: Just hit me softly, hit me softly.
FZ: No, uh-um . . . yeah . . .
John: Yeah, that's right, I know . . . Okay, go all the way!
FZ: Alright . . . hi, there, what's your name?
Chris: Chris! That's Chris!
FZ: Pleased to meet you, Chris. Okay.
Angel: What about me, you know?
FZ:Wait a minute, what is your name?
Angel: Angel.
FZ: Angel, my God . . . now look, this, this guy here who looks so . . . What? . . . Oh, waitiminnit. Oh, how fun . . . now, listen. This guy here, as, you John, you really asked for it, he thought we were just gonna had fun up here. John. They're going to beat the living shit out of John tonight. Okay. Now, John, I want you to make yourself comfortable . . . alright. Just put the, there you go, John. Now, sit, make yourself comfortable on any place on the stage. You shouldn't stand up for this because it'll take too much energy. Better to just lie down on your, there, there on the side, that's it. Okay. Now. What you're watching here tonight is not merely Audience Participation, it is a re-enactment of the sum total of modern civilization. John represents the abused, down-trodden artists of the world . . . Here we have the president of Warner Bros. Records, the head of the Warner Bros. legal department, and two famous attorneys from Gang, Tyre & Brown. Okay. Give him his contract!

FZ: Hey, John, more agony! More agony, John! This really hurts, John! It's terrible. It's painful. Get down, John. John, you're a wonderful actor. An academy award is yours, John. Plead.
Roy: Dominus vobisc— biscum . . .
FZ: Alright, John, John, hold it, hold it, hold it. Alright, wait a minute. No, just a moment. John, hey, John, okay, John . . . Can you dance?
John: Yeah, I can dance.
FZ: Are you good? Wait a minute . . .
John: . . . Can-Can. The Can-Can.
FZ: The Can . . . The Can-Can? Wait a minute. Can you guys dance? You can . . .
Janet The Planet: In a horizontal position.
FZ: You can, oh, hey! Say that again, wait a minute. I've just asked this girl if she can dance and she said:
Janet The Planet: In a horizontal position.
John: Frank!
FZ: What?
John: You don't wanna wear this, do ya?
FZ: . . . no, hell, no. My nose is big enough already. Alright! This is chaos, stop it! Stop! Stop! Alright. It is now time to get into the meat of our performance, and that is the Dance Contest. Now, last night we had ten people up on the stage, maybe twelve, who knows. They were dancing and twirling and trying to keep the beat to "The Black Page #2." Unfortunately, this stage is too small to accommodate the type of spectacle that I wanna put into this film. We don't want just a few people on the stage, we want everybody in the audience trying to dance to this stupid song, so stand up! Stand up! Stand up! Alright! Everybody dance to this song, but remember, hey, keep, keep, keep the aisles clear, keep the aisles clear, you never, you never know when there's gonna be an emergency. Okay. The name of this song is "The Black Page #2." One, two, three, four!

Hey! Do you know what you are?
You're an asshole! An ASSHOLE!

Some of you might not agree
'Cause you probably likes a lot of misery
But think a while and you will see . . .
Broken hearts are for assholes
Broken hearts are for assholes
Are you an asshole?
Broken hearts are for assholes
Are you an asshole too?
Whatcha gonna do, 'cause you're an asshole . . .

No no no, yeah yeah yeah
I think
You . . . are . . . an ASSHOLE!

Maybe you think you're a lonely guy
'N maybe you think you're too tough to cry
But you went to The Grape,
Just to give it a try
And Dagmar
(Without a doubt, the ugliest sonofabitch I've ever seen in my life)
Was his name . . .
(But this cute little dish is . . .)
The whiskers sticking out from underneath of his Pancake make-up
(Excuse me now)
Nearly drove you insane
(Nice balls, Felix)
And so you kissed a little sailor
(I was wondering forever . . . you had anything on!)
Who had just blew in from Spain
(Anyway, tomorrow night is salute to leather)
And pull the chain attached to the permanently-erected nipples of Jimmy
(Leather, rubber, vinyl . . .)
In a bold salute to pain
(You've undoubtedly heard of the Seven Rings of Hell . . .)
You sniffed the reeking buns of Angel
(This boy is wearing)
And acted like it was cocaine
You were dazzled by the exciting new costume of Ko-Ko
(Nice, lovely)
In a way you can't explain
And so you worked the wall with Michael
(Tower Of Power)
Which gave your back an awful strain
(Now available . . .)
But you came back on Sunday for the gong shows
(Nice, lovely)
But you forgot what I was sayin'
'Cause you're an asshole, you're an asshole
That's right
You're an asshole, you're an asshole
Yes, yes
You're an asshole, you're an asshole
That's right
You're an asshole, you're an asshole

Well, now you been to The Chest, been to The Grape
Now I think you know what you are: you're an asshole

You say you can't live with what you've been through
Well, ladies you can be an asshole too
(That's right!)
You might pretend you ain't got one on the bottom of you
But don't fool yerself girl
It's lookin' at you
Don't fool yerself girl
It's winkin' at you
Don't fool yerself girl
It's blinkin' at you
That's why I say
I'm gonna ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
(Crisco)
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
(A hot, wet, tight, black rubber shirt)
(Everybody!)
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
(The Pleasure Chest)
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
(Gr-gr-gr-grips)
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
(Ay ay ay ay)
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
(Ay ay ay ay)
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poooop chute
(Ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay)
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer . . .

Aw, I knew you'd be surprised . . .

Punky, Punky, give me your lips
To die on . . .

Oh, Punky, isn't it romantic?

Punky, Punky, give me your lips
To die on . . .
I promise not to come in your mouth
Punky, Punky, your album's the shits
It's all wrong . . .

I ain't really queer
But if he ever got near
Steven Tyler would PAY to see!
PAY to see!

Punky's lips, Punky's lips
His hair's so shiny,
I love his hips
I love his teeth, 'n his gums 'n such . . .
PUNKY
(What is it?)
You're an ANGEL . . . you're too much
(Ooh. Nice.)

(The voice of my thoughts
In my lonely teen-age room)
He's been havin' a rash
(No shit)
That keeps the girls away
Skin doom
(Skin doom!)
Is what the doctors say
(And that makes me wonder)

I wonder what Punky is rehearsin' today
I'll just go over 'n hear him play
His hair is so pretty . . . I'd like to bite his neck
I've heard a rumor he's more fluid than Jeff Beck
But . . .
I AIN'T QUEER
I AIN'T GAY
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array
A wrist array)
(That's all it is, I swear)

Punky's lips, Punky's lips
Oh! I love his hair while eatin' dunk-y chips
Yeah! I love his blink and his blank-blank-blank
Why, maybe he'd like to yank my crank?
YANK IT PUNKY!
YANK IT FASTER!
YANK IT HARDER!
YANK IT ALL NIGHT LONG!
COME ON PUNKY!
GET FUNKY!

I AIN'T QUEER
(No no no no!)
I AIN'T GAY
(No no no no!)
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array
A wrist array)
(And then he told me now:)
I AIN'T QUEER!
(Hey!)
I AIN'T GAY!
(Hey! Hey!)
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array)

Cameraman?: You think they liked you?
FZ: What?
Cameraman?: You think they liked you? (laughs) Who cares?
FZ: What do you mean, who cares? You know I [...] about these people . . . Take your hat off to them.

FZ: Awright . . . I wanna tell you one more time, I wanna thank you, because I really appreciate this . . . Okay, alright, alright, alright . . . okay, look, no . . . there's, there's no way that I can show my appreciation to you. But lis— but n— let's not get maudlin about this . . . The name of this song is "Dinah-Moe Humm." One, two, three, four . . .

One, two, three, four!

She had that
Camarillo brillo
Flamin' out along her head,
I mean her Mendocino bean-o
By where some bugs had made it red

She ruled the Toads of the Short Forest
And every newt in Idaho
And every cricket who had chorused
By the bush in Buffalo

She said she was
A Magic Mama
And she could throw a mean Tarot
And carried on without a comma
That she was someone I should know

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in
(Actually I was very busy then . . . )

And so she wandered
Through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room

Well, I was born
To have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

She stripped away
Her rancid poncho
An' laid out naked by the door
We did it till we were un-concho
An' it was useless any more

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in

And so she wandered
Through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room
(Okay, "Black Napkin.")

Well, I was born
To have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

I chewed my way
Through her rancid panocha
(Joey Psychotic, ladies and gentlemen!)
She laid buck-nekkid
By the door
We did it till we were un-concho
(Hi, darling, how you doin'?)
And it was useless anymore
Yes, it was (back up, back up!) anymore
(Hey, you're hurtin' Joey Psychotic!)
Yes, it was useless anymore
(Move back now!)

Girl, you thought he was a man
But he was a muffin
He hung around till you found
That he didn't know nuthin'

Girl, you thought he was a man
But he only was a-puffin'
No cries is heard in the night
As a . . . didn't know nuthin'
(Alright!)

FZ: Patrick O'Hearn, Adrian Belew, Tommy Mars, Terry Bozzio, Peter Wolf and Ed Mann. And we're gonna actually play one more song.

FZ: The name of this song is "San Bernardino."

She lives in Mojave in a Winnebago
His name is Bobby, he looks like a potato

She's in love with a boy
From the rodeo
Who pulls the rope on the chute
When they let those suckers go

He got slobberin' drunk at the Palomino
They give him thirty days in San Ber'dino

Well there's forty-four men
Stashed away in Tank "C"
An' there's only one shower
But it don't apply to Bobby

You might think they're
Dumb an' lonely
But you're wrong
'Cause their love is strong
Stacked-up hair
An' a cheap little ring
They don't care
'Cause it don't mean a thing

Looka there . . .
They don't care

Best-est way that
They can feel-o
Out on the highway
Rollin' a wheel-o
He's her Tootsie
She's for real-o
Trailer park heaven
It's a real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o

Gonna spend the rest of their lives
In San Ber'dino
The rest of their lives
Down in San Ber'dino
Spend the rest of their lives
Down in San Ber'dino
Come on with me
Come on with me
Come on with me
Down to San Ber'dino
60 miles, 60 miles
Down the San Ber'dino freeway
They got some dark green air
An' you can choke all day
Spend the rest of their lives
Rest of their lives
Rest of their lives
Down in San Ber'dino

Ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout the Redlands, no no
Hey! ZULCH is the auto works
I'm tellin' you
That's where they take
All the cars that they hurt
Come on and let's all go down to San Ber'dino
Ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo-ahh!
Brrrr . . .
Wouldja b'lieve it
Wouldja b'lieve it
Wouldja b'lieve it
Hey!
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
(Got to call it)
San Ber'dino
(C'mere)
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino

Oh Bobby, I'm sorry you got a head like a potato . . .

Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh

"GIVE YOURSELF UP
YOU ARE COMPLETELY
SURROUNDED BY
POLICEMEN"

Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh

Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh

FZ: Thank you! Thank you . . . thank you . . . thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank everyone of you, and good night.

FZ: I like that one . . . already— did you see that baby snake that guy gave me?
John Smothers: Yeah.
FZ: Where is it? Roy!

Patrick: . . . and bust his balls. Hey! You know what!

THE CAST

in the order of their appearance
playing themselves

FRANK ZAPPA
ADRIAN BELEW
TOMMY MARS
TERRY BOZZIO
KERRY McNABB
RON DELSENER
BRUCE BICKFORD
ROB LEACOCK
ED MANN
WARREN CUCURULLO
CHRIS MARTIN
KLAUS HUNDSBICHLER
FRENCHY THE POODLE
Ms. PINKY'S LARGER SISTER
ROY ESTRADA
JOHN SMOTHERS
DAVID DITKOWICH
NEW YORK'S FINEST CRAZY PERSONS
BILL HARRINGTON
PATRICK O'HEARN
PHIL PARMET
PETER WOLF
DICK PEARCE
ANGEL
JANET THE PLANET
DONNA U WANNA
PHIL KAUFMAN
TEX ABEL
DALE BOZZIO
DIVA
JOHN
CHRIS
NANCY
BRIAN RIVERA
JOEY PSYCHOTIC
and probably lots more people
whose names we couldn't find out
but whose assistance in making this film
is greatly appreciated

Road Manager
& Human trombone:
Phil Kaufman

Iron Sausage:
John Smothers

Stage Crew:
Alan Barclay
Bill Harrington
J.L. Housman
Paul Hof
Kenny Lyon
Davey Moire
Gregory Mulgrew
Thomas Nordegg
Leon Rodriguez
Alan Santos
Earl Charles
Earl Matthews
Tex Abel

Assistants:
Ira Brenner
Dickson Sorenson
Doug Hart
Algerman Ramirez

Soundmen:
Nigel Noble
Joe S
Chat Gunter
Kim Ornirz
Cabet Smith
Harry Lapham
Robert Roeow
Ed Jones

Loaders:
Rober Sands
Robin Racies

Production:
Sandra Rush
Wanda Fidi
Marguerite Mullen
Bill Shirt
Rhonda Raulston
Robbie Kenner
Dwane Arthur

Runners:
Jan Tower
Jeff Avedon
Becky Casart
Don Ferco

Grip:
Art Ross

Gaffer:
Murray Avimeleh

Make-Up:
Susan Barry

House Electricians:
Maria Proscia
Eric Krupnick

Assistant Editor:
Laura Whipple

Color by:
DeLuxe (c)

Titles & Opticals by:
Pacific Title

Dubbing:
Steve Maslow
Goldwyn Studios

(c) (p) 1979 Frank Zappa
All rights reserved

Patrick: . . . know what I'm sayin' . . .
Adrian: I know what ya mean, man. I gotcha. I gotcha . . . aw yeah.
Patrick: . . . you . . . you know what I'm sayin', well, I am sick 'n tired of this . . .
Adrian: Well, I'll tell you what, brother. We gotta take a [...] right now folks. Right off this here stage.
Patrick: . . . get to break our brother's balls. Get to break your brother's balls. I'll tell ya, it's hard work. It's hard work.

John Smothers: Damn show was lovely tonight. No shit. I bet you're damn pleased . . .
FZ: . . . they're always . . .
?: Bet you're damn pleased tired.
John Smothers: You're damn right they are.
FZ: Are you wearing thermal underwear?
John Smothers: Yes, I'm wearing a thermal underwear! You think I'd come out without a thermal underwear? Oh . . .
FZ: All the way down . . .
John Smothers: All the way down! New York can on change you . . .
Warren Cuccurullo: "King Kong"! Let's hear "King Kong"! Please! Please! A heavy show tonight, Frank.
?: Frank.
FZ: What? . . . I think. Who'd they miss? Oh, yeah. Can you get 'em in . . . Oh so, are they torn down, they took the lights down on us . . .
?: . . . their lights . . .
FZ: Yeah, it won't look right unless it's done in the same location.
?: Ok.
FZ: It's on you, and you're supposed to round them up.
?: Ok. Rolling up.
?: Real treat . . .
?: . . . the best . . .
FZ: Gimme . . . watch your step . . .

Frank, shake my hand, Frank . . .
Alright! . . .

FZ: Hi, good to see you again . . . ok . . . hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, hey, let me . . . my cigarette, ok . . . hey! Don't bang me in the back of the head . . . Bye bye! Ok, good night!

FZ: Good night! Okay . . .
?: Incredible, man. Did you ever think you you'd be on on 4th Avenue?
FZ: Yeah, I thought about it sometimes . . . that stuff is very bad for you. Good night.

"GIVE YOURSELF UP
YOU ARE COMPLETELY
SURROUNDED BY
POLICEMEN
IF YOU COME OUT
WITH YOUR HANDS UP
WE GUARANTEE
YOU WON'T BE HARMED"

FZ: Good evening. Awright. Okay, now listen. WE ARE MAKING A MOVIE. Not only that, not only are we making a movie. You see, I figured it was time I made another movie, it's been a long time since 200 Motels, and so, I felt that the people all over the world needed to see another weird kind of a movie. You're ready, I know you're ready. Okay. That's WHY we're making the movie, now here's HOW we're making the movie. All you people have to do is remember that the camera man is your friend, the camera man is here to take pictures of everybody. The camera men are named Bob, Phil and Dick. Brooklyn!

FZ: In the beginning God made 'the light.'
Bruce Bickford: . . . and ultimately, monsters were created!

Once in a great while, a film comes along that warms the heart.

O'Hearn: Don't be ashamed

Lifts the spirit.

FZ: Ren-den-den-den Doon-den-den-den . . .

And astound the senses. Intercontinental Absurdities presents:

Roy: Disco Boy . . .
FZ: What is that weird sound?

INTERCONTINENTAL ABSURDITIES
PRESENTS
BABY
SNAKES
DOLBY STEREO
IN SELECTED THEATRES
(C) & (P) FRANK ZAPPA 1979

Baby Snakes . . .

Baby Snakes. The new movie about a group of people caught up in the whirlwind of changing times, and their heroic struggle to overcome the mundane routine of their day to day existence.

BABY
SNAKES

Baby Snakes. A compelling story of romance, danger, and intrigue. It's about love. It's about hate. It's about the complexities of modern civilization.

SHOWN ACTUAL SIZE

It's about two and half hours long.

I'm a moron 'n this is my wife

Few movies have ever dare to present such an accurate view of reality. And none have ever shown the grace, the elegance and the all around splendor of Baby Snakes.

BABY
SNAKES

A movie about people who do stuff that is not normal.

Bruce Bickford: At the peak of the disco out-freakage . . .

BABY
SNAKES

Starring Frank Zappa.

FRANK ZAPPA

And introducing Ms. Pinky's larger sister.

INTRODUCING
MS. PINKY'S LARGER SISTER

Baby Snakes . . .

BABY
SNAKES

OPENS FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21st
AT GUILDS VICTORIA THEATRE

Baby Snakes will open on December 21st, so that it will qualify for the 1979 Academy Awards.

(Baby Snakes, TV)

Baby Snakes . . .

Graceful. Charming. Elegant. Sensitive. Understated. And well within the bounds of good taste. Baby Snakes.

BABY
SNAKES

A movie about people who do stuff that is not normal. Starring Frank Zappa.

FRANK ZAPPA

And introducing Ms. Pinky's larger sister.

INTRODUCING
MS. PINKY'S LARGER SISTER

Baby Snakes . . .

BABY
SNAKES

Baby Snakes. Rated 'R.'

O'Hearn: Don't be ashamed
Moire: LEATHER!

Moire: LEATHER!

Baby Snakes . . .

Intercontinental Absurdities presents Baby Snakes.

BABY
SNAKES

It's an amazing, admirable, action-packed adventure. A salute to the kind of courage that made America great. Baby Snakes. A movie about people who do stuff that is not normal. Starring Frank Zappa.

FRANK ZAPPA

And introducing Ms. Pinky's larger sister.

INTRODUCING
MS. PINKY'S LARGER SISTER

Baby Snakes . . .

BABY
SNAKES

Baby Snakes. Rated 'R.'

Frank Zappa
and these Mothers
played at The Roxy
on Sunset Blvd.
8, 9 & 10 December 1973.

Live from the Vault
in time for the closing
of the eons
Intercontinental
Absurdities
hereby presents in all
its original splendor
a non-government
supported program
of unreleased
stimulating digital
audio entertainment
composed, produced
and performed
(& mixed in 1987)
by FZ.

THE
ROXY
PERFORMANCES
RAW UNBRIDLEDNESS

DECEMBER 9, 1973

FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, we are making a movie of this.

I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go

FZ: And there's a camera there, and there's a camera there, and there's a camera there . . .

20 ORIGINAL
SONGS

3
COMPLETE
SHOWS

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?

4 HOURS
UNCUT

In the Village of the Sun

GEORGE DUKE

TOM FOWLER

NAPOLEON
MURPHY
BROCK

CHESTER
THOMPSON

RUTH
UNDERWOOD

RALPH
HUMPHREY

BRUCE FOWLER

ZAPPA

FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, we're about to have a rehearsal in here of an event that will probably take place during the next show.

highly trained

uniquely qualified

the few

the proud

the MOTHERS

Hey!

Let me tell you one thing right now
Let me tell you one thing right here
Let me make this perfectly clear
Let me tell you 'bout this right here
You know you put me in office
So you must have wanted me in office
I've did . . . no harm
I've did you no harm
You know I'm not a crook
You know I'm innocent
I had twenty-five tapes
I only have ten
I don't know what happened to the rest
Must've gave 'em to a friend
Bebe
Somebody
Ronald
Somebody
Who
Was it?
Who?
Oh, Lord, it's gonna get ya
Oh, Lord, it's gonna get ya
Oh, Lord, it's gonna get ya
They really get down . . .

Bullets can't stop it
Rockets can't stop it
We may have to use NUCLEAR FORCE!
Everybody is advised to go to the shelter at once!
Go to the shelter, come on everybody. Get up. Go as fast as you can. Run.

GO TO DA SHELTER
MY BABY, MY BABY,
GO TO DA SHELTER
GO TO DA SHELTER

GO TO DA SHELTER
MY BABY, MY BABY,
GO TO DA SHELTER
GO TO DA SHELTER

FZ: Okay. The gong always gets 'em.