Beat The Boots I: Anyway The Wind Blows

[Wet T-Shirt Night hits]

FZ: Hi, everybody. Welcome to the first show. I'd like to introduce you to the members of our Rocking Teenage Combo this afternoon. Denny Walley on guitar and vocals, Ike Willis on guitar and vocals, Tommy Mars on keyboards, Ed Mann on percussion, Peter Wolf on keyboards, Vince Colaiuta on drums, Arthur Barrow on bass, and Sophia Warren on guitar.

Do you see what they are
Do you hear what they say
People it is sad but true
They're dressed really stupid
But they think they're O.K.
And they got no use for you
Oh, the dead girls of London
Why do they act that way?

Maybe it's the water, mama
Maybe it's the tea
Maybe it's the way they was raised
Maybe it's the stuff what they read in the papers
Keeps them lookin' sorta half in a daze
Oh, the dead girls of London
Why do they act that way?

We're the dead girls of London
We thinks we are fine
We ain't hittin' on nothin'
But the boutique frame of mind

You see 'em dancing at the disco every night
Like a bunch of little robot queens
Making little noises full of fake delight
But they're really just so full of beans
Oh, the dead girls of London
Why do they act that way?

We're the dead girls of London
We thinks we are fine
We ain't hittin' on nothin'
But the boutique frame of mind

Hey, boutique frame of mind
Boutique frame of mind
Boutique frame of mind
Boutique frame of mind

Ain't got no heart
I ain't got no heart to give away
I sit and laugh at fools in love (ha ha ha)
There ain't no such thing as love (ha ha ha)
No angels singing up above today
Girl I don't believe
Girl I don't believe in what you say
You say your heart is only mine
I say to you, you must be blind
What makes you think that you're so fine
That I would throw away
The groovy life I lead
'Cause baby, what you've got, yeah
It sure ain't what I need

Girl you'd better go
Girl you'd better go away
I think that life with you would be
Just not quite the thing for me
Why is it so hard to see my way

Why should I be stuck with you
It's just not what I want to do
Why should an embrace or two
Make me such a part of you
I ain't got no heart to give away
Away

Brown shoes don't make it
Brown shoes don't make it
Quit school, why fake it
Brown shoes don't make it
TV dinner by the pool
Watch your brother grow a beard
Got another year of school
You're okay, he's too weird
Be a plumber
He's a bummer
He's a bummer every summer
Be a loyal plastic robot
For a world that doesn't care
Smile at every ugly
Shine on your shoes and cut your hair

Be a jerk—go to work
Be a jerk—go to work
Be a jerk—go to work
Be a jerk—go to work
Do your job, and do it right
Life's a ball
TV tonight
Do you love it
Do you hate it
There it is
The way you made it, wow!

A world of secret hungers
Perverting the men who make your laws
Every desire is hidden away
In a drawer in a desk by a Naugahyde chair
On a rug where they walk and drool
Past the girls in the office

Hratche-plche, hratche-plche
Hratche-plche, hratche-plche

We see in the back
Of the City Hall mind
The dream of a girl about thirteen
Off with her clothes and into a bed
Where she tickles his fancy
All night long

His wife's attending an orchid show
She squealed for a week to get him to go
But back in the bed his teen-age queen
Is rocking and rolling and acting obscene
Baby baby...ha-hoo-ha-hoo
Baby baby...ha-hoo-ha-hoo

And he loves it, he loves it
It curls up his toes
She bites his fat neck
And it lights up his nose
But he cannot be fooled
Old City Hall Fred
She's nasty, she's nasty
She digs it in bed

Do it again,
And do it some more
That does it, by golly-he-he
And she's nasty for sure
Nasty nasty nasty
Only thirteen, and she knows how to nasty
She's a dirty young mind,
Corrupted, corroded
Well she's thirteen today
And I hear she gets loaded
If she were my daughter, I'd...
What would you do, Frankie?
If she were my daughter, I'd...
What would you do, Frankie?
If she were my daughter, I'd...
What would you do, Frankie?
Hey, get this:
Smother my daughter in chocolate syrup
And strap her on again, oh baby
Smother that girl in chocolate syrup
And strap her on again
She's my teen-age baby
She turns me on
I'd like to make her do a nasty
On the White House lawn
Smother that girl in chocolate syrup
And boogie 'til the cows come home

Time to go home
Madge is on the phone
Gotta meet the Gurneys and a dozen grey attorneys
TV dinner by the pool
I'm so glad I finished school
Life is such a ball
I run the world from City Hall

The mystery man came over
An' he said "I'm outta site"
He said for a nominal service charge
I could reach ner-vonna tonite
If I was ready, willing, and able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest
Of hiss pressing affairs
And devote his attention to me

But I said:
Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
Now who you jivin with that Cosmik Debris?
Look here brother
Don't you waste your time on me

The mystery man got nervous
An' he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his mystery robe
An' he whipped out a shaving kit
Now, I though it was a razor
An' a can of foamin' goo
But he told me right then
When the top popped open
There was nothin' his box won't do
With the Oil of Afro Dytee
And the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said: "You might not believe this little fellow,
But It'll cure your asthma too"

An I said:
Look here, brother, who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris
Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho, heh
Look here, brother
Don't you waste your time on me..... Sophia Warren

I've got troubles of my own, I said
An' you can't help me out
So, take your meditations
An' your preparations
An' cram it up your snout
"But I got a CRYSTAL BALL," he said
An' held it on up to the light
So I snatched it all away from him
An' I showed him how to do it right

I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head
So I looked like I was DEEP
I said some mumbo jumbo's thenI told him he was goin' to sleep
I stole his ring an' his pocket watch
An' everything else I found
I had that sucker hypnotized
He couldn't even make a sound

I proceeded to tell him his future then
As long as he was hangin' around
I said: "The price of meat has just gone up
An' your old lady has just gone down!"

Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
Now what kind of a guru are you anyway? . . .
Don't you know
You could make more money as a butcher
And so, don't you waste your time on me
Don't waste it
Don't waste your time on me
OHM SHANTI, OHM SHANTI, OHM SHANTI-ooooo

I'm only fourteen
Sickly 'n thin
Tried all of my life
Just to grow me a chin
Popped out once, yeah
But my dad pushed it in
Tell me, why did he hurt me?
Cause he's my next of kin . . .
He's a mex-i-kin

I'm lonely 'n green;
Too small for my shirt
If Simmons was here
I could feature my hurt
Scared of the future
An' hope I don't grow
Hey listen, I know nobody likes me
Cause everywhere that I go
They say No
They say No
They say No
Owww, they say no

Now that I am older
I got a place in the town, babe
I got a chin on my shoulder
'N it keeps growing down 'n down 'n down
I'm horny 'n lonely
'N I wish I was dead
Somebody tell me, why am I livin'?
I wanna be dead instead
You heard me right
I wanna be dead instead
I wanna be dead
In bed
Please kill me
Cause that would thrill me
[Etc., repeat ]

One more time for the world
I wanna be dead
In bed
Please kill me
Cause that would thrill me
[Etc., repeat ]

City of tiny lites
Don't you wanna go
Hear the tiny auto horns
When they tiny blow
Tiny lightnin'
In the storm
Tiny blankets
Keep you warm
Tiny pillows
Hey tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny sheets
Talkin' bout them tiny cookies
That the peoples eats
City of tiny lites
Well maybe you should know
That it's over there
In the tiny dirt somewhere

You can see it any time
When you get the squints
]From your downers and your wine
You're so big
It's so tiny
Every cloud is silver liney
The great escape for all of you
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do

[repeat first verse until tiny cookies]
That the peoples eats
That the peoples eats
That the peoples eats
That the peoples eats

And it's over there [4x]

I don't know much about dancin'
That's why I got this song
One of my legs is shorter than the other
'N both my feet's too long
'Fcourse now I ride along with 'em
I got no natural rhythm
But I go dancin' every night
Hopin' one day I might get it right
I'm a dancin' fool, I'm a
Dancin' fool
[etc.]

I hear that beat; I jump outa my seat,
But I can't compete, 'cause I'm a
Dancin' fool, I'm a
Dancin' fool

The disco folks all dressed up
Like they's fit to kill
I walk on in 'n see 'em there
Gonna give them all a thrill
When they see me comin'
They all steps aside
They has a fit while I commit
My social suicide, I'm a
Dancin' fool, I'm a
Dancin' fool
[etc.]

The beat goes on
And I'm so wrong
The beat goes on
And I'm so wrong
The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong [4x]
I may be totally wrong but I'm a
Dancin' fool, I'm a
Dancin' fool

Yowsa, yowsa, yowsa

I got it all together now
With my very own disco clothes, hey!
My shirt's half open, t'show you my chains
'N the spoon for up my nose
I am really somethin'
That's what you'd prob'ly say
So smoke your little smoke
Drink your little drink
While I dance the night away, I'm a
Dancin' fool, I'm a
Dancin' fool,
[etc., etc. ]

He's a dancin' fool
I may be totally wrong but I'm a [4x]
FOOL-uh!

Oh girl
Say, darlin . . . can I buy ya a drinks?
Are you lookin' for Monsieur Goodbar?
Wait a minute . . . I've got it . . . You're an Italian!
What! you're Jewish? No foolin'
Love your nails . . . you must be a Libra . . .
Your place or mine?

This girl is easy meat
I seen her on the street
See-through blouse an' a tiny little dress
Her manner indiscreet . . .
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy
Easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

She wanna take me home
Make me sweat and moan
Rub my head and beat me off
With a copy of Rollin' Stone
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy
Easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

I told her I was late
I had another date
I can't get off on the Rollin' Stone
But the robots think it's great . . . I knew she was
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy
Easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

Easy
Oh you know the girl's so easy
Easy
Saw her tiny titties
Through her see through blouse
I just had to take the girl to my house
Easy
Meat

Jumbo go away ay ay ay
Jumbo go away ay ay ay
Jumbo go away ay ay ay
Jumbo leave me alone
Get your head of my bone
I wanna go home
Jumbo lighten u-u-u-up
Jumbo lighten u-u-u-up
Jumbo lighten u-u-u-up
Jumbo give me a break
Lighten up on my snake
That's all I can take
Jumbo gotta go-o-o-o
Jumbo gotta go-o-o-o
Jumbo gotta go-o-o-o
Jumbo better get back
Come on now, get back Jumbo
Or your eye will get black
When I give you a smack
Jumbo don't you cry-y-y-y
Jumbo don't you cry-y-y-y
Jumbo don't you cry-y-y-y
Jumbo this is goodbye
Goodbye Jumbo
I ain't gonna lie
So wash up your pie
Wash up your pie
Wash up your pie
Wash up your pie
Didn't nobody ever tell you about soap and water darling?
Wash up your pie
HtO
Jumbo go away ay ay ay

Is there anything good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know
Is there anything
Good inside of you
If there is
I really wanna
Know
Is there anything
Good inside of you
If there is
I really wanna
Know
Is there?

Is there any-thaaaaang good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know-woh-oh-oh-oh
Is there any-thaaaaang good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know really wanna know

Something
Something

Show me a sign
If you don't mind
Show me a sign
If you don't mind [2x]

Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand [2x]

Andy de vine
Had a thong rind
It was sublime
But the wrong kind
Andy de vine
Had a thong rind
It was sublime
But the wrong kind

Have I aligned
With a blown mind
Wasted my time
On a drawn blind
Have I aligned
With a blown mind
Wasted my time
On a drawn blind

Oh Andy . . .
Andy
Andy Andy
Thong rind
It was sublime y'all . . .
But the wrong kind
Aah yah ah
Yeah yeah

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have
A motor
Or was it
Something
Different

You know honey I haven't seen nothing thing like that in my entire life
Who's python boot was that.
Sharpen that damn shit
License plates all over the place
My shoe . . .
What can I say?
Mother Mary & Jozuf!

Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself
Park its-e-e-elf
Park it, park it

Or did someone
Build a place
To leave a space
For such a thing to land

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle come
Come from somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up the hill

She was the daughter of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen, Yoo-hoo
Read 'em 'n weep
Was her adjustable slogan

She was a debutante daisy
With a color-note organ
Deep in the street
She drove a '59 Morgan

Woola

That's the kinda of step she takes
When her hot breaks hot brakes
That's the kinda sound she makes
Ooh, let go
When her crab cakes
Arf arf arf

She didn't like it when her fan belt
Shrunk & got shorter
Ointment
Battery leaks could nearly cost her a quarter

She didn't want to go home
An' watch the pestle go mortar
Later she speaks
On how Perellis might court her

Na na na, Na-na-na-hoo
[etc.]

She was the daughter
Ah-ah-ahhh
Of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Ga-ya-ee-annnn

Take the booger home with you
Read 'em 'n weep
Take the booger home with you
Read 'em 'n weep
Take the booger home with you
Read 'em 'n weep
Ay yay yay yay yawoo-ha-oo-ha

Chester's go-rilla
She go oink
Chester's go-rilla
She go quack
Chester's go-rilla
She go moo
Chester's go-rilla
She go

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me

He was the Playboy Type (he smoked a pipe)
His fav'rite phrase was 'OUTA-SITE!'
He had an Irish Setter

It was a singles bar, a Tuesday night
The moon was dim, the band was tight
They did the Bump together

What a splendid sight
Her teeth were white
The drinks were cheap
(it was Ladies Nite)
He was glad that he met her

She was an office girl
(her name is Betty)
Her fav'rite group was
HELEN REDDY
(They discussed the weather)

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Ma-a-a-a-a-an

She was a lonely sort, just a little too short
Her jokes were dumb and her fav'rite sport
Was hockey (in the winter)
Zzzzzzhhhhh, I sss, oww, he scores

He was duly impressed and was quick to suggest
Any sport with a PUCK had to be 'bout the best
As he jabbed his elbow in her
Ah you get it baby, brbrbr, you know what I mean zzww

Later on they went off to where the music was soft,
The candles were drippy, they saw a REAL HIPPY
Who delivered their dinner

The rice was brown, and soon they found
That the crowd around that had jammed the room,
Well it seemed to be getting thinner

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Ma-a-a-a-a-an

He took her home to a motor court
She wouldn't kiss him, he tried to ignore it,
But it made him angry!

He called her a pig, pig pig
A slut slut slut and a whore, whore, whore
A bitch bitch bitch bitch
And a cunt cunt cunt and she slammed the door the door
In a petulant frenzy!
A petulant frenzy, this is a petulant frenzy Yooo
I'm petulant, and I'm havin' a frenzy

On the sofa she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she peeps
Through the curtain

He just got in his car
But the battery's dead
So he has to use the phone
And she gives him some head
And that's the end of the story

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Ma-a-a-a-a-an
Baby don't you want a man sometime?

Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy

Roll it over 'n grease it down
I'll drive you through the heart of town
[repeat]

All the good women, they sure has it tough
The good men, well there just ain't enough
All the good girls are lookin' all the time
Good men is something that they can't find
Cause if they find one miraculously
They try to be lovin' as they can be
Cause if they find one and let him go
Chances are they might not ever find one no mo' so they
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy

Roll it over 'n grease it down
I'll drive you through the heart of town

A good lovin' man is hardest to find
A good woman needs to ease her mind
And I know a few that need to ease it behind
All y'gotta do is grease it down 'n everything is fine
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy

Roll it over 'n grease it down
I'll drive you through the heart of town

A girl don't need
No fancy grease
To get herself
Some rump release
Any kind
Of lube will do
Maybe from another
Part of you
Lube from the North
Lube from the South
Take a little slobber
From the side of your mouth
Roll it over
Grease it down
Here come that crazy
Screamin' sound . . .

Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n grease it down, down, down
Grease it down . . .
Ah, Grease It dohowhowin

Some take the bible for what it's worth
When it says that the meek shall inherit the world
Well I heard that some sheik
Has bought your country last week
And you suckers ain't getting nothing
Is Hari Rama really wrong
If you wander around with a napkin on
With a bell on a stick
And your hair is all gone
The meek shall inherit nothing

You say your life's a bum deal
And you're up against the wall
You ain't even got
No kinda deal at all
Cause what they do in Washington
They just takes care of number one
And number one ain't you
You ain't even number two

Those Jesus freaks well they're friendly but
The shit they believe
Has got their minds all shut
And they don't even care
When the church takes a cut
Ain't it bleak when you got so much nothing

So whaddaya do
Eat that pork, eat that ham
Laugh till you choke on Billy Graham
Moses, Aaron & Abraham
They're all a waste of time
And it's your ass that's on the line
It's your ass that's on the line

Do what you wanna
Do what you will
Just don't mess up your neighbors thrill
And when you pay the bill
Kindly leave a little tip
And help the next poor sucker
On his one way trip
Some take the bible . . .

Gimme half a dozen for the Hotel Room

Baby baby why you cryin'
Feeling sorry what you said
Put down that rag, I told her then
Don't wanna hear you cry again
Dear heart, dear heart
Tell me, tell me what's the reason
Dear heart, dear heart
Tell me, tell me what's the reason

You know she went to see the doctor
And then she read a magazine
Forget that book, I told her then
Don't wanna hear about the book again
Dear heart, dear heart
Tell me, tell me what's the reason
Dear heart, dear heart
Tell me, tell me what's the reason
There was a picture on the story
That showed a young sophisticator
Who falls in love three pages later
With some aggressive agitator
And by and by he comes to hate her
Cause she don't shave her underarms
And he can't go for that
Cause he's a young sophisticator

Baby baby why you cryin'
It made me wonder what she said
Forget that book, I told her then
Don't wanna hear about the book again
Dear heart, dear heart
Tell me, tell me what's the reason
Dear heart, dear heart
Tell me, tell me what's the reason

Would you still love me if my hair grew
All down the side of my kimona
Well of course I would, it might be hip
If it did not cause you to trip
Dear heart, dear heart
Oh radiate a bad aroma
Dear heart, dear heart
Oh radiate a cheap aroma
Dear heart, dear heart
Dearest heart
Oh radia-iate, oh radia-ia-ia-iate a Cheesy aroma

Sick!

Looks to me like something funny
Is goin' on around here
People laughin' 'n dancin' 'n payin'
Entirely too much for their beer
And they all think they are
Clean outa-site
And they're ready to party
Cause the sign outside says it's
WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N they all crave some
Hot delight
Well the girls are excited
Because in a minute
They're gonna get wet
'N the boys are delighted
Because all the titties
Will get 'em upset
'N they all think they are
Reety-awright
'N they're ready to boogie
Cause the sign outside says its
WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N they all crave some
Pink delight

Matty told Hatty
When the water gets on 'em
Their ninnies get rigid
'N look pretty bold
It's a common reaction
That makes an attraction
Whenever it's cold
'N all of the fellas
They wish they could bite
On the cute little nuggets
The local girls are showin' off tonite
You know I think it serves 'em right [4x]

Later that night in his lonely teen-age hotel room . . .

Why does it hurt when I pee?
Why does it hurt when I pee?
I don't want no doctor
To stick no needle in me
Why does it hurt when I pee?
I got it from the toilet seat
I got it from the toilet seat
It jumped right up
'N grabbed my meat
Got it from the toilet seat

My balls feel like a pair of maracas
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
Oh God I probably got the
Gon-o-ka-ka-khackus!
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
Ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!
Why does it
Why does it
Why does it
Why does it hurt . . . when . . . I
Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

FZ: Denny, Iky, Tommy, Eddy, Petie, Vinnie, Artie & Sophia Warren. Thanks for coming to the concert and... good afternoon.