Joe's Xmasage

The Cover Art

Uncle Meat (1989), minute 0:00:28 approximately

Uncle Meat

The landscape drawing on the right was still hanging on FZ's wall in 1970:

Frank Zappa—A Pioneer Of Future Music—Part I (2007), minute 0:43:53 approx.

A Pioneer Of Future Music

Extras From Freak Out In Cucamonga (Adam Fiorenza, to be released)

FZ in Studio Z


1. Mormon Xmas Dance Report

Liner notes by GZ

Both of these pieces exist in the Vault as is and are labeled as herein contained.

FZ with Peter Occhiogrosso, The Real Frank Zappa Book, 1989, p. 41

One of the other great jobs was as a rhythm guitarist in a pickup band at a Christmas dance in a Mormon recreation hall. The room was decorated with wads of cotton hanging on black thread (snowballs, get it?). The band consisted of sax, drums and guitar. I borrowed a fake-book so I could follow the chord changes, since I didn't know any of the tunes. The sax player was, in civilian life, a Spanish teacher from the local high school. He had no sense of rhythm and couldn't even count the tunes off, but he was the leader of the band.

I didn't know anything about Mormons at the time, so, during a break when I lit up a cigarette, it was as if The Devil Himself had just made a rare personal appearance. A bunch of guys who looked like they weren't quite ready to shave yet started flailing over to me and, in a brotherly sort of way, escorted my ass out the door. I knew I was going to love show business if I ever got into it.


2. Prelude To "The Purse"

Liner notes by GZ

Both of these pieces exist in the Vault as is and are labeled as herein contained. And you are there—along with FZ, Ray Collins, Al Surratt and at least one other cohort.


3. Mr. Clean (Alternate Mix)

Liner notes by GZ

The next delight, Mr Clean, is an alternate mono mix of the original single, originally released on Original Sound, August, 1963. We don't know when this mix was done and we don't know the name of the singer FZ credited as Mr. Clean—but we do know Paul Buff was the engineer and FZ played all the instruments and Joe [...] says it's gotta be the little Pal Recording Studio that came to be Studio Z.


4. Why Don'tcha Do Me Right?

Liner notes by GZ

Now before we get on the bus from Studio Z, we wish to thrill you with an unreleased, other recording of Why Don'tcha Do Me Right? Featuring Floyd, yes, on vocals and FZ on guitar and vocals—in nonthreatening mono.


5. The Muthers/Power Trio

Liner notes by GZ

Next stop, we present The Muthers/Power Trio, per Joe, as referenced by FZ in interviews [...]. FZ (guitar), Les Papp (drums), Paul Woods (bass). You can revisit them on the Mystery Disc (Power Trio Segment from The Saints 'n Sinners) from whence came this also.

Gene: I'd like to play "Caravan." [...] I brought my guitar.
FZ: Well, come on. We're gonna get Gene up here now to play "Caravan." Come on, give him a big hand. Well, come on!


6. The Purse

Liner notes by GZ

The Purse (aka Al Surratt Examines The Purse—and this is the incomplete version).

I have a French poodle.

The school spirit is something wonderful this year.

I am sweetheart for the DeMolay chapter of Barstow. That's a boys' organization of Masons.


7. The Moon Will Never Be The Same

Liner notes by GZ

These pieces are as is and exist on an ancient demo reel. In order to publish a piece it must have a title. This first track is named for obvious reasons, including that it is true—the Moon of Now is a different one than graced our heavens Then.


8. GTR Trio

Liner notes by GZ

GTR Trio (as labeled by FZ) is the last tape and the prelude to the demise of Studio Z. [...] This is "....the tape that we made the night before the cops came in and raided the studio in Cucamonga" and is the Mother of Bossa Nova Pervertamento (Mystery Disc). FZ (guitar), Les Papp (drums), Bobby Saldana (bass).


9. Suckit Rockit

Liner notes by GZ

Suckit Rockit is the name on the box. FZ & Ray Collins discuss hope for all teenagers.


10. Mousie's First Xmas

Liner notes by GZ

This really is Mousie's First Xmas—it being the debut of these two tracks. The music reminded me of my first outing with Selma [Blair]. It was me, Diva, Selma & Ahmet getting pedicures. [...] Selma had a hand puppet (and who doesn't in her family) named Mousie who made a sudden appearance in the shop.


11. The Uncle Frankie Show

Liner notes by GZ

Finally, The Uncle Frankie Show, part of a series recorded for air on KSPC, at Pomona College, Claremont, California—as is.

We're in the process of [...] preparing for the uh, well, CBS, that's a network that they have, you know the one that doesn't show many color shows. We're preparing the world's first rock & roll teen-age opera for them, and this is no fooling, kids, they're even gonna pay us to do it. And the name of this little show, which will be probably on sometime around Valentine's Day, is called I Was A Teen-age Malt Shop.

Ten Years On The Road With Frank Zappa And The Mothers Of Invention, 1974

Rejection Notice

3. Rejection notice for I Was A Teenage Malt Shop.

CBS Television Stations [...]

December 2, 1964

Mr. Frank Zappa
314 West "G" Street
Ontario, California

Dear Frank:

I received your outline last week, and have read and reread it at least six times. As you know, both Leon Drew and myself are enchanted with the thought of programming a rock and roll opera.

Unfortunately, we remain unconvinced that the outline submitted can insure a quality show.

Therefore, I must advise you that we will only be interested if we receive a complete script with all narration, dialogue, lyric and music.

I have enjoyed our talks in the past and feel you have a great deal of imagination and talent. I wish you all success in the future.


Joseph Landis

FZ, 1973 (from "FZ Explains . . . The Radio Show," Rock United, United Airlines, 2003)

In 1964 [Donnie Vliet] and I were working together in a studio that existed in Cucamonga, California, and we were working on a project called I Was A Teen-age Malt Shop, that was supposed to be the first rock 'n roll operetta, and it was destined for a program called Repertoire Workshop on CBS, and we had prepared an elaborate demo session, pre-recorded some of the songs that were supposed to be used on the story, and had the producer of the show come out to the studio and examined the work that we had done, whereupon it was immeditely rejected.

A little animated thing, you know, showing teen life in Pollard Slough.

Charles Ulrich, December 14, 2011

This may be an allusion to Night Monster, a 1942 horror movie.

buy him a carton of cigarettes and a jar of Tackle

Biffyshrew, September 27, 2012

After shave lotion.


Additional informant: Javier Marcote

Research, compilation and maintenance by Román García Albertos
This page updated: 2019-07-13