Beat The Boots

Beat The Boots I: Freaks & Motherfu*#@%!

(Frank Zappa, July 1991)

  1. Happy Together (Bonner/Gordon) 1:25
  2. Wino Man-with Dr. John Routine (FZ/Simmons) 7:44
  3. Concentration Moon 1:18
  4. Pallidan Routine 1:14
  5. Call Any Vegetable 8:56
  6. Little House I Used To Live In 4:26
  7. Mudshark Variations 1:10
  8. Holiday in Berlin 3:33
  9. Sleeping in a Jar 7:23
  10. Cruising for Burgers 2:52

Fillmore East, NYC
November 13, 1970

FZ—guitar, vocals
Mark Volman—vocals
Howard Kaylan—vocals
Jeff Simmons—bass, vocals
George Duke—keyboards, trombone
Ian Underwood—keyboards
Aynsley Dunbar—drums


1. Happy Together 1:25


Okay baby. Bend over and spread 'em. Here comes my bullet:

Imagine me and you, I do
I think about you day and night
It's only right
To think about the girl you love
And hold you tight
So happy together
If I should call you up, invest a dime.
And you say you belong to me
And ease my mind
Imagine how the world could be
So very fine
So happy together
I can't see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When your with me baby
The skies will be blue
For all my life
Everybody sing along just like a big rock show come on . . . .
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pappa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pappa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pappa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pappa pa pa
One more time
[etc. repeat]

2. Wino Man-With Dr. John Routine 7:44


includes Bringing In The Sheaves (Minor/Shaw) and a quote from Gris-Gris Gumbo Ya Ya (Rebennack)

Bringing in the sheaves
Bringing in the sheaves
We will come rejoicing
Bringing in the sheaves

L.A. in the summer of '69
I went downtown and bought some wine
I wasted my head on three quarts o' juice
And now the grapes won't turn me loose
I'm a wino man, don't you know I am

36, 24, hips about 30
(36, 24, hips about 30)
I seen some witch and I started talkin' dirty
(Seen a fine lady and I started talkin' dirty)
She looked at me and raised her thumb
Thumb yea-eah
And said jam down the road, you funky-ass bum
'Cause I'm a wino man, know I am

I, I went to the country
And while I was gone
A roller-headed lady
Caught me weedlin' on her lawn
I'm so ashamed, but I'm a wino man
I can't help myself

Oh yeah

Wino man, don't you know I am
Well, my drug indulgence
And my wino career are in a slump
'Cause I find myself now living in a cardboard refrigerator box down by the Houston dump
And I'm so ashamed
I been drinkin' all night and my eyes are all red
Why my (?) I don't know which way to go
Give me five bucks and a hot meal
Give me fi-i-i-i-ive bucks and a hot meal
(Give me fi-i-i-i-i-ive bucks and a hot meal)
I tell you everytime I get a chance, oh yeah

FZ: I wondered what it would sound like if Dr. John the Night Tripper sang this song?

Gris gris gumbo, ya ya

FZ: Should be gris-gris gumbo wino

Heya dadadaah
Come on

Gris gris gumbo, ya ya
Heya dadadaah

They call me Dr. John
I'm known as the Night Tripper
Got my satchel of gris-gris in my hand
We take all the stamped-out hippies way down the bayou
I'm the last of the best, known as the gris-gris man
And my women say
And my band be cookin'
And I don't need no Fender Amplifier
Come on
Everybody sing along, come on
The doctor's on get down sometime
The preceding was paid for
Shuck shuck shuck shuck . . .

3. Concentration Moon 1:18

Concentration Moon
Over the camp in the valley
(Long Island)
Concentration Moon
Wish I was back in the alley
With all of my friends
Still running free
Hair growing out
Every hole in me

How did it start?
Thousands of creeps
Killed in the park
Try and explain
Scab of a nation
Driven insane
Don't cry
Got to go bye bye
COP KILL A CREEP! pow pow pow

4. Pallidan Routine 1:14

includes quotes from The Ballad Of Paladin (Western/Boone/Rolfe) and Have Gun—Will Travel (Herrmann)

NARRATOR: Mark Volman
HEY BOY: Jeff Simmons
PALADIN: Howard Kaylan

Narrator: As we join Paladin and his good friend Hey Boy in a plush San Francisco hotel, we find Hey Boy running down the stairs to greet his good companion friend Paladin and saying . . . ..

Hey Boy: Paladin what you want? Pineapple chicken? Almond duck? BBQ Pork? Sesame seed pork? Almond nut roll? Toyota Land Cruiser, Panasonic, Sony? What you want? Paladin, you old sack.

Paladin: (Kaylan messes up) No Paladin. Pala . . . no Hey Boy. (laughter) No Hey Boy.

Hey Boy: (Simmons teases Kaylan) You drunk, Paladin.

Paladin: No Hey Boy, you little queen. Just book a room here in this plush San Francisco bistro for me and my . . . . . . .sister.

Hey Boy: (with a lisp) Paladin commit incest.

Paladin: Don't put words in my mouth Hey Boy. And if anybody asks where I am, tell them this . . . .(makes a gesture, possibly the middle finger.)

Hey Boy: Oh, Paladin. You gesture hypnotically.

Narrator: And Paladin DOES gesture hypnotically as he reaches into the parket— the pocket of his pants and pulls forth the card of lust, danger, romance and adventure.

Hant Hant
Hant Hant
Hant Hant
Hant Hant
Hant Hant Hant
Hant Hant Hant

5. Call Any Vegetable 8:56

includes quotes from The Planets Suite (Gustav Holst), God Bless America (Irving Berlin), America The Beautiful (Ward/Bates) and L'histoire du soldat (Stravinsky)

This is a song about vegetables
They keep your regular
They're real good for you

Call any vegetable
Call it by name
Call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
Hey heyeyey the vegetable will respond to you
Oo oo, La la la laaa
The vegetable will respond to you
Oo oo, La la la laaa

Call any vegetable
Pick up your phone
Think of a vegetable
Lonely at home
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
Hey heyeyey the vegetable will respond to you
Oo oo, La la la laaa
The vegetable will respond to you
Oo oo, La la la laaa
Roota-bay-y-y-y . . .

No one will know
If you don't want to let 'em know
No one will know
'Less it's you that might tell 'em so
Call and they'll come to you
Smilin' and covered with dew
Vegetables dream, vegetables dream
Of responding to you
Standing there shiny
And proud by your side
Holding your joint
While the neighbors decide
Why is a vegetable
Something to hide?
To hide, to hide, to hide

Shoob shoob
Shoob shoob

You know, lotsa people don't bother about their friends in the vegetable kingdom.
They think: What can I say?
What can a person such as myself say unto a vegetable?
Let's think of some of the things
That you could say to a Vegetable.
The first thing that comes to my mind is:
I've got a picture of you on my bathroom wall
Sitting on the toilet.
Another thing that you might be able to say, would be:
"What's a girl like you doing in a place like this."
Do you like my new car?
It's real cool.
Which Holliday Inn are you staying at?
The one by the airport?
We got to get up real early in the morning
And fly out of here.
Where you playing tomorrow.
Tierra Del Fuego.
Or you could say: Muffins . . . Yeahhhh
Pumpkins . . . Yeahhhh
Wax paper . . . Yeahhhh
Caledonias, Mahoganies & Elbows & Green things in general . . .
And soon, a new rapport . . . you and all your new little green and yellow buddies, grooving together . . . Oh no!
Maintaining their coolness together!
Worshipping together in the church of your choice . . . (only in America . . . )
God bless America
Sieg Heil
Sieg Heil
God bless A. . .

Call any Vegetable. Call it by name
You gotta call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
WOW! That the vegetable will RESPOND to you!

Oh god Oh God, we're coming together
What a pumpkin.


6. Little House I Used To Live In 4:26

FZ: We're gonna begin with a song from Burnt Weeny Sandwich, which has the operating stage title of "The Duke" but encompasses items from side one and side two of Burnt Weeny Sandwich.

One Two Three

Penis Dimension
Penis Dimension
Penis Dimension
Penis Dimension

They want a guy from a group with a thing in the charts. If his dick is a
monster they will give him their hearts.

Aynsley Dunbar!

His Penis is a monster
His Penis is a monster
His Penis is a monster
Monster Dick
Monster Dick
Monster Dick
Monster Dick
His Penis is a monster
His Penis is a monster
His Penis is a monster
Monster Dick
Monster Dick
Monster Dick
Monster Dick

La la la laaaa


My penis is a monster
Your penis is a monster
Our penis' are all monsters
Penis Dimension is calling me, calling me [2x]

7. Mudshark Variations 1:10

includes parts of Little House I Used To Live In and Holiday In Berlin

La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la
La la la la la la la la la la


La la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la
La la la la
La la la la
La la la la

Ance Muhammitz
Snats Muhammitz
Frank Muhammitz
Vance Muhammitz
Ruth Underwood
Leona Nichols

8. Holiday In Berlin 3:33

Went on the road for a month, touring
What a drag . . . You gotta go
Even if you'd rather be at home
Flaked out in Hollywood
Drove to Inglewood and then we dumped
All our shit and took a plane at five-o-three
(What's it gonna be?)

Chicken, beef or turkey"?
Yes, La la la la
Crab salad, shrimp salad
Little ham hocks with [names]

Look at all the Germans
Watch them follow orders
See them think they're doing something groovy in the streets
See the student leader
He's a rebel prophet
He's fucked up, he's still a Nazi like his mom & dad
Played for a night in Berlin
That afternoon we set up our shit and rehearsed
Half a dozen phony student rebels in the hall
Came to see if I could find a way to help them all
"What is your desire?"
"Help us start a fire
In the Allied Center
Round the corner down the street"

And then we began to play
A bunch of punks arose from the crowd
Student rebels, their flags of red
Began to chant Ho Chi Minh,
Ho Ho Ho Chi Minh
Threw tomatoes
And the next thing we knew we were under siege

9. Sleeping In A Jar 7:23

includes the Inca Roads vamp and Easy Meat


10. Cruising For Burgers 2:52

I must be free
My fake I.D
My oh my
Freeeeeees me
Gotta do a few things
To make my life complete
I gotta live my life
Out on the street

The difference between us
Is not very far
Cruising for burgers
In daddy's new car
My phony freedom card
Brings to me

Thank You.


All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted
Site maintained by Román García Albertos
Original transcription by Hans Hendriks and Patrick Neve
Corrections and additions by John W. Busher, Charles Ulrich, Stu Mark and Matt Olmos
This page updated: 2018-08-19