The Dub Room Special!

  1. 0:00:00 "Kim?"/The Dog Breath Variations/Uncle Meat
  2. 0:07:59 Room Service
  3. 0:16:31 Nig Biz
  4. 0:22:17 Approximate
  5. 0:27:06 Cosmik Debris
  6. 0:34:49 Cocaine Decisions
  7. 0:37:31 "The Massimo Bassoli Instant Italian Lesson"/Montana
  8. 0:42:18 "In Case You Didn't Know . . . "/Tengo Na Minchia Tanta
  9. 0:45:33 Florentine Pogen
  10. 0:57:01 Stevie's Spanking
  11. 1:03:05 Stink-Foot
  12. 1:07:01 Flakes
  13. 1:12:16 Inca Roads
  14. 1:21:54 E.Z. Meat
  15. 1:28:45 "Huh-Huh-Huh"

KCET, LA, CA
August 27, 1974

FZ—guitar, percussion, vocals
Napoleon Murphy Brock—sax, vocals
George Duke—keyboards, finger cymbals, tambourine, vocals
Ruth Underwood—percussion
Tom Fowler—bass
Chester Thompson—drums
+
Mort Libov—himself
Marty Perellis—gorilla

Bruce Bickford Studio
c. 1974-78

FZ
Bruce Bickford

The Palladium, NYC, NY
October 31, 1981 (early & late shows)

FZ—lead guitar, vocals
Ray White—guitar, vocals
Steve Vai—stunt guitar, vocals
Tommy Mars—keyboards, vocals
Robert Martin—keyboards, vocals
Ed Mann—percussion, vocals
Scott Thunes—bass, vocals
Chad Wackerman—drums

Stadio Communale La Favorita, Palermo, Italy
July 14, 1982

FZ
Massimo Bassoli
John Smothers

Zappa House, LA
August, 1982

FZ
Richard Hart

Compact Video, LA
August, 1982

FZ
Craig Latta
Tim Clark
Thomas Nordegg
Richard Hart
Kim Thompson
Massimo Bassoli
Charles "Smitty" Schmidt
Ron Menzies

And also:

Warren Cuccurullo (from Baby Snakes on a TV screen)
Phyllis Altenhaus (from Uncle Meat on a TV screen)
Stumuk (from Uncle Meat on a TV screen)

1. 0:00:00 "Kim?"/The Dog Breath Variations/Uncle Meat

includes Uncle Meat

KCET, LA, CA
August 27, 1974

FZ: Kim? This is Frank Zappa. Hi. Is it possible that I can get a couple of hours in the Dub Room this afternoon? . . . No, it, it can't, it can't be night because I have a, an appointment at um, eight o'clock, that's, that's an hour of drive away from here. What time is it right now? 4:30. Uh, is it possible that uh, like around 5:30 or so? Okay, that'll be great. Yeah, put me on for 5:30.

FRANK ZAPPA

PRESENTS

THE
DUB ROOM
SPECIAL!

STARRING
EVERYBODY
FROM . . .

COMPACT
VIDEO

AND MANY
OTHER EXCITING
PERSONS!

INCLUDING
BUT NOT LIMITED TO . . .

GEORGE DUKE
RUTH UNDERWOOD
CHESTER THOMPSON
TOM FOWLER
AND
NAPOLEON MURPHY
BROCK

IN LEGENDARY
PERFORMANCES
RECORDED
AUGUST 1974

OTHER MUSICAL
ENTERTAINMENT
BY . . .

TOMMY MARS
ED MANN
STEVE VAI
RAY WHITE
SCOTT THUNES
BOBBY MARTIN
CHAD WACKERMAN

ALONG
WITH . . .

MASSIMO
BASSOLI
(AND HIS RUBBER CHICKEN)

AND, AS IF
THAT WERE'NT
ENOUGH . . .

THE AMAZING
CLAY ANIMATION
OF
BRUCE BICKFORD

Bruce Bickford: Well, let's start over.
FZ: OK.

FZ: It's gonna change the pacing of it a little bit to do that.
Bruce Bickford: Hanna-Barbera uses the half-hour exposure.
FZ: Ha hah hah . . .

Craig Latta: Uh, my name is Craig Latta, I'm a maintainance engineer here. And I just make all of this work . . .
FZ: Well, what did you—
Craig Latta: So to speak.
FZ: I mean, what did you do? I mean.
Craig Latta: Specifically?
FZ: Yeah.
Craig Latta: Hooked up two microphones, uh, a camera, which is, should not work in this at all, but it does, and uh, that's about it.
FZ: Okay, well, let's just get started here. This, for those of you who don't know, this is a PZM microphone which is a really nice device, and it's one of the reasons why we're able to have a stereo dialog track on this very cheaply produced show. This was hooked up so that Thomas Nordegg, the guy who's holding the camera, could actually wear it on his head like this . . . so he could get very good stereo sound when he was taking these kind of pictures. Now, on a show like this, with these kind of production values, it's so important to have everything looking good and sounding good. That's why we spared no expense, including $90 an hour to make this television special to bring you the real world of Compact Video. This is the best of the San Fernando Valley. I'll tell you what, would you mind wearing this?
Tim Clark: I'd love to wear it.
FZ: Okay, here, you put this on, and, and then later maybe Massimo can wear it for the Italian . . .
Tim Clark: We're gonna do, we're gonna do an Italian show as well?
FZ: No, that's very sturdy. Thomas built it.
Tim Clark: I think it looks good. How about you?
FZ: It's perfect!
Tim Clark: Okay. We're ready for a slate.
FZ: Okay. Now what we call this? Production: CHEAP; scene: 1; take: 1; director: FZ & Co.; date . . . What's the date today?
Tim Clark: 26.
FZ: Of what?
Tim Clark: 8/26.
Thomas Nordegg?: 8/26/82.
FZ: 8 . . . 26 . . . 82. Okay, ready? I love this little thing . . . Okay. Now. Is this ready to roll?
Tim Clark: Should be.
FZ: Okay. You start that one, because that's going to be the front part of the thing.
Tim Clark: Okay, s— we're doing the opening now?
FZ: Yeah, you got all the bars and everything.
Tim Clark: Got all the bars and everything.
FZ: Tell me when to roll . . .

2. 0:07:59 Room Service

includes the beginning of Idiot Bastard Son

KCET, LA, CA
August 27, 1974

Tim Clark:Are you ready?
FZ: Yeah, I'm ready.
Tim Clark: I'm ready. Roll it.

Richard Hart: What is The Dub Room Special?
FZ: Well, uh, the other day we were working over Compact Video, which uh, is, for those . . . who don't know, it's a post-production place at South, across the street from NBC, out in the Valley. And it's a really nice place, it got all this fantastic science-fiction equipment over there, they got, you know? All the best stuff and tons of it. Then they got this dub room, which looks like a closet, but it has uh, one two-inch machine, two one-inch machines, about uh, ten three quarter-inch machines, and maybe uh, eight VHS machines and a telephone.

Honey, honey
Honey, honey
Honey, honey
Honey, honey
Why don't you sharpen it then!

Honey, honey
Honey, honey
Honey, honey
Honey, honey

Oh, in the morning
In the evening
What you say
I said I joined the bus
Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte
Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte
Talkin' 'bout the downer Midnite
Smokin', smokin'
Smokin', smokin'
Smokin', smokin'
WAH!
Joined the bus on the 33rd seat
Joined the bus
Joined the bus on the 33rd seat
Joined the bus
Joined the bus
Joined the bus
Joined the bus

Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom (Right out front there's a)
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom (Nearly a year ago there's a)
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom (Wash your hands in the)
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom (Everybody goin' to the)
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom (Everybody goin' to)
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom

FZ: Hello? Is this room service?
Napoleon: Room service! This is not only room service, this is your automatic and responsible doo-doo room service.
FZ: Good God, ain't it funky now? Look here, you know, do you realize how heavy these telephones are that we're holding?
Napoleon: Ah, do I realize!
FZ: I'll make a deal with ya, I'll put mine down if you put yours down.
George: Mental telepathy.
Napoleon: What would you like? What would you like? We got everything, what would you like?
FZ: You're sure that this is doo-doo room service, right?
Napoleon: This is doo-doo room service.
FZ: Alright.
Napoleon: Not just do-do room service, doo-doo room service.
FZ: Alright. I want you to understand one thing.
Napoleon: Go ahead.
FZ: You're talking to a hungry guy.
Napoleon: All you musicians are hungry, go on . . .
FZ: That's right. And so many of them eat.
Napoleon: There you go . . .
FZ: And there are the ones who don't eat, well, ladies and gentlemen, just focus on this one fact: I'm pretending to call room service right now at an imaginary hotel that we can't name because they don't sponsor our program, but there's still hope for them.
Napoleon: Humble, humble people . . .
FZ: However, ladies and gentlemen, just, just pretend that he's working in the kitchen and I'm up in my lonely little rock'n'roll musician's room . . .
Napoleon: Stop burning those beans!
FZ: Ha ha ha . . . stop burning those beans?
Napoleon: I'm in the kitchen, you know, you gotta control . . .
FZ: Why don't you sharpen it then?
Napoleon: Gotta control these pilgrims in the kitchen . . .
FZ: Okay.
Napoleon: . . . you know, they'll burn the beans.
FZ: Hello, is this room service? Look, I'm so hungry. I'm so hungry . . .
Napoleon: What would you like?
FZ: I want to eat.
Napoleon: Anything you want to eat, you can get it here.
FZ: I want a green hocker.
Napoleon: Let me write this down, one . . . green hocker.
FZ: In a Greyhound locker.
Napoleon: In a Greyhound locker. You musicians sure have some strange requests!
FZ: Yeah, well . . .
Napoleon: But doo-doo room service is here to please, go on.
FZ: That's right. I want a green hocker in a Greyhound locker . . .
Napoleon: One green hocker in a Greyhound locker . . .
FZ: Smokin'!
Napoleon: Smokin'!
FZ: In the Pygmy Twylyte . . . You do aim to please, don't you?
Napoleon: We burnin' that sucker up!
FZ: Ha ha ha . . . we's burnin' that sucker up! Listen to that!
Napoleon: It's a equal . . . you know this is a equal employment . . .
FZ: How you do go on!
Napoleon: Let me tell you. Is that all you want? You sure you don't want no meat?
FZ: No, no, listen . . .
Napoleon: Don't you want some meat? We serve meat.
FZ: Ha ha ha . . . No, I got some meat.
Napoleon: Wait a minute!
FZ: Here's the deal . . .
Napoleon: No, no . . . You shouldn't talk about our room service unless you taste it first. You gotta taste it first.
FZ: Oh, well, I'm, I'm very anxious to taste it, however I'm not finished giving you my order. Okay?
Napoleon: Okay. What else would you like?
FZ: I want you to concentrate. Just let your mind drift back to the first part of the order, it's a green hocker in a Greyhound locker smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte, and I want, I want to avoid the Garni Du Jour, I never eat the Garni Du Jour . . .
Napoleon: You don't?
FZ: No . . .
Napoleon: What about the dogs?
FZ: Now, listen.
Napoleon: They gotta eat.
FZ: I haven't told you about the dogs yet.
Napoleon: I saw you when you registered, don't tell me . . . caravan of dogs . . . oh, those were two boogers and one dog, I'm sorry.
FZ: The dogs did not register with me.
Napoleon: Oh, okay.
FZ: There's only one person the dogs register with.
Napoleon: I knew they were with your troop but I didn't know which one.
FZ: And he used to have a suit on, gorilla hair on it. Now look. I want to avoid the wrinkled carrot.
Napoleon: Okay, no wrinkled carrot.
FZ: No thin, wrinkled carrot, no celery, no . . .
Napoleon: No twisted celery . . .
FZ: No parsley.
Napoleon: No parsley.
FZ: No salad that's so soggy that you don't want to get near it.
Napoleon: No salad with Saran Wrap on top . . .
FZ: No. I don't want any styrofoam cups.
Napoleon: . . . to keep the flies . . . No styrofoam cups . . .
FZ: I don't want any styrofoam knives and forks.
Napoleon: No paper plate.
FZ: No, no paper plates.
Napoleon: Man, we gonna serve you on China, this jive gonna be on genuine China.
FZ: I must have come to the right hotel this time.
Napoleon: Doo-doo room service. Anything you need, we here to please.
FZ: During the last, during the last show the room service wasn't quite this good, but I know that I'm really gonna get it this time. Now, look . . .
Napoleon: Well, we try hard— We do try harder, you know.
FZ: Along with the green hocker in the Greyhound locker smoking in the Pygmy Twylyte, I would like to have a crystal eye . . .
Napoleon: One crystal eye.
FZ: A crystal eye (that's two crystal eyes) . . .
Napoleon: One more crystal eye.
FZ: That's right. And a crystal kidney.
Napoleon: And one crystal kidney. You know that's just about like liver, you know, but shinin' though.
FZ: Yeah.
Napoleon: Yeah, you know. So if you want it . . .
FZ: Yeah, I want it!
Napoleon: Alright, where do you want us to bring it to?
FZ: Sure I want it. I don't want you to be burnin' that sucker up, though.
Napoleon: Wait a minute. You said you wanted to smoke it . . .
FZ: No, not the kidney.
Napoleon: Oh, okay.
FZ: Now, okay, I want you send this to room 3-3.
Napoleon: Room 3-3. That's right after f-four. 4-4.
FZ: No. 4-4 is somebody else.
Napoleon: Ah, okay. 3-3.
FZ: That's Chester's room.
Napoleon: Ha ha . . . I must be in 4-5, then, and Duke must be in 4-3. Ha ha ha!
FZ: Ha ha ha!
Napoleon: The way Marty registers all the Orientals in this group . . . Here we go . . .
FZ: Look . . . Yeah, would you be able to recognize me, I'm in room 3-3, and I'm right next to room 3-4.
Napoleon: Alright!
FZ: And 3-4 is the room that's got the smell of the dog coming out of it.
Napoleon: Well, I know he won't miss that.
FZ: Okay.
Napoleon: The person I'm sending up is familiar with that odor. Yes he is!
FZ: You know . . . ha ha, why? Because he's from Baltimore?
Napoleon: NO! Because he has a little beard and his office is in the Motown building and on and on and on, well, you know.
FZ: You're trying to tell me that this guy is so swift that my order is gonna get up there right away?
Napoleon: They call him Slick for short.
FZ: Slick for short?
Napoleon: When he don't have shorts, they still call him Slick.
FZ: Okay, well, I want you to send him up, because I sure am hungry.
Napoleon: Listen here, matter of fact, so you won't get the wrong guy, I'm gonna tell who we gonna be sendin' up, you know we're gonna send up to you with your fabulous order up to your room . . .

Zach, Zach, Zach Glickman
(Drivin' a little puny car)
Zach, Zach, Zach Glickman
(He knows how to dial a phone real good)
Zach, Zach, Zach Glickman
(He's the kind of guy you'd call your friend)
Zach, Zach, Zach Glickman
(But sometimes he's a drag)

FZ: Hello, room service?
Napoleon: Yes?
FZ: Look here, I want you to dummy up, because my food ain't got here yet, you know?
Napoleon: Is this room 3-3?
FZ: It's room 3-3, you know, next to three . . .
Napoleon: Your food didn't get there?
FZ: No, it never got here. That guy from Baltimore that you sent up just didn't make it, you know?
Napoleon: It's a case of bad judgement, I'll try better this time.
FZ: Yeah, ha ha . . . Listen, I'm gonna get very angry with you. I'm gonna, I'm going to call Herb if the food doesn't come right away.
Napoleon: Hey, ah . . . yeah, as a matter of fact, I tell you what we can do, ha ha . . . so we make sure your food does get there, and that you don't get any advances, and for that matter, so you don't get too much food for the price you're paying. You know who we're gonna send the food up by?
FZ: No, who you're gonna send the food up by?
Napoleon: We're gonna send the food up by the one and only . . . this cat, Herb!

Cohen
(You know, he got a little hair on his head)
Herb, Herb, Herb Cohen
(Kinda cute when he curls it, you know)
Herb, Herb, Herb Cohen
(Walks around and says, "No advances!")
Herb, Herb, Herb Cohen
(What you gonna do?)

FZ: You know the food finally got here and uh . . .
Napoleon: Alright. I knew I can depend on him, you know . . . because he's got it down to the . . . hundredths of a second.
FZ: Yeah, I know, Herb does have it down to the hundredths of a second. Well, you know, I think we've exhausted the possibilities of this routine. Do you suggest we end the song?
Napoleon: Either that or get Mort up here to dance, I mean, you know . . .
FZ: Oh, wait a minute. Mort, come here. Mort, come on.
Napoleon: Come on, come on, Mort.
FZ: Now, look, you can fill out the AFTRA contract later . . .
Napoleon: Don't be bashful. Don't be bashful, Mort.
FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, I want to introduce you to, this is Mort Libov. Mort Libov, de la Baltimore, who is the producer of the show, and he would like to sing to you right now . . .
Napoleon: Yeah! Ha ha ha ha ha! Well . . . well . . .
George: Well . . . well . . .
FZ: Good God, ain't it funky now! I'll tell you what, hey, I'll make it easy.
Napoleon: Gimme that wine, oh, gimme that wine, gimme that . . .
FZ: We're gonna make it easy on you, Mort. All you have to do is sing your own name on the off beats. You ready?
Mort: You gonna do it with me?

Mort, Mort, Mort Libov
Mort, Mort, Mort Libov
Mort, Mort, Mort Libov
Mort, Mort, Mort Libov

Napoleon: Hire him! Hire him!
FZ: An instant superstar!
Napoleon: Put that sucker in the band! Put that sucker in the band!
FZ: If this show ever goes on television, and if this show ever galls . . . if it ever galls to Arbutus, if it ever goes to Baltimore, if it ever goes to Havre de Grace, to all those fine places, I want all the people in that WRETCHED state of Maryland to understand one thing: Mort's from there, Marty's from there, Zack is from there, Chester's from there, and I'm from there too.
Napoleon: What can I tell you?

Richard Hart: Ah, yeah . . . what's the Dub Room Sp— okay. What is the Dub Room Special? How much time are you spending these days on video and film?
FZ: All day.
Richard Hart: Always? Why was 200 Motels put on video and then onto film?

3. 0:16:31 Nig Biz

The Palladium, NYC, NY
October 31, 1981 (late show)

I signed on the line
For seven long years
They said I'd be a big star
They said I'd get a big car
All the coke I could toot
All the dope I could shoot
All the smoke I could smoke
But now I'm beat up 'n broke

They said I oughta re-record
"The Tracks Of My Tears"
They said, "Hey! This is it!
It's gonna be a big hit"

With my name up in lights
And some custom-made tights
All the girls call my name
But it was all just a game

Nigger Biznis
Nigger Biznis
Well, Nigger Biznis all the time
Nigger Biznis has brought destruction
On top of this here heart of mine

(Alright!)

Well, one day that contract will expire
One day I will be free
From that Nig (oh!)
Nig (oh!)
Nigger Biznis office
Nigger Biznis office
Representing me
Nigger Biznis
Nigger Biznis
Nigger Biznis all the time, all along
Said Nigger Biznis has brought disaster
Which is why you're hearin' this song

FZ: Wanna be on television in San Francisco?
Kim Thompson: Uh, sure! Why not?
FZ: Look at the camera.
Kim Thompson: Right.
Tim Clark?: Hello, San Francisco
FZ: Introduce yourself.
Kim Thompson: Hi, I'm Kim Thompson, I work here at Compact Video.
FZ: What you do here?
Kim Thompson: I work up in post-production scheduling.
FZ: Yeah?
Kim Thompson: Yeah.
FZ: Were you the one who scheduled this event . . . ?
Kim Thompson: I was, yeah. Fortunately or unfortunately, I didn't know this was going on.
FZ: Why? Is this something as horrible is going on?
Kim Thompson: No, this is great! I don't think Tim knew about it either.
FZ: Oh, Tim.
Kim Thompson: Yeah.
FZ: Tim, always. Tim Clark: But I expect anything.
Kim Thompson: He didn't know he was gonna be a star tonight, yeah.
Tim Clark: I'm always ready for this. I've been a star before. What can I say?
FZ: Yeah, but I think that this is really the way the people should do video, they should hold their shirt out like this and have girls talk into their shirt . . .
Kim Thompson: I, hey, I like it!

4. 0:22:17 Approximate

KCET, LA, CA
August 27, 1974

FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, you won't believe this, but we're going to play something for you now. We're gonna play our multi-purpose heavy duty number that uh, it's one of our farther out tunes. It can either be played with instruments, you can sing it, or you can dance it. Any of the above, none of the above, or any or all of the above in combination, or in tandem, or anything that's suitable to you. The name of this song is "Approximate," and we're gonna show you the, the melody of "Approximate." And the way this tune is constructed is uh, each musician has a piece of paper, George has a number of pieces of paper which he's still reading off that he usually tapes to the top of his clavinet.
George: Ah . . . Chester took it.
FZ: Chester took 'em? Ah-ha ha . . . What is he, trying to make chump it in the middle of the song? Here's the deal, it's . . . the, everybody gets the same piece of paper, and on the piece of paper, in fact we'll probably insert a slide of the piece of paper right at this point when we finally stick it on television. Now as you can see from this piece of paper that we have on the screen, which you can't really see at this point, but it will be on the screen for our television audience at home, that uh, there are some actual notes and there's a lot of other things on there which the rhythm is indicated but the pitches are not indicated, which means you get to choose whatever you like. Any kind of note that you can grab fast enough to make it on that rhythm as what your part is, see? And the only thing that happens is the group is rhythmically coordinated and the rest of it is . . . every person for themself. Okay, you're ready? All persons for themselves, stand by.
Napoleon: All persons for themselves.
FZ:I'm, I'm giving you hereby the big thumb, which means that you're cool to play now. You ready? And I'm giving you the big thumb which means it's cool for you to listen, so here we go. One, two, one, two, three, four . . .

FZ: Alright, now, that's the melody. Now, we're gonna play th . . . the melody will now be sung. And everybody is going to sing their part, ready? This is thumbs up or thumbs down? What's the deal? Go, hey! It's go . . . here we go. Yeah, you sing it. One, two, one, two, three, four . . .

. . . Humphrey, Ralph . . .
Simmons . . .
Ruthie . . . Ian . . .

FZ: Chester, you're not singing your drum fills . . .

. . . wah . . .

FZ: Wah? . . . Wah. Oink. Okay, this can also be danced . . . Now we're going to dance "Approximate," I, I use the term "we" loosely, 'cause I'm gonna stand still, and then . . .
Napoleon: What?
FZ: Uh? I said I didn't hear you singing your drum fills . . . Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, are you go for the dancing it? Hey, it's . . . Okay, this is go for the dancing of it. Are you ready? God, this on television? One, two, one, two, three, four . . .

FZ: See, this is the way Blood, Sweat & Tears will do it, only there would be a tape in the background. Hun-nant. Don't hit your lamp, Ruth. Don't hurt your lamp, Ruth . . . Ahh, I didn't even get to finish reading the balloon! Okay . . . run-nan-nan-hen hen-na-nan-nan hen-nen hen-nen ha-an-nn . . . Yes, we must be economical about the tape.

5. 0:27:06 Cosmik Debris

includes a quote from Who Knows (Hendrix)

KCET, LA, CA
August 27, 1974

One, two, three, four . . .

The Mystery Man came over
An' he said: "I'm outa-site!"
He said, for a nominal service charge,
I could reach nervonna t'nite
If I was ready, willing 'n able
To pay him his regular fee
Why, he would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs
And devote His Attention to me
But I said . . .
Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Well . . . ) (Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris? Why don't you sharpen it then?)
Look here brother,
Don't you waste your time on . . .

The Mystery Man got nervous
An' he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his Mystery Robe
An' he whipped out a shaving kit
Now, I thought it was a razor
An' a can of foamin' goo
But he told me right then when the top popped open
There was nothin' his box won't do
With the oil of Afro-dytee (Well . . . )
An' the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said:
"You might not believe this, Mort, but it'll cure your crab cakes too!"
An' I said hey . . .
Hey, look here Morty,
(Morty?)
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Yes, indeed, who are you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?)
Look here brother,
Don't you waste your time on . . .

Go man, go . . .

George: Well . . .
Napoleon: Well . . .
FZ: Well . . . Hratche-plche, hratche . . . Well . . .
Napoleon: Crab.
George: Well . . .

I've got troubles of my own, I said
An' you can't help me out
So take your meditations an' your preparations
An' ram it up yer . . .
"BUT I GOT A KRISTL BOL!," he said
An' he held it on up to the light
So I snatched it
All away from him
An' I showed him how to do it right
(Yes, let's boogie!)
I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head
So I'd look like I was Deep
I said some Mumbo Jumbos then
An' told him he was goin' to sleep
I robbed his rings
An' pocket watch
An' everything else I found, yeah!
I had that sucker hypnotized
He couldn't even make a sound
I proceeded to tell him his future then
As long as he was hanging around,
I said
"The price of meat has just gone . . .
An' yer ol' lady has just gone . . . "

Look here brother,
(Look here brother)
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?
Or is it Bob Duffy's pants?)

Don't you know,
You could make more money as a butcher,
So don't you waste your waste on me

6. 0:34:49 Cocaine Decisions

The Palladium, NYC, NY
October 31, 1981 (late show)

Chop a line now . . .
Cocaine decisions . . .
You are a person with a snow job
You got a fancy gotta-go job
Where the cocaine decision that you make today
Will mean that millions somewhere else
Will do it your way

Cocaine decisions . . .
You are a person who is high class
You are a person not in my class
And the cocaine decision that you make today
Will mean nothing later on
When you get nose decay

I don't wanna know
'Bout the things that you pull
Outta your nose
Or where they goes
But if you are wasted
From the stuff you're stickin' in it
I get madder every day
'Cause what you do 'n what you say
Affects my life in such a way
I learn to hate it every minute!

Cocaine decisions . . .
You are a doctor or a lawyer
You got an office with a foyer
Where the cocaine decision that you make today
Will not be discovered till it's over 'n done
By the customers you hold at bay

Cocaine decisions . . .
You are a movie business guy
You have accountants who supply
The necessary figures
To determine when you fly
To Acapulco
Where all your friends go

Cocaine decisions . . .
We must watch the stuff you make
You have let us eat the cake
While your accountants tell you Yes Yes Yes
You make EXPENSIVE UGLINESS
(How do you do it?—Let me guess . . . )
Cocaine decisions . . .
Cocaine decisions . . .
Cocaine decisions . . .
Cocaine decisions . . .
Cocaine decisions . . .
Cocaine decisions . . .
Cocaine decisions . . .
Cocaine decisions . . .

7. 0:37:31 "The Massimo Bassoli Instant Italian Lesson"/Montana

KCET, LA, CA
August 27, 1974

Massimo: This is the same things that you can go when you FUCK with an Italian-blooded bitch. Italian putana.

THE
MASSIMO BASSOLI
INSTANT
ITALIAN LESSON

Massimo: Do you remember putana?

VIA SATELLITE
FROM
THAT UGLY LITTLE
DRESSING ROOM

Massimo: "Porca putana" we say when the, when the cocksucker is finished. Yeah. And . . .

IN
PALERMO,
SICILY
1982

Massimo: Can I have another one? Thanks.

DURING
THE RIOT . . .

John Smothers: They are now shooting live ammunition at the crowd. But the crowd shot live ammunition first.
FZ: You mean they're shooting the crowd people with guns?
John Smothers: They're shooting . . . they crowd is shooting at them, and now they're loaded . . . the [...] is shooting back.
FZ: That means I have to get my cigarette.

Richard Hart: Being on the road, being on tour is a part of your life for so long, I mean. You think you're always be on the road?
FZ: Gee, I hope not!

I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss

Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
That I can sell uptown

But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
To somebody else (how 'bout you, right over there?) and then I would

Keep the wax
'N melt it down
Pluck the Floss
'N swish it aroun'

And I would have me a crop
Poo-poo ta-na-nah
And poo-poo ta-na-nah

Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon
(Woppy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
I'm movin' to Montana soon (well)
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
(I wonder what that means . . . )

I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dental Floss
That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss!
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all
Afternoon . . .

Oh, I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
(His name is MIGHTY LITTLE)
He's a good hoss
Even though
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
Well, any way

I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dental Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks

I'm gonna find me a horse
Just about this big,
An' ride him all along the border line

With a
Pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
I was mighty grand

But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
(Yes it is!)
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Well I might
Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
(Help me out, Ruth! Tweezer glint . . . )

And then I'd
Get a cuppa cawfee
'N give my foot a push . . .
Just me 'n the pygmy pony
Over by the Dennil Floss Bush

'N then I might just
Jump back on
An' ride
Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana

Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Why don't you sharpen it then?)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yes indeed)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon

FZ: Watch now . . .

8. 0:42:18 "In Case You Didn't Know . . . "/Tengo Na Minchia Tanta

FZ: In case you didn't know what he really does for a living, Massimo is not an Italian language instructor. Massimo is . . . Tell 'em!
Massimo: A live publisher.
FZ: Massimo here is a publisher. He's a journalist. He's a member of the Italian journalistic community, but, he's been working on a new single. And he's going to show it to you right now.

"I HAVE A BIG
BUNCH OF DICK"

Tengo na minchia tanta
Tengo na minchia accussi'
Tengo na minchia tanta
Tengo na minchia accussi'

"I'M USING THE
CHICKEN TO
MEASURE IT"

Devi usare un pollo
Se me la vuoi misurar
Devi usare un pollo
Se me la vuoi tastar

Tengo na minchia tanta . . .

Massimo: Minchia.
FZ: Right minchia . . . Minchias are dirty unless you don't wash the minchia. But if you ever washed your minchia in Italian water you're in big trouble so you could get diseases down there like you wouldn't even believe it. There's only one place worst and that's France.

. . . pappa'
Chiedimi che cosa fa
È chiaro! Se la sta a succhia'

Massimo: This is my last single. The fucking single that didn't work. You know why? Can you see all this little white point in front of my single? This point came from my nose. This way. And I put, I spent a lot of years to put all my balls come from my nose in this fucking single, and a lot of people didn't like it. They found it disgusting.

Tengo na minchia tanta
Tengo na minchia accussi'
Tengo na minchia tanta
[...] na minchia accussi'
Devi usare . . .

Massimo: The fucking men didn't know that this single is my life. This single is a part of me. Millions of balls coming from my nose and from my hands are in this fucking single. And it didn't work. Can you tell me why?
FZ: Yeah, I can tell you why.

FZ: So far we've been working on this extravagant show for how many hours now?
Craig Latta: You know, 4 hours?
FZ: No, not that long.
Craig Latta: Six? Three? Two?
FZ: No . . . What do you think?
Tim Clark: On the actual show?
FZ: Yeah.
Tim Clark: We've been working for two hours.
FZ: Two hours. Okay. We are setting a new standard of excellence here. Would you say that?
Craig Latta: I'd certainly say that.
FZ: Would you tell them from a technical standpoint exactly what it is we're doing that's abnormal here?
Craig Latta: There is no editing system involved here at all . . . It's all just . . . It's, It's luck. It's called accidental editing I think, is what . . . we should . . .
FZ: It's not accidental, come on, this is all skill, you're, you know . . . this man has skill . . . Tim?
Tim Clark: You call my edits accidental?
Craig Latta: Yeah.
Tim Clark:I'll accept that

FZ: Now we're gonna continue on, we're just gonna melt away into another tune. This is a love song of sorts, you know, it's a little bit tweaked, but . . . it's one of those ones you gotta stick in the show somewhere there. Ready?

9. 0:45:33 Florentine Pogen

includes a quote from Louie Louie (Richard Berry)

KCET, LA, CA
August 27, 1974

One, two, three, four . . .

Ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh oh-oh

La-la la-la la-la la-la
Ba-la ba-la na-la

She was the daughter of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
Read 'em 'n weep
Was her adjustable slogan

She was a debutante daisy
With a color-note organ
Deep in the street
She drove a '59 Morgan

WOO-LAH!

That's the kinda step she takes
When her hot breaks hot brakes
That's the kinda sound she makes
(ooh, let go uh me)
When her crab cakes

She didn't like it when her fan belt
Shrunk & got shorter
(Ointment)
Battery leaks could nearly cost her a quarter

She didn't want to go home
An' watch the pestle go mortar
Later she speaks
On how Perellis might court her

Marty's dog, na-na-hoo
Na-na-na, noo-na-hoo
Na-na-na, na-na-na!
Na-na-na, na-na-hoo

She was the daughter
Ah-ah-ahhh
Of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Ga-ya-ee-annnn

Read 'em 'n weep
(Take a booger home with you to)
Read 'em 'n weep
(Take a booger home with you to)
Read 'em 'n weep

Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay
Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-HAH
Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-HAH

Chester's go-rilla
She go oink
Chester's go-rilla
She go quack
Chester's go-rilla
She go moo
Chester's go-rilla
She go
Hratche-plche
Hratche-plche

THERE WILL BE
A BRIEF
INTERMISSION
TO CHANGE TAPE

FZ: Thank you. Chester's Gorilla was played by Marty Perellis.

AND NOW . . .
PART TWO

FZ: Okay, we're in, we're in production again and uh, you know, we don't have very good continuity because the last time you saw me I had the other t-shirt but it's so cold in here now (thank you, Massimo), it's so cold in here now I had to put my pink sweater on. We're getting ready for the next event and it's very uh, it's refreshing to be able to work in a place as professional as Compact Video. I know that some of you have seen these, you know, like, big specials of the stars doing, ehem, and a lot of them were made here at Compact Video. Not exactly in this particular room, but this is one of the most exciting rooms at Compact Video. Next to the kitchen, this is where the action is. And we've just brought somebody else and I like to introduce you to Smitty, come over here. Schmidt, come here. Listen, this is my friend Smitty! He does uh, stained glass. Wait a minute, he's got some pictures here . . . So if you need stained glass work, can you read that? God, I hope so. This is an example of some of Smitty's stained glass work, he does bevel glass with sand-blasted roses in this area here. And uh, well, what you do here? You can talk, it's okay. Tell 'em what you do at Compact Video. Speak into the microphone.
Smitty: I can't do that.
FZ: Oh, sure, you're doing it now! And you're trapped forever. Look, what is it? What, don't be nervous.
Smitty: I drink coffee.

10. 0:57:01 Stevie's Spanking

The Palladium, NYC, NY
October 31, 1981 (late show)

His name is Stevie Vai,
And he's a crazy guy
Last November, I recall,
He needed a spanking

He decided then
A female specimen
Would be exciting for a night
To give him a spanking

Laurel was her name
She came to Notre Dame
He told me just the other day
He oughta be thanking
Her for the spanking

She was large and soft
And she beat him off
Made him drool upon his dork
And gave it a wanking
After the spanking

Hair brush!
Oh! What a hair brush!
(It's not that he requires grooming!
Guys with light blue hair never do!)

Then she did exclaim:
"There's another game
That we can play with this device,
And then a banana!"

It was slightly green
Vapors in between
Rising up to fill the room
And cook the banana

She said it was dry
"Stevie won't you try
To drool a little drool on it
And grease the banana"

Later in the dawn,
Laurel carried on
She got right up and dressed herself and
Ate the banana

Richard Hart: Do you feel wacky or do you feel guilty enjoying life as much as you do working?
FZ: Guilty enjoying life in the 20th Century? Are you out of your fucking mind?
Richard Hart: I'm in the wrong Century . . .

11. 1:03:05 Stink-Foot

KCET, LA, CA
August 27, 1974

(Well . . . )
Ahem. In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the water (Yeah . . . )
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the mornin' (Mornin' . . .) (Well . . .)
By yer radio
Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya
You ain't got no friends . . .
An' all the others: they hate ya
Does the life you been livin' gotta go? Hmm?
Well, lemme straighten you out
About a place I know . . .
(Get yer shoes 'n socks on people,
It's right aroun' the corner,
Over by Tom Waits restaurant)

Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases,
Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases . . .

Now, ladies and gentlemen,
Scientists call this disease
Bromidrosis
But us regular folks
Who might wear tennis shoes
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience
By the name of
(Now watch this):
STINK FOOT
(Yes, indeed.)
Y'know, my python boot is too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by, an' now it's July
I finally got it off
An' my girl-friend cry,
She said: "STINK FOOT!
STINK FOOT, darlin'
Your STINK FOOT puts the hurts on my nose!
STINK FOOT! STINK FOOT! I ain't lyin'
,
Can you rinse it off, d'you suppose?"
Here Fido . . . Here Fido . . .
Bring the slippers, little puppy . . .
That's a good dog!
"Arf, arf, arf!"
Sick . . .

FZ: Oh, that's enough of that!

12. 1:07:01 Flakes

The Palladium, NYC, NY
October 31, 1981 (early show)

Flakes! Flakes!
Flakes! Flakes!
They don't do no good
They never be workin'
When they oughta should
They waste your time
They're wastin' mine
California's got the most of them
Boy, they got a host of them

Swear t'God they got the most
In every business on the coast
Swear t'God they got the most
In every business on the coast
They got the Flakes

Flakes! Flakes!

They can't fix yer brakes
You ask 'em, "Where's my motor?"
"Well, it was eaten by snakes . . . "

You can stab 'n shoot 'n spit
But they won't be fixin' it
They're lyin' an' lazy
They can be drivin' you crazy

Swear t'God they got the most
In every business on the coast
Swear t'God they got the most
In every business on the coast

Well, I asked just as nice as I could
Oh, if my job would
Well, somehow be finished by Friday
Well, the whole damn weekend
Came 'n went there, Frankie
(Wanna buy some acid, Bob?)
No, but you know what? Now, they didn't do nothin'
But then they charged me double for Sunday

Well, you know, no matter what you do,
They gonna cheat 'n rob you
'N then they'll send you a bill
It's gonna get your senses reelin'
And if you do not pay
They got computer collectors
That'll get you so crazy
'Til your head goes right through th' ceilin'
Oh, yes it will!

I'm a moron 'n this is my wife
She's frosting a cake
With a paper knife
All of what we got here's
American made
It's a little bit cheesey,
But it's nicely displayed
Well we don't get excited when it
Crumbles 'n breaks
We just get on the phone
And call up some Flakes
They rush on over
'N wreck it some more
'N we are so dumb
They're linin' up at our door
Well, the toilet went crazy
Yesterday afternoon
The plumber he says
"Never flush a tampoon!"
This great information
Cost me half a week's pay
And the toilet blew up
Later on the next day ay-eee-ay
Yeah ay-eee-ay
Yeah ay-eee-ay
Yeah ay-eee-ay
Blew up the next day
WOO-OOO

We are millions 'n millions
We're coming to get you
We're protected by unions
So don't let it upset you
Can't escape the conclusion
It's probably God's Will
That civilization
Will grind to a standstill
And we are the people
Who will make it all happen
While yer children are sleepin',
Yer puppy is crappin'
You might call us Flakes
Or something else you might coin us
We know you're so greedy
That you'll probably join us

We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you
We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you
We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you
We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you

We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you
We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you
We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you
We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you
Here we go!

13. 1:12:16 Inca Roads

KCET, LA, CA
August 27, 1974

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have
A motor
Or was it
Something
Different

George: Sure was different. I ain't never seen nothing like that in my entire life!
Napoleon: Whose python boot is that? That ain't my sh— What?
FZ: Why don't you sharpen it then?

George: Little round ball . . . I could . . . couldn't . . . That white cain't do nothin'
Napoleon: Je-he-zus! Wait a minute!
FZ: Mother Mary and Jozuf!

Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself
Park it
Se-e-e-elf
(PARK IT . . . PARK IT)

Or did someone
Build a place
To leave a space
For such a thing to land

consequently . . .

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle come
From somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up the hill

later that night . . .

Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land on Perellis?
Was she round
And did she have a motor
Or was she something different

Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen

At the Armadillo in Austin Texas, her aura,
Or did someone build a place
Or leave a space for Chester's Thing to land
(Chester's Thing . . . on Ruth)
Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up her hill
On Ruth
On Ruth

14. 1:21:54 E.Z. Meat

The Palladium, NYC, NY
October 31, 1981 (late show)

That's Ruth

This girl is easy meat
I seen her on the street
See-through blouse an' a tiny little dress
Her manner indiscreet . . . I knew she was
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

She wanna take me home
Make me sweat and moan
Rub my head and beat me off
With a copy of Rollin' Stone . . . I knew she was
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

I told her I was late
I had another date
I can't get off on the Rollin' Stone
But the robots think it's great . . . I knew she was
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy,
Easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

Easy
She's so easy
Easy
I saw her tiny titties
Through her see-through blouse
Just had to take the girl to my house
Easy
Meat

15. 1:28:45 "Huh-Huh-Huh"

FZ: Huh-huh-huh . . . Wait a minute, I'm now gonna . . .
Ron Menzies: Who invented that thing?
FZ: What, this?
Ron Menzies: Yes.
FZ: I intended it.
Ron Menzies: Of course.
FZ:Works like a motherfucker too, you're kidding me? Listen to the fidelity of your voice, the way you . . . just speak into it, softly, you know, it's . . . it's picking you up, it's getting your aura.
Ron Menzies: Hello in there, hello.
FZ: Hey, have you, have you met Massimo, the famous Italian journalist?

DON'T
TOUCH HIS
HAND!

Ron Menzies: I say some Italian lessons last night . . .

. . . TOO LATE

FZ: Yeah! Ha ha ha ha . . . You know what? I think that we should make this the last piece of live video in our famous cheap show that we're doing tonight, and so, to make it look like we're really gonna end the show, we're gonna put an end slate on it, down here in Thomas Nordegg's famous briefcase, we take a slate and we do a tail slate like this. And we wanna thank you for coming here to Compact Video to see this extremely cheap show that we've been making for you against all the laws . . . against all the laws of nature including many that the union has uh, stuck on us. And here goes the end of the show, thank you and good night. Say your phone number again, Smitty.
Smitty: It's 7687568.
FZ: For stained glass needs.
?: Cheap.
FZ:Okay, now, dial the video down to black.
?: Cheap show . . .

[Upper Right Credits]

Produced by
MORT LIBOV

Directed by
DICK DARLEY

Associate Producers
STEVEN MAGEDOFF
MARTIN PERELLIS
DICK BARBER

Unit Manager
JOHN WHITMAN

Associate Directors
KAC YOUNG
RICK LOCKE

Stage Manager
BRUCE COINE

Art Director
JIM NEWTON

Design Consultant/Graphics
CAL SCHENKEL

Recreational Director
on behalf of
Inter-Continental Absurdities
FRANK ZAPPA

Lighting Director
JEFF ENGLE

Lighting Effects by
UNITY

Lighting
KEN DETTLING

Technical Director
RICK BENNEWITZ

Cameramen
LEW ADAMS
BARRY BROWN
KEN LAMKIN
MARK PALIUS
JACK READER

Video
JOHN FIELDS
GREG HARMS
DICK WARD

Video Operators
DANNY MOSSBERGER
DARREL SUTTON

ISO Switcher
CAL SLATER

Sound Recording by
WALLY HEIDER RECORDING

Sound Mixing by
KERRY McNABB

Audio
TOM ANCELL
BILL BLANTON
ED DAVID

Videotape Editors
BRIAN ALLEN
GORDON BAIRD
TED WATSON

P.A. Mixer on Location
BRIAN KROKUS

Make-up
JERRY SOUCI

Production Assistants
MICHELLE GABLER
WENDY CHARLES
PAUL HOF
COY FEATHERSTON

Animation by
BRUCE BICKFORD

Film Effects by
FRANK ZAPPA

Mobile Tape Unit
VIDEO MOBILE

Post Production Facilities by
TRANS AMERICAN VIDEO

All Musical Selections
Composed & Arranged by
FRANK ZAPPA
Published by Munchkin Music, Inc.

[Lower Left Credits]

Editorial Supervisor
FRANK ZAPPA

Music Performed By

FRANK ZAPPA
Guitar, vocal

RAY WHITE
Guitar, vocal

TOMMY MARS
Keyboards, vocal

SCOTT THUNES
Bass, vocal

CHAD WACKERMAN
Drums

ED MANN
Percussion, vocal

BOBBY MARTIN
Keyboards, sax, vocal

STEVE VAI
Guitar, vocal

PRODUCED BY
BILL BOGGS
RICHARD BAKER

DIRECTED BY
CLARK SANTEE

LIGHTING DIRECTOR
JIM TETLOW

ASSOCIATE PRODUCER
KAREN McLAUGHLIN

MUSIC ASSOCIATE
DEE SANTEE

TECHNICAL SUPERVISOR
MARK SCHUBIN

ENGINEERING CONSULTANT
MALACHY WIENGES

PRODUCTION MANAGER
MARTY MALONEY

STAGE MANAGER
KEITH KEVAN

ENGINEER-IN-CHARGE
ED LEVINE

TECHNICAL DIRECTOR
PAUL STIEGELBAUER

MUSIC AUDIO MIXER
MARK PINSKE

PRODUCTION AUDIO MIXER
MIKE SHOSKES

AUDIO ASSISTANT
MEL BECKER

VIDEO
PAUL RANIERI

CAMERA
JUAN BARRERA
PETER BLANK
JOHN FEHER
ROB LEACOCK
MIKE LIEBERMAN
JAKE OSTROFF

VIDEOTAPE OPERATOR
RENNIE DICULA

GAFFER
CHIP FODDY

UTILITY
RICK ANDERSON
ANDY BURNAFORD

ELECTRONIC GRAPHICS
BARRY FIALK

PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS
SABRINA BARACH
SUSAN FRANKS

PRODUCTION FACILITIES
UNITEL PRODUCTION
SERVICES, INC.

VIDEOTAPE EDITOR
TERRY GREENE

ASSISTANT VIDEOTAPE EDITOR
RON MENZIES

FOR
INTERCONTINENTAL
ABSURDITIES

BENNET GLOTZER
ASSOCIATE PRODUCER

ALAN SANTOS
PRODUCTION MANAGER

COY FEATHERSTONE
LIGHTING DIRECTOR

MARK PINSKE
GEORGE DOUGLAS
BOB STONE
SOUND

CHUCK ELDRIDGE
ON JACK DANIELS

DAVID ROBB
TOWEL BOY AND KOSHER GUITARS

LARRY GRIFFITH
INDUSTRIAL TENDERNESS

THOMAS NORDEGG
GADGETS

JOHN SMOTHERS
IRON SAUSAGE

WARTOKE CONCERN
PUBLIC RELATIONS

SPECIAL THANKS TO
THE PALLADIUM
NEW YORK CITY

[Lower Right Credits]

THE DUB ROOM
SPECIAL
HAS FEATURED
THE TECHNICAL
SKILLS OF . . .

TERRY W. GREENE
Editor

TIM CLARK
DUB ROOM
EDITOR

THOMAS HAIGH
ASSISTANT EDITOR

THOMAS
NORDEGG
CAMERA & VELCRO

GARY BARRON
TELECINE

CRAIG LATTA
THE GUY WHO PLUGGED
IT ALL IN & MADE IT
WORK . . .

KIM THOMPSON
POST-PRODUCTION
SCHEDULING

Dave Register
(Fixing Things)

JAIME VELLVE
LAYER-BACKER

BOB
"LIGHTNING"
WASHBURN
VIDEO STUFF

CHARLES
"SMITTY"
SCHMIDT
STAINED GLASS

RON
MENZIES
HANDSHAKE DEAL

KEVIN
BUCK
(GUY WHO DOESN'T
LIKE ZAPPA'S MUSIC)

BRUCE OCHNANEK
CHEAP V.O.'S

© COPYRIGHT
1982
by
FRANK ZAPPA
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

IT'S A
HONKER
HOME VIDEO

1:30:31—end—

Bonus Features

Valley Girl Documentary 7:03

Moon: Now, enough is enough, okay? I've like had it up to here . . . okay? So like barf out! Gag me with a spoon! Get the picture?

Valley Girl
She's a Valley Girl
Valley Girl
She's a Valley Girl

Val #1: He was cute at the time but now he's like grody . . . look at his face . . .
Val #2: He's so grody!

Like, OH MY GOD! (Valley Girl)
Like—TOTALLY (Valley Girl)

Val #2: It's too cool, I totally love it.
Val #1: I know, I want one of those outfits so soon.

Richard Hart: This year the whole world is talking Valley talk and by now the Valley Girl is a sort of world-wide idol. This is the hub of the San Fernando Valley, the Galleria in Encino. Funny thing is, the girl who made a hit out of the Valley Girl on radio stations across the country might not even be one herself.

Richard Hart: Are you now or have you ever been a Valley Girl?
Moon: Certainly not.

FZ: She's not a Val.

Richard Hart: No?
Moon: No.

FZ: I mean the whole phenomenon is a joke. Worse than a joke.

Moon: Barf out!

FZ: But what's to take seriously, because you know that everything that goes on the radio is destined to go off the radio. It goes on, it goes off. Big crazy deal.

O'Hearn: Heh heh heh ye-yes!

Moon: When I'm in the Valley, everybody recognizes me, and it doesn't bother me, I like to be recognized. I've always liked meeting people.

Richard Hart: By now, Moon is a little tired of answering questions about the Valley Girl. She's not a Val. She prefers the beach, and she lives in Hollywood with the rest of the Zappa family: her father, Frank, her little brother, Ahmet, and her bigger brother, Dweezil. Until she sat in on the recording of "Valley Girl," dad was the only professional musician in the family.

Moon: The only thing that surprised me was that I'd be— that I'd be doing all the interviews. I thought, it's my father's song, let him take care of it.

Tim Clark: We're ready for a slate.

FZ: Valley Girl, was, uh, done in the, uh, crudest possible way.

FZ: Okay.

FZ: When the record was finished, she said, "No, this is a hit, everybody will love it." She's the only one who thought that it was really hot stuff. And I said, "Okay, fine, you know, if it goes, it goes, if it doesn't, it doesn't."

Richard Hart: Zappa has always had a reputation for spurning commercial success. He doesn't record a song in order to make money. He just creates things, and sometimes they sell. He's produced more than thirty albums in all.

FZ: I've been doing this for almost twenty years, and this is the most successful record that, uh, has ever occurred, and the only reason that it's successful is because it's an accident. And, uh . . .
Richard Hart: Do you feel cynical about that at all?
FZ: Well, I feel that if a person doesn't feel cynical, then they're out of phase with the 20th Century. Being cynical is the only way to deal with modern civilization. You can't just swallow it whole.

I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss

Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
That I can sell uptown

Richard Hart: Frank Zappa is simply a musical genius. Behind all his sardonic social commentary is some pretty complex music, firmly fixed in a solid classical background. He's brilliant with a television camera, too. He's a video pioneer, today, devoting a lot of time to the editing room.

FZ: Can somebody put me on to the Dub Room?

FZ: The real world of Compact Video. This is the best of the San Fernando Valley.

Richard Hart: Frank has been living in a dub room for two weeks. The Dub Room is part of a commercial video complex near his home. It's for dubbing. They told him it was impossible to produce a show in there. They also told us it was impossible to interview him, because he's too cynical, too irascible. Well, Frank Zappa in a dub room is a little boy in a toy shop.

FZ: Okay, now go forward on that one. Just before that. Back up just twenty seconds.

Richard Hart: What is the Dub Room Special?

FZ: We shot and edited this very crudely manufactured, like you said, Gorilla TV, uh, special. I just happen to have a bunch of cassettes of various types of, uh, entertaining topics with me down there, and I had a friend bring in a little Hitachi camera, and we plugged it directly into the machine and we interviewed some of the technical guys who were working down there . . .

Craig Latta: . . . I'm a maintenance engineer here. And I just made all of this work . . .

FZ: . . . including one guy who said this is not possible to do, and he was the one who plugged everything in

Tim Clark: I think it looks good. How about you?

FZ: We did it. And it's a nice piece of entertainment.

FZ: Alright, take a look at what we got over here. This . . .

Richard Hart: When he finishes his Dub Room Special, it will be his fifth full length feature since the legendary movie, 200 Motels. These days it's as if his whole life is being videotaped. Life is art and Zappa is very serious about his art. He gladly spent an evening coaching two classical musicians in a couple of his own compositions for an upcoming concert. Who would have thought that the father of the Mothers of Invention would turn out to be such a family man? When he's not on the road, Frank Zappa is very close to his wife, Gail, his son, Dweezil, and the rest of the four little Zappas.

FZ: Actually, I've been participating in baby manufacturing for a long time now. I'm forty-one years old and I got four kids. And, uh, I've had a lot of practice with, uh, the family type situation. Even when it wasn't fashionable. Why, look at me, I'm a family guy.

Moon: If my father were a dermatologist, I'd probably be playing with his dry ice and his little instruments and his zit zapper, so . . .

Richard Hart: Have you ever thought of them as being musicians?
FZ: Well, I don't think any of them want to make music the way I make music, but, uh, Dweezil is a guitar player, a very excellent guitar player, even though he's twelve years old.

Richard Hart: Dweezil has only been playing for a year, but he is hot. With help from his sister, he's cut his first record in the family recording studio

She does not [...]
She does not [...]
She acts just like a queen
My mother, my mother
My mother is a space cadet
My mother, my mother
My mother is a space cadet

FZ: The boy is fast, the boy is a fast guitar player. He's not that crazy about chords, he's a lead guitar player. He doesn't want to play those chords.

FZ: Well, right now we're in the Dub Room shooting another television special, and, uh . . .

Richard Hart: Here's this guy with a wife and four kids in Hollywood who sings about raising dental floss in Montana. He writes a piano score like Stravinsky, and comes out of a dub room with a movie about baby snakes. Who is this guy? He's Frank Zappa.

Baby Snakes Trailer 1:54

FZ: In the beginning God made 'the light.'
Bruce Bickford: . . . and ultimately, monsters were created!

Once in a great while, a film comes along that warms the heart.

O'Hearn: Don't be ashamed

Lifts the spirit.

FZ: Ren-den-den-den Doon-den-den-den . . .

And astound the senses. Intercontinental Absurdities presents:

Roy: Disco Boy . . .
FZ: What is that weird sound?

INTERCONTINENTAL ABSURDITIES
PRESENTS
BABY
SNAKES
DOLBY STEREO
IN SELECTED THEATRES
(C) & (P) FRANK ZAPPA 1979

Baby Snakes . . .

Baby Snakes. The new movie about a group of people caught up in the whirlwind of changing times, and their heroic struggle to overcome the mundane routine of their day to day existence.

BABY
SNAKES

Baby Snakes. A compelling story of romance, danger, and intrigue. It's about love. It's about hate. It's about the complexities of modern civilization.

SHOWN ACTUAL SIZE

It's about two and half hours long.

I'm a moron 'n this is my wife

Few movies have ever dare to present such an accurate view of reality. And none have ever shown the grace, the elegance and the all around splendor of Baby Snakes.

BABY
SNAKES

A movie about people who do stuff that is not normal.

Bruce Bickford: At the peak of the disco out-freakage . . .

BABY
SNAKES

Starring Frank Zappa.

FRANK ZAPPA

And introducing Ms. Pinky's larger sister.

INTRODUCING
MS. PINKY'S LARGER SISTER

Baby Snakes . . .

BABY
SNAKES

OPENS FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21st
AT GUILDS VICTORIA THEATRE

Baby Snakes will open on December 21st, so that it will qualify for the 1979 Academy Awards.

 

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted
Site maintained by Román García Albertos
http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/
Lyrics from the original albums
Transcription for new material by Román; except Valley Girl Documentary by Zachary Lebold
Corrections & additions by Derek Milhouse Gilger, Charles Ulrich, Zachary Lebold and danavey
The parts that had appeared on other albums or videos are printed this way
The parts in the original VHS version not included in the DVD are printed this way
This page updated: 2017-11-02