Lumpy Gravy/Civilization Phaze III

Album(s) in which we can hear the people inside the piano from 1967 (see table below):

Album(s) in which we can hear the people inside the piano from 1991:

Comments

FZ in the liner notes of Civilization Phaze III (1994):

In 1967, we spent about four months recording various projects ("UNCLE MEAT", "WE'RE ONLY IN IT FOR THE MONEY", "RUBEN & THE JETS", and "LUMPY GRAVY") at APOSTOLIC STUDIOS, 53 E. 10th St. NYC. One day I decided to stuff a pair of U-87's in the piano, cover it with a heavy drape, put a sand bag on the sustain pedal and invite anybody in the vicinity to stick their head inside and ramble incoherently about the various topics I would suggest to them via the studio talk-back system.

This set-up remained in place for several days. During that time, many hours of recordings were made, most of it useless. Some of the people who took the challenge included Spider Barbour (leader of the rock group "CHRYSALIS" which was also recording at Apostolic when we weren't booked in), All-Night John (the studio manager), Gilly Townley (sister of the guy who owned the studio), Monica (the receptionist), Roy Estrada and Motorhead Sherwood (members of the "MOTHERS OF INVENTION"), Louis Cuneo (a guy who used to come to our live shows at the Garrick Theater and laugh like a psychotic turkey), and a few others.

Some of this dialog—after extensive editing—found its way into the "LUMPY GRAVY" album. The rest of it sat in my tape vault for decades, waiting for the glorious day when audio science would develop tools which might allow for its resurrection.

In "LUMPY GRAVY", the spoken material was intercut with sound effects, electronic textures, and orchestral recordings of short pieces, recorded at Capitol Studios, Hollywood, autumn 1966. These were all 2-track razor-blade edits. The process took about 9 months.

Because all the dialog had been recorded in (to borrow a phrase from EVELYN, A MODIFIED DOG) "pan-chromatic resonance and other highly ambient domains", it was not always possible to make certain edits sound convincing, since the ambience would vanish disturbingly at the edit point. this severely limited my ability to create the illusion that various groups of speakers, recorded on different days, were talking to each other. As a result, what emerged from the texts was a vague plot regarding pigs and ponies, threatening the lives of characters who inhabit a large piano.

In "CIVILIZATION, PHAZE III" we get a few more clues about the lives of the piano-dwellers and note that the external evils have only gotten worse since we first met them. The bulk of the musical material comes from Synclavier sequences (all music in act one). In the second act, the music is a combination of Synclavier (70%) and live performance (30%), along with a new generation of piano people.

The new residents (my daughter, Moon Unit, actor Michael Rappaport, the music preparation assistant for the "YELLOW SHARK" project, Ali N. Askin, my computer assistant, Todd Yvega, and the entire brass section of the Ensemble Modern) were recorded in a Bösendorfer Imperial at UMRK during the summer of 1991. By this time, digital editing technology had solved the ambience hang-over problem, finally making it possible to combine their fantasies in a more coherent way with the original recordings from 1967.

FZ on an interview on Melody Maker, January 1974, talking about the title:

You never heard it? It's from a commercial for Loma Linda Gravy Quik, that's where the name came from.

The people inside the piano from 1967:

Short-Person Behavior heard on:
Spider: The way I see it, Barry, this should be a dynamite show. The Way I See It, Barry (LG)

Spider: Bit of nostalgia for the old folks!

Bit Of Nostalgia (LG)

Spider: This is Phaze III. This is also . . .
John: Well, get through Phaze I & II first.
Spider: Alright, alright. Here's Phaze I . . .
FZ: The audience sits inside of a big piano and they listen to it grow.
Spider: People are going to sit inside of a piano. They're going to listen to this piano go.
John: They're going to listen to the piano grow.
Spider: Listen!
Monica: This is going to turn into a . . .
Spider: It's going to turn into another Haight-Ashbury. Remember how we commercialized on that scene?
John: That was a really good move.
Monica: Oh! That was a confession.
Spider: Right, man . . . and all it was was like people sitting in doorways freaking out tourists going . . .

"This Is Phaze III" (CPIII)
Spider: "Merry Go Round! Merry Go Round! Do-Do-Do-Do Do-Do-Do Do-Do-Do!" and they called that "doing their thing".
John: Oh yeah, that's what doing your thing is!
Spider: The thing is to put a motor in yourself
Very Distraughtening (LG)
"This Is Phaze III" (CPIII)

Gilly: Ohh. Umm. Hmm.
Girl #1: That's how long I've been here. I've been here ever since, ever since it got dark I've been here.
Louis: How did you get in my home? This is my piano. How did you get in here?
Motorhead: I thought it was my piano.
Louis: It's mine.
Roy: Since when?
Louis: Since about 10 years ago its mine.
Roy: You sure?
Louis: Yes, positively.
Roy: No, it was mine.
Louis: This is a small place, you must be blind you know.
Motorhead: Where were you at?
Roy: Could have been one nine . . . No, it couldn't have been one-nine-oh . . .
Louis: It couldn't have been any more . . . How about try, just try 'G' . . .
Roy: How did you happen to get in here?
Louis: My mother said to me "You're a bad boy, Louis the Turkey. You'd better, you'd you you you'd better go on 'E' and stay on 'E' and you'll never see the world . . . you're a bad boy 'cause you you went to the bathroom on the floor!" you know?
Motorhead: Did they make you clean it up?
Louis: No, they made me eat it.
Roy: Ooh.

"Oh-Umm" (CPIII)

Motorhead: Yeah I-I left home. I used to sleep in one of those old stand-up Baldwins, y'know?

Leather Goods (Läther)

Girl #1: What's it like when . . . when they play the piano? Does it hurt your ears?
Larry: No, I found a corner
Girl #1: Yeah
Larry: Yeah
Girl #1: Soundproof
Larry: Well, not really soundproof but it doesn't bother you as much as outside . . . you you sneak in
Girl #1: Lucky you found such a big piano, you know
Larry: You sneak under the back, see? Way here down here. Get way down here here inside and when you hide in the corner, nobody can find you. See, they can't hear nothing 'cause it's cushioned

They Made Me Eat It (CPIII)
Girl #1: Am I the first person who's coming to visit you?
Larry: No, so many people came in before but I hid and they never found me, see? But, uh, you caught me, didn't you?
Girl #1: Well I won't tell anybody you're here.
Larry: Sure?
Girl #1: I promise.
Larry: Okay. You and me friends?
Girl #1: Sure!
Larry: You wanna come down with me [...]?
Girl #1: Yeah. I can bring you food sometimes maybe.
Larry: Oh, I don't need no food.
Girl #1: You don't?
Larry: No! They set things on top of the piano. I get 'em now and then.
Girl #1: Hey, Larry Fanoga . . .
Larry: Mmh?
Girl #1: Don't you have a family?
Larry: No.
Girl #1: Where are you from?
Larry: Where? I don't remember, it's been so long.
"You Caught Me, Didn't You!" (CPIII pre-release version)

Louis: Yes . . .
Roy: I kind of miss him
Louis: Yeah, me too
Roy: Getting on top of him and all
Louis: He had a very nice body too
Roy: Yeah, even though he was a, a . . . Oh well
Louis: A dual personality, you know
Roy: Yeah
Louis: We have to think of what he's doin' out there?
Roy: What did he go out there for anyway?
Louis: Maybe . . .
Roy: Maybe he wanted to get on top of one of those horse . . . ponies
Louis: Yes, maybe he wants to have intercourse with them!
Roy: What?
Louis: Intercourse!
Roy: Well, if he doesn't get clawed first
Louis: Yes, that's right. But, maybe, maybe he will find a real nice, a very nice kind horse, you know
Roy: A horse, yeah horse. Whore-sss
Louis: Boogey-man or something. Something out there. You might find a nice kind . . .
Roy: Boogey-man?
Louis: Well, something, you know. I don't know what it is myself—a horse—'cause human beings, decent human beings. Nice place to live
Roy: Beans? You call them human beans?
Louis: And then before they turn to be boogey-men or . . .
Roy: That's why they came into the Steinway
Louis: Yes, that's why 'cause I just couldn't take them anymore, you know. They were vicious, too vicious. So I had to go, I had to, I had to come in here
Spider: Like, we can't understand what they're saying to each other
John: I know

"A Very Nice Body" (CPIII)

Louis: Scars . . . all my body! No, I didn't have it. Boogey-man or something, nothing's in your head, Boogey-man!

Beat It With Your Fist (ROTSOSUNPYG)
Spider: I think I can explain about about how the pigs' music works
Monica: Well, this should be interesting
Spider: Remember that they make music with a very dense light
Just One More Time (LG)
"How The Pigs' Music Works" (CPIII)
John: Yeah
Monica: O.K.
"How The Pigs' Music Works" (CPIII)
Lumpy Gravy Part Two (TLMPO)

Spider: And remember about the smoke standing still and how they they really get uptight when you try to move the smoke, right?
Monica: Right
John: Yeah?
Spider: I think the music in that dense light is probably what makes the smoke stand still.

Just One More Time (LG)
"How The Pigs' Music Works" (CPIII)
Spider: You know, the thing on their neck
John: Hmm . . .
Just One More Time (LG)
Spider: As soon as the pony's mane starts to get good in the back any sort of motion, especially of smoke or gas, begins to make the ends split Just One More Time (LG)
"How The Pigs' Music Works" (CPIII)

Monica: Well don't the splitting ends change the density of the ponies' music so it affects the density of the pigs' music, which makes the smoke move which upsets the pigs?
Spider: No, it isn't like that
John: Well, how does it work?
Spider: Well, what it does is when it strikes any sort of energy field or solid object or even something as ephemeral as smoke, the first thing it does is begins to inactivate the molecular motion so that it slows down and finally stops. That's why the smoke stops. And also have you ever noticed how the the smoke clouds shrink up?

"How The Pigs' Music Works" (CPIII)
Lumpy Gravy Part Two (TLMPO)
Spider: When it does that? That's because . . .
John: Oh, yeah.
Lumpy Gravy Part Two (TLMPO)
Spider: That's because the molecules come closer together. "How The Pigs' Music Works" (CPIII)
Lumpy Gravy Part Two (TLMPO)
Spider: It gets much, much smaller, and it goes . . . Lumpy Gravy Part Two (TLMPO)

Spider: The cold light makes it get so small . . .

"How The Pigs' Music Works" (CPIII)
Lumpy Gravy Part Two (TLMPO)
Spider: That . . .
Monica: I suppose . . .
Spider: It becomes very, very dense and brittle.
Lumpy Gravy Part Two (TLMPO)

Spider: This is really brittle smoke
John: And that's why the pigs don't want you to touch it
Spider: See, when the smoke gets that brittle what happens when you try to move it is it disintegrates
John: And the pigs get uptight 'cause you know they, they worship that smoke. They salute it every day
Monica: You know we've got something here
John: And, and, and, and . . .

"How The Pigs' Music Works" (CPIII)
Lumpy Gravy Part Two (TLMPO)

John: That's the basis of all their nationalism. Like if they can't salute the smoke every morning when they get up . . .
Spider: Yeah, it's a vicious circle. You got it

Just One More Time (LG)
"How The Pigs' Music Works" (CPIII)
Monica: D-a-a-a-a-a-r-r-r-k W-a-a-a-t-e-r-r-r
Spider: Yeah, it's trying to say something . . .
Monica: D-a-a-a-a-a-r-r-r-k-k-k W-a-a-a-t-e-r-r-r
Spider: I know . . . It's not trying to say something to us at all . . . It's trying to say something to the pig
John: Dark water . . .
Spider: I forget . . . It's . . .
John: Dark water on top of the muck
"Dark Water!" (CPIII)

Monica: Have you ever heard their band?
Spider: I don't understand it though. Their band, I don't understand . . .
Monica: I . . . I don't think they understand it either
Spider: What? The smoke?
John & Monica: The band!
Spider: The band doesn't understand what?
Monica: Did you know that?
FZ: The smoke stands still
John: There's some kind of thing that's giving us all these revelations
Spider: Yeah, well that's the . . .
John: It's . . . It's . . . It's this funny voice . . . and he keeps telling us all these things and I . . . it . . . I just thought that before we just thought of these things . . . ya know, like just off the wall and out of our heads
Spider: No, that's religious superstition

"Have You Ever Heard Their Band?" (CPIII)

Motorhead: He's in the wrong piano
Louis: No, you're in the wrong piano
Roy: No . . .
Motorhead: This is a Steinway
Louis: You are!
Roy: It's not a Baldwin . . .
Motorhead: Yeah
Roy: It's not even a Wurlitzer
FZ: Saliva can only take so much

Religious Superstition (CPIII)

Spider: Saliva can only take so much.
Louis: Well I got sores. I got my skin burnt uh cut open a couple times. It felt good. Wow, it felt good. And I really, I really climaxed.
Becky: Ahh. In other words, we never even had . . . Ahh.
Maxine: We didn't have a chance, baby (Laugh). These holes are just the right size.
Becky: They really look like it, yes . . . indeed, indeed.
Maxine: Right . . .
Becky: Indeed.
Maxine: Yeah.
Gilly: And here's a grave.
Becky: Yeah.
Maxine: A grave?
Gilly: Yes, a grave.

"Saliva Can Only Take So Much" (CPIII)

Gilly: I'd like to be . . . someplace else right now. It's much too crowded in here. Where would I like to be?
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: Oh, I don't know
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: I like strings a whole lot
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: (sigh)
Girl #1: Huh? Where would you like to be?
Gilly: Oh it's so hard
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: I can't think of anything else
Girl #1: Hmm
Gilly: The piano, a drum, strings
Motorhead: These strings are so tempting
Roy: Uh huh
Gilly: That's it exactly

"Someplace Else Right Now" (CPIII)

Larry: Drums are too noisy, you've got no corners to hide in!

Drums Are Too Noisy (LG)

Monica: A kayak . . . on snow . . . a mountain
Spider: There's a mountain on the beach?
Monica: It was under the beach
John: A mountain under the beach?
Monica: Yeah
John: How did you get to it?
Monica: We didn't, it found us
Spider: It came up through the beach?
Monica: No, it never came up. And the moon, the moon was shining on the sand. And we saw the mountain with the snow
John: Underneath?
Monica: Underneath
Spider: Did you see any of those little worms like . . . like were in the mud?

"A Kayak (On Snow)" (CPIII)

John: So when she's beating him over the nose with a tire iron. and then we both jump away and disappear, and the pig will turn around and there'll be this pony

Drums Are Too Noisy (LG)

Spider: Oh no man . . .
Monica & Spider: Kangaroos!
Monica: And then they eat it when they get home
John: If it's still alive

Kangaroos (LG)

Louis: Grrr . . . Arf arf arf ar-ar-ar-ar-ar! Teeth out there, and ready to attack 'em. . . I had to fight back and hit 'em, like . . . you know . . . hit 'em and hit 'em and hit 'em, and . . . kick 'em and kick 'em and . . .
Roy: Did they get on top of you?
Louis: No, I fought so back, hard back, and, it was . . .
Roy: Hard back?
Louis: White!
Roy: White?
Louis: Yeah, white ugliness
Roy: Did it have teeth?
Louis: And it was two, it was two boogey-men that were on the side and, we were . . . already blocked the entrance, so I had to . . . I had to kick, I had to fight to f-four or five boogey-men in front of me . . .
Roy: Then . . . but maybe he can turn into . . . I wonder if he could maybe be [...] PFFFT!
Louis: Yes, extremely vicious
Roy: I don't know, those po- . . . I heard those ponies are really vicious!
Louis: I know . . . but, I know they're vicious, but they . . .
Roy: Their claws!
Louis: He d-d . . . he doesn't have to be able to do it
Roy: They get on top of you, and they just tear you apart
Louis: I know . . .
Roy: Tee . . .
Louis: Scars over here, see, scars right here. Yeah . . .
Roy: Teeth to limb! Teeth to limb! I mean, toe to ta- . . . man, I hope they don't get him
Louis: Ponies! I-i-if-if, if . . . is . . .
Roy: Was it white? Are you sure it wasn't w-white, I mean, uh, black, or . . .
Louis: Well, I think they're white, but I was too scared to notice their physical . . .
Roy: Gold or something?
Louis: I was too, I was too scared to no . . . n-no . . . uh-no . . . uh-notice their physical, ahh . . . appearance, 'cause they . . . they-they were attackin' me!
Roy: They were?
Louis: Yeah, they were . . . they were attackin' me!
Roy: What were they doin' to you?
Louis: Well, they were . . . they were like, they were . . . comin' and surroundin' me 'n everything else, and they were attackin' me and I had to fight back, fight, fight and fight back and . . . pick up sticks . . .
Roy: Pick-up-sticks?
Louis: Yes, pick up sticks, you know?
Roy: I used to play that game, Pick-up-sticks
Louis: Me too, did you ever play that game?
Roy: Yeah!
Louis: Yes! That's funny! HA HA HA!
Roy: Anyway, come back to the horse . . . back to the horse? To the pony
Louis: HA HA HA HA! Now . . .
Roy: Anyway . . .
Louis: Yes, pony, or . . .
Roy: President . . .
Louis: Or pope, I dunno, ah, I dunno . . .
Roy: I don't know . . .
Louis: Something down there is dangerous.
Roy: Could be a cigar or somethin'
Louis: Yeah . . .
Roy: A cigar?
Louis: A cigar? Naw, you're insane, come on!
Roy: Nohhh, no . . . I remember when I was a . . . no I don't remember. Those were the days!
Louis: Boy, you must spend all your life down here!
Roy: That was before the days of those horses
Louis: Yes, before the days of the . . . all the . . . ow-uh . . . ponies or boogey-men or somethin', what's out there
Roy: But then there was a . . . what was it then? No pimples?
Louis: No, I never did.
Roy: Sure!
Louis: Positively
Roy: You had to have 'em.
Louis: Naw, naw . . .
Roy: You've got one right in your nose right now!
Louis: HA HA HA HA! Scrtch-ch-ch! Scratchin' them . . .
Roy: Boy, I'm gettin' tired, man. We should go . . .
Louis: Oh, yes . . .
Roy: We should go to sleep
Louis: Oh, yeah . . .
Roy: I just hope he comes back . . .
Louis: Yes . . . Listen!
Roy: I think I'll pray for him
Louis: I think I'll join you
Roy: You do yours and I'll do mine . . .
Louis: Okay . . . HA HA HA HA!
Roy: And we'll hope for the best. HEH HEH HEH!
Louis: HA HA HA HA HA! I'll pray for [...] Motorhead
Roy: Now I lay me down to sleep . . .

White Ugliness (LG)

Roy: Amen!
Louis: Amen . . .

Amen (LG)

Louis: Ah, I wish Motorhead would come back. Oh wow, Motorhead . . . Motorhead . . . Where are you Motorhead?
Roy: He's probably getting eaten by one of those ponies
Louis: Yes
Roy: Maybe he's out there playing with motors
Louis: Motors?! Motors? . . . No! no! no!

"I Wish Motorhead Would Come Back" (CPIII)

Louis: RAAAH! ATTACK! ATTACK! Attack and get on ee, eee, each pony or . . . boogey man or something
Roy: Sure, aren't you glad I'm not too hairy . . .
Louis: Yeah . . .
Roy: . . . Too hairy! . . . heh, heh
Louis: . . . That beats . . . yes . . . (Louie laughs like a turkey)
Roy: . . . That's why they have a lot of crabs . . .
Louis: . . . Yes, and um . . .
Roy: . . . A set of crabs?!
Louis: Crabs are really dangerous, and they r-r-rich as fires and every once in a while you walk in the streets and when I . . . when I heard of these from, from talk from my, from my home here, my piano!
Gilly: Huh, my piano . . . It's still dark in here . . . It's the same as it ever was . . . I'm here . . . (sigh) I'm not the same as I ever was

"Attack! Attack! Attack!" (CPIII)

Gilly: Either you're here and I'm here or I'm very different . . .
Girl #2: . . . Than?
Gilly: (Sigh)
Girl #1: Now, wait a minute. I . . . those are my bass strings . . . and . . . uh . . . I . . . I get the bass strings. If there are going to be three of us here, I want the bass strings. That's all there is . . .
Gilly: (Interrupting) Who are you?
Girl #1: I live here!
Girl #2: I live here!
Gilly: Who are you?!
Girl #2: I live here
Girl #1: I live here!
Gilly: (Sighs) That's my name too
(All girls sigh)
Gilly: Were you ever not living here?
Girl #1: I don't think so
Girl #2: Nah, I was in a drum

"Attack! Attack! Attack!" (CPIII)

Gilly: I'm advocating dark clothes.
Becky: If I'm not alone . . . How long have I been asleep?
Gilly: As long as I have.
Maxine: Did you ever live in a drum?
Becky: No.
Maxine: Well then you aren't me.
Gilly: I only dreamt I lived in a drum. Ever since it got dark. Dreaming is hard.
Susan Kelly: Yea, but with nothing over your head?
Gilly: No, just light, over my head. And underneath too.
Susan Kelly: I don't think I could take it without anything over my head.
Maxine: Mm-mmh, I couldn't either.
Becky: Well why don't you go out and see what's out there?
Gilly: Well . . . I don't know if that's what's out there.
Maxine: Now that's a thought.
Gilly: Yes . . .
Maxine: If you'd like . . .
Gilly: But still you can say darker and darker. I don't know what the outside of this thing looks like at all.
Guy #1: I do. It's dark and murky.
John Kilgore: How do you get your . . . your water so dark?
Guy #1: 'Cause I'm paranoid. I'm very paranoid. And the water in my washing machine turns dark out of sympathy.
John Kilgore: Out of sympathy?
Guy #1: Yes.
John Kilgore: Um . . . where can I get that?
Guy #1: At your local drugstore.
John Kilgore: How much?

Bit Of Nostalgia (LG)

Guy #1: It's from Kansas.

It's From Kansas (LG)

Larry: Almost Chinese, huh?
Monica: Yeah!

Almost Chinese (LG)

Spider: We are . . . actually the same note, but . . .
John: But different octave
Spider: Right. We are 4,928 octaves below the big note
Monica: Are ya . . . are you trying to tell me that . . . that this whole universe revolves around one note?
Spider: No, it doesn't revolve around it; that's what it is. It's one note

"A Different Octave" (CPIII)

Spider: Everything in the universe is . . . is . . . is made of one element, which is a note, a single note. Atoms are really vibrations, you know, which are extensions of THE BIG NOTE, everything's one note. Everything, even the ponies. The note, however, is the ultimate power, but see, the pigs don't know that, the ponies don't know that. Right?
Monica: You mean just we know that?
Spider: Right!

Very Distraughtening (LG)
Spider: Everybody knows that lights are notes. Light . . . "A Different Octave" (CPIII)
Spider: Light is just a vibration of the note, too. Everything is. "A Different Octave" (CPIII)
Dense Slight (TLMPO)
Spider: Gotta keep that in mind. Dense Slight (TLMPO)

Monica: That one note makes everything else so insignificant
John: What about negative light?
Spider: Pigs use it for a tambourine, which is one of the reasons why their music is so hard to understand

"A Different Octave" (CPIII)

Spider: They don't even understand their own music . . . of course nobody does, but . . .
John: They don't, they don't even know what they're doing
Spider: No!
John: I've, I've seen 'em a couple of times . . .
Spider: Did . . . did you see their uniforms?
John: Unbelievable!
Girl: Which ones? They're the red ones?
John: All those rhinestones off of their rings and things like that
Girl: Do you know what I . . .
John: Gold lamé hoof-covers . . . Unbelievable!

Porn Wars (FZMTMOP)

Girl: Is it hard for you to breathe?

Dense Slight (TLMPO)

Spider: They make music with this very dense light.
Monica: And they, they don't understand?
Spider: No.
John: I know, it's just uh . . .
Spider: I don't understand—do you understand it yourself, I mean, can you really . . . ?
John: No. Not really.

Dense Slight (TLMPO)
FZ: Tonight you guys are going to try and figure out the pigs' music. "The Pigs' Music" (CPIII)
Spider: You see, if we understood it, maybe we could help the pigs understand it. "The Pigs' Music" (CPIII)
Dense Slight (TLMPO)

John: Nah, the problem with that is you think the pigs are essentially kind at heart . . .
Spider: Aw, I didn't say that . . .
John: But the pigs are essentially pigs

"The Pigs' Music" (CPIII)

John: If we could either move the smoke or if we turn the cold light on it and shrink it so they can't even salute it . . .
Spider: It's . . . it's really . . . It's sort of the opposite event. You see it was a long time ago when Pigs and Ponies used to inter-breed with people on farms . . . and they reached a state where . . . where like the pigs were . . . communicable. They brought 'em in and tried . . . tried to teach them things. They're just as likely to live in the ocean as anywhere else . . . Wouldn't get rid of them, really. Just means that the ocean would be just as unsafe as every other place. That's what happened. Ya know, they tried to put 'em places where they wouldn't make it, but they made it anyway
John: They wanted to use yaks, too
Pig With Wings: EE . . . EE . . . EE . . . EE
Spider: What's that?
John: That's the Pig with Wings

"The Pigs' Music" (CPIII)

Spider: Oh!
John: There it went again.
Spider: It's a little pig . . . with wings
Pig With Wings: EE . . .
Gross Man: I hear you've been having trouble with pigs and ponies!

Very Distraughtening (LG)

FZ: The pigs run the city, the ponies run the TV station and you wanted to apply for a job
Spider: Some of them wear these jackets that are made out of polished animal skins. It's called leather
John: Leather?
Monica: Oh, and their tight black pants
Spider: It's sort of like plastic, only it's made out of animals
Larry: It's sad, ain't it?
Monica: Yeah
Larry: Um, you can't win 'em all

"This Is All Wrong" (CPIII)

Spider: The hotter the sound is, the more putrid it smells. I've discovered that to be true in almost every case that I've experienced

Hot & Putrid (CPIII)

Spider: Flowing inside out creates neutral energy. Now, that makes the light get thick. Then you've got this converter, and what that does, is, it takes this really thick light and . . . it rams it into this little compressor which then sucks the water out so that it . . .

"Flowing Inside-Out" (CPIII)

Spider: Envelops the bath tub

Kangaroos (LG)
"Flowing Inside-Out" (CPIII)
Spider: In this big halo . . .
FZ: A halo of mu-mesons
Spider: A halo of mu-mesons. And the whole problem here is that all you have to do is take that little modulator out and . . . uh . . .
John: Reverse the phase on it
"Flowing Inside-Out" (CPIII)

Gilly: I had a dream about that once
Girl #2: You did?
Gilly: Yeah
Girl #2: Then you must be me
Girl #1: Yeah, that's right . . . because . . . Now, wait a minute . . . now you two are me because I had a dream that the two were here. I heard one person breathing in my right ear and then I heard somebody cough just like me

"I Had A Dream About That" (CPIII)
Spider: Wait a minute! Porn Wars (FZMTMOP)
"I Had A Dream About That" (CPIII)
Spider: I gotta find a phone booth. Here . . . ah . . . now I have it . . . I change clothes and suddenly I am . . . "I Had A Dream About That" (CPIII)

Spider: GROSS MAN!

Gross Man (CPIII)

John: Can't burn 'em . . . ahm . . .
Spider: It's . . .
John: Goes out with Gross Man. I know they're Gross Men . . .
Girl: No!

Beat It With Your Fist (ROTSOSUNPYG)

Spider: . . . who God's put away, man.

Beat It With Your Fist (ROTSOSUNPYG)

John: Maybe the kayak is just a big worm
Monica: I found that to be a possibility
Spider: The worms stop in the tunnels sometimes
John: Where are the tunnels?
Spider: They're in the muck
John: In the muck?
Spider: Yeah, you saw the muck
John: But, you know, whenever I try to tunnel into muck, it always collapses on me

"A Tunnel Into Muck" (CPIII)

John: Then we can sell them ladders, 'cause they're gonna have to have ladders to get into the piano, right?
Spider: Yeah, when it starts growing
John: Right . . . we set 'em down and, like, we turn the lights down and turn on the red ones
Monica: What're you gonna do, stoop to strobe lights or . . . ?
Spider: Ah, no, no

Why Not? (CPIII)

FZ: We're gonna put a little motor in 'em
Spider: We're gonna put a little motor in 'em
John: I could have all sorts of different kinds of names for the motors . . . although the motors would be the same . . .
Spider: There's dry motors and wet motors, right?
John: Right
Spider: The motor for a bill is a dry motor, so after they put that thing in there for about half an hour, they suddenly can't stand it without having a wet motor too. So, if they try to get away with spending only a bill, they end up spending about five 'cause they gotta get this, this four bill wet motor
John: Good idea
Spider: Now we have a damp motor for the ones who aren't sure

"Put A Little Motor In 'Em" (CPIII)

Gilly: That's it exactly, I guess. About Tom, no, no but to me all different . . . um . . . but I guess Tom was a human—is a human being with . . . feelings and sorrows and happinesses, as everyone else, but Tom would only show me so much
SNORK!
Spider: But is this a pregnant sow before me?
SNORK!
Spider: By the sound of the snork, I would gesture to say . . . I find myself turning into a pony

"You're Just Insultin' Me, Aren't You?" (CPIII)

Spider: This must be the end of the world! All the people turning into pigs and ponies . . . I can't let it happen to me!

Porn Wars (FZMTMOP)

John: You know as well as I do that cold light generation depends on your state of health and energy
Spider: I'm gonna turn on a cold light

"Cold Light Generation" (CPIII)

Spider: We can get our strength up by making some music
John: That's right
Monica: Yeah . . . yeah
John: But the thing is, you know what?
Spider: What?
John: We don't even understand our own music
Spider: It doesn't, does it matter whether we understand it? At least it'll give us . . . strength
John: I know but maybe we could get into it more if we understood it
Spider: We'd get more strength from it if we understood it?
John: Yeah
Spider: No, I don't think so, because—see I think, I think our strength comes from our uncertainty. If we understood it we'd be bored with it and then we couldn't gather any strength from it
John: Like if we knew about our music one of us might talk and then that would be the end of that

"That Would Be The End Of That" (CPIII)

Mmm, boy, my lips are gettin' heavy
I can't tell when you're telling the truth . . .
I'm not.
How do I know anything you've said to me is . . .
You don't.

Electric Aunt Jemima (UM)

Girl #1: Well, somebody called me anyway and I— Here I am.
Spider?: I don't wanna no fucking chick swinging ar—
Girl #1: Here— Somebody called me and here I am and I'm gonna clean your piano, whether you like it or not, because . . . it's my job.
John?: She's— She's finished, she's— we can't.
?: We're gonna put her away.
Girl #1: Nobody—you're not—nobody's putting me away.
?: We can put her in the [...].
Girl #1: You're not gonna put me away.
John?: How are we gonna do it?
Girl #1: You can't put me away. No one's gonna put me away.
John?: We gotta put her away— How are we gonna do it?
Girl #1: Why do you think you are going to put me away. Well, you can't—
John?: What are we gonna do? Where are we gonna put her? Where are we gonna put the body?
Girl #1: But— I'm always wrecked, you know. I'm really gonna be more wrecked, because of this motorcycle accident and— 'Cause you know what they do to you, and everyone will know that I'm really ruined, and I won't be able to appear anywhere, you know.
Girl #2: Barry. Because—
Spider: Who's Barry?
Girl #2: Barry!
Guy #2: Why should I be prejudiced against accordions?
John: I'm gonna call the N. Double A, AA.
Spider: Who are they?
John: The National Asociation for the Advancement of Accordions.

N. Double A, AA (TLMPO)

Conceptual Continuity

Ripping the upholstery out of the Oldsmobile
More bizarre people talking:
Gas Stations:

 

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This page updated: 2016-10-22