Spider: This is Phaze III. This is also . . .
John: Well, get through Phaze I & II first.
Spider: Alright, alright. Here's Phaze I . . .
FZ: The audience sits inside of a big piano and they listen to it grow.
Spider: People are going to sit inside of a piano. They're going to listen to this piano growgo.
John: They're going to listen to the piano grow.?
Spider: Listen!
Monica: This is going to turn into a . . .
Spider: It's going to turn into another Haight-Ashbury. Remember how we commercialized on that scene?
John: That was a really good move.
Monica: Oh! That was a confession.
Spider: Right, man . . . and all it was was like people sitting in doorways freaking out tourists going "Merry Go Round! Merry Go Round! Do-Do-Do-Do Do-Do-Do Do-Do-Do!" and they called that "doing their thing."
John: Oh yeah, that's what doing your thing is!
Spider: The thing is to put a motor in yourself
Gilly: Ohh. Umm. Hmm.
Girl #1: That's how long I've been here. I've been here ever since, ever since it got dark I've been here.
Louis: How did you get in my home? This is my piano. How did you get in here?
Motorhead: I thought it was my piano.
Louis: It's mine.
Roy: Since when?
Louis: Since about 10 years ago its mine.
Roy: You sure?
Louis: Yes, positively.
Roy: No, it was mine.
Louis: This is a small place, you must be blind you know.
Motorhead: Where were you at?
Roy: Could have been one nine . . . No, it couldn't have been one-nine-oh . . .
Louis: It couldn't have been any more . . . How about try, just try 'G' . . .
Roy: How did you happen to get in here?
Louis: My mother said to me "You're a bad boy, Louis the Turkey. You'd better, you'd you you you'd better go on 'E' and stay on 'E' and you'll never see the world . . . you're a bad boy 'cause you you went to the bathroom on the floor!" you know?
Motorhead: Did they make you clean it up?
Louis: No, they made me eat it.
Roy: Ooh.
Girl #1: What's it like when . . . when they play the piano? Does it hurt your ears?
Larry: No, I found a corner
Girl #1: Yeah
Larry: Yeah
Girl #1: Soundproof
Larry: Well, not really soundproof but it doesn't bother you as much as outside . . . you you sneak in
Girl #1: Lucky you found such a big piano, you know
Larry: You sneak under the back, see? Way here down here. Get way down here here inside and when you hide in the corner, nobody can find you. See, they can't hear nothing 'cause it's cushioned
Louis: Yes . . .
Roy: I kind of miss him
Louis: Yeah, me too
Roy: Getting on top of him and all
Louis: He had a very nice body too
Roy: Yeah, even though he was a, a . . . Oh well
Louis: A dual personality, you know
Roy: Yeah
Louis: We have to think of what he's doin' out there?
Roy: What did he go out there for anyway?
Louis: Maybe . . .
Roy: Maybe he wanted to get on top of one of those horse . . . ponies
Louis: Yes, maybe he wants to have intercourse with them!
Roy: What?
Louis: Intercourse!
Roy: Well, if he doesn't get clawed first
Louis: Yes, that's right. But, maybe, maybe he will find a real nice, a very nice kind horse, you know
Roy: A horse, yeah horse. Whore-sss
Louis: Boogey-man or something. Something out there. You might find a nice kind . . .
Roy: Boogey-man?
Louis: Well, something, you know. I don't know what it is myself—a horse—'cause human beings, decent human beings. Nice place to live
Roy: Beans? You call them human beans?
Louis: And then before they turn to be boogey-men or . . .
Roy: That's why they came into the Steinway
Louis: Yes, that's why 'cause I just couldn't take them anymore, you know. They were vicious, too vicious. So I had to go, I had to, I had to come in here
Spider: Like, we can't understand what they're saying to each other
John: I know
Spider: I think I can explain about about how the pigs' music works
Monica: Well, this should be interesting
Spider: Remember that they make music with a very dense light
John: Yeah
Monica: O.K.
Spider: And remember about the smoke standing still and how they they really get uptight when you try to move the smoke, right?
Monica: Right
John: Yeah?
Spider: I think the music in that dense light is probably what makes the smoke stand still. As soon as the pony's mane starts to get good in the back any sort of motion, especially of smoke or gas, begins to make the ends split
Monica: Well don't the splitting ends change the density of the ponies' music so it affects the density of the pigs' music, which makes the smoke move which upsets the pigs?
Spider: No, it isn't like that
John: Well, how does it work?
Spider: Well, what is it does is when it strikes any sort of energy field or solid object or even something as ephemeral as smoke, the first thing it does is begins to inactivate the molecular motion so that it slows down and finally stops. That's why the smoke stops. And also have you ever noticed how the the smoke clouds shrink up? That's because the molecules come closer together. The cold light makes it get so small, this is really brittle smoke
John: And that's why the pigs don't want you to touch it
Spider: See, when the smoke gets that brittle what happens when you try to move it is it disintegrates
John: And the pigs get uptight 'cause you know they, they worship that smoke. They salute it every day
Monica: You know we've got something here
John: And, and, and, and that's the basis of all their nationalism. Like if they can't salute the smoke every morning when they get up . . .
Spider: Yeah, it's a vicious circle. You got it
Monica: D-a-a-a-a-a-r-r-r-k W-a-a-a-t-e-r-r-r
Spider: Yeah, it's trying to say something . . .
Monica: D-a-a-a-a-a-r-r-r-k-k-k W-a-a-a-t-e-r-r-r
Spider: I know . . . It's not trying to say something to us at all . . . It's trying to say something to the pig
John: Dark water . . .
Spider: I forget . . . It's . . .
John: Dark water on top of the muck
Monica: Have you ever heard their band?
Spider: I don't understand it though. Their band, I don't understand . . .
Monica: I . . . I don't think they understand it either
Spider: What? The smoke?
John & Monica: The band!
Spider: The band doesn't understand what?
Monica: Did you know that?
FZ: The smoke stands still
John: There's some kind of thing that's giving us all these revelations
Spider: Yeah, well that's the . . .
John: It's . . . It's . . . It's this funny voice . . . and he keeps telling us all these things and I . . . it . . . I just thought that before we just thought of these things . . . ya know, like just off the wall and out of our heads
Spider: No.
Spider: That's religious superstition.
Motorhead: He's in the wrong piano
Louis: No, you're in the wrong piano
Roy: No . . .
Motorhead: This is a Steinway
Louis: You are!
Roy: It's not a Baldwin . . .
Motorhead: Yeah
Roy: It's not even a Wurlitzer
FZ: Saliva can only take so much
Spider: Saliva can only take so much.
Louis: Well I got sores. I got my skin burnt uh cut open a couple times. It felt good. Wow, it felt good. And I really, I really climaxed.
Girl #1Becky: Ahh. In other words, we never even had . . . Ahh.
Girl #2Maxine: We didn't have a chance, baby (Laugh). These holes are just the right size.
Girl #1Becky: They really look like it, yes . . . indeed, indeed.
Girl #2Maxine: Right . . .
Girl #1Becky: Indeed.
Girl #2Maxine: Yeah.
Gilly: And here's a grave.
Girl #1Becky: Yeah.
Girl #2Maxine: A grave?
Gilly: Yes, a grave.
Gilly: I'd like to be . . . someplace else right now. It's much too crowded in here. Where would I like to be?
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: Oh, I don't know
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: I like strings a whole lot
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: (sigh)
Girl #1: Huh? Where would you like to be?
Gilly: Oh it's so hard
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: I can't think of anything else
Girl #1: Hmm
Gilly: The piano, a drum, strings
Motorhead: These strings are so tempting
Roy: Uh huh
Gilly: That's it exactly
Monica: A kayak . . . on snow . . . a mountain
Spider: There's a mountain on the beach?
Monica: It was under the beach
John: A mountain under the beach?
Monica: Yeah
John: How did you get to it?
Monica: We didn't, it found us
Spider: It came up through the beach?
Monica: No, it never came up. And the moon, the moon was shining on the sand. And we saw the mountain with the snow
John: Underneath?
Monica: Underneath
Spider: Did you see any of those little worms like . . . like were in the mud?
Louis: Ah, I wish Motorhead would come back. Oh wow, Motorhead . . . Motorhead . . . Where are you Motorhead?
Roy: He's probably getting eaten by one of those ponies
Louis: Yes
Roy: Maybe he's out there playing with motors
Louis: Motors?! Motors? . . . No! no! no! no!
Louis: RAAAH! ATTACK! ATTACK! Attack and get on ee, eee, each pony or . . . boogey man or something
Roy: Sure, aren't you glad I'm not too hairy . . .
Louis: Yeah . . .
Roy: . . . Too hairy! . . . heh, heh
Louis: . . . That beats . . . yes . . . (Louie laughs like a turkey)
Roy: . . . That's why they have a lot of crabs . . .
Louis: . . . Yes, and um . . .
Roy: . . . A set of crabs?!
Louis: Crabs are really dangerous, and they r-r-rich as fires and every once in a while you walk in the streets and when I . . . when I heard of these from, from talk from my, from my home here, my piano!
Gilly: Huh, my piano . . . It's still dark in here . . . It's the same as it ever was . . . I'm here . . . (sigh) I'm not the same as I ever was
Gilly: Either you're here and I'm here or I'm very different . . .
Girl #2: . . . Than?
Gilly: (Sigh)
Girl #1: Now, wait a minute. I . . . those are my bass strings . . . and . . . uh . . . I . . . I get the bass strings. If there are going to be three of us here, I want the bass strings. That's all there is . . .
Gilly: (Interrupting) Who are you?
Girl #1: I live here!
Girl #2: I live here!
Gilly: Who are you?!
Girl #2: I live here
Girl #1: I live here!
Gilly: (Sighs) That's my name too
(All girls sigh)
Gilly: Were you ever not living here?
Girl #1: I don't think so
Girl #2: Nah, I was in a drum
Spider: We are . . . actually the same note, but . . .
John: But different octave
Spider: Right. We are 4,928 octaves below the big note
MonicaGirl #3: Are ya . . . are you trying to tell me that . . . that this whole universe revolves around one note?
Spider: No, it doesn't revolve around it; that's what it is. It's one note
Spider: Everybody knows that lights are notes. Light, light, is just a vibration of the note, too. Everything is.
MonicaGirl #3: That one note makes everything else so insignificant
John: What about negative light?
Spider: Pigs use it for a tambourine, which is one of the reasons why their music is so hard to understand
Ali: I bin grad nei' kimma, und do hob I g'sehn, daß . . .
Stefan: Ah, Bayern raus!
Mike: This ain't the U.N., man!
Daryl: Scusate un po'. Io non ho capito un cazzo
Mike: Hey, yo man!
Ali: Versteh' kein Wort, I bin jetzt in dem Klavier herinna, und's klingt so komisch . . .
Bill: Die spreekt geen normal taal.
Mike: This ain't CNN
Moon: Am I the only girl in here?
Stefan: Uh, huh . . .
Moon: It is dark and I am nervous . . .
Mike: Hey, hey, hey! She's with me, champ!
Franck: Turlututu, chapeau pointu.
(Laughter)
Daryl: A me non importa da dove viene, a me non importa da dove sta andando.
Ali: Da kimmt ma' scho rum in dies'm Klavier, gell?
Moon: Honey, I don't like this . . .
Mike: Hey, yo, my man, my fists speak English!
Ali: I ned, I ned! Wenn I red, red scho' bay'risch . . .
Stefan: Oh, God . . .
Franck: . . . you think that English is the only . . . each language in the world . . .
(More mumbling and laughing among themselves)
Svoboda: Bevor Ich hier herein gekommen bin, hab Ich ein Pastrami Sandwich gegessen, das war tierisch gut . . .
Bill: This . . . this guy . . . this guy wants something to eat, man
Moon: I understood "pastrami sandwich"
Ali: Gebt's ihm ein Pony, gebt's ihm doch ein Pony . . .
Mike: In the brochure, they said that there was a good room service here
Moon: They said 24-hour room service . . .
Daryl: Did they give you a number?
Moon: Just dial the operator and they can tell us
Daryl: . . . the right information . . .
Mike: I haven't gotten an operator since I came here . . . excuse me . . . I asked you a couple a . . .
Moon: Can you put . . .
Mike: Excuse me . . . where's the pay phone?
Svoboda: Pay phone . . .
Mike: Pay phone
Moon: . . . We don't need . . .
Bill And Ali: Pay phone
Mike: How we gonna get the room service without the pay phone?
Svoboda: Pay phone . . . pay phone
Franck: Telephone de payer
Ali: De payer? . . . Ah—Ein Zahltelefon!
Hermann: Telefonkarte. Qualität und Sicherheit aus einer Hand
Bill: This guy doesn't even know what a pay phone is! What the hell is he doing here in the first place?
Hermann: Wir sind Deutschlands Kommunikationsgesellschaft.
Ali: Gestern waren wir, frühstücken, mittagessen . . .
Hermann: 30 11 03 1 1 4 3 6, Qualität aus einer Hand . . . Telekom.
Mike: Excuse me, we paid money . . . heh . . . to be alone . . . wit' some privacy . . .
Bill: Well that's just too bad. Uh, you could be alone someplace else
Mike: Hey, don't give me attitude
Daryl: Well, I guess we're supposed to move over
Stefan: Yeah, OK, let's move over a little bit
Mike: You're in my space, man!
Moon: Ow! Please . . . this is ridiculous
Daryl: Excuse me, no, there was a gun before here and . . .
Moon: Who? Did they leave a number we can call?
Daryl: Before these guys got here there was . . .
Svoboda: (Laughs)
Mike: Excuse me . . . Yo . . . Yo . . . you know where the phone is at, man?
Daryl: No, there was a gun here and . . .
(Laughter)
Mike: Yo, I don't want trouble
Franck: If you want trouble, buy a drum, yeah?
Moon: . . . I know that this can all be worked out and . . .
Mike: Now . . . we don't gotta . . . we don't gotta go anywhere, sweetheart
Moon: No, but listen . . . listen . . . They told us we'd be alone and it seems that everyone is listening to us . . .
Mike: Who? This guy over here . . .
Bill: That's right. That's right, we're listening
Mike: What are you, a tough guy? I'm tough! I'm tough!
Moon: Honey. Honey
Bill: That's just the way it is. You can get tough all you want
Moon: OK . . . OK . . . let's all . . .
Mike: Well, maybe we should try to work this out together, but I know I want my space, champ!
Daryl: What do you mean? You bought this space?
Moon: This always happens. I don't understand . . .
Mike: That's right, I bought this space. You got a problem wit dat?
Daryl: Well, you know, it sort of feels like my space. I don't know . . .
Moon: You know what this feels like? I mean, yeah, why don't we buy the swamp land too?
Mike: Nobody said nothin' when y'all bought my people, right?
Stefan: Who's having this loud voice in this little grand piano?
Daryl: . . . a bit out of . . .
Mike: N.W.A., rap, hip-hop, the new thing, "Yo MTV Raps"Yo! MTV Raps
Stefan: Sonate, that's music
Mike: So who?
Stefan: Mozart, Alter . . . Mozart sach' ich, Alter
Mike: I like Public Enemy
Stefan: I like Mondschein Sonate
Mike: I like Brand Nubians, Big Daddy Kane
Ali: Des klingt so grauenhaft, des mecht I fei nimmer hörn . . .
Moon: Whatever he said, ditto. I don't understand but . . . I . . . I . . . feel that he said something I would probably approve of
FZ: Tonight you guys are going to try and figure out the pigs' music
Spider: You see, if we understood it, maybe we could help the pigs understand it.
John: Nah, the problem with that is you think the pigs are essentially kind at heart . . .
Spider: Aw, I didn't say that . . .
John: But the pigs are essentially pigs
John: If we could either move the smoke or if we turn the cold light on it and shrink it so they can't even salute it . . .
Spider: It's . . . it's really . . . It's sort of the opposite event. You see it was a long time ago when Pigs and Ponies used to inter-breed with people on farms . . . and they reached a state where . . . where like the pigs were . . . communicable. They brought 'em in and tried . . . tried to teach them things. They're just as likely to live in the ocean as anywhere else . . . Wouldn't get rid of them, really. Just means that the ocean would be just as unsafe as every other place. That's what happened. Ya know, they tried to put 'em places where they wouldn't make it, but they made it anyway
John: They wanted to use yaks, too
Pig With Wings: EE . . . EE . . . EE . . . EE
Spider: What's that?
John: That's the Pig with Wings
Moon: This is all wrong. This is all wrong
FZ: The pigs run the city, the ponies run the TV station and you wanted to apply for a job
Spider: Some of them wear these jackets that are made out of polished animal skins. It's called leather
John: Leather?
Monica: Oh, and their tight black pants
Spider: It's sort of like plastic, only it's made out of animals
Larry: It's sad, ain't it?
Monica: Yeah
Larry: Um, you can't win 'em all
Moon: Oh!
Mike: Sweetheart . . .
Moon: What?
Mike: If we go to the . . . we could probably be alone
Moon: Yeah
Ali: Wo?
Moon: . . . could drink coffee . . .
Ali: Ja! Kaffe war a scho guat, aba des is a Klavier . . .
Mike: I want some soul food . . .
Moon: . . . it's a heartbeat and it feels like a . . .
Mike: Have you seen "Jungle Fever"?
Moon: . . . a big . . .
Ali: Ha, ha gördüm önce, sinemaya gittim ben . . .
Mike: "Jungle Fever." The girl with the big butt?
Ali: Bak, bu piyanonun içinde nereden sinema buldun sen?
Moon: This must have been what the brochure was talking about. They said you'd . . . you'd feel a . . . a kind of a serenity . . . a feeling of peace of . . . of . . .
Mike: Hey, why, why don't you shut up?!
Ali: Çocuklar, siz saatlerce kahveden birsey anlatiıyorsunuz, ama burada . . . ah, bunlarda acayip sşarkiılar söylüyorlar . . . acayip, degilmi? Yagmurda basşliıyor . . .
Moon: . . . entering into a different realm . . . I can't remember the name of it . . .
Mike: Hey, yo man . . . I don't like all this waterfall action
Moon: . . . and I guess that's where most of the part of it's . . . I . . . guess it's all about resolving past crime and everything . . . and . . . also . . . about . . .
Ali: Bence . . .
Mike: Hey, yo, hey . . . this ain't the "Blue Lagoon"! What the hell . . . this ain't "I Dream of Jeanie"
Ali: Bu pianonun piyanonun içinde bir . . . meyhane gibi birsey yapmak lâziım, yani, piano piyano güzel bir sey ama, . . . bende seni hiç anlamiıyorum abiı . . .
Mike: What? Man, man, I'm gonna close off communications if you don't start speaking the language, Jack!
Spider: The hotter the sound is, the more putrid it smells. I've discovered that to be true in almost every case that I've experienced
Mike: What are you talking about?
Spider: Flowing inside out creates neutral energy. Now, that makes the light get thick. Then you've got this converter, and what that does, is, it takes this really thick light and . . . it rams it into this little compressor which then sucks the water out so that it envelops the bathtub in this big halo . . .
FZ: A halo of mu-mesons
Spider: A halo of mu-mesons. And the whole problem here is that all you have to do is take that little modulator out and . . . uh . . .
John: Reverse the phase on it
Gilly: I had a dream about that once
Girl #2: You did?
Gilly: Yeah
Girl #2: Then you must be me
Girl #1: Yeah, that's right . . . because . . . Now, wait a minute . . . now you two are me because I had a dream that the two were here. I heard one person breathing in my right ear and then I heard somebody cough just like me
Spider: Wait a minute! I gotta find a phone booth. Here . . . ah . . . now I have it . . . I change clothes and suddenly I am . . .
Spider: GROSS MAN!
John: Maybe the kayak is just a big worm
Monica: I found that to be a possibility
Spider: The worms stop in the tunnels sometimes
John: Where are the tunnels?
Spider: They're in the muck
John: In the muck?
Spider: Yeah, you saw the muck
John: But, you know, whenever I try to tunnel into muck, it always collapses on me
John: Then we can sell them ladders, 'cause they're gonna have to have ladders to get into the piano, right?
Spider: Yeah, when it starts growing
John: Right . . . we set 'em down and, like, we turn the lights down and turn on the red ones
Monica: What're you gonna do, stoop to strobe lights or . . . ?
Spider: Ah, no, no
FZ: We're gonna put a little motor in 'em
Spider: We're gonna put a little motor in 'em
John: I could have all sorts of different kinds of names for the motors . . . although the motors would be the same . . .
Spider: There's dry motors and wet motors, right?
John: Right
Spider: The motor for a bill is a dry motor, so after they put that thing in there for about half an hour, they suddenly can't stand it without having a wet motor too. So, if they try to get away with spending only a bill, they end up spending about five 'cause they gotta get this, this four bill wet motor
John: Good idea
Spider: Now we have a damp motor for the ones who aren't sure
Moon: . . . it's about letting go . . . we're all, we're all inside the piano . . . we're all . . . looking for a place . . . inside the piano . . . or a place to be alone . . .
Ali: Bu pianonun piyanonun içinde bir meyhane olsa, bir kahve için oturpda, aziıçiık tavla oynasak nekadar güzel olur, degilmi abiı?
Mike: You're just insulting me, aren't you? It's not funny, man
Ali: . . . tabii ya, tabii, tabii . . . eh, eh . . .
Mike: It's not funny . . . It ain't funny. He's just been talking about me for ten minutes
Moon: . . . be alone . . . with yourself inside a piano or . . . whatever . . . your piano . . . it's . . . it's really a metaphor for that . . . that spirit . . . that feeling of oneness . . .
Ali: Siz saatlerce, saatlerce konusuyorsunuz burada, yani, . . . artiık biıktiım burasiından, be! Oturup böyle birsey . . . birsey bulsak da biz simidi, yani . . .
Moon: It's, It's . . . it's . . . fulfillment . . .
Mike: Fulfillment. I got something fulfilling, baby
Moon: The sages talk about this . . .
Ali: . . . sen söyleme . . .
Mike: Hey, yo my man . . . Hey, yo my man . . . worrrr d'up man . . . worrrrr d'up!
Ali: Des is a piano
Mike: This is a piano
Ali: Des is a piano
Todd: And why are we in it?
Ali: Des is a piano
Mike: A piano!
Ali: A piano . . . des is a piano . . .
Mike: Piano!
Ali: Klavier
Todd: Oh! I thought it was the men's room . . .
Mike: Piano!
Moon: Piano
Ali: Das es kein Computer
Mike: This ain't a computer!
Ali: Das es kein Computer! I sag des so oft, bis die des merken, verstehst . . .
Moon: Piano . . . that's a beautiful word. It can take you to that place inside yourself where you . . .
Mike: You still talking about the place but you ain't thinking about dis place: the piano!
Todd: Piano! Piano!
Moon: What I'm saying is that it doesn't matter how you get here
Gilly: That's it exactly, I guess. About Tom, no, no but to me all different . . . um . . . but I guess Tom was a human—is a human being with . . . feelings and sorrows and happinesses, as everyone else, but Tom would only show me so much
SNORK!
Spider: But is this a pregnant sow before me?
SNORK!
Spider: By the sound of the snork, I would gesture to say . . . I find myself turning into a pony
John: You know as well as I do that cold light generation depends on your state of health and energy
Spider: I'm gonna turn on a cold light
Moon: Don't you get it?
Todd: No, not at all
Moon: Don't you get it?
Todd: Not as often as I'd like to
Moon: I get it . . . It's weird . . . It's like . . .
Mike: Yo, I hear music!
Ali: Musik?
Mike: Music!
Ali: Musik? . . . draussen, gell?
Mike: There's a little party goin' on out here!
Ali: Ja, gell a party, da is irgendwo a Party!
Mike: A party in the piano . . .
Ali: Naa, ned im Piano
Mike: . . . yeah, P.P.
Ali: . . . Nah, ned im P.P.
Mike: Hey, P.P.
Ali: Naa, ned im Piano, im Piano is keine Party
Mike: Hey, listen . . . listen . . . listen, shhh!
Spider: We can get our strength up by making some music
John: That's right
Monica: Yeah . . . yeah
John: But the thing is, you know what?
Spider: What?
John: We don't even understand our own music
Spider: It doesn't, does it matter whether we understand it? At least it'll give us . . . strength
John: I know but maybe we could get into it more if we understood it
Spider: We'd get more strength from it if we understood it?
John: Yeah
Spider: No, I don't think so, because—see I think, I think our strength comes from our uncertainty. If we understood it we'd be bored with it and then we couldn't gather any strength from it
John: Like if we knew about our music one of us might talk and then that would be the end of that