Beat The Boots II: At The Circus

FZ: All right, we're on the air.
?: Wait a minute.
Tommy Mars: Frank, is it [lit]?
Ike: Whose air? Brown hair.

FZ: No poodle?

FZ: That's really stupid . . . Now, some of these toys are quite exceptional. But this toy is really stupid looking. Let's make him rock.

FZ: Watch me now.

Baby Snakes
Late at night is when they come out
Baby Snakes
Sure you know what I'm talkin' about
Pink 'n wet
They make the best kinda pet
Baby
Baby
Snakes

I looked around
An' there's a couple right near me
Baby Snakes
Maybe I think they can probably hear me
Pink 'n wet
I'll take all I can get
Baby
Baby
Baby Sna-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-kes, Yeah

They live in a ho-ho-ho-ho-hole
(Tiny hole)
That is usually empty
(Usually empty)
They live by a co-co-a-co-a-co-co-a-code
(Dit dit dit dit)
(Dit dit dit dit)
(Dit dit dit dit)
(Dit dit dit dit)
That is usually SMPTE
Which stands for
Society of Motion Picture & Television Engineers
Well, maybe I think
That is what keeps them in sync
They're wet 'n they're pink
I think I'll give 'em a, give 'em a,
Give 'em a drink

FZ: One, two, three, four.

I don't know much about dancin'
That's why I got this song
One of my legs is shorter than the other
'N both my feet's too long
'Course now right along with 'em
I got no natural rhythm
But I go dancin' every night
Hopin' one day I might get it right
I'm a dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
I'm a
Dancin' fool
I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
I'm a
Dancin' fool
I hear that beat; I jump outa my seat
But I can't compete, 'cause I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
I'm a
Dancin' fool

The disco folks all dressed up
Like they's fit to kill
I walk on in 'n see 'em there
Gonna give them all a thrill
When they see me comin'
They all steps aside
They has a fit while I commit
My social suicide, I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
I'm a
Dancin' fool
I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
I'm a
Dancin' fool
The beat goes on
And I'm so wrong
The beat goes on
And I'm so wrong
The beat goes on
And I'm so, I'm so, I'm so wrong
The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong
The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong
The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong
The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong
I may be totally wrong, but I'm a
Dancin' fool,
I may be totally wrong, but I'm a
Dancin' fool
Yowsa, yowsa, yowsa

I got it all together now (Oh, girl)
With my very own disco clothes, hey!
My shirt's half open, t'show you my chain
'N the spoon for up my nose
I am really somethin'
That's what you'd probably say
So smoke your little smoke
Drink your little drink
While I dance the night away, I'm a
Dancin' fool, I'm a
(Dancin' fool)
Dancin' fool, I'm a
Dancin' fool, I'm a
(Dancin' fool)
Dancin' fool, HE'S A
DANCIN' FOOL

I may be totally wrong but I'm a
I may be totally wrong but I'm a
I may be totally wrong but I'm a
I may be totally wrong but I'm a
FOOL-uh! (Oh, girl)

Say darlin' . . . can I buy ya a drink?
Lookin' for Mister Goodbar? Well, here he is . . .
(Ki-ni-shinai!)
Wait a minute . . . I've got it . . . you're an Italian!
(Ki-ni-shinai!)
Yer Jewish?
Love your nails . . .
You must be a Libra . . .
(Ki-ni-shinai!)
Your place or mine?

This girl is easy meat
I seen her on the street
See-through blouse an' a tiny little dress
Her manner indiscreet . . . I knew she was
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

She wanna take me home
Make me sweat and moan
Rub my head and beat me off
With a copy of Rollin' Stone
I knew she was
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

I told her I was late
I had another date
I can't get off on Rollin' Stone
But the robots think it's great . . . Hey, I knew she was
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy,
Easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

Easy
Easy
Easy
Meat

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me

He was the Playboy Type (he smoked a pipe)
His fav'rite phrase was "OUTA-SITE!"
He had an Irish Setter
(Hrtch-a-pltch
Hrtch-a-pltch
Hrtch-a-pltch
Arf!)

It was a singles bar, a Tuesday night
The moon was dim, the band was tight
They did the Bump together

What a splendid sight
Her teeth were white
The drinks were cheap (it was Ladies Nite)
He was glad that he met her

She was an office girl (her name was Betty)
Her fav'rite group was HELEN REDDY
(They discussed the weather)

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Man!

She was a lonely sort, just a little too short
Her jokes were dumb and her fav'rite sport
Was hockey (in the winter)
(. . . He shoot . . . he scores!)

He was duly impressed and was quick to suggest
Any sport with a PUCK had to be 'bout the best
As he jabbed his elbow in her (get it honey? Get it?)

Later on they went off to where the music was soft,
The candles were drippy, they saw a REAL HIPPY
Who delivered their dinner

The rice was brown, and soon they found
That the crowd around that had jammed the room,
Well it seemed to be getting thinner

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Man!

He took her home to a motor court
She wouldn't kiss him, he tried to ignore it,
But it made him angry!
(Angry! It made me angry!
Why it made me so angry
I COULD HAVE KILLED THAT LOUSY BITCH!)

He called her a slut
(Slut slut slut . . . )
A pig
(Pig pig pig . . . )
And a whore
(Whore whore whore . . . )
A bitch
(Bitch bitch bitch . . . )
And a cunt
(Cunt cunt cunt . . . )
And she slammed the door
(The door!)
In a petulant frenzy!
(A petulant frenzy!
This is a petulant
Frenzy!
I'm petulant,
And I'm having a frenzy!)

On the sofa she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she peeps
Through the curtain

He just got in his car
But the battery's dead
So he has to use the phone
And she gives him some head
And that's the end of the story

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Man!
Baby don't you want a man sometimes?

We are the other people
We are the other people
We are the other people
You're the other people too
Found a way to get to you . . .

Do you think that I'm crazy?
Out of my mind?
Do you think that I creep in the night
And sleep in a phone booth?

Lemme take a minute & tell you my plan
Lemme take a minute & tell who I am
If it doesn't show,
Think you better know
I'm another person

Do you think that my pants are too tight?
Do you think that I'm creepy?
Better look around before you say you don't care
Shut your fuckin' mouth about the length of my hair
How would you survive
If you were alive
Shitty little person?

We are the other people
We are the other people
We are the other people
You're the other people too
Found a way to get to you

We are the other people
We are the other people
We are the other people
You're the other people too
Found a way to get to you

Do you think that I love you . . .
Stupid & blind?
Do you think that I dream through the night
Of holding you near me?

?: Won't you give me an A sharp?
FZ: If the Monkees were doing this show they'd already be tuned up.
?: Who would care?
FZ: In E.
?: E-e-e-e-e
FZ: Awright that's good enough. Here we go. Tawdriness. One, two, three, four.

Bringing in the sheaves
Bringing in the sheaves
We will come rejoicing
Bringing in the sheaves

L.A. in the summer of '69
I went downtown and bought some wine
Wasted my head on three quarts of juice
And now the grapes won't turn me loose
I'm a wino man
Don't you know I am
Oh, wow-wow

36, 24, hips about 30
I seen a fine lady and I started talkin' dirty
She looked at me and raised her thumb
And said: "Jam down the road, you funky-ass bum"
I'm a wino man
Don't you know I am?
Oh, wow-ow

I, I went to the country
And while I was gone
A roller-headed lady
Caught me weedling on her lawn
I'm so ashamed, 'cause I'm a wino man
And I can't help myself
HELP ME SOMEBODY!

I'm a wino man
Don't you know I am?

My saxophone playing
And my wino career are in a slump
'Cause I find myself now living
In a cardboard refrigerator box down by the Houston dump
And I'm so ashamed

I've been drinkin' all night till my eyes are all red
Crashed in the gutter, got bugs in my head
Bugs in my coat, been scratchin' like a dog
I can't stand water, and I stink like a hog
Give me fi-i-i-i-i-ive bucks
And a hot meal
Give me fi-i-i-i-i-ive bucks
And a hot meal
Oh, yeah

FZ: One, two, three.

Why does it hurt when I pee?
Why does it hurt when I pee?
I don't want no doctor
To stick no needle in me
Why does it hurt when I pee?
I've got it from the toilet seat
I've got it from the toilet seat
It jumped right up
'N grabbed my meat
I've got it from the toilet seat

My balls feel like a pair of maracas
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
I must be got the
Gon-o-ka-ka-khackus!
My balls feel like a pair of maracas

(Arf, arf, arf . . . . etc.)
FZ: THIS is cheap. This is really cheap, watch this;
(arf, arf, arf . . . . etc.)
FZ: How 'bout, how about a disco seal call solo?
(arf, arf, arf . . . . etc.)
FZ: Ok, Ok now a waltz seal call solo . . . from-from Bavaria.
(arf, arf, arf . . . . etc.)
Vinnie: Yeah, Frankie, y'know,
FZ: Yeah, Vinnie?
Vinnie: These things just crack me up, y'know?
FZ: I know it, Vinnie, I'm tellin' ya. How would you like to have a little accordion with that?
Vinnie: Oh! Tommy!
FZ: Tommy, Tommy, you think you could give him a little accordion with these seal calls?
Vinnie: Where are you anyway?
FZ: "Seal Call Fusion Music." It's a Penderecki number.
(aaarooof!)
Tommy: Do you mean it, Vinnie? Vin? I really wanna . . . knooww. Y'know, I've been really put on by a lot of penguins 'n seals when its' icyyyy! Actually, cryogenics is expanding—Day by day
FZ: Day by day, I'm fallin' more in love with you, an' day by . . . you're just like a penguin in bondage, boy.
(arf, arf, arf . . . . etc.)
Tommy: Oh, oh, ah, ah, you're gettin' me hotter, Vinnie, hotter! I wanna get colder!
FZ: Mauricio Kagel, eat yer heart out!

Hey there, people, I'm Bobby Brown
They say I'm the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
Here I am at a famous school
I'm dressin' sharp 'n I'm
Actin' cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work 'n maybe later I'll rape her

Oh God I am the American dream
I do not think I'm too extreme
An' I'm a handsome sonofabitch
I'm gonna get a good job 'n be real rich

Women's Liberation
Came creepin' all across the nation
I tell you people, I was not ready
When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie
She made a little speech then,
Aw, she tried to make me say when
She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick
I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick

Oh God I am the American dream
But now I smell like Vaseline
An' I'm a miserable sonofabitch
Am I a boy or a lady . . . I don't know which
(I wonder wonder, wonder wonder)

So I went out 'n bought me a leisure suit
I jingle my change, but I'm still kinda cute
Got a job doin' radio promo
An' none of the jocks can even tell I'm a homo
Eventually me 'n a friend
Sorta of drifted along into S&M
I can take about an hour on the tower of power
'Long as I gets a little golden shower

Oh God I am the American dream
With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream
An' I'll do anything to get ahead
I lay awake nights sayin', "Thank you, Fred!"
Oh God, Oh God, I'm so fantastic!
Thanks to Freddie, I'm a sexual spastic
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now; I'm goin' down,
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now; I'm goin' down,
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now . . .

FZ: 'An I just look back at 'em and I say, "I AM ON DUTY."

On duty.
On duty.
On duty.
I'm on duty.
I'm on duty.
I'm on duty.
I'm duty, duty, duty, duty, oh, duty!
(Good God!)
Duty!
Duty!
(Duty!
Duty!)
I'm on duty!
(Duty!)
I'm on Duty!
(Duty!)
Duty, duty, duty, etc.

FZ: And whenever I say that to 'em when I'm going through customs, they always look back at me and they say, "Come on, Frank, tell us the truth. What are you really ON? I mean, you can't possibly expect us, with our uniforms and our submachine guns, to think that you're just, I mean, what are you ON?" An' I just say, "I'm on duty!"

I'm on duty!
I'm on duty!
I'm on duty!

FZ: Y'know, there was a time when I wasn't really on duty. There was a time when, well, let's just say there wasn't any need for my services, because, well, y'know, sometimes a guy gets unemployed. But today, I've found work. I've found happiness. Because I'm one of the few Americans who actually is on duty. Y'know what I mean? Hey, now look! So, well, let's just go right into that song then, and keep doing it until their film runs out, what the hey, we're on duty, aren't we? OK, because later, you can all have a pizza!

Conehead . . . she ain't really dumb
She's just a
Conehead . . . 'tater chip crumbs
All over her face
Is there any more beer
Stashed away at her place? She's just a
Conehead . . . she can't help herself
A Conehead
Pitch her a ring
That is the thing
That's getting her hot-uh
A hoop or a ring
Goin' over the top of her Conehead
"She is from a small town in France"
A Cone-a-head
That's what she gives me is-uh
Conehead
When she's on her knees
The point is so high
(High!)
I keep sayin' please
Keep it out of my eye, she's a
Conehead
That's right!

Remulak, Remulak, Remulak
I'm coming back
Remulak, Remulak, Remulak

Remulak, Remulak, Remulak
I'm coming back
Remulak, Remulak, Remulak