Chicago '78

Bozzio: L-l-l . . .
O'Hearn: Listen now . . .
Bozzio: Father I'm glad you're here . . . I want you to hear this . . . I have a confession to make, you know?
O'Hearn: Well, spit it out, son
Bozzio: L-l-l-l-l-l-LEATHER . . .
O'Hearn: Well, don't be ashamed

Moire: Leather!
Bozzio: Ungh . . . ungh . . . ungh . . .

Roy: Unnh-ooh-oooh . . .

Moire: Leather . . .
Bozzio: What?
Moire: Leather!

Roy:
I never thought you'd go from me
Now that you're gone
I miss you so much
Wha-Wha . . .

Roy:
Whatcha gonna do when the well runs dry?

Alright! How are you guys doing tonight? Okay, alright, and now look, here's, here's the deal. Here is my program for this evening. Nice dimples, nice tits. Alright. Hello! Now look! We're gonna be here for a while. There's no sense in being uncomfortable, so please, sit down and make yourselves comfortable. Back, back, back, back, back! Back, back! Back, back. Back, back . . . Alright, alright, alright-alright-alright. Back, back. Back, back, back. Back. Back, back. Go back! What is this?

I am not kidding. Now look! Here's what we're gonna do. First thing we're gonna do is get acquainted here. Now watch this.

Let me introduce you to the members of the band. This is Vinnie on drums, Arthur on bass, Tommy on keyboards, Ike on guitar and vocals, Denny on guitar and vocals, Peter on keyboards, and Ed on percussion and small rat. Now, for those of you who— who were at the last show, this show is going to be different. But, it's not going to be completely different because we have some songs that we would like to do again for you. We're gonna start off just like we did the last time with a song called "Dancin' Fool."

One, two, three, four . . .

Don't know much about dancin'
That's why I got this song
One of my legs is shorter than the other
'N both my feet's too long
'Course now right along with 'em
Got no natural rhythm
But I go dancin' every night
Hopin' one day I might get it right
I'm a dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
I'm a
Dancin' fool
I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
I'm a
Dancin' fool
I hear that beat; I jump outa my seat
But I can't compete, 'cause I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
I'm a
Dancin' fool

Disco folks all dressed up
Like they's fit to kill
Walk on in 'n see 'em there
I'm gonna give them all a thrill
When they see me comin'
They all steps aside
They has a fit while I commit
My social suicide, I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
Dancin' fool
I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
Dancin' fool
The beat goes on
And I'm so wrong
(WRONG!)
The beat goes on
(And what are you?)
And I'm so wrong
(WRONG!)
The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong
The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong
The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong
The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong
I may be totally wrong, but I'm a
Dancin' fool,
I may be totally wrong, but I'm a
Dancin' fool

Yowsa, yowsa, yowsa, oh, yeah!

I got it all together now
With my very own disco clothes, hey!
My shirt's half open, t'show you my chain
'N the spoon for up my nose
I am really somethin'
That's what you'd probably say
So smoke your little smoke
Drink your little drink
While I dance the night away, I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
I'm a
Dancin' fool, I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
I'm a
Dancin' fool, HE'S A
DANCIN' FOOL

I may be totally wrong but I'm a
I may be totally wrong but I'm a
I may be totally wrong but I'm a
I may be totally wrong but I'm a
FOOL-yeah!
(Oh, yeah!)

Say darlin' . . . can I buy you a drink?
(Ki-ni-shinai!)
Are you lookin' for Mister Goodbar? Yes, oh good . . .
Wait a minute . . . I've got it . . . you're an Italian!
(Ki-ni-shinai!)
No . . .
Yer Jewish?
Love your nails . . .
You must be a Libra . . .
(Ki-ni-shinai!)
Your place or mine?

This girl is easy meat
I seen her on the street
See-through blouse an' a tiny little dress
Her manner indiscreet . . . I knew she was
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

She wanna take me home
Make me sweat and moan
Rub my head and beat me off
With a copy of Rollin' Stone . . . Oh, I knew she was
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat
(Yeah . . .)

I told her I was late
I had another date
I can't get off on the Rollin' Stone
But the robots think it's great . . . Oh, I knew she was
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy,
Easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

Easy
Oh, you know that girl was so easy on me
Easy
Oh, I saw her tiny titties
Comin' through her blouse
Easy
Meat

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me

He was the Playboy Type (he smoked a pipe)
His fav'rite phrase was "OUTA-SITE!"
He had an Irish Setter
(Hrtch-a-pltch
Hrtch-a-pltch
Hrtch-a-pltch
Arf!)

It was a singles bar, a Tuesday night
The moon was dim, the band was tight
They did the Bump together

What a splendid sight
Her teeth were white
The drinks were cheap (it was Ladies Nite)
He was glad that he met her

She was an office girl ("My name is Betty")
Her fav'rite group was HELEN REDDY
(They discussed the weather)

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Man!

She was a lonely sort, just a little too short
Her jokes were dumb and her fav'rite sport
Was hockey (in the winter)
(. . . he shoots . . . he scores!)

He was duly impressed and was quick to suggest
Any sport with a PUCK had to be 'bout the best
As he jabbed his elbow in her
(. . . rude!)

Later on they went off to where the music was soft,
The candles were drippy, they saw a REAL HIPPY
Who delivered their dinner

The rice was brown, and soon they found
That the crowd around that had jammed the room,
Well it seemed to be getting thinner

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Man!

He took her home to a motor court
She wouldn't kiss him, he tried to ignore it,
But it made him angry!

He called her a slut
(Slut slut slut . . . )
A pig
(Pig pig pig . . . )
And a whore
(Whore whore whore . . . )
A bitch
(Bitch bitch bitch . . . )
And a cunt
(Cunt cunt cunt . . . )
And she slammed
(Slammed slammed slammed . . . )
The door
(The door!)
In a petulant frenzy!
(A petulant frenzy!
This is a petulant frenzy!
Ooh!
I'm petulant,
And I'm having a frenzy!)

On the sofa she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she peeps
Through the curtain

He just got in his car
But the battery's dead
So he has to use the phone
And she gives him some head
And that's the end of the story

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Man!
Baby don't you want a man sometimes?

Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy

Roll it over 'n grease it down
I'll drive you through the heart of town

Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy

Roll it over 'n grease it down
I'll drive you through the heart of town

Hey, the good women, they sure has it tough
The good men, well there just ain't enough
All you good girls are lookin' all the time
Good men is something that y'all can't find
And if you find one miraculously
You'll try to be lovin' as y'all can be
And if you find one and let him go
Chances are they might not never find one no mo', so they

Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy

Roll it over 'n grease it down
I'll drive you through the heart of town

A good lovin' man is hardest to find
A good woman needs to ease her mind
And I know a few that need to ease it behind
All y'gotta do is grease it down
'N everything is fine

Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy

Roll it over 'n grease it down
I'll drive you through the heart of town

A girl don't need
(Tell me)
No fancy grease
To get herself
(You know it's true)
Some rump release
(Point)
Any kind
Of lube'll do
Maybe from another
Part of you
Lube from the North
Lube from the South
Take a little slobber
From the side of your mouth
Roll it over
Grease it down
Here come that crazy
Screamin' sound . . .

Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n grease it down, down, down . . .
Grease it down . . .
(I grease it down!)
(Down! Dow-hown! Oh, girl)

Goin' back home
To the Village of the Sun
Out in back of Palmdale
Where the turkey farmers run, I done
Made up my mind
And I know I'm gonna go to Sun
Village, good God I hope the
Wind don't blow

It take the paint off your car
And wreck your windshield too,
I don't know how the people stand it,
But I guess they do
Cause they're all still there,
Even Johnny Franklin too
In the Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun, son
(Sun Village to you . . . yeah, you, you-ooo-ooo-ooo, well!)

Little Mary, and Teddy, and Thelma too, now
Where Palmdale Boulevard, wo!
Cuts on through
Past the Village Inn & Barbecue now, yeah
(I heard it ain't there . . .
Well I hope it ain't true)
Where the stumblers gonna go
To watch the lights turn blue?
Where the stumblers gonna go
To watch the lights turn blue-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ahhh?

Goin' back home
To the Village of the Sun
Out in back of Palmdale
Where the turkey farmers run, I done
Made up my mind
And I know I'm gonna go to Sun
Village, good God I hope the
Wind don't blow

Well, it take the paint off your car
And wreck your windshield too,
I don't know how the people stand it,
But I guess they do
'Cause they're all still there,
In their thermal underwear
In the Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun, son
Sun Village to you-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo
Sun Village to you-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo
Village . . .

I'm about to go back there
In the sun, sun, sun
Gotta go back in back of Palmdale
Yeah, where the turkey farmers run
I know I really, really got to go
I thought I never go back there no more
Would I be the only one
Village
Village in the sun, sun, sun
I never really, really thought I'd leave
Oh but I tell you to believe
In the sun, sun, sun
I really, really got to go
Thought I never go back there no more
Oh would I be the only one
Village
Village in the sun, sun, sun
Hey!
I really got to go
I never thought I'd come back there no more
Oh would I be the only one

Some take the bible
For what it's worth
When it says that the meek
Shall inherit the Earth
Well, I heard that some sheik
Has bought New Jersey last week
'N you suckers ain't gettin' nothin'

Is Hare Rama really wrong
If you wander around
With a napkin on
With a bell on a stick
An' your hair is all gone . . .
(The geek shall inherit nothin')

Listen, you say yer life's a bum deal
'N yer up against the wall . . .
And you know what? You ain't even got no
Deal at all
'Cause what they do
In Washington
They just takes care of NUMBER ONE
An' NUMBER ONE is not YOU, no way!
You ain't even NUMBER TWO

Those Jesus Freaks
Well, they're friendly but
The shit they believe
Has got their minds all shut
An' they don't even care
When the church takes a cut
Ain't it bleak when you got so much nothin'
(So whaddya do?)
Eat that pork
Eat that ham
Laugh till ya choke
On Billy Graham
Moses, Aaron 'n Abraham . . .
They're all a waste of time
'N it's your ass that's on the line
(IT'S YOUR ASS THAT'S ON THE LINE)

Do what you wanna
Do what you will
Just don't mess up
Your neighbor's thrill
'N when you pay the bill
Kindly leave a tip
And help the next poor sucker
On his one way trip . . .
SOME TAKE THE BIBLE . . .
(Aw gimme a half a dozen for the hotel room!)

Bamboozled by love,
Oh lord, the shit done hit the fan
Bamboozled by love
Oh lord, the shit done hit the fan
The way that girl been carryin' on
I swear I just don't understand
You know I treat her nice and kind
The way no other lover can
Don't you know I treat her nice and kind
The way no other lover can
You know I came home the other day and she was
Suckin' off some other man
Some other man

I ain't the type for beggin'
I ain't the type to plead
If she don't change those evil ways
I'm gonna make her bleed
She can scream and she can holler
Bang her head all along the wall
If she don't give me what I want
She gonna have no head at all

Bamboozled by love
Oh lord, I said she fooled around too long
Bamboozled by love
I said she fooled around too long
Now I am mad and gettin' meaner
I am here and she is gone
And the reason you ain't seen her
She is underneath the lawn
I said she's underneath the lawn, lawn, lawn

Now look I ain't the type for beggin'
Now I ain't the type to plead
If she don't change those evil ways
I'm gonna make her bleed
She can scream and she can holler
Bang her head all along the wall
If she don't give me what I want
She gonna have no head at all

Bamboozled by love
Oh lord, I said she fooled around too long
Bamboozled by love
I said she fooled around too long
Now I am mad and gettin' meaner
I am here and she is gone
I know she's gone
And the reason you have not seen her
She is underneath the lawn

Sy Borg
Gimme dat, gimme dat
Sy Borg
Gimme dat, give me the chromium leg,
I beg
Sy Borg
Gimme dat, gimme dat
Sy Borg
Gimme dat, give me the chromium leg,
Little wires, pliers, tires
They turn me on
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm crazy, mon . . .

Blow job
Gimme dat, gimme dat
Blow job
Gimme dat, give me de chromium cob
I sob
Blow job
Gimme dat, gimme dat
Blow job
Gimme dat, give me de chromium cob
Little leather cap and trousers
They look so gay . . .
Maybe I'll buy some
Maybe I'll buy some
Maybe I'll buy some
Hey . . .

(Try this one again.)

It's Greggery
Greggery Peccary
The nocturnal gregarious
Wild swine . . .
(A peccary is a little pig . . .)
(Oh no . . .)
It's Greggery Peccary
(How 'bout a little mambo here?)
And now Greggery will dance for you

(HOONT!)

Greggery!
Greggery
"Pig Lake"

Ten Years Later!
Ten Years Later!

Crew slut!
Crew slut!
She's a crew slut!
Crew slut!
Crew slut!
Crew slut!

Hey hey hey all you girls in
Industrial towns
I know you're prob'ly gettin' tired
Of all the local clowns
Be a CREW SLUT
Be a CREW SLUT
Be a CREW SLUT
Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus
Be a CREW SLUT
Be a CREW SLUT
Be a CREW SLUT
Don't make a fuss, get on the bus!

Now that was just— that was just make believe. We were just pretending.

The name of this song is "Maybe You Should Stay With Yo' Mama." One, two, three, four . . .

Maybe you should stay with yo' mama
She could do your laundry 'n cook for you
(Mama!)
Maybe you should stay with yo' mama
You're really kinda stupid 'n ugly too
Well
Maybe you should stay with yo' mama
She could do your laundry 'n cook for you
Maybe you should stay with yo' mama
You're really kinda stupid 'n ugly too

You ain't really made for bein' out in the street
Ain't much hope for a fool like you
'Cause if you play the game, you will get beat

Maybe you should stay with yo' mama
She could do your laundry 'n cook for you
Maybe you should stay with yo' mama
(Mama!)
You're really kinda stupid 'n ugly too
And
You should never smoke in pajamas
You might start a fire 'n burn yer face
Maybe you'll return to Managua
You could go unnoticed in such a place

Maybe you should stay with yo' mama
(Mama!)
She could do your laundry 'n cook for you
Maybe you should stay with yo' mama
You're really kinda stupid 'n ugly too
You should never smoke in pajamas
You might start a fire 'n burn yer face
Maybe you'll return to Managua
You could go unnoticed in such a place

You ain't really made for bein' out in the street
Ain't much hope for a fool like you
'Cause if you play the game, you will get beat

Ooh, the way you love me, baby,
I get so hard now I could die,
Ooh, the way you love me, sugar,
I get so hard now I could die

Open up your pocketbook,
Get another quarter out,
Drop it in the meter, mama
Try me on for size,
Open up your pocketbook,
Get another quarter out,
Drop it in the meter, mama
Try me on for size

Ooh, the way you squeeze me, baby,
Red balloons just pop behind my eyes,
Ooh, the way you squeeze me, girl,
Red balloons just pop behind my eyes

Open up your pocketbook,
Get another quarter out,
Drop it in the meter, mama
Try me on for size
Open up your pocketbook,
Get another quarter out,
Drop it in the meter, mama
Try me on for size

Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooh
You've got that kind of love that lingers
Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooh
This here bed's got magic fingers

Been a-rollin' on the bed since the show got out
Now I'm gettin' weak in the knees
Must have did it eighty, ninety times
It might have been a hundred
But you're the kind of girl that I really wanna please
You're the kind of girl that I really wanna please
(Oh, girl!)

Do you really wanna please me?
(You know I do)
Tell me why you do it
I really wanna know
(Well, it wouldn't be right
For me to tell you tonight)
You better tell me right away
Or I dress up and go!
(Don't get mad
It ain't no big thing)
You better tell me right away,
Don't you treat me cold
(HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT!)
I'm holding it
(It's good for you)
I'm holding it
(It's good for you)
I'm holding it
(It's good for you)
I'm holding it
(Alright, let go of it now!)

Dreamed I was an Eskimo
Frozen wind began to blow
Under my boots 'n around my toe
Frost had bit the ground below
Was a hundred degrees below zero
And my momma cried:
You don't really look like an Eskimo
And my momma cried again:
You don't really look like an Eskimo
And my momma cried again:
You don't really look like an Eskimo, no
Nanook, no no
Nanook, no no
Don't be a naughty Eskimo, hey!
(Dah-dah, da-dee-da mama
Dah-dah, da-dee-da mama
That's right, answered the llama I said yo' mama
Be home, answered Hee haw, I said yo' mama)
Save your money: don't go to the show
Well I turned around an' I said:
HO HO
(All together now)
Well I turned around an' I said:
HO HO
(One more time)
Well I turned around an' I said:
HO HO
An' the Northern Lites commenced t' glow
WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO
AN' DON'T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW
WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO
AN' DON'T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW

Well right about that time, people,
A fur trapper
Who was strictly from commercial
(Strictly Commershil)
Had the unmedicated audacity to jump up from behind my igyaloo
(Peek-a-Boo)
And he started in to whippin' on my fav'rite baby seal
With a lead-filled snow shoe . . .
(Tell me the truth)
I said with a lead
LEAD
Filled
LEAD-FILLED
With a lead-filled snow shoe
SNOW SHOE
He said Peak-a-boo
PEEK-A-BOO
With a lead
LEAD
Filled
LEAD-FILLED
With a lead-filled snow shoe
SNOW SHOE
He said Peak-a-boo
PEEK-A-BOO
He went right up side the head of my favorite baby seal
He hit him on the nose
He hit him on the fin
He hit him on the coccyx
He hit him on the uh, Thermidor
He had him right near Managua several times
(. . . four . . .About the thorax)
You know what he did to that seal?
He really fucked up my favorite baby seal
Like this . . .
Now folks, that got me just about as evil
As an Eskimo boy can be . . .
And it would you too
So guess what I did
(What'd you do then?)
Hey, you'll never guess . . .
I bent down 'n I reached down 'n I scooped down
An' I gathered up a generous mitten full of the deadly . . .
YELLOW SNOW
The deadly Yellow Snow from right there where the huskies go
An' then I proceeded to rub it all into his beady little eyes
With a vigorous circular motion
Hitherto unknown to the citizens of Chicago,
But destined to take the place of THE MUD SHARK
In your mythology
THE VIGOROUS CIRCULAR MOTION . . .
Here it goes, RUB IT!
(HEY . . . HEY . . . HEY . . . )

Alright, now, listen. Some of you people were here for the last show, right? Okay, well you know what's gonna happen now, don't you? This is audience participation time again, ladies and gentlemen. Now, a lot of the big groups they have really neat things for the audience to do—really sophisticated technological things like, "Hey, everybody, get your hands together and let's boogie!" But, you know, since we're not English or anything, we don't do that, we have things that are really stupid for the audience to do, because we have the way I've got it figured out—the dumber it is, the more fun it is, so let's get on with it. Here's what you do, everybody stand up. Alright, stand up . . . Alright, what're you guys, paraplegics? Stand up! Alright. Okay, here's what you're gonna do—you're gonna help me demise the fur trapper. This is just— This is just for practice, now watch. Here's what you do.

And then you pounced
You pounced again
Jumped up 'n down the chest of the . . .
GREAT GOOGLY-MOOGLY
You injured the fur trapper

Now, is that sophisticated or what? You know? Let's— Hey. Let's face it, this—what I'm asking you to do—is really stupid. It's really stupid. However this would do less harm to you than voting, so let's get on with it. One more time.

Now you pounced
And you pounced again
You jumped up 'n down the chest of the . . .

Some of you aren't getting the fast part, I think that you're probably a little bit too ripped for the fast part. We're gonna have to do some more work on the fast part. Now, this is really good for you—it's stupid, but it's good for you. Just the fast part, okay? We go . . .

You jumped up 'n down the chest of the . . .
You jumped up 'n down the chest of the . . .
Jumped up 'n down the chest of the . . .
Jumped up 'n down the chest of the . . .

Some of you are just standing there twitching. A lot of you girls that don't have brassieres on it are trying to stand still so they don't flop up 'n down and hit ya. (Come on!) It won't do. Let it all hang out, guys and girls. Let it flop around. This is the big one. One more time. If you flock flunk this one, God knows what's gonna happen tonight. All together, I wanna see everybody's buttocks pumping up 'n down this night. Just think of me as an older, more sinister, Jack LaLanne. Ready?

And then I pounced
And I pounced again
And jumped up 'n down the chest of the . . .
GREAT GOOGLY-MOOGLY
You and me have injured the fur trapper

Sit down! Alright. It's almost like going to camp.

Well, it was at that time that the fur trapper realized that something was wrong.

He looked around
And he looked around
And he looked around
And he kept looking around
And you know what?
(What?)
He said
I CAN'T SEE
(NO NO NO NO NO . . . YEAH!)
I CAN'T SEE
(NO NO NO NO NO . . . YEAH!)
I CAN'T SEE
(NO NO NO NO NO . . . YEAH!)
I CAN'T SEE
(NO NO NO NO NO . . . YEAH!)
He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in my right eye
He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in my other eye
An' the huskie wee-wee,
I mean the doggie wee-wee
Has blinded me
Oh, an' I can't see

Well, as you know, it was at this precise moment in time and space
That the evil fur trapper remembered the ancient Eskimo legend
Wherein it is written
(Hey, don't rush me!)
Wherein it is written
On whatever it is that they write it on up there
That if anything bad ever happens to your eyes
As a result of some sort of conflict
With anyone named Nanook
Hey, the only way that you can get it fixed up
Is to go trudgin' across the tundra . . .
Mile after mile
Trudgin' across the tundra . . .
Right down to the parish of Saint Alfonzo . . .

You play this lick, you don't just toss it off, you don't just crank it off, you don't just hurl it out into space. You have to study for all oh, moments. Several moments in order to learn this lick. Ed has worked on this lick over and over again. Tonight maybe the—

(The rats?)

Huh? Oh, oh, yes. And Ed found a rat up in the dressing room. For Those of you that were here at the last show, we gave you the report that Ed was lonely and was trying to find a rat to fuck in the dressing room. He found one, it was really good. Worked it over. He ate it and that's why he has the strength to play this part of the show. Are you ready? Take it away, Ed!

That's right, here we are!
At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
Where I stole the mar-juh-rene
An' widdled on the Bingo Cards in lieu of the latrine
I saw a handsome parish lady
Make her entrance like a queen
Why she was totally chenille
And her old man was a Marine
As she abused a sausage pattie
(Peetie-peetie pattie peetie-peetie pattie pootie)
And said why don't you treat me mean?
(Hurt me, hurt me, hurt me, oooooh!)
(Pittie! Pattie! Pootie! Bootie-pootie!)
At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
(Hah! Good God! Get off the bus!)
Where I stole the mar-juh-rene . . .

Saint Alfonzo's
Saint Alfonzo's
Saint Alfonzo's
Saint Alfonzo's
Ooo-ooo-WAH . . .

Get on your feet an' do the funky Alfonzo!

Father Vivian O'Blivion
Resplendent in his frock
Was whipping up the batter
For the pancakes of his flock
He was looking rather bleary
(He forgot to watch the clock)
'Cause the night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked (he stroked it) . . .
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked (he stroked it) . . .
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked . . . his . . .
Sma-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah
Ahhh (stroked his smock)
Set him off in such a frenzy
He sang LOCK AROUND THE CROCK
An' he topped it off with a . . .
An' he topped it off with a . . .
An' he topped it off with a . . .
WOO WOO WOO
WOO WOO WOO
WOO WOO WOO
As he stumbled on his COCK
He was delighted as it stiffened
And ripped right through his sock
Oh, Saint Alfonzo would be proud of me
PROUD OF ME
PROUD OF ME
He shouted down the block
(Oh no)
Dominus Vo-bisque 'em
Et come spear a tu-tu,
Oh!
Won't you eat my sleazy pancakes
Just for Saintly Alfonzo
They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite
They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite
They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town
They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town
Good morning, your Highness
Ooo-ooo-ooo
I brought you your snow shoes
Ooo-ooo-ooo
Good morning, your Highness
Ooo-ooo-ooo
I brought you your snow shoes
Ooo-ooo-ooo

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-nanook
Na-na-na-na-na-nanook-oh
Nanook
Rubs it
Saint
Al
Al
Fo-fo-fo
Fo-fo-fo-fo-fo-fonzo

Saint Alfonzo really loves it when he rubs it for him
I have seen him rubbin' it
I have seen him rubbin' it
I have, I have a-seen him stroke his weenie
(It was teenie)
Rub it, rub it, rub it, rub it, rub
Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it
Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it
Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it
Nanook is rubbin' it, and Alfie is lovin' it
Saint Alfonzo, can you hear us praying to you?
Can you fix my Chevy?
Boy, you're really heavy
Here's the church and here's the steeple
Open up and see the people
Some are kneelin', some are standin'
All the money they are handing
To some asshole with a basket
Where it goes we dare not ask it
Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it
This here basket, really shoves it
Here's your quarter, here's your dollar
Let's play ring around the collar
Hup! Hey, get it now!
(We get it now! We take now your little gifts)

THANK YOU,
THANK YOU,
THANK YOU,
THANK YOU,
THANK YOU,
THANK YOU,
THANK YOU,
THANK YOU, FRIENDS!

Vince Colaiuta on drums, Arthur Barrow on bass, Tommy Mars on keyboards, Ike Willis on guitar and vocals, Denny Walley on guitar and vocals, Peter Wolf on keyboards, Ed Mann on percussion, Saint Alfonzo rubs it, and uh (of course) thanks for coming to the show (Afie Alfie rubs it), good night.

(Oh no!)

Thank you. Oh, I needed that. Heh heh. Really peps you up. Alright, folks. Now look. Here's what. I wanna make this show as different as possible from the last one. Yes! Yeah. Oh, yeah. And now. So we're gonna play— we're gonna play a song from 200 Motels now. Something that was originally played by the orchestra in 200 Motels. Some people said it couldn't be done with our little rockin' teenage combo, hey, but what the fuck did they know. The name of this song is "Strictly Genteel." (I need a drumstick.)

Well, it's been nice having you with us here tonight, folks. Vinnie, Artie, Tommy, Ikey, Denny, Petey, Eddie, and Frankie. Thanks for coming to the show. See you next year.

Alright, this is it, this is the last one. This is— That— What? You're gonna disagree with me? No way! This is it. This is the big one. I'll give you a your choice: one or none.

One, two . . .

Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh

Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh

Good . . . night!