FZ: OkOkay, ladies and gentlemangentlemen: my son Dweezil!
Ike: The Dweeze!
FZ: Dweezil is going to play the guitar solo on a song from the Them Or Us album, called "Sharleena."
Ike: Huh!
Oooh oooh oooh
Battlestar: Galactica?
Oooh oooh oooh
Everybody!
I'm cryin'
I'm cryin'
Cryin' for Sharleena,
Can't you see
I called up all my baby's friends
'N ask'n um
Where she done went.
("Jungle Boogie"?)
But nobody 'round here seems to know
Where my Sharleena's been
Where my Sharleena's been
Ten long years I've been lovin' her
Ten long years
And I thought deep down in my heart
She was mine
Ten long years I've been lovin' her
Ten long years
I would call her my baby, and now,
I'm always cryin'
I would be so delighted
(The Dweeze!)
(I would be)
I would be so delighted
(Yes, I would be)
If they would just
Send her on home to me
I would be so delighted
(I . . . )
I would be so delighted
(Yes, I would be)
If they would just
Send her on home to me
Send my baby home to me
Send my baby home to me
Send my baby home to me
Send my baby home to
Me-ee-ee-ee
FZ: Thank you!
Bamboozled by love,
Oh lord, the shit done hit the fan
Bamboozled by love
Oh lord, the shit done hit the fan
The way that girl been carryin' on
I swear I just don't understand
Don't you know I treat her nice and kind
The way no other lover can
Don't you know I treat her nice and kind
The way no other lover can
You know I came home the other day and she was
Suckin' off some other man
(Isn't that amazing?)
I ain't the type for beggin'
I ain't am not the type to plead
If she don't change those evil ways
I'm gonna make her bleed
She can scream and she can holler
Bang her head all along the wall
If she don't give me what I want
She ain't gonna have no head at all
Bamboozled by love
I said know she fooled around too long
Bamboozled by love
I said know she fooled around too long
I am mad and gettin' meaner
I am here and she is gone
And the reason you have not seen her
She is underneath the lawn
I know she's underneath the lawn, lawn, lawn
Now look I ain't the type for beggin'
Now I ain't am not the type to plead
If she don't change those evil ways
I'm gonna make her bleed
She can scream and she can holler
Bang her head all along the wall
If she don't give me what I want
She Ain't gonna have no head at all
Bamboozled by love
I said know she fooled around too long
Bamboozled by love
I said know she fooled around too long
I am mad and gettin' meaner, meaner
I am here and she is gone
And the reason you have not seen her
She is underneath the lawn
And the reason you have not seen her
She is underneath the lawn
The lawn . . .
Lucille
Has messed my mind up
But I still love her, yeah
You know love her
Lucille
She messed my mind up, yeah
But I still need love her, yeah
Oh you know I need love her
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
I'm sayin'
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
You got me goin' outa my mind
Lucille
She tore my heart up
But I still love need her
You know I really love need her, yeah
And Lucille
Tore my heart up
But I still need, I need her
You know I need her
I'm sayin'
She treats me like my heart
Is made of stone
She runs run around
And leaves leave me home
All alone
I'm tellin' you
She doesn't answer
When I call her on the phone
She messed up my mind
I'm cryin' alla the time
Lucille
Oh oui . . . my mind up
(My mind up)
I said I love her
(Love her)
I mean it
(Love her)
You know I love her
(I love . . . )
Lucille
My heart up
(My heart up)
Ooh, I love her
(Love her)
(Love her)
You know love her
(I love . . . )
Lucille
(Oh)
Lucille, ci-i-i-i-ille
No more credit
From the liquor store
My suit is all dirty, boy
My shoes is all wore
I'm tired and lonely, my
FBI heart is all sore
Advance romance
I can't stand it no more, no more
She told me she loved me
I believed what she said
She took me for a sucker, boy
All corn-fed
The next thing I knew
She had a bolt on the door
Advance romance
(Oh yeah)
I can't use it no more, no more
She took George's Ike's watch
Like they always do
(It was a Timex, too!)
(AH-HOO WAH-HOO)
(Him And ashamed And-a shame on you, yeah)
No more money, boy
I shoulda knew
(DUNT-DE-DUNT DUNT-DE-DAH
DUNT-DE-DUNT-DUNT
DAH-DE-DE-DAH)
(Won't somebody go sit on ah . . . )
(Yes! He sure looks He's showin' 'em the magic!)
(DUNT-DE-DUNT . . .
HI-HOHI-YO, SILVER!)
Tinsel chair!(The tinsel's here)
(The big jaws drawls drawers . . . )
The way she do me, boy
(Oh . . . oh, yeah)
She might do you, too
(Awfully big jawsdrawls drawers now!)
The way she do me, boy
She might do you, too
(She's from Utah!)
(I'LL TUMBLE 4 YA . . . )
(Oh no . . . )
The way she do me, boy
She might do you, too
(You remember Utah
You know what happened . . . )
JawsDrawlsDrawers!
Advance romance
People I am through
I'm through!
Potato-head Bobby
Was a friend of mine
He opened three of his eyes
In the food stamp line
He opened four of his eyes
In the food stamp line
He opened five of his eyes
In the food stamp line
He opened six of his eyes
In the food stamp line
He said she might be a devil
(Well, I don't know . . . )
But she sure was fine
Advance romance
(Oh yeah . . . )
He wanna try it one time
Just one time
Later that night
He drop on by
He told her all he wanna do
Was step Is come up and say "Hi"
(HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI)
Half an hour later
She had frenched his fry
(EVERYBODY!)
(YODELOO YODELOO YODELOO YODEL)
Frenched his fry
(ISN'T THAT AMAZING?)
(What?)
Advance romance
Bobby, say good-bye-yay-yay-yay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ahh
(Ooh . . . )
A real hologram!
(We sure do!)
I mean: not real, but almost a real hologram
Hey there, people, I'm Bobby Brown
They say I'm the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
I Tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
(Tiny heinie ho!)
Here I am at a famous school
(Gonna fly now)
I'm dressin' sharp 'n
I'm actin' cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work 'n maybe later I'll rape her
Oh God I am the American dream
I do not think I'm too extreme
An' I'm a handsome sonofabitch
I'm Gonna get a good jobNEW GLOVE 'n be real rich
(Get a good, get a good, get a good, get a good . . . )
Women's Liberation
Came creepin' across the nation
I tell you people, I was not ready
When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie
She made a little speech then,
Aw, she tried to make me say when
She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick
I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick
Oh God I am the American dream
But now I smell like Vaseline
An' I'm a miserable sonofabitch
Am I a boy or a lady . . . I don't know which
(I wonder wonder, Hi-Yo, Silver!)
So I went out 'n bought me a leisure suit mask
I jingle my change, but I'm still kinda cute
Got a job doin' radio promo
(Gonna fly now)
An' none of the jocks can even tell I'm a homo think about Tonto
Eventually me 'n a friend
Sorta of drifted along into S&M
(YA!)
I can take about an hour on the tower of power
'Long as I gets a little golden shower
Oh God I am the American dream
With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream
An' I'll do anything to get ahead
Hi-Yo, Silver!
Oh God, Oh God, I'm so fan . . . Hi-Yo, Silver!
And my name is Bobby Brown
And my name is Bobby Brown
Hi-Yo, Silver! Away!
And my name is Bobby Brown
Hi-Yo, Silver!
FZ: Ha-ha . . . Oh, never mind . . . The name of this song is: "Keep It Greasey"
Ike: Hi-Yo!
Hi-Yo, Silver! Away!
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy (Hi-Yo!)
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n grease it down
I'll drive you through the heart of town
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n grease it down (Hi-Yo, Silver!)
I'll drive you through the heart of town
Hey, the good women, they sure has it tough
The good men, well there just ain't enough
All the good girls are lookin' all the time
Good men SILVER is something that they can't find
'Cause if they find one miraculously
They try to be lovin' as they can be
'Cause if they find one and let him go
Chances are they might not never find one no mo'
So they . . .
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy (Away!)
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n grease it down (Hi-Yo!)
I'll drive you through the heart of town
A good lovin' man is hardest to find
A good woman needs to ease her mind
I know a few that need to ease it behind
All y'gotta do is grease it down
'N everything is fine
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n grease it down
I'll drive you through the heart of town
A girl don't need
No fancy grease
To get herself
Some rump release
Any kind
Of lube'll do
Maybe from another
Part of you
Lube from the North
Lube from the South
Take a little slobber (Hi-Yo, Silver!)
From the side of your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
Grease it down
Here come that crazy
Screamin' sound . . .
Hi-Yo, Silver! Ah-ah-ah!
Thank you, Masked Man!
Hi-Yo, Silver! Ah-ah-ah!
Hi . . . Hi-Yo, Silver!
(Oh, God . . . Okay, everybody!)
Hi-Yo, Silver!
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n grease it down, down, down
Grease it down . . .
Oh no no no! Here comes that screamin' sound again . . .
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
He was the Playboy Type (he smoked a pipe)
His fav'rite phrase was "OUTA-SITE!"
He had an Irish Setter
(Hrtch-a-pltch
Hrtch-a-pltch
Hrtch-a-pltch
Arf!)
It was a singles bar, a Tuesday night
The moon was dim, the band was tight
They did the Bump together
What a splendid sight
(Roon doon doon doonRun nun nun naa)
Her teeth were white
(Roon doon doon doon doon doonRun nun nun nun nun naa)
The drinks were cheap (it was Ladies Nite)
He was glad that he met her
She was an office girl ("My her name is was Betty")
Her fav'rite group was . . .
Audience: HELEN REDDY!
No! TWISTED SISTER!
FZ: OK, wait wait wait, let's do it right. OK, now that you know what you're supposed to say there, let's hear it.
She was an office girl (her name was Betty)
Her fav'rite group was . . . TWISTED SISTER
(They discussed the weather)
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Man!
She was a lonely sort, just a little too short
Her jokes were dumb and her fav'rite sport
Was hockey (in the winter)
(Mumble-mumble . . . He scores!)
He was duly impressed and was quick to suggest
Any sport with a PUCK had to be 'bout the best
As he jabbed his elbow in her (get it honey?
Get it honey? Sister Honey?)
Later on they went off to where the music was soft,
The candles were drippy, they saw a REAL HIPPY
Who delivered their dinner
The rice was brown, and soon they found
That the crowd around that had jammed the room,
Well it seemed to be getting thinner
(Break dancing!)
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Man!
He took her home to a motor court
She would not wouldn't kiss him, he tried to ignore it,
But it made him angry!
(Oh boy! What a cone!
And I don't believe that he can bust . . . )
(What? . . . )
He called her a pig
(Pig pig pig . . . )
A slut
(Slut slut slut . . . )
And a whore
(Whore whore whore . . . )
A bitch
(Bitch bitch bitch . . . )
And a cuntRepublican
(Republican!)
And she slammed
(She slammed)
The door
In a petulant frenzy!
(A petulant frenzy!
This is a petulant
Frenzy!
I'm petulant,
And I'm having a frenzy!)
On the sofa she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she peeps
Through the curtain
He just got in his car
But the battery's dead
So he asked to use the phone
And she gives him some head
And that's the end of the story
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Man!
Baby don't you want a man sometimes?
(Isn't that amazing!)
Playin' in a tent
It's payin' the rent
Pooch a civilian,
It's a major event
Down in France
Way down in France
(Yeah-hey)
Way on down
(Way down)
Way on down
(Way down)
In Under France
The girls is all salty
The boys is all sweet
The food ain't too shabby,
An' they piss in the streetstreets
Down in France (yeah, now)
Way down in France
Way on down
(Way down)
Way on down
(Way down)
Down under France
They got diseases
Like you never seen
They got a mystery blow-job
Turn your peter green
Down in France
Way down in France
Way on down
(Way down)
Way on down
(Way down)
Down under France
They got some coffee,
Eatin' right through the cup,
An' when you go ka-ka
They make you stand up
Down in France
(Yeah-hey, now)
Way down in France
Way on down
Way on down
(Way down)
Down under France
(Listen here!)
If you're not careful,
It'll stick to your cheeks
You'll smell like a nativeGodzilla
For a couple of weeks
Down in France
Way down in France
(Isn't that amazing?)
Way on down
(Watch Wash yer gloves!)
(Way down)
Way on down
(Way down)
Down under France
Well, suck that harmonica, son!
We cannot wait
Till we go back
It gets so exciting
When the poodles 'react'
Down in France
(Yeah, down)
Way down in France
(Yeah-hey)
(Oh, whoops!)
Way on down
(Way down)
Way on down
(Way down)
Never try to get yo' peter sucked
In France
Danger, Will Robinson!
Danger!
There's a ship arriving too late
To save a drowning witch
She was swimmin' along
Tryin' to keep a date
With a Merchant Marine
Who told her he was really rich
But it doesn't matter no more . . .
She's on the ocean floor
'N the water's all green down there
'N it's not very clean down there
'N water snakes
'N rusty wrecks
Is all that she can see
As the light goes dim
And she's tryin' to swim
Will she make it?
(Boy, we sure hope so . . . )
Not even a witch oughta be caught
On the bottom of America's spew-infested
WaterwaysHO HO HO, hey-hey . . .
She could get radiation all over her
She could mutate insanely . . . (Aie-ee-aie)
She could mutate insanely . . . (Earth wallWalk)
Then you know, she could go on the freeway and grow up to be 15 feet tall
And very, very scary-lookin' (Boo-oo-ooh!)
BOO-OOH!
And then . . .
Cars could crash all over the place
As a result of people with Hawaiian shirts on . . .
Lookin' up to see her face her go "ha ha ha"HO HO HO
Sardines in her eyebrows . . .
Lobsters up 'n down her foreheadpudenda
All of them HORRIBLY LARGE FROM RADIATIONGRADUATION . . .
And smelling very bad
And DANGEROUS!
Maybe a submarine could save her,
(That's right!) (Yes, that's true!)
And bring her home to the Navy . . . back just like a MUD SHARK . . .
Tell 'em what they win, Bob!
Well, therefore Bill, for the ladies:
A full week's supply of Gartenion's D'Artagnan's Onion rings,
Bronco's Ronco's new Bondage-In-A-Bottle!
It won't crack, it won't stakeslip, it won't beatpeel, it won't budge,
It won't bite the old fate, it won't fade . . .
And of course a brand new, absolutely brand new,
New, new, and of course, but also a new car!
Ride my face to Chicago
Ride it all night long
Ride my face to Chicago
Ride it all night long
Say oo-wee-oo-oo
(Oo-wee-oo-oo)
You can say that!
(Oo-wee-oo-oo)
One more time!
(Oo-wee-oo-oo)
Oh, well
Ride my . . .
Ride my face to Chicago
Ride it all night long
Ride my face to Chicago
Ride it all night long
On board!All aboard?
(Oo-wee-oo-oo)
The plane train is leaving soon
(Oo-wee-oo-oo)
You must be on board for the with a ticket
(Oo-wee-oo-oo)
Will that be an isle aisle or a window?
Ride my . . . (Ride my!)
Ride on my face
Ride on my face
Ride on my face
Ride my face to Chicago
Ride it all night long
Ride my face to Chicago
Ride it all night long
Say oo-wee-oo-wee-oowee-wee-wee
(Oo-wee-oo-oo)
Oo-wee-wee-oo oo-wee-oowee oo-wee-wee
(Oo-wee-oo-oo)
Tell 'em what they're winning, ahathey win, Bob!
(Oo-wee-oo-oo)
From the spinning catalog!
Ride my . . .
Ride on my face
Ride on my face
(Barking fishermenPocket Fisherman!)
Ride on my face
Ride on my face
(FishermenVeg-O-Matic!)
Ride on my face
Ride on my face
(Oo-wee!)
Ride on my face
Ride by!my . . .
FZ: Thank you!
Oh Carol!
Oh Carol!
You was a fool
Carol, you fool
You was a fool
Carol, you fool
Carol, you fool
Don't you know you're crazy
He won't be true
But your mind's a little hazy
He'll break your heart
Don't let it start
But if you think it's better
Go ahead and buy 'm a sweater
Carol, you fool
You think you you've got it so bad
(Thank you!)
Tryin' to steel steal some money
Just to get some more of what you had
And he's got the dog
And he has no log
No, he won't come back
So put away your black-jack
You wanna try
(You wanna try)
To rob some Mexican guy
(To rob a Mexican guy)
Beat him on the head
(Oh, you beat him on his head)
Maybe make him dead
(You just might make him dead)
Just so you can fly
(Oh, you wanna fly)
From Pittsburgh out to see him
(You said you really gotta see him)
Carol, you're a foolish fool
(Carol, oh-oh, girl!)
You don't really need him
Carol
Carol
(Oh . . . )
Carol
Carol
Fool
Fool
(Oh yeah!)
Fool
Carol, you fool
You wanna try
(Oh . . . you say that said you wanna try)
(You wanna try to rob some Mexican guy)
To rob some Mexican guy
(To rob a Mexican guy)
(You wanna beat him on all over his head)
Beat him on the head
(Please, don't beat him on his head, girl)
(But they If you wanna make him dead,
and He wants me to Who knows what you want to do 'cause he's not . . . Isn't that amazing?)
Maybe make him dead
(You just might make him dead)
Just so you can fly
(You say you gotta gotta fly)
From Pittsburgh out to see him
(You didn't . . . broccoli tonight)
(OohFool, you really gotta see him)
Carol, you're a foolish fool
(Carol, oh-oh, girl!)
You don't really need him
Carol, you fool
I think you better try again
Carol, you fool
Don't wanna see you cry again
He's gone away
What can you say?
Carol, you fool
You'll meet another engineer
You was a fool
(CarAw, Carol, you fool)
Carol, you fool
(Carol, you foolish girlfool)
You was a fool
(No!)
(Oh Carol, you ah ah ah . . . )
Carol, you fool
(Carol, you foolish, foolish girlfool)
You was a fool
(Oh Carol, you fool)
Carol, you fool
YOU!
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
She live in a tree
(They call her Chana in de Bushwop)
Nine foot three
(They call her Chana in de Bushwop)
Larger than me
(She's a Chana in de Bushwop)
And she's a mystery
(She's a Chana in de Bushwop)
They call her Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Where she goes . . .
Nobody knows
She eats a horse
(She's a Chana in de Bushwop)
It's very large of course
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
She wears a dog
(Like/Chaka Chana in de Bushwop)
And she loves that frog
(Like/Chaka Chana in de Bushwop)
They call her Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Where she goes . . .
Nobody knows
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Isn't that amazing?
She went to France
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
And she tried to dance
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
She raised a big fuzzfuss
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
In the back of the bus
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
Gonna go to it One of those dudes with a long loaf of bread
Made a big mistake
When it he turned and said:
"Chana in ze Bushwopinne zi bouchoipe
(Hey! Nice volcano!)
Chana in ze Bushwopinne zi bouchoipe
HO HO HOHon hon hon!"
She banged his head
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
With a loaf of breadlead
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
She had this sucker weepin'
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
'Bout that sausage he's keepin'
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
He stood there weepin' on the crumbcrumbs
She said:
Isn't that amazing? Oh! I've just come in here It's just amazing . . .
Ha ha ha!
That's right! It's . . . it's broccoli for him!
Yes, oh, what?
Isn't that amazing?
Oh . . . uh . . .
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
(Broccoli for everyone!)
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
(It's on the house tonight!)
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana in from de Bushwop
From de Bushwop
Chana from de Bushwop
From de Bushwop
Ooh!(Ka-poo!)
Where'd she go?
Well, I don't know!
I-da-ho!
Ty-Ee-Ty-O!(Wile E. Coyote!)
It wasn't very large
There was just enough room to cram the drums
In the corner over by the Dodge
It was a fifty-four
With a mashed up door
And a cheesy little amp
With a sign on the front said
"Fender Champ"
And a second-hand guitar
It was a Stratocaster Veg-O-Matic with a whammy bar
(That's Back to you, Bill!)
We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin'
"THERE THAR SHE GOESBLOWS!"
His dad was mad
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, 'n easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
Even if you we played it on a saxophone
Sure!
Isn't that amazing?
We thought we was pretty good
We talked about keepin' the band together
'N we figured that we should
'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
From the girls in the neighborhood
They'd all come over 'n dance around like . . .
The diamond is the hardest substance known to man,
But you can't . . .
So we picked out a stupid name
Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks
'N we was on our way to fame
(Isn't that amazing?)
Got matching suits
'N Beatle Boots
'N a sign on the back of the car
'N we was ready to work in a GO-GO Bar
ONE TWO THREE FOUR
LET'S SEE IF YOU'VE GOT CHOP THAT ROCK ARRAY BROCCOLI SOME MORE!
People seemed to like our song
They got up 'n danced 'n made a lotta noise
An' it wasn't 'fore very long
A guy from a company we can't name
Said we oughta take his pen
'N sign on the line for a real good time
But he didn't tell us when
These "good times" would be somethin'
That was really happenin'
So the band broke up
An' it looks like (poo-pooh)
We will never play again . . . (wee-ooh)
Guess you only get one chance in life
To play a song that goes like . . .
FZ: This is dedicated to the two guys in the crew who went to see the doctor today.
Why does it hurt when I pee?
Why does it hurt when I pee?
I don't want no the doctor
To stick no needle that UTAH in me
Why does it hurt when I pee?
I got it from the toilet seat
I got it from the toilet seat
It jumped right up
'N grabbed my meat
Got it from the toilet seat
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
(No no no no . . . )
Oh God I probably got the
Gon-o-ka-ka-khackusSALT LAKE CITY GON-O-KHACKUS!
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
Ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!
Why does it
Why does it
Why does it
Why does it hurt . . .
(So you don't forget: call before midnite tonight!)
When . . .
(Tell 'em what they win, Bob!)
I
Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?
FZ: Intermission! We'll be back in half an hour
Marty Perellis: Okay, hold your applause for one second. Alright, we can come up and do another encore provided everybody provides with the liquor laws, so pass any glasses that are on the table to the end of the isle aisle and Mario'll let us do another encore, so just—anybody with a glass, don't give the waitress a hard time, just pass the glasses to the end of the isle aisle so the poss bus boys and waitresses can get it. And don't say it's the last sip. Okay, and once again, Frank Zappa and The Mothers Of Invention!
FZ: Thank you!
Crowd: "Zomby Woof"! "I'm The Slime"! "Zomby Woof"!
FZ: No!
Crowd: Yeah!
FZ: Listen.
Crowd: "Louie Louie"! "My Boyfriend's Back"!
FZ: Ah, they're going to ah, reload the cameras and we're gonna do a special, 'nuther special number for you, ladies and gentlemen.
[Lewis: "Dwarf Nebula Processional March & Dwarf Nebula"!]
Crowd: "Louie Louie"! "My Boyfriend's Back"! "Louie Louie"! "Louie Louie"!
FZ: That was quite an experience. "Dwarf Nebula"! Good God! Have you been there too? Hah hah hah! Alright! It's audience participation time again, ladies and gentlemen. The name of this song is, "Dickie's Such An Asshole"—and cancel that for television too. And here's how, here's how the ending goes, and you can sing along. It goes:
DICKIE'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE
Sincerely, Dick, we mean it!
Wee-ooo
FZ: Alright. we You don't need to practice that, you know, I'm sure you got the lick down just like El Monte. I'll show you where it comes. It's right at the end of the song, just where all those endings belong. (Let's give it right to them! Give it to them. I mean, this is going to them.) Good Lord, we're so professional!
One 'n one is eleven!
Two 'n two is twenty-two!
Won't somebody kindly tell me,
What the government's tryin' t' do . . .
Dickie's just too tricky
For a chump like me to use
Well, you you'd take that sub-committee serious, boy
You might get a seizure from the evenin' news
Well, yeah, yeah,
Millions 'n millions of dollars . . .
Much as he might need . . .
He could open up a chain of motels, people,
On the highway, yes indeed!
Quadrophonic desperation!
You know, there'll that'd there'd be a cable all under your bed
Well, if you just might break some wind in your slumber
The FBI is gonna get your number
GONNA GET YA
GONNA GET YA
GONNA JUMP UP THE SUB-COMMITTEE AND GET YA!
Gonna get your number
The FBI
Gonna get your number
The FBI
Gonna get your number
The FBI
Gonna get your number
The FBI
Done got your number
The FBI
Done got your number
The FBI
Gonna get your number
The FBI
Gonna get your number
Gonna get your number
Gonna get your number
Tryin' not to worry
Tryin' not to care
But you know, I get delighted
When some microphone's not there
Can't have no private conversations
Nowhere
In the USA
Can't wait 'til the rest of the people all over the the world
Find out that their government
Is just the same ol' way
Yeah, every day . . .
Well, Let me tell you one thing right now
Let me tell you one thing right here
Let me make this perfectly clear
Let me tell you 'bout this right here
You know you put me in an office
So you must have wanted me in office
I've did you no harm
You know I'm not a crook
You know I'm innocent
I had twenty-five tapes
Now I only have ten
I don't know what happened to the rest
Cause S'pose I Musta gave 'em to a friend
Bebe
Somebody
Ronald
Somebody
Who
Was it?
Who?
We know you're not a crook
We know you're not a crook
All we wanna say is one more thing now . . .
The gangster stepped right up,
Kissed him on the lip good-bye
Made him a cocksucker by proxy, yes he did,
An' he didn't even bat an eye!
The man in the White House—oh!
He's got a conscience—oh!
He's got a conscience as black as sin!
There's just one thing I wanna know—
How'd that asshole ever manage to get in?
FZ: Here it comes, ladies and gentlemen, sing right along . . .
DICKIE'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE
Sincerely, Dick, we mean it
Wee-ooo
?: You missed your girl out there . . .
Terry: Lemme tell ya . . . I love this man, I work for this man, but this show has like pushed me beyond the brink of what I can physically . . .
Roy: WHOAAAH!
Terry: Withstand. (Sigh) My hands are . . . I mean, look at these calicescalluses! Jesus Christ! I've had a hard tour, I mean, Jesus, we had the, the, the fucking roadmanager committed suicide.
Adrian: Oh Terry!
Terry: Then my girlfriend fell out the fuckin' window.
Adrian: Oh Terry!
Terry: I mean, it's been hard, you know, and, and now man! I mean, shit, this fuckin' shit, I mean, I gotta we have to do two fuck, two fuckin' shows, two nights in a row! You know what it's like to beat the shit out of the fuckin' drums, two shows . . .
Adrian: Two nights in a row!
Terry: . . . two nights in a row!? I MEAN I CAN'T FUCKIN' TAKE THAT KINDA SHIT!
Adrian: HE CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! He can't take it anymore, look at his hands . . .
Terry: My hands, hey, I feel like I've been pounding nails, I feel like I've been hittin' my goddamn hands with a hammer!
You're the ol' lady from the society pages
From a small town somewhere I used to be
You owned the paper and a bunch of other stuff
That didn't appeal to me
OL' LADY, OL' LADY
OL' LADY, OL' LADY
OL' LADY, OL' LADY
OL' LADY, OL' LADY
The hospital plans (yer brother drew 'em all)
You ran the paper 'n the Charity Ball
Every day on the third or fourth page
There you was . . . you was quite the rage
Somehow, you was all kinda cheap 'n wrong
Just like in a lotta small towns
Where folks like you
Hang around too long
And pass out jobs to yer relatives 'n such
So you all keeps a lot, 'cept but nobody else
Ever gets too much . . . to speak of . . .
But so what? What can you say?
So long as the trash gets picked up
So long as the trash gets locked up
Just so the trash don't stack up
Some day you won't be on page three
Or page four anymore
OL' LADY, OL' LADY
OL' LADY, OL' LADY
OL' LADY, OL' LADY
OL' LADY, OL' LADY
By the grace of God you had a son
He's the one and only one
He grew up and by and by
He came to be a Beautiful Guy
I'm a beautiful guy
And you have walked by
And I have gave you the eye
But you pretend to be shy
But I'm a beautiful guy
(You know what I mean? You know what I mean?)
And so I want you to wanna know why, why, why
You make me cry, cry, cry
'Cause you want to wanna try, try, try
Some stupid game on me
They're drinking lighter
They're full of water
I hear them say:
"Let's jog . . . "
They're playing tennis
Their butts are tighter
What could be whiter?
Hey?
Your athletic approach has a lot of appeal
The girl is responding to your little deal
She's modern 'n empty 'n totally vain
But beauty, of course, can feel no pain
No pain
No pain
No pain
Beauty knows no pain
So what you cryin' about
Girl
Beauty knows no pain
So what you cryin' about
Girl
Beauty knows no
Beauty knows no
Beauty knows no
Even if yer you're plain
You could be tryin' it out
Girl
Even if yer you're plain
You could be tryin' it out
Girl
Beauty is no
Beauty is no
Beauty is no
Beauty is a bikini wax 'n waitin' for yer nails to dry
Beauty is a colored pencil, scribbled all around yer your eye
Beauty is a pair of shoes that makes you wanna die
Beauty is a
Beauty is a
Beauty is a
Lie
But you don't care if it's a lie
'Cause you are such a beautiful guy
(ARF!)
Your head is north, and your feet is south
And you save the rest for Charlie's mouth
Your head is north
And your feet is south
And you save the rest for
CHARLIE'S ENORMOUS MOUTH
ENORMOUS MOUTH
Charlie's enormous mouth, well, it's awright
The girl girl's got a very large mouth, but it's awright
Her teeth look okay
She must be brushin' 'em quite a bit
'Course her mouth is extra large
'N we can only assume as to how
She's been usin' it
Charlie's enormous mouth, well, it's awright
The girl got a very large mouth, but it's awright
She got lips all around the hole
Where she puts her food in
They call it THE MOUTH
They call it THE MOUTH
They call it THE MOUTH
Which is as good a place as any for a tongue
To include in, that's why
They call it THE MOUTH
They call it THE MOUTH
They call it THE MOUTH
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
(Kinda young
Kinda wow . . . )
Charlie's enormous nose, well, it's all white
The girl girl's got a very large nose but it's all white
She It once was okay
But she's been blowin' it quite a bit
'Course her friends are extra large
'N we can only assume as to how
She's been choosin' it
Charlie's enormous nose, well, it's all white
The girl girl's got a very large nose, but it's all white
She got stuff all around the hole
Where she puts her spoon in
They call it THE NOSE
They call it THE NOSE
They call it THE NOSE
And when it finally rots away I guess you'd
Prob'ly drive a truck in . . . they used to
Call it THE NOSE
They called it THE NOSE
They called it THE NOSE
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
(Kinda young
Kinda dead . . . )
Charlie's disgusting brain, well, it's all black
The girl girl's got a very dead brain, it won't come back
She used to convey
But then she took an extra hit
'Course her friends are extra dumb
'N they were terribly excited while they
Watched her doin' it
Charlie's disgusting brain, well it's all black
The girl got a very dead brain, it won't come back
She She's got dirt all around the hole
Where they dumped her box in
They call it THE GRAVE
They call it THE GRAVE
They call it THE GRAVE
Which is as good a place as any for a
Chump to repose in . . . that's why they
Call it THE GRAVE
They call it THE GRAVE
They call it THE GRAVE . . .
Chop a line now . . .
Cocaine decisions . . .
You are a person with a snow job
You got a fancy gotta-go job
Where the cocaine decision that you make today
Will mean that millions somewhere else
Will do it your way
Cocaine decisions . . .
You are a person who is high class
You are a person not in my class
And the cocaine decision that you make today
Will mean nothing later on
When you get nose decay
I don't wanna know
'Bout the things that you pull
Outta your nose
Or where they goes
But if you are wasted
From the stuff you're stickin' in it
I get madder every day
'Cause what you do 'n what you say
Affects my life in such a way
I learn to hate it every minute!
Aie-aie-aie-aiee!
. . . cisions . . .
You are a doctor or a lawyer
You got an office with a foyer
And Where the cocaine decision that you make today
Will not be discovered till it's over 'n done
By the customers you hold at bay
Cocaine decisions . . .
You are a movie business guy
You got have accountants who supply
The necessary figures
To determine when you fly
To Acapulco
Where all your friends go
FZ: Massimo, come here! Yeah, bring the band on down behind me, boys
Massimo: Ragazzi per favore, Zappa vorrebbe dirvi di stare calmi, di non gettare niente nello stadio e di non . . . Avere problemi con la polizia, cercate di stare calmi. Non sappiamo esattamente cosa sta succedendo, pero' cercate di mantenere la calma cosi' si puo' andare avanti con lo spettacolo . . .
FZ: Now listen! We want to continue the concert, we want to keep playing music. Will you please be calm, sit down and relax so we can play music. Seduti, per favore!
Guy #1: Ma che e'?
Guy #2: Hanno rotto, hanno rotto sta porta qui, no? Hanno rotto sta porta qui perche' veniva in campo, allora siccome la polizia si e' . . . con la porta aperta non voleva entrasse tutta la gente. Capito?
FZ: "Nig Biz."
I signed on the line
For seven long years
They said I'd be a big star
They said I'd get a big car
All the coke I could tubetoot
All the dope I could shoot
All the smoke I could smoke
But now I'm bein' off beat up 'n broke
They said I oughta re-record
"The Tracks Of My Tears"
They said, "Hey! This is it!
It's gonna be a big hit"
With my name up in lights
And some custom-made tights
All the girls call my name
(Massimo!)
But it was all just a game
Nigger Biznis
Nigger Biznis
Well, Nigger Biznis all the time
Well, Nigger Biznis has brought disasterdestructiondisaster
On top of this here heart of mine
(Well, Right now's the time to play the blues!)
Well, one day that contract will expire
One day I will be free
From that Nig (oh!)
-ger, Oh, Nig-gig-gig-gerig-ig (oh!)
Nigger Biznis office
All this Nigger Biznis office
All this repressing Representing me
Nigger Biznis
Nigger Biznis
Oh, Nigger Biznis all the time, all along
Well, Nigger Biznis has brought destruction
Which is why you're here in hearin' this song
AAAAH . . .
(Oui!)
AAAAAAH . . .
Bidet!
(Sport shirt)
BLOOOW-JOB
Jambon
(Corn-hole!)
(Sport shirt!)
Bidet!
(Corn . . . hole)
Jambon
BLOOOW-JOB
(Corn-hole!)
Bidet!
(Sport shirt)
Bidet!
(Sport shirt, sport shirt, sport shirt, sport shirt)
Bidet!
OOO-AHH!!
Bidet!
Bidet, bidet, bidet, bidet, bidet, bidet, bidet, bidet, bi . . .
(Corn-hole . . . corn-hole . . . )
(Sport shirt, sport shirt, sport shirt, sport shirt, sport shirt . . .)
BLOW-JOB! BLOW-JOB! BLOW-JOB!
Jambon, jambon, jambon, jambon . . .
(Couchon . . . )
Bidet! Bidet!
(Sport shirt, sport shirt)
Cooooorn-HOOOOLE!
Ed: Thank you
Oh thank you, you're really too kind
Thank you, thank you so much
Thank you, thank you
Blow-job!
FZ: Help outEd Mann, ladies and gentlemen!
Oui!
I bet:Avec oui, oui
(Sport shirt)
And Now for the next part of our program,
I'd We'd like to present, ah . . .
BLOW-JOB!
Bidet! BLOW-JOB!
Jambon! Corn-hole!
Jambon! BLOW-JOB!
Jambon . . . Bidet! . . . Blow-job . . . Bidet . . .
I want a garden!
I want a garden!
I want a garden!
(I WANT A NUN
I WANT A NUN
I WANT A BURROW IN THE BROAD DAYLIGHTBURRO IN THE FROSTY LIGHT)
I want a garden!
(I WANT A NUN)
I want a garden . . .
Just like the garden
That that asshole came up here on the stage
And sang about, three years ago . . .
He came up out of the audience,
He said: "I want a garden!
I want a garden!
I wanna water it with my tears . . . "
And then Denny Walley said:
Denny: Oh, you want kindergarten!
Hail CAESAR!
The Mystery Man came over
An' he said: "I'm outa-site!"
He said, for a nominal service charge,
I could reach nervonna t'nite
If I was ready, willing 'n able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs
And devote His Attention to me
But I said . . .
Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now what kind of a mass-man MASKED MAN are you anyway?)
Look here brother,
Don't you waste your time on me
The Mystery Man got nervous
An' he sorta fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his Mystery Robe
An' he whipped out a shaving kit
Now, I thought it was a razor
An' a can of foamin' goo
But he told me right then when the top popped open
There was nothin' his box won't do
With the oil of Hi-Yo, Silver
An' the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said:
"You might not believe this, Tonto
But it'll fix up that war-paint for ya too!"
An' I said . . .
Look here brother,
(Thank you, mass-manMasked Man, thank you!)
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Ah! Mass-man's Masked Man's a fag!)
Look here brother,
Don't you waste your time on me
I've got troubles of my own, I said
An' you can't help me out
So take your meditations an' your preparations
An' ram cram it up yer snout
"BUT I GOT A KRISTL SILVER BOL!," he said
An' held it to the lighton up to his horse
So I snatched it
All away from him
An' I showed him how to do it right, of course
I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head
So I'd look like I was Deep
I said some Mumbo Jumbos then
An' I told him he was goin' to sleep
I robbed his rings
An' his pocket watch
An' everything else I found
I had that sucker/swami hypnotized
He couldn't even make a sound
(Where'd you get those beetles beautiful . . . ?)
I proceeded to tell him his future then
As long as he was hanging around,
I said
"The price of meat pyjamas has just gone up
An' yer ol' lady that ol' swami has have just gone down . . . "
(Oh-ohUh-oh!)
Look here brotherswami,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears Seattle poncho?
Who can tell anymore?)
Don't you know,
You could make more money as a butcherin syndication,
So don't you waste your time trap on me
(Don't waste screech itSri Chin, don't waste your time screech Sri Chinmoy on me . . . )your it, boy
Ohm shonty, ohm shonty, ohm shontybabyNAVY-ohm
FZ: Ray White, Chad Wackerman, Scott Thunes, Alan Allan Zavod, Bobby Martin, Ike Willis. Thank you!