New Musical Express—April 26, 1975

ON MONDAY APRIL 14 at 10.30 in the morning Bizarre Productions began to sue the Royal Albert Hall in front of Mr. Justice Mocatta. This drama took place at the Number Seven Court of the Law Courts in the Strand.

The issue was the cancellation of The Mothers Of Invention/London Philharmonic presentation of "200 Motels" originally scheduled for February 8th, 1971, at the Albert Hall.

For those of you who don't remember the exact details, perhaps this is the time to remind you. The Zappa concert was planned as a kind of gala two-pronged promotion, intended to boost both the movie of "200 Motels" and the Mothers' subsequent UK tour.

At the last minute, the Albert Hall cancelled Zappa's booking and refused to allow the concert to take place. The reason they gave was that they considered parts of the script to be obscene and objectionable.

On the night of the concert, the TV news showed apparently angry protests by fans outside the Albert Hall.

Zappa and his business manager Herb Cohen (the partnership that constitutes Bizarre Productions) decided to sue. They are currently claiming damages against the management of the Albert Hall for both the financial loss caused by the cancellation and the resulting loss of important publicity.

The case took four years to come to court.

LET'S MOVE ON to the first Wednesday of the case.

Number Seven Court is a high-ceilinged room, all grey stone and aged panelling—With his hair hanging loose, some way below his shoulders, he looks, if anything, a little reminiscent of Tiny Tim.

At the start of the afternoon session Zappa has already been on the witness stand all morning and for part of the previous day. Under examination he speaks very quietly and on a number of occasions, the judge has requested that he speak up. If is obvious that this case is not going to be turned into any kind of theatrical spectacle.

Not that the proceedings are without a few surreal touches.

Mothers albums nestle among the imposing bundles of legal paper. A stereo system has been set up in front of the judge. The counsel for the defence has a large dictionary of American slang in front of him. It has a garish red, white and blue cover.

The judge has already listened to a good deal of the "200 Motels" album. He received most of it with his head sunk in his hand. He complained that he couldn't hear the words. He refused to have the track "Penis Dimension" played in court.

Mr. Justice Mocatta had already read the lyrics and he found them objectionable.

THERE HAVE BEEN other odd touches of the kind that always seems to occur when the world of rock-and-roll confronts the very different world of the law.

The judge has had problems with the terminology of rock. The word "groupie" seemed to puzzle him.

"Is a groupie a girl who is a member of a group?"

Zappa shakes his head.

"No, she is a girl who likes members of a rock-and-roll band."

The judge has encountered other troubles.

[...]

ONE OF THE FIRST highlights of Wednesday afternoon was when Zappa was shown one of the now legendary posters of him sitting naked on the can. The counsel for the Albert Hall asked if the poster had been produced with his knowledge.

There was a short pause.

It hardly seemed possible that anyone could be photographed in the privacy of their own john without having knowledge of it. Zappa answered carefully. The poster had been published without his consent.

The subject was pursued no further.

One of the points of the Bizarre case is that if the Albert Hall management had objected to the lyrics, Zappa would have been both willing and able to adapt and change the words, had he been consulted. He alleged that he could have done it at very short notice.

In order to demonstrate this, Zappa's counsel handed him a script of "200 Motels" and asked him to "render the lyrics suitable for a socially-retarded audience".

("A socially-retarded audience" is the term used by the Bizarre side for the kind of crowd who would find the Mothers' lyrics objectionable).

Zappa started to render. The results were startling. Lines came out like: "The places she goes/Are filled with guy's from Pudsey/Waiting for a chance/To buy her Sudsy."

This was the moment, reading in a slow deadpan voice, when Zappa the witness came closest to Zappa the performer. The judge, however, seemed confused.

"Pudsey?"

Zappa's counsel attempted to help.

"Pudsey, Yorkshire, m'lud."

"It's produced some fine cricketers. I believe."

 

DISCOGRAPHY

		CONTINUING	NEW	ALBUM
Group 1 64-66	F.Z.	Ray Collins Jimmy Carl Black Roy Estrada Elliott Ingber		Freak Out
Group 2 66-67	F.Z.	Ray Collins Jimmy Carl Black Roy Estrada	Don Preston Bunk Gardner Jim Sherwood Billy Mundi	Absolutely Free
Group 3 67	F.Z.	Ray Collins Jimmy Carl Black Roy Estrada Don Preston Bunk Gardner Jim Sherwood Billy Mundi	Ian Underwood	We're Only In It For The Money
	F.Z. (solo)			Lumpy Gravy
Group 4 67-69	F.Z.	Ray Collins Jimmy Carl Black Roy Estrada Don Preston Bunk Gardner Jim Sherwood Ian Underwood	Art Tripp	Ruben & The Jets Uncle Meat Burnt Weeny Sandwich Weasels Ripped My Flesh
69-70	F.Z. (solo)			Hot Rats
Group 5 70-71	F.Z.	Ian Underwood	Mark Volman Howard Kaylan Aynsley Dunbar George Duke	Chunga's Revenge 200 MOTELS
Group 6 71	F.Z.	Ian Underwood Mark Volman Howard Kaylan Aynsley Dunbar	Don Preston Jim Pons	Fillmore East Just Another Band from LA
	F.Z. (solo)			Waka Jawaka
THE GRAND WAZOO
		European Tour	U.S. Tour	Grand Wazoo
72	F.Z.
		Sal Marquez Ken Shroyer Mike Altschul
		Tony Duran Earl Dumler Malcolm McNab	Tony Duran Earl Dumler Malcolm McNab
		Joanne McNab
		Jim Gordon Tom Malone Glen Ferris David Parlato	Jim Gordon Tom Malone Glen Ferris David Parlato
			Gary Barone
		Ray Reed Tom Raney Jack Migliori Charles Owens Jerry Kessler
		Bruce Fowler	Bruce Fowler
		Ian Underwood Ruth Underwood
Group 7 73	F.Z.	Ian Underwood Ruth Underwood Bruce Fowler	George Duke Ralph Humphrey Tom Fowler Jean Luc Ponty	Over-Nite Sensation
Group 8 73-74	F.Z.	Ruth Underwood Bruce Fowler George Duke Ralph Humphrey Tom Fowler	Napoleon Brock Chester Thompson Jeff Simmons	Apostrophe
Group 9 74	F.Z.	Ruth Underwood Tom Fowler George Duke Napoleon Brock Chester Thompson		Zappa/Mothers Roxy & Elsewhere

Motherfucked.

Frank Zappa certainly makes the news these days. Not content with releasing 7 albums of old Mothers material and a feature film of no great merit (but certain to swell billion-dollar Frank's coffers) ol' Chiefy has to get himself offed. Someone blew it pretty badly—but who? Certainly not Zappa—from all reports he was caught completely unawares by the piece of street theatre enacted on the Rainbow stage. Admittedly Frank's a fine actor, but in the movies it's usually a stuntman what takes the dive—and no-one remembers a stuntman on the stage. And it certainly wasn't the Rainbow. After all, they've got an estimated £350,000 loan to pay off, and they ain't going to blow out the takings from three Zappa shows for some cheap publicity. Also, and get this, we have John Morris' word that none of the stage crew saw the assailant before he delivered the fatal push. The rumour currently making the rounds that some chickie fell into the orchestra pit three days previous to the event (had to have three stitches in her head, she did) is of course completely irrelevant and in no way constitutes a precedent. Those defeatist trouble-making radicals who suggest that perhaps the Rainbow should have done something about the gaping ten-foot deep hole surrounding the stage (cunningly disguised as five coats of black paint) should take note that the Rainbow intend sticking a piece of souped-up media technology (a TV projection unit, no less) down the offending hole. This should also scotch those rumours of a moat filled with empty beer cans from the artists' lounge.

The most obvious explanation for the incident perhaps lies in the Mothers themselves. It's well known that Frank runs a tight ship and tolerates no rass from his band. With Frank holed and out of action, Mark Vollman can now do what he's always wanted to do and reform the Turtles around the now leaderless Mothers. It's a tough, mean, friendless life.