The Cucamonga Years

(Instrumental)

I woke up in the morning
The sun was shining bright
I just can't help thinking
Of how mean you were last night
Tell me, baby, tell me
What you're gonna do with me
Are you gonna love me, baby
Or are you gonna set me free

I take you downtown, baby
I wonder if it's wise
'Cause when we meet a stranger
You're always making eyes
Tell me, baby, tell me
What you're gonna do with me
Are you gonna be my baby
Or are you gonna set me free

You've got me mixed up, baby
You've got me in a fog
You tell me that you love me
Then just treat me like a dog
Tell me, baby, tell me
What you're gonna do with me
Are you gonna love me, baby
Or are you gonna set me free

Love of my life
Forever true
Being together
And never blue
You'll never leave me
Love, love of my life

We're so in love
We'll never part
You'll always love me
With all your heart
You're mine forever
Love, love of my life

Stars in the sky
They never lie
Say our love will never die
I'll always love you
And come what may
I'll never leave you till the stars melt away

Love of my life
Forever true
Being together
And never blue
You'll never leave me
Love, love of my life

I'm all alone
Feeling so blue
Thinking about you
And the love we once knew
And each time I do
It brings back those memories
Of El Monte

Remember the dance
I held you so tight
The Satins were singing
In the still of the night
You gave me your heart
And your love undying
Now I'm alone . . .
I'm sitting here crying

If only they have
Those dances again
I'd know where to find you
And all my old friends
The Shields would sing . . .
"You cheated. You lied . . ."
And the Heartbeats . . .
"You're a thousand miles away . . ."
And the Medallions with "The Letter" and . . .
"Sweet words of his mortality . . ."
Marvin and Johnny with . . .
"Cherry Pie . . ."
And then, Tony Allen with . . .
"Night owl . . ."
And I, Cleve Duncan, along with the Penguins will sing . . .
"Earth Angel
Earth Angel
Will you be mine?"
At El Monte

If I could go back
To those days of the past
I'd show you a love . . .
A love that would last
Oh, I remember
Those wonderful dances
In El Monte
In El Monte
"Earth angel
Earth Angel
Will you be mine?"
At El Monte

(You dirty fink!)
Hey Baby
A--what's the word?
Hey Baby
Now, have you heard?
What's the latest?
A--how's your bird?

A--how's your brother?
An' how's your mother?
An' how's Aunt Fanny?
An' how's your granny?
This is absurd
A--how's your bird?

(Excuse me . . . )

A--how's your bunion?
An' how's your grunion?
Now I'm stuck
A--lots o' luck
This is absurd
A--how's your bird?

A--how's your fern?
(I don't love you . . . yes)
An' how your ear lobe?
(Dirty fink)
An' how's your nose
(You dirty fink!)
How's your elbow?
An' how's your foot?
( . . .natural fink! Find out . . . sister . . . )
An' don't forget your sister
(I've never . . . )
An' you know, like I said . . .

Chee poppa doodly woppa
Chee poppa doodly woppa
Chee poppa doodly woppa
Chee poppa doodly woppa
etc.

Now, he's the world's greatest sinner
I said, the world's greatest sinner
As a sinner he's a winner
Honey, he's no beginner
He's rotten to the core
Daddy, you can't say no more
He's the world's greatest sinner

If you've never have a--sinned before
Then you know what I mean
If you see him a--walkin'
Around the floor
He's the meanest creature you ever seen

He's the world's greatest sinner
I said, the world's greatest sinner
As a sinner he's a winner
Honey, he's no beginner
He's rotten to the core
Baby, you can't say no more
He's the world's greatest sinner

If you've never have a--sinned before
Then you know what I mean
If you see him a--walkin'
Around the floor
He's the meanest creature you ever seen

He's the world's greatest sinner
He's the world's greatest sinner
As a sinner he's a winner
I mean it, he's no beginner
He's rotten to the core
Baby, you can't say no more
He's the world's greatest sinner.

Hey, the world's greatest sinner
I mean he is terrible
Too much!
He's no beginner
He's the world's greatest sinner
Unbelievable

Oh, what have we here? Oh! A letter! It smells . . . Oh, how wonderful! I just love letters that are perfumed . . . Oh! Lovely, lovely stench! Essence of wolfbane! Oh let me open it . . .

"Dear Jeepers,
It was so nice of you to attend my party at the castle last week. You and Doris make such a lovely couple. I'm also very glad to have seen Igor, Boris and Sally Snake, and Pumpkin the Rat. It was so much fun when we all played 'Pin the Tail on the Werewolf,' oh yes! and 'Electrical Chairs.' When everybody sat down, Oh! Two million volts! Ha-ha-ha . . . ! Oh, such fun!"

Uh . . . Doris, squeeze me a glass of mildew . . .
And to continue now . . .

"Although the party was supposed to be rot luck, it turned out to be pot luck. It was still lovely of you to bring along that 'Leg of Leprechaun au Gratin.' Desdemona wants the recipe.Well, I'm . . . I'm rather exhausted, so I . . . I must close now. The sun is coming up and I must return to the crypt.
Sincerely,
Count Dracula.

P.S. Here's a riddle:
When there's a wheel, watch the way!"

Ho-ho! Ha-ha-ha . . . !

Doris, get out your poison pen and take a letter. I have to write to Count Dracula. You know he wrote me a letter of that sort . . .

Dear Count Dracula,
I am writing to you from Cucamonga . . . Ha-ha! Cucamonga? The weather is lovely. The nausea of noon. The wind is always blowing and the sun never shines. And it's rainy and damp four hundred days of the year.
I enjoyed the party very much. Especially the sumptuous feast you had prepared. It was thrillling. From the first appetizers, the 'Chicken Fried Grub Worms,' on through the dessert, ohhhh . . . 'Blood Pudding!' Oh, I love 'Blood Pudding!' Oh, yes! It was a masterpiece of culinary skill. Although I . . . I was worried for a moment when you . . . you said the main course was . . . 'Fish and Chips.' Oh, we're not that plebeian in Cucamonga. But my fears were quickly allayed when I discovered to my delight it was 'Silverfish and Buffalo Chips!' Ho-ho! The most . . . Oh, unique! Oh, they're so squirmy! Oh-ho-ho! Oh, the first one went down easy, but the second one was so greasy! Ho-ho-ho . . ! Oh, my . . . Oh, I'm getting carried away, because I . . . I really must apologize for getting tipsy and singing, but I have always wanted to be the death of the party.

Uh, when you hear the pellets drop, count ten, take a deep bleath . . .
Uhwrr, uhwrr, he he he he

Everytime I see you . . .
Whenever you walk by
I want to hold you
Darling, please let me try
Darling, I love you
I really do
Darling, I want you
Let me be true.
I want to hold you . . .
Everytime I see you

If you would love me . . .
We'd never, never part
We would be lovers . . .
Heart unto heart
Darling, I love you . . .
I really do
Darling, I want you . . .
Let me be true
I want to hold you . . .
Everytime I see you

If you would love me . . .
We'd never, never part
We would be lovers . . .
Heart unto heart
Darling, I love you . . .
I really do
Darling, I want you . . .
Let me be true
I want to hold you . . .
Everytime I see you

Everytime I see you
Everytime I see you
Everytime I see you
Everytime I see you

Crowd:
(mumbling)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey hey hey! Hold hold hold it! Hold it! Hey, hold everything! Hold it, hold it, hold it . . . Here comes the Big Surfer!
Hey, look, look at that woody . . . That's a sharp woody, huh huh!

Big Surfer:
It is a great pleasure to be back on the beach here at Santa Monica.

Crowd:
YEAH!

Big Surfer:
Now, well you must all realize that these appearances are very important to me.
Jackie gave me a fresh bleach job just last night, and Pierre has been helping me wax down my board in the back of the woody on the way over from the airport.
Now at this time I should like to thank the governor for the foam rubber huaraches I'm wearing. They are very comfy.
And now . . .

Girls:
Hee hee hee! Hee hee hee!

Big Surfer:
And now . . .

Girls:
Hee hee hee! Ha ha ha!

Big Surfer:
(Jackie, for goodness sake, tell Teddy to pull up his baggies).
And now, I'd like to say, it's a great pleasure to be your guest at this affair.
And I should like to get on with the dance contest.
And now all of you, well, hodaddies, grab your, ah, ho-mommies, and we'll, ah, all hike, er, I mean stomp (oh well, they, they know I'm under pressure).
Now what I say, hit it, I want you to make a big, strong wedge, with a solid left hand macaroni, then hang five and shoot the curl. Now, hit it! Oh, you're looking good!
(Jackie, I wish you get Caroline to turn her amplifier down)
( Pierre, remind me to bring Bobby a new reed tomorrow, they all want to get into the act)
Yes, yes, I think we, ah, have a winner! It's the, ah, little couple from over in the, ah, corner.
And, no, don't stop the music, let's, ah, bring them up here and, ah, give 'em a big hand!

Crowd:
(a big hand)

Boy:
Huh huh huh, hi, Big Surfer!

Girl:
Hi, hi, Big Surfer!

Big Surfer:
Hiya, kids, ah, hiya, hiya, ah, hiya!

Boy:
Huh gosh, this is really exciting!

Girl:
Oh, yeah!

Boy:
What do we win?

Big Surfer:
Well, as the winners of our dance contest you'll receive an all expense paid trip . . .

Girl:
Oh, really?

Big Surfer:
It's an all expense paid trip as the first members of the Peace Corp to be sent to, ah, Alabama.

Ned:
Hey, Nelda,
I love you true

Nelda:
Hey, Ned, baby,
So what else is new?

Ned:
I love your complexion

Nelda:
I have an infection

Ned:
Your hair is so fleecy

Nelda:
And your hair is greasy

Ned & Nelda:
We go together like peaches and cream
Oh, dearest Nelda/Ned, baby
You are my dream

Ned:
Hey-hey, Nelda

Nelda:
Hey, Ned

Ned & Nelda:
Wo-oh-ho-oh

Ned:
Nelda . . . Nelda, what's wrong?

Nelda:
(sob, sob) I-I dunno, it's just, everything's going wrong.
Our parents don't love us, an' . . .

Ned:
I know but . . . things are . . . things are tough all over, Nelda,
we have a lot of problems.

Nelda:
W-we're just teenagers, and everybody's against us . . .

Ned:
The world IS against us.

Nelda:
Everybody . . .

Ned:
I feel the pressure!

Nelda:
We can't do it, we can't go on.

Ned:
I'm under such strain!

Nelda:
We can't make it . . .

Ned:
Well, we can make it!

Nelda:
But I-I . . . I can't take it!
I just can't take it!
I can't! Argh! (sob)

Ned & Nelda:
We go together like peaches and cream
Oh, dearest Nelda/Ned, baby
You are my dream

Ned:
Hey-hey, Nelda

Nelda:
Hey, Ned

Ned & Nelda:
Wo-oh-ho-oh

Nelda:
I just can't go on.

Ned:
I wish you COULD go on.

Nelda:
I just can't make it, we've tried everything, y'know? Our parents won't . . . (sob) I just can't . . . (sob)

Ned:
Look, I know, but . . . bein' a teenager is ROUGH!

Nelda:
I know, but . . .

Ned:
Skin problems . . .

Nelda:
I know, but you just . . . listen. I'd just . . . well, I'd just as soon FORGET IT!

Ned:
Well, if you feel that way about it, I'll forget it too!

Nelda:
I never liked your greasy hair anyway, [...], forget it!

Ned:
I still love you, Nelda . . .

Nelda:
I've NEVER loved you!

Ned:
I still love you, Nelda . . .

Nelda:
Teenage upstart!

Ned:
I still love you . . .

Nelda:
Forget it! Just forget it!

One, Two . . . One, Two, Three, Four, Five!

Ned:
Nelda, baby, Nelda, baby, surf along with me

Nelda:
Neddie, oh, Neddie, I will surf along with thee

Ned:
Nelda, baby, Nelda, baby, surf along with me

Nelda:
Neddie, oh, Neddie, I will surf along with thee

Ned:
We will have funzies

Ned & Nelda:
We will have funzies
We-we wee-wee-wee

Ned:
Come on, little Nelda, do the surfer stomp with me

Nelda:
Come on, Neddie, baby, do the surfer stomp with me

Ned:
No, me!

Nelda:
No, me!

Ned:
No, me!

Nelda:
No, ME!

Ned:
No, me!

Nelda:
NO, ME!

Ned:
Forget it!

Nelda:
I've already forgotten it

Ned:
Wop! Hoop! Hoop! Hoop! Hoop hoop! (etc.)

Nelda:
I don't know, it just makes me sick.
He's tryin' to make decent record . . .
This guy's yellin', shoutin' an' screamin' an' stompin' an' makin' all kinds of noises an' it just makes me sick

Ned:
Hoop hoop! . . . Nelda, baby, Nelda, baby, it is fun to stomp with you

Nelda:
Neddie, dear Neddie, oh, if you only knew

Ned:
Nelda, baby, Nelda, baby, it is fun to stomp with you

Nelda:
Neddie, dear Neddie, oh, if you only knew

Ned & Nelda:
It is fun to be a surfer
Fun to be a surfer
Surf! Surf! Surf! Surf!
Surf! Surf! Surf! Surf!

Ned:
This is fun!

Ned & Nelda:
Surf! Surf! Surf! Surf!

Nelda:
Oh, I just love it, bouncin' around in the waves . . .

Ned:
Surf! Surf! Surf! Surf!
Hhh . . . ha ha!

Nelda:
This just makes me sick!

Ned:
Surf! Surf! Surf! Surf!

Nelda:
Can't stand this salty water them nasty fish . . .

Ned:
Surf! Surf! Surf! Surf!

Nelda:
Them fish just bitin' my toes

Ned:
Surf! Surf! Surf! Surf!

Nelda:
. . . and so on and so forth, and everything like that . . .

Ned:
Surf! Surf! Surf! Surf!

(Instrumental)

All you fine young honeys
All you grown up queens
Listen here while I tell ya
I'm the man of your dreams
I'm the sweetest hunk of man
That your eyes ever seen
Whoa, pretty baby
I'm a--Mr. Clean
(He's Mr. Clean, oh yeah)
Whoa yeah
(He's Mr. Clean, oh yeah)
Hey hey
(He's Mr. Clean, oh yeah)
Whoa yeah
(He's the greatest lover anywhere)

I'm the king of all the lovers
I'm the greatest in the world
I can even make a woman
Out of you, little girl
I'm a swinging sugar daddy
I'm a sweet jelly bean
Whoa, pretty mama
I'm a--Mr. Clean

(He's Mr. Clean, oh yeah)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
(He's Mr. Clean, oh yeah)
Hey, hey
(He's Mr. Clean, oh yeah)
Whoa yeah
(He's the greatest lover anywhere)

If your heart gets wasted
And your mind gets poor
Just remember, all is fair
In love and a--war
I'm a fast-talkin' lover
I'm the meanest of the mean
Oh, pretty baby
I'm a--Mr. Clean
(Watch my white tornado!
Oh yeah, you think I'm crazy?
I'm clean clear through, baby)

Jessie Lee, Jessie Lee
Girl, you're so fine
C'mon, pretty baby
Say that you'll be mine

Jessie Lee, Jessie Lee
C'mon take my love
You know it's you, pretty baby
That I'm thinking of

Yeah-hey-hey-hey, yeah
Hey-hey-hey, yeah

You know I love to watch you, baby
When you walk
And I love to watch you, baby
When you talk
You can treat me mean
You can treat me cruel
Tell your friends I was a fool

But Jessie Lee, Jessie Lee
You know I love you still
Please let me love you
Please say you will

Yeah-hey-hey-hey
Hey-hey, yeah
Yeah-hey-hey-hey
Hey, yeah